


i'm a house with no windows, you're the flowers on the front porch

by miracleboysatori



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Background Kawanishi Taichi/Semi Eita, Background Kuroo Tetsurou/Kozume Kenma, Childhood Friends, Confessions, Domestic Fluff, First Time, Graduation, Growing Up Together, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shiratorizawa, Teenage Drama, Ushijima POV, so much domestic fluff and angst that it's probably illegal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2018-08-15 01:21:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 124,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8036710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miracleboysatori/pseuds/miracleboysatori
Summary: “It’s been a tough road, huh?” Satori suddenly whispers.
  Wakatoshi assumes he’s talking about the metaphorical road of life rather than a literal road. Thankfully he’s gotten better at following these social clues. It would be hard not to in Satori’s company for so many years.
  “Mhmm,” he hums agreement, “but we’ve made it this far.”
  “Yeah,” Satori lifts his face to look at Wakatoshi’s again, “...’We’.”(or: a fic focusing on ushiten's development from childhood through adulthood that no one really asked for but I felt an extremely strong urge to write anyway)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be lengthy, I apologize in advance for being a sappy mess! 
> 
> After writing my first [Ushiten oneshot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7085818), I immediately fell in love with writing these two, and eventually one small idea for a fic turned into a huge project that I'm so excited and proud to _finally_ be putting out there. ;u; I'm still fairly new to writing, but this project has been so incredibly challenging and fun, and I'm so excited to continue writing in the future! It isn't quite finished at this point, but I'm too impatient to keep it under wraps for much longer (especially with season 3 coming up!) so I've decided to post in chapters! (This will be very a lengthy fic when it's done.)
> 
> That being said, I will be updating tags as the story progresses, so please keep that in mind, because there are some things in the future that will require warnings! At this moment, though, I don't want to include them because I don't want spoilers!
> 
> I have... _so_ many people to thank? And I wish I could list them all, but that is literally impossible?
> 
> First of all, my wonderful, amazing, perfect Yahooligans. I would list you all, but there's so many of you. You guys are my motivation, my support, and you all inspire me every single day to be better, to work harder, and to keep trying even when it feels like I can't anymore. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much, I love you. Thanks for being there for me and making my life fun and a bit brighter every single day. <33333
> 
> All my writer friends get a 'thank you' too, because you guys inspire me every single day, and you're absolutely amazing. 
> 
> But my biggest, most enthusiastic 'thank you' goes to Erica, ([tumblr](http://silveramoebasquid.tumblr.com/), [ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid)) my incredible beta, and my best friend in the entire world. She has given _so much_ time and energy to this fic, has screamed positive words of encouragement at me when I needed it most, has literally watched this grow from a small idea to something much bigger, and I never would have ended up posting it or getting this far if not for her. She has had such a huge part in this. Not to mention she's an amazing person in general who lets me scream about Ushiten and Tendou on the daily, and I could gush about her for ages. I'm so overwhelmingly thankful for her.  <333333
> 
> One final note about the title! It comes from a song I listened to quite a bit while writing this fic: [You Were A Home That I Wanted To Grow Up In by Flatsound](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab2HxJqpAnM). The second I heard the lyric I immediately felt strong Ushiten vibes and I just.. stuck with it.
> 
> Anyway, this is wordy because I'm an emotional egg! But a final 'thank you' to anyone giving this fic a shot, it means the entire world to me!!! <333

“Gotcha!”

The voice is piercing, so close to Ushijima Wakatoshi’s ear that he jumps a bit and nearly falls off the swing he’s seated on. When he turns to try and find the source, he’s met with something so close to his face, he can’t tell for sure what it is until he tilts his head back a bit. Once his eyes have focused, he finds a fair-skinned hand, delicately holding a bright red ladybug in its palm. For a moment, he’s nervous; he’s seen other kids visit this same park, catching the harmless bugs only to almost immediately crush them in their hands for fun. Ushijima has never understood this, he’s always been fascinated by and interested in bugs.

That nervousness quickly fades away when he moves his gaze up, finally resting on the stranger’s face. His eyes are wide, excited, focused intently on the small creature in the palm of his hand. Ushijima drops his stare to the stranger’s hand again, watching the way he slowly moves it as the small bug crawls across his skin. He’s almost in a trance, until the kid speaks again, followed with a soft giggle.

“He was crawling around in your hair!”

“Oh,” Ushijima replies simply, not at all used to the children who frequent this playground coming up to him like this.

Come to think of it, he’s not sure he remembers seeing this kid around before. Surely he would remember those wide eyes, the shockingly red hair, and that loud voice.

The stranger laughs softly again, reaching up with his other hand to try and coax the ladybug onto it. The small bug doesn’t comply though, and instead extends its wings, flying away in the opposite direction. 

“Aw, guess he has somewhere to be!” the boy says, a grin spreading across his face before he looks in Ushijima’s direction again, “Hey, why are you all by yourself?”

Ushijima blinks a few times, looking back at the stranger with a blank stare. He’s always come to the playground on his own, seeing as it’s not far from his home. He’d almost always preferred playing alone.

“I’m Tendou Satori, by the way! I just moved here with my dad!” he shuffles in front of Ushijima, leaning down to look him directly in the face, “What’s your name?”

“Ushijima Wakatoshi,” he replies softly, staring back at the boy but leaning back a bit to give himself more personal space.

“Okay!” the redhead nods enthusiastically before fixing his gaze on the swing and gesturing to it with his finger, “Do you want me to push you?”

Ushijima feels confused, seeing as he’s never had someone come up to him and continue to pester him with so much enthusiasm. Usually, at this point, his apparent lack of interest would bore most of the other children. It’s not a bad feeling, though, and he can feel the beginnings of a smile spread across his face as he responds with a small, “Okay.”

Tendou grins again before practically skipping to stand behind the swing. He gives a gentle shove against Ushijima’s back, and before he knows it he’s going higher than he had ever managed on his own on these swings. It’s hard to tell how long this goes on, but Tendou doesn’t get tired of it. He continues pushing, making loud comments about how high Ushijima is going and how he should try jumping off. But when the boy on the swing quietly declines, he doesn’t continue pestering him. 

When it starts to get dark, Ushijima knows he should probably be headed home. Scooting off the swing, he turns around to face Tendou, “I have to go home now.”

The boy nods in understanding, that same grin spreading across his face, “Oh, okay! We should play again sometime!”

Ushijima isn’t really sure what the best response would be, but he did enjoy himself, and he does want to see Tendou again sometime, if only just to be around someone that doesn’t seem to get bored of him. So he answers with another simple, “Okay,” before turning and heading in the direction of his house.

**\-----**

Ushijima returns to the park a few days later, this time on a day that appears to be a lot busier. The swings are all claimed, the see-saw has far too many kids on it, and the playground structure itself is so crowded he doesn’t even want to chance going near it. He looks around for a moment, almost considering going back home, but instead he takes a seat on a bench nearby. A small black beetle crawling along the old and cracked wood of the park bench captures his attention and he’s unsure how long he spends watching it, until a familiar voice breaks him from his trance.

“Ushijima Wakatoshi!”

Turning to the source of the voice, Ushijima finds the boy from the other day standing behind him again, an excited look on his face as he rocks back and forth on his feet, “Tendou Satori. Do you always sneak up on people?”

Tendou laughs, the small frame of his body shaking with the force of it. Ushijima isn’t sure what’s so funny, he meant it as a legitimate question. Admittedly, though, Tendou’s laugh, while loud and boisterous, is somehow comforting. Once he’s calmed down, Tendou shakes his head in response, but instead of answering he poses his own question, “So you’re by yourself again today? Don’t you have friends?”

Unoffended by the question, as blunt as it is, Ushijima ponders on it for a moment before giving a small shrug, “I like playing alone. The other kids usually get bored of me.”

Tendou raises his eyebrows, eyes somehow becoming wider, “Oh?” he leans his elbows against the back of the bench and rests his head in his hands, “Why’s that?”

“I’m better than most of them at everything,” Ushijima replies, not meaning it to sound rude. It’s simply the truth; he’s outrun any kid that’s raced him, climbed higher on the playground than anyone who’s challenged him, swung higher on the swingset than anybody who said they could get higher than him.

“Really?” Tendou looks even more interested, smiling so wide that Ushijima can see a couple spots where he’s lost baby teeth, “I bet I can beat ya’ at something.”

A challenge? It’s been awhile since he’s had one of those. He’s never one to turn down a challenge, but he also worries that beating Tendou might chase him off, just like it did all the other kids in the past.

Tendou extends an arm, pointing towards the dome-shaped monkey bars at the center of the park, “I bet I can get to the top of the monkey bars before you can!”

Ushijima knows this is probably false, but he doesn’t want to turn Tendou down, and he does enjoy a challenge. He stands up from the bench and walks towards the monkey bars without giving an answer, causing Tendou to hurry after him, “Hey, no head starts! We gotta count down, it’s only fair!”

Stopping several feet away from the dome, Ushijima glances at Tendou, who’s just caught up to him and is now energetically stretching his arms and legs.

“Okay, first to get to the top of the dome is the winner!”

Ushijima nods in understanding, “Do you want me to count down?”

Tendou scoffs, resting his hands on his hips, “What? No! That gives you an unfair advantage!” he raises one hand, jabbing his thumb into his own chest, “I’ll be the one counting down.”

“Doesn’t that give you the advantage, though?” 

“Well…” he drops his hand back down to his side, clearly wracking his brain for some kind of feasible answer, “maybe… but it’s only fair because I thought of the challenge, so I make the rules!”

Ushijima doesn’t think this reasoning makes sense at all. However, he doesn’t really care either way; he knows victory is already his, anyway. He nods again, mumbling a quick, “Okay,” and waiting for the redhead to start the countdown.

“Alright,” Tendou dramatically drops down to a crouching position, “ready… set… go!”

Just like any other challenge Ushijima’s received on this very same playground, he takes this one seriously. He doesn’t bother looking behind him when he takes off, he knows he’s probably easily left Tendou in the dust. There’s a couple of kids on the monkey bars, but seeing the two running towards the dome, they quickly descend and jump off to get out of the way. Ushijima reaches the bars quickly, and the metal bars are hot against his skin, but they’re not difficult to quickly climb. Before he knows it, he’s already at the top.

Surprisingly, Tendou isn’t far behind, and ends up reaching the top only a few seconds after Ushijima. Clinging on to the bars beneath him, he takes a seat, letting his legs dangle off the bars. He looks at Ushijima with complete awe, “Woah! You’re really fast!”

“I know,” Ushijima says, not meaning for it to sound cocky.

“We should do that again!” Tendou says enthusiastically, “But not right now, you wore me out. Some other time!”

“But we didn’t run that far or climb that high?” Ushijima muses, voice a bit high with confusion. He doesn’t understand why Tendou would be so tired after only a small amount of activity.

The redhead erupts into laughter again, this time nearly falling off the bars and causing the other children around the dome structure to stare and back away a bit. Ushijima is beginning to notice that Tendou seems to laugh a lot, often loudly and for unclear reasons, but he can’t help smiling a little while watching him. When Tendou has finally calmed down, he sighs before speaking again, “You’re a lot of fun, Ushijima! I’m glad we’re friends!”

“We’re friends?” Ushijima blinks in confusion.

He can’t remember the last time someone at the park, at his elementary school, or anyone his age for that matter, has called him a ‘friend’. He isn’t even sure what officially gives him that title, what qualifies him as someone’s ‘friend’.

“Of course!” Tendou laughs again, but this time it’s smaller, softer, “I mean, if you _wanna_ be friends.”

“I do,” Ushijima nods, a small smile making its way on to his face.

“Yay!” Tendou exclaims, and once again nearly falls off the bars when he raises an arm enthusiastically.

This time it’s Ushijima who has to stifle a little laugh, brought on by the horrified expression Tendou makes, as if his life has flashed before his eyes upon almost falling. Tendou immediately looks at Ushijima again when he hears this, and then he’s laughing again too.

Ushijima thinks he could definitely get used to having a friend like Tendou.

**\-----**

It becomes sort of a routine: Ushijima would come to the park, find a spot to sit away from all the other kids and admire various plants and bugs until Tendou would come up behind him and call out his name. Usually they ended up pushing each other on the swing, sitting on top of the monkey bars as though they were kings looking out over their kingdom, or sometimes they would go hunting for bugs, letting the small creatures crawl around in their palms or on their arms before releasing them back into the grass.

Ushijima wasn’t exactly used to this world of pretend, but Tendou’s imagination was huge, bright, colorful, and it was a welcome change. Besides this, Tendou never got bored of him. He never left him to play with the other kids, who would probably entertain his imagination much better than Ushijima ever could. But his favorite part was that he never felt pressured to say or do anything. Ushijima was a boy of few words, who usually observed and listened to Tendou far more than he would actually respond to what he was saying. It was hard to match Tendou’s enthusiasm and his bold personality, but there wasn’t a nagging feeling telling him he had to. Tendou seemed perfectly content just spending time with Ushijima, even if it meant him doing most of the talking. And Ushijima was perfectly content just being around Tendou.

Lately, Tendou hadn’t been coming to the park as often though, and when he was there, he seemed different, which concerned Ushijima. It was hard to pinpoint, but something about him wasn’t as lively. He wasn’t as loud, didn’t laugh nearly as much, and he rarely made eye contact.

Today was no exception. The two boys were sitting on the swingset, Ushijima managing to push himself fairly high. He starts to come to a stop though when he glances in Tendou’s direction and sees the boy making circles in the dirt with the tips of his shoes, his face downcast. 

“Tendou,” he says suddenly, making the other boy jump and turn his head to look at him, “is something wrong?”

“Oh,” Tendou’s face lights up, but something about it seems forced, “I’m fine!”

“You seem really sad today,” Ushijima observes.

The redhead is silent for a bit, continuing to trace unknown shapes in the dirt with his feet until he finally speaks up again, “Ushijima, do you think I’m weird?”

“No,” he answers immediately, a bit confused why Tendou would ever think that he would feel that way. He’s eccentric and enthusiastic, yes, but Ushijima doesn’t think that makes him weird at all.

Tendou looks at him again, “What about scary? Do you think I’m scary?”

Ushijima thinks this is an even more absurd question. He studies his ridiculously bright red and choppy bowl cut, and his wide, expressive eyes. Nothing about Tendou is scary to him at all. 

“No.”

“Okay. So you don’t think I’m… like… a monster or anything?

With every new question, Ushijima’s confusion is heightened, but despite this he answers with another gentle yet firm, “No.”

“I’m glad,” Tendou says, a small smile creeping on to his face, “some of the kids I play volleyball with say I’m weird and scary. Sometimes they call me names, like ‘monster’.”

Ushijima has known for a few months now that Tendou got into playing volleyball after moving here, which excited him quite a bit because it was something that they had in common, something they both loved and felt a lot of passion for, something they could practice together. 

“You’re not scary or weird. And you’re not a monster. You’re just a person,” Ushijima states, meaning all of it as more of a factual statement, but clearly the redhead takes it as a gesture of kindness, “You’re just… Tendou.”

Tendou stares at Ushijima for a moment, eyes unblinking, expression looking as if he’s taking in the words, and when they finally seem to sink in he slowly grins, eyes crinkling up a bit at the corners.

“You’re a good friend, Ushijima,” he says, pushing off the ground a bit with his feet to start swinging, “thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Ushijima replies, also starting to swing again. He’s not exactly sure why Tendou is thanking him, since he’s just speaking the truth as he always does, but recognizes that it’s just another thing about Tendou that he’s come to accept, and actually appreciates at times.

**\-----**

After elementary school, Ushijima’s free time seemed to diminish quite a bit. Volleyball had become his number one priority, something he felt a lot of passion for, something he wanted to continue getting better at. Even though his father had left during his early years in elementary school, he still clearly remembered the stories he had told him about Shiratorizawa Academy and the powerful ace that led their team to victory time and time again. The stories excited him, and he set his sights on a long term goal: Shiratorizawa Academy and their volleyball team. As such, he ended up attending Shiratorizawa Junior High. He knew he had a lot of fighting to do in order to prove himself to his coaches and teammates, but he believed in his abilities.

He wasn’t able to visit the park nearly as often and was noticing it wasn’t nearly as fun anymore, but he was beginning to really miss spending a lot of time with Tendou. He missed his laugh, his bright smile, his never ending excitement, the way they could talk about volleyball for hours without getting sick of it, and he especially missed how _comfortable_ he felt around Tendou. 

His classmates in junior high weren’t necessarily _uncomfortable_ to be around, they just clearly didn’t understand him as much as Tendou did. They would give him odd stares when he would answer their casual questions with a simple ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘okay, and some of them seemed almost scared of him, which he couldn’t really find a good reason for. 

Junior high was noticeably more difficult than elementary school in more ways than just socially though, especially since it was a respected school in the prefecture. Ushijima didn’t exactly ace all of his classes, but he did good enough to receive passing grades and maintain his ability to play on the school’s volleyball team. He quickly became a well-respected member of the team, and slowly but surely became a regular player by the end of his first year. 

It’s after volleyball practice one day during the end of his first year in junior high when, after a few months of not seeing him, he happens to come across Tendou again. Or rather, Tendou spots him and calls out his name, which seemed to be tradition for their past meetings, anyway. 

“Ushijima!” 

He quickly spots the source of the yell, standing across the narrow street of their neighborhood, but he has to do a double take when he realizes something is different. It’s clearly Tendou Satori, though. Ushijima wouldn’t be able to miss that smile or that voice even in a massive crowd of people. Tendou quickly looks both ways on the street before darting across, coming to a stop right in front of Ushijima, “Hey, it’s been a while!”

“Tendou,” Ushijima mumbles in greeting, eyeing the boy’s hair, which he appears to have switched up. It’s no longer a choppy bowl cut, but sticking almost straight up and out, as if he stood in front of a fan and it stayed windblown.

“You like it?” Tendou questions, pointing animatedly to his new hairstyle, “I bought some hair gel recently. There’s this really cool character in Shonen Jump that has hair like this, and I really wanted to try it out!” he grins, clearly proud of himself and his new style, and then he drops his hand to his side again, eyes becoming comically wide, “Which reminds me, you still need to come over and read Shonen Jump with me sometime!”

Ushijima listens to every word he says, like always, takes a moment to process all of it, and finally responds, “You hair is very different, it looks nice. Also, I’m still not sure if I’m interested in Shonen Jump, but I would like that, if I have some free time,” he adjusts his heavy bookbag slung over his shoulder before starting to slowly walk in the direction of his house again, “I have to head home now, but you can follow me if you want.”

“Sounds good!” Tendou falls in step next to him, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his school jacket, “Really though, I think you would like Shonen Jump, Ushijima! There’s a couple series about sports! And there’s so many awesome characters and stories, it’s so exciting! I know you’re busy with volleyball though, so I understand! Do you have any homework today?”

Some things about Tendou that surely hadn’t changed over the few years they’d known each other were the sheer amount of talking he did, the excitement with which he always talked about things, and how animated he would get in the process of speaking. Luckily, Ushijima was used to it at this point, and he really didn’t mind. The difficult part was listening to all of it, processing it, and properly responding without sounding uninterested. 

“I would like to read it sometime. And no, I don’t have much homework.”

“Really?” Tendou leans forward, attempting to look Ushijima in the face, “Do you wanna hang out then? We could read Shonen Jump! Or we can practice volleyball!”

Fortunately, he was still very much into volleyball, and apparently was improving exponentially. Ushijima could tell. When they did find time to hang out together, sometimes they would end up in Ushijima’s backyard, stringing up a thin sheet as a makeshift net and practicing together. Oftentimes it was simply Ushijima attempting to hit balls past Tendou’s blocks, but that wasn’t exactly an easy feat. Tendou was _fast_. And not only that, he was incredibly perceptive. It was difficult to get anything past him, even more so when he continued to block ball after ball after ball; the more his enthusiasm and confidence raised, the more unstoppable he became. 

“Maybe,” Ushijima answers, “I think my mom is making a nice dinner tonight and wants me to help cook, so I might not have much free time,” he notices Tendou’s excited expression falter a bit and continues, “but if you want to stay for dinner, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”

“Yes!” Tendou jumps with excitement before slinging an arm across Ushijima’s shoulders, “You’re actually the best, you know that?”

“At what?” Ushijima asks, and Tendou cackles loudly. Once again he’s confused about why the redhead is laughing so much, and he’s not sure what could possibly be so funny, but he feels himself smiling at the sound of it, just like always.

They continue walking towards Ushijima’s house, Tendou keeping up his chatter about all the series he’s reading and watching, how much he hates his math class, and of course how much he’s been enjoying volleyball. Ushijima nods, indicating he is listening, but he doesn’t make many comments. 

When they arrive at his house, Tendou makes himself at home, happily greeting Ushijima’s mother, who welcomes him with open arms and asks him all about school while she and her son begin to cook dinner. Tendou sits atop one of the kitchen counters, swinging his legs excitedly as he recounts several interesting stories relating to school and his volleyball team: the test he barely passed in math, the time he fell asleep in class and got yelled at by the teacher, and of course, all the times his coach had told him he should stop relying on his instincts so much while playing volleyball, and all the times he had managed to prove her wrong despite that advice. 

“And how’s your dad? I can send you home with some leftovers if you think he’d like some!”

The room seems to go a bit silent at this question. Ushijima glances up from the food he’s preparing to look at Tendou, whose legs have stopped swinging all of a sudden. Come to think of it, Ushijima hasn’t heard Tendou speak much about his dad. It never really felt like something he should be concerned about, but the way Tendou’s face twists into something akin to disappointment tells him that something isn’t right.

“He’s good,” Tendou answers quietly, “but he’s… not home right now, so that’s okay, you don’t have to send me home with anything.”

Ushijima’s mother pauses cutting up vegetables to stare at Tendou, clearly concerned, “He’s not home? Is he at work?”

“I think so,” Tendou answers, then quickly corrects himself, “I mean… yeah, he’s at work. He travels a lot, I just never know _where_ he’s at.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that. How long has he been gone? Do you know when he’s coming back?”

Ushijima admires his mother for always being such a warm and comforting presence towards his good friend. She knows the right questions to ask when things seem like they’re not quite right, and Tendou never hesitates to answer her, because he clearly trusts and respects her after these few years of knowing her.

“A few days, I think. I don’t know when he’s coming back, the note he left says he’ll be back soon though,” he’s answering in a voice that says he really doesn’t care, or that he’s used to all this at this point, but the face he’s making contradicts that completely.

Carefully making her way over to Tendou, Ushijima’s mother looks him in the eyes before patting him gently on the arm, “Well, you know what? If you need anything, you come to us, okay? You’re always welcome in this house, Tendou. I’ll even keep a stock of that ice cream you like so much in the freezer. Sound good?”

His expression brightens again, and he nods enthusiastically before answering, “Yeah, that sounds great! Can I come over a lot? Or! Can we have a sleepover sometime?”

Ushijima’s mother laughs, making her way back over the the vegetables she still has to cut, “Of course, Tendou. I would really like that, and I think Wakatoshi would too,” she glances at her son.

Ushijima returns his attention back to the food, “I would like that,” he confirms, and he hears another shout of excitement from Tendou.

**\-----**

Tendou ends up taking full advantage of the offers Ushijima’s mother puts forth. Junior high is full of last minute sleepovers, marathons of shows Tendou wants Ushijima to experience, or of documentaries about plants and bugs that Ushijima found incredibly interesting, and sometimes even professional volleyball games if they were airing on TV. They would also spend a lot of time in the backyard, tossing a volleyball back and forth until it got so dark they had to return indoors. It really didn’t matter what the subject matter was or what they spent their time doing, the two were content just being around each other.

Ushijima stays curious about Tendou’s home situation, though. Especially when his mother pulls him aside one day after his friend had gone home for the night.

“Wakatoshi, do you like that Tendou comes over so much?”

Ushijima nods, “Of course, he’s my friend.”

“That’s good,” she smiles, admires her son that now stands just as tall as her even though he’s only in his second year of junior high, “Tendou is a good person, I want you to look out for him, make sure he always knows he’s welcome over here, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees respectfully, earning him a warm smile and a pat on the shoulder.

The second instance that sets his curiosity into overdrive is when he walks by his mother’s bedroom one night and overhears her speaking in a frustrated voice. For a moment he thinks maybe she’s talking to herself, and it’s sheer concern that makes him stop in his tracks to listen through the door. He quickly realizes, however, that she’s actually on the phone. With who, though, he isn’t sure.

“I just wish there was something I could do. I don’t know his number, and I don’t feel right asking his son. He’s already very meek about the entire subject.”

At first, Ushijima has no clue who she could be talking about, but as he continues listening, he starts putting the pieces together.

“It’s just not right. He’s a sweet boy and I hate knowing he doesn’t have a positive and caring parent to look over him,” she pauses, probably listening to whoever’s on the other line, “I’ve tried contacting the police, but they said his father already worked this out. Somehow, he has permission to do this, to just leave his son alone at home. And it’s just so unfair.”

Ushijima stops listening after this moment, feeling as though he isn’t supposed to overhear this, and the last thing he wants to do is upset his mother even more than she already clearly is. 

It’s not until their third year of junior high that Ushijima really finds out just how undesirable Tendou’s home life is. They’re seated on the floor in Ushijima’s bedroom, each glancing over some homework they needed to finish before school the next day. Tendou is noticeably frustrated by his own work, a math assignment that Ushijima thinks probably isn’t all that difficult, it’s just that Tendou’s worst subject is math.

“Why is math so hard?” Tendou suddenly huffs, tossing his notebook to the floor in front of him as he furrows his brows.

“Do you want me to take a look at it?” Ushijima asks, reaching for the discarded notebook.

Tendou doesn’t give him an answer besides a shrug, but Ushijima stares at the paper anyway, glancing over the problem his friend has written out. Admittedly, Tendou’s handwriting isn’t exactly easy to read, but he manages anyway and spots exactly where he’s gone wrong. He points to a ‘6’ that he can barely make out, “You wrote a six instead of a nine here, and it messed up your math quite a bit.”

Tendou looks at the paper, his expression shifting to embarrassment before he takes the notebook back and mumbles a quick, “Thank you.”

“Not a problem,” Ushijima says, returning his attention to his own homework.

“I’m sorry, by the way,” Tendou continues, making Ushijima look up again.

“Why are you apologizing? I said I would look at it, it’s really not a problem.”

“No, I mean,” the redhead pauses, tapping his pencil against his notebook, “for coming over so much. You’re probably kinda tired of me, huh?”

“Of course not. I enjoy having you over,” Ushijima insists, “because you’re my friend.”

There’s a silent pause, the only sound is Tendou’s pencil tapping a rhythm on the paper until he speaks up again.

“Thank you. For being my friend, I mean. I get really lonely sometimes with dad being gone so much,” he sighs, “but I always feel less lonely when I’m with you, Ushijima.”

“No problem,” Normally not one for personal questions, Ushijma can feel his curiosity getting the better of him all of a sudden, “Why is your dad gone so much?”

“Work,” Tendou answers simply, yet hesitantly, “he’s a financial analyst, and he travels to other cities all the time. I don’t know much more than that. But what I do know,” he jams a finger into the notebook in front of him, “is that he’s really good with math and sometimes I wish he was home so he could help me out.”

Ushijima nods, “That would be helpful. I assume he’s away for work right now, then?”

“Yeah. He’s been gone for…” Tendou lifts his eyes in thought, as if staring into the air above him will help him find an answer, “about a week now, I think? Which isn’t all that long. He’s been gone for a couple months at a time before.”

It’s in this moment that there’s an unfamiliar feeling boiling in the pit of Ushijima’s stomach. He knows it’s anger, he just isn’t used to it at all, but he can’t help feeling it when Tendou goes on to explain just how often his father is away, and how he doesn’t leave much behind in terms of money and food, or even a notice to let Tendou know. Usually it’s just a simple post-it note, stuck to the calendar in the kitchen, stating something simple like, “Left for work, be home soon”. Oftentimes Tendou has to fend for himself, eating whatever he can find in the cabinets or whatever he can afford with the little money his father leaves behind. His father has a cell phone, and he bought Tendou one as well, mostly for emergencies, but it’s rare that he’ll answer his phone, and even more rare for Tendou to even attempt calling anymore.

It makes Ushijima furious, because Tendou doesn’t deserve this. No one really deserves it, but he’s the last person to deserve any of this.

“What about your mother?” 

Ushijima doesn’t even consider the question being a sensitive one, he’s just curious, almost desperate, to know if Tendou has at least one positive and loving parent in his life.

“Oh, uh…” Tendou looks away, now staring down at the pencil he’s still tapping against his paper, “she left when I was a baby. I don’t remember her at all. Don’t even remember her name, since dad never refers to her as anything but ‘that bitch’,” he quickly looks up again, suddenly looking incredibly guilty, “Sorry! I know you don’t curse a lot. Dad does it a lot, though, so I kinda… picked up on it.”

“Not a problem,” Ushijima responds, although admittedly he flinches a bit at the curse word since he’s really not used to language like that at all, “and I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to meet her someday?”

“Not really,” he shrugs, going silent again for a moment before closing his notebook and replacing it as well as his pencil in his bookbag, “Hey, you wanna go play some volleyball outside?”

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Ushijima answers, grateful for the change in subject as he puts away his own homework before grabbing the old volleyball sitting in the corner of his room.

**\-----**

“Hey, Ushijima?”

They’re both sitting in Ushijima’s backyard after tossing a volleyball around for a while, drinking some iced tea that his mother made for them. It’s somewhere in the middle of their third year of junior high, and the overwhelming thought of high school looms over both of them.

Ushijima looks up from the spot in the grass he’d been staring at, giving Tendou a curious glance since his voice sounds a bit more serious than usual, “Yes?”

“Do you think I’ll be able to go to Shiratorizawa with you?” there’s a hint of nervousness in his voice now, and he swirls the iced tea around in its glass cup, watching it closely.

“I don’t know,” Ushijima answers honestly.

Fortunately for him, he’d been told way ahead of time that he was invited to attend Shiratorizawa Academy. It was a given, since he’d done so well in junior high and ended up a regular on his team sometime during his first year. 

For Tendou, it wasn’t set in stone. Every day was a waiting game, hoping he’d get some kind of invitation, hoping he’d be able to attend a prestigious school even though his grades weren’t really the best, hoping he’d get to play on a team that regularly went to nationals, hoping he could _finally_ play on the same team as his best friend since childhood.

“I hope I can,” Tendou mumbles, taking another sip of his tea, “I really wanna play volleyball with you, Ushijima.”

“We play almost every day,” Ushijima motions to the same old sheet that’s still hung up in his backyard, now marked by weather, dirt, and ripped in a few places.

“No, I mean _really_ play,” Tendou glances at the sheet before looking back at Ushijima again, “like a _real_ game.”

Ushijima just gives him a puzzled look, not really understanding why playing with him specifically would be all that important.

Suddenly Tendou is standing up, eyes wide and full of energy, “I wanna watch you spike the ball,” he mimics the motion with his arms, “and be able to high-five you afterwards, and yell stuff like ‘nice kill, Ushijima!’’”

“You could do that with any teammate, though,” he observes.

“Well, _yeah_ , but,” Tendou crosses his arms in front of his chest, shrugging, “you’re my best friend, do you know how cool it would be to end up on the same team as my best friend?”

Ushijima thinks on it for a moment, considers what it would be like to play on the same side of the net as Tendou. He pictures Tendou successfully blocking a ball, turning around to loudly cheer for himself along with his teammates. He imagines himself, spiking a ball and earning his team a point, only to immediately be greeted with Tendou’s excited face and an enthusiastic high-five. 

The thought makes him smile, and when he does, Tendou laughs, “See, I told you! It would be so awesome!” then his expression mellows again, “I just hope I can get in on skill alone, since my grades aren’t all that great.”

“You’re a very skilled middle blocker, I think you have a good chance,” Ushijima states, and Tendou’s face lights up again, “and I also hope we can play together.”

Tendou grins, his eyes crinkle up at the corners like they always do when he smiles, and then he takes a seat next to Ushijima again.

“It would only make sense, y’know?” 

Ushijima glances over at Tendou, hoping for more of an explanation. Fortunately he usually doesn’t have to wait long for Tendou to elaborate on these vague statements.

“Us playing together, since we’re gonna be best friends forever, right?”

There’s no guarantee of that, and Ushijima knows this. Especially with the knowledge that Tendou doesn’t even have a for-sure spot on Shiratorizawa’s volleyball team, let alone the school itself. He can’t say for sure if they’ll be good friends for the rest of their lives. He’s about to tell him this, but when he sees the positivity and confidence in Tendou’s face, he somehow finds it difficult.

Luckily he’s spared the discomfort of breaking the truth to him when Tendou continues, “Which reminds me, I have a really important question for you,” he takes a moment to scoot in front of Ushijima, sitting on his knees and giving him a serious stare, “since we’re such good friends, why don’t we use each other’s first names? Wakatoshi is a lot more fun to say, anyway.”

Ushijima has heard his name spoken countless times by several people, but somehow the way Tendou says it... the way he puts emphasis on the ‘o’ and draws out the ‘i’ just a bit, he likes it a lot better than just hearing ‘Ushijima’.

“I’m okay with that,” he complies, “Satori.”

Tendou practically jumps out of his seated position and his face lights up with excitement at hearing his best friend say his first name. It always amazes Ushijima how it’s the little things in life that make Tendou happiest. Little things that he himself would tend to overlook, but with Tendou it’s easier to catch them, and easier to truly appreciate them. 

And while deciding to use each other’s given names isn’t exactly a small thing, it feels like a promise, and it’s a promise Ushijima wants to do his best to keep, forever.

**\-----**

It doesn’t take much more time after that bonding moment in Wakatoshi’s backyard for Satori to receive the news he’s been waiting so desperately for. It’s only a couple weeks later when Wakatoshi is walking home after a rigorous practice session that his phone beeps, notifying him of a text message. He hasn’t had the phone long, and he doesn’t talk to many people on it, but the frequent messages from Satori throughout the day are always… interesting.

_**Satori** : WAKATOSHI! GUESS WHO JUST GOT THE BEST NEWS EVER?_

The caps-lock in the message doesn’t even faze Wakatoshi, it’s fairly typical with Satori’s messages, especially when he’s excited about something. He’s honestly surprised there’s no emoticon included in the message like normal. Before he can even manage to type out a response, Satori’s already sending another message.

_**Satori** : I GOT THE BEST NEWS EVER! DO U WANNA GUESS WHAT IT IS? (⊙ꇴ⊙)_

_**Wakatoshi** : I doubt I’d be able to guess on my own, there’s several possibilities._

_**Satori** : ok that’s fair… let me try to narrow it down for u then, I got a really important and exciting call today. Can u guess who it was from? (・∀・) ???_

Wakatoshi thinks on it for a moment, knowing that there could be a large number of things Satori could get a call about. The fact that he mentions it’s ‘important’ does narrow it down quite a bit, and immediately his first thought is that maybe Satori’s father finally called to check up on him after being gone for nearly a month now.

_**Wakatoshi** : Did your dad call you?_

There’s an uncomfortably long pause. Usually Satori is lightning quick with his responses, Wakatoshi has seen his fingers fly across the buttons and type out messages in mere seconds, he knows it takes him no time at all. But this time... this time it’s easily ten minutes before Wakatoshi gets a response again.

_**Satori** : noooo! It’s something even better!_

_**Wakatoshi** : I really don’t know, Satori. What is it?_

_**Satori** : I got a call from a representative from Shiratorizawa, IM GOING TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS U, WAKATOSHI! And u know the best part? I got in on a sports scholarship, WE GET TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL TOGETHER, WAKATOSHI!!!_

If Wakatoshi had to pick a moment from his life that embodied true excitement and joy, this one would probably be on the list. He’s nearly made it home at this point, but he has to stop in his tracks to really focus on the message and reread it several times, to really _bask_ in the joy he feels at the prospect of playing on the same side as Satori. He never expected it to be so important to him, he never expected to find it so necessary to play volleyball with someone.

_**Wakatoshi** : That’s really exciting, Satori, I look forward to it. :)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for reading!!!  
> feel free to come talk to me on tumblr/twitter!!! c: (esp about shiratorizawa/ushiten/tendou)
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaack! It's only been a day, but considering I already had this formatted and done, I decided waiting to post it was kinda pointless, since there appears to be at least a couple people interested. c:
> 
> Thank you for all the nice comments on the first chapter!! I hope you all continue to enjoy! And thank you again to my amazing beta, Erica, for reading through all this and screaming positively about it. 
> 
> Also, additional tags (and characters!) have been added with this new chapter, just fyi!

After their third year of junior high, Wakatoshi and Satori attend Shiratorizawa together, and of course, join the volleyball team. They don’t end up in the same class, much to Satori’s disappointment, but Wakatoshi observes that their classrooms are actually very close together, which helps ease Satori’s disappointment just a bit. 

While Wakatoshi looks forward to the even more rigorous and serious volleyball practices, he can’t help feeling a bit nervous about the thought of living in dorms on campus. As first years, they wouldn’t be given much of a choice as far as what rooms they got, where their rooms would be located, or who they’d be able to room with. That was probably the most nerve-racking thought, having to live with someone that Wakatoshi had most likely never met in his entire life. 

Admittedly though, the thought of having to live away from his mother wasn’t really settling well with him either, but he chose to internalize that, both for his own sake and hers.

She helped him move in, of course. Wakatoshi wouldn’t have expected anything less. He was always good at organizing things and making his living space a clean one, but with his mother’s help it did make the move-in process a lot faster. The person who probably appreciated, and needed, the help more than he did was Satori, though.

Satori had a shocking amount of things that Wakatoshi assumed he didn’t necessarily need, and probably could have left behind at his house. Countless figures, volumes of manga, posters of various animes that Satori was into; Wakatoshi wasn’t sure all of this would even fit in the small space, especially since it had to be shared amongst two people. 

However, they managed to get all the posters hung, all the figures placed tightly together on the windowsill and small desk, and all the volumes of manga in order on a small bookshelf in the corner of the room. To say Satori was ecstatic about this would have been an understatement. Wakatoshi wondered how Satori was coping so well with having to move to a completely new place, having to leave his home for the next three years, and having to deal with all this change in general, but then it hit him: this would be the first time in a long time that Satori didn’t have to live alone. Of course he would be excited about this. 

After moving in and bidding Wakatoshi’s mother goodbye, the two boys decided to walk around campus, taking in the sheer size of it. It didn’t take long for them to reach the spot they’d been dreaming about for so long.

The doors are, of course, locked, but they both rush to the windows, trying to get any view possible of the interior of the huge gym specifically for the volleyball club. There’s nothing overly spectacular, but admittedly the interior is a bit impressive with its huge windows and sleek floors.

“Wakatoshi, it’s amazing!” Satori cries from the window he’s gazing into, his nose pressed up against the glass, “Can you believe we get to play volleyball in there?”

“It’s a typical gym, it’s just a lot bigger than most.”

“Well, yeah, but,” Satori leans back from the window, attempting to wipe away the mark left over from his face, “this is _Shiratorizawa_ , Wakatoshi. We get to play volleyball at Shiratorizawa! In this huge, amazing gym!”

Wakatoshi smiles; Satori’s excitement is admittedly very contagious.

Eventually it starts to get dark and they both know they should probably be headed back to their dorms. Classes would be starting the next day and, while they both assumed they wouldn’t get much, they knew it would be smart to get a good amount of sleep the night before. 

When he returns to his dorm, Wakatoshi finally meets his roommate, seated on his own bed and digging through his school bag. He’s pleased to notice right off the bat that this stranger appears just as organized and clean as he is, since his space is also minimal and orderly. 

Oohira Reon is kind, polite, and has probably the most gentle and welcoming eyes and smile that Wakatoshi has ever seen. He introduces himself quickly and lets Wakatoshi know that he’s excited to be rooming with someone also on the volleyball team. They bond instantly, effortlessly, through discussions about their old schools, junior high teams, and volleyball in general. They almost forget that they have class in the morning and probably should sleep, but Wakatoshi immediately feels lighter, and a lot more excited about his future at this school and on this team.

**\-----**

The first day of class goes by surprisingly quick, and it’s during lunch that Wakatoshi meets the remainder of the first year boys who will be joining him on the volleyball team.

Reon had agreed to meet up for lunch in Wakatoshi’s classroom and arrived almost immediately after break started, greeting him with a small wave. It didn’t take long for Satori to barrel into the room as well, tugging an unfamiliar face behind him that appeared to be less than happy with the situation.

“Let go of me, Satori!” he’s yelling, but Satori seems to be ignoring him and continues tugging him towards Wakatoshi’s desk.

“Hey Wakatoshi!” the redhead practically yells as he plops his bento box down on his friend’s desk, and then he looks at Reon, sitting across from Wakatoshi, “Who’s this?”

Wakatoshi gives the clearly annoyed captive a quick look of concern before returning his stare to Satori, “This is Oohira Reon, my roommate. He’s also part of the volleyball club.”

“Ooooh, that’s awesome!” Satori beams, bowing quickly in Reon’s direction, “I’m Tendou Satori, just call me Satori, though. Since, y’know, we’re all gonna be in the same club together!”

Reon, looking at bit overwhelmed with Satori’s enthusiasm, still manages to laugh a bit before responding, “It’s nice to meet you, Satori,” he shifts in his seat a bit, glancing at the boy standing with his arms crossed behind Satori, “and who’s this?”

“Oh!” Satori reaches back, slinging his arm around the boy’s shoulders, “This is Semi Eita, my roommate! He’s also a part of the volleyball club!”

“Satori, _please_!” Eita groans, shoving the redhead’s arm off his shoulders before fixing his attention on Wakatoshi and Reon, “Hi, you guys can just call me Eita, since this whackjob insisted we use first names ever since we first met last night.”

“Would you prefer your alternate nickname? Semisemi?” Satori teases, earning him a slight, playful punch to the arm.

Ignoring the drama between the two, Wakatoshi nods quickly in Eita’s direction, “Ushijima Wakatoshi. I look forward to playing volleyball with you.”

“So you’re the one this nerd wouldn’t stop talking about,” Eita observes, raising an eyebrow, “Sorry you’ve had to put up with this guy for so long.”

Satori, now pulling up a chair to sit at Wakatoshi’s desk, laughs loudly before stating with pride, “Wakatoshi is my best friend, don’t be jealous, Eita.”

“So you’ve told me about, oh I dunno, fifty times now,” Eita grumbles, finally giving in and also pulling up a chair.

“Oh, I should mention,” Reon chimes in, “I’ve invited someone else to come join us. Soekawa Jin, we met at orientation and he’s also joining the volleyball club.”

Before any of them can respond, there’s a voice coming from a boy on the other side of the classroom. He’s leaning back in his chair, a half-eaten sandwich in his hand, “You guys are all in the volleyball club?”

Wakatoshi recognizes the voice and the face from introductions in class this morning. He can’t quite remember his name, but he remembers this boy being quite intense and excitable. Before he can ask his name, the boy is already making his way over to the small gathering, enthusiastically pointing to himself, “Yamagata Hayato. I’m in the club too!”

They all introduce themselves again, Satori once again insisting that they all use each other’s first names since they’ll be in the same club and spending so much time together. They all eventually agree, finding that Satori’s excitement is hard to combat and even harder to simply shoot down. 

After talking for a while, the final first year joining the club finally shows up, looking a bit nervous to join the group of boys. However, Reon beckons him over with his warm smile, and introduces Jin as soon as he’s at the jumble of desks as well, “This is Soekawa Jin, or… just Jin, I suppose,” he glances at the newcomer for a quick explanation, “We’ve decided to just use each other’s first names, if that’s okay with you.”

Jin nods quickly, eyeing all the other boys standing around him, “Sounds good. I’m sure we’ll be spending enough time together for that to be completely normal.”

“See?” Satori practically jumps out of his seat, grinning and pointing animatedly towards Jin, “This guy gets it!”

Much like the the rest of the boys, Jin appears a bit surprised by Satori’s enthusiasm, but the others give him reassuring smiles, introduce themselves, and his nervousness appears to fade quite a bit.

Lunch passes quickly, and the majority of the boys don’t even finish their lunches because they’re too busy talking excitedly about volleyball. Wakatoshi quickly realizes that he can faintly recall seeing some of them at junior high competitions, and remembers that their skills were, in fact, quite impressive. The recollection, though faint, makes him even more anxious to see their abilities in action at practice after school. 

They ultimately decide to meet up outside their classrooms after school is over in order to head towards the massive gym together. Wakatoshi quickly notices that Satori sticks very close to Eita’s side, even though the bickering between the two doesn’t seem to slow down. He wonders how they can stick so close to each other when their interactions involve so much arguing and teasing, but it’s obvious that they’re enjoying themselves. There’s also a more foreign, slightly negative feeling that he can’t quite decipher, but he does his best to ignore it for the time being.

When they enter the towering gym, they notice various second and third years already scrambling around the gym, setting up nets and bringing carts of volleyballs out onto the court. The first years are greeted by two men, one much older than the other, that they discover will be their coaches. 

Coach Saitou is much taller than Coach Washijou, but the latter's presence is far more intense, and the boys immediately know that they're in the right place to be serious about their sport. Washijou quickly explains the intense training regimen they enforce, the seriousness and commitment that they expect from every single member, and of course, how the team has continually had a spot at nationals, and they won’t accept losing that spot. 

The talk excites Wakatoshi, though he remains stoic as always, nodding in understanding and listening to every single word as if it’s the most important thing he’ll ever hear in his life. Wakatoshi wants to work hard, he wants to improve, he wants to help this team keep it’s “powerhouse” title for the next three years. 

Eventually they line up in front of the second and third years, introducing themselves and listening to the rest of the team’s introductions. The rest of the team members are impressive, tall, and built from intensive training; they definitely give off a ‘national champion’ vibe. But Wakatoshi isn’t intimidated. He confidently meets the stares of every single one of them during their introductions, including the captain and vice captain.

After introductions, they begin practice, consisting of the usual that Wakatoshi remembers from junior high, except here it’s far more intense. Practice eventually gets out much later than normal since the team introductions took up quite a bit of time. As the first years are all headed back to their dorms, Wakatoshi’s legs feel like they might give out, but it’s also one of the best, most satisfying feelings he’s ever felt.

When they get close to the dorms, Eita rushes to the building, complaining loudly that he’s ‘ready to lay down for the next five hundred years’. Satori laughs and Wakatoshi expects him to rush after him, but surprisingly he sticks back, falling in step next to Wakatoshi.

“So?” Satori prods, eyeing Wakatoshi expectantly.

Wakatoshi gives him the same look, expecting him to elaborate.

“How did you like it? Practice, I mean. I’m actually really worn out, don’t tell Eita that though. You looked like you were really in your element, though! Impressive as always, Wakatoshi!”

“Ah,” he begins, honestly unsurprised that Satori’s energy is still off the charts even after a rigorous practice session, “I enjoyed it, yes. It was challenging but a challenge is always good, it’s an opportunity for growth and improvement.”

Satori grins, “So wise… how Wakatoshi of you. This is gonna be a good year, I can feel it!”

“I think so,” Wakatoshi smiles too, just a small one as per usual, but Satori’s still grows even wider in response.

When they reach the long hallway of dorms, they come to Wakatoshi’s and Reon’s first. The others bid them both farewell, Satori with a wave and a sing-song, “See you tomorrow!” before heading off in the direction of his own room.

“Satori’s quite the character,” Reon states with amusement once they’ve shut the door behind them, “how long have you guys known each other?”

“Since elementary school,” Wakatoshi answers, thinking back with appreciation at all the time they spent together at the park and in his backyard.

“So you guys really are best friends, that’s pretty cool,” Reon gives another of his usual warm smiles before walking over to his own side of the joined closet.

“We are,” Wakatoshi nods, taking a seat on his bed and immediately feeling relief once he’s off his legs, “Satori is very important to me.”

Reon doesn’t respond to this, but he turns to directly smile at Wakatoshi for a second before gathering a set of clean clothes, “I’m going to run to the bathroom to get a quick shower and then grab a snack from the vending machine. You want anything?”

“No thank you,” Wakatoshi responds, and watches as Reon leaves the room, claiming he’ll ‘be back soon’ as he shuts the door behind him.

It’s quiet and peaceful for quite some time. Wakatoshi eventually decides changing into just a pair of sweatpants and maybe laying down to go to sleep would be for the best. He plans on waking up early to get a shower before class starts. He only gets halfway through his plans, though, because as soon as he’s changed and tugged off his t-shirt, he hears rushed knocking on the door. His first thought is that Reon must have locked himself out.

It’s not Reon, though. It takes a second for Wakatoshi to realize it’s Satori, since his hair is down and dripping wet. There’s a towel wrapped around his neck and he’s dressed in a baggy tank top and a pair of jogger sweatpants, so Wakatoshi assumes he must have just gotten a quick shower.

“Satori,” he greets him as soon as he opens the door, “Is something wrong?”

He asks the question because Satori is staring at him, his eyes blown wide, mouth open, and his expression looking a bit distracted. Finally he appears to snap out of whatever trance he’s in, and he shakes his head before answering, “N-no! I just… I can’t find my bento box, I think it ended up in your bag, maybe? Sorry, were you sleeping?”

“Not yet. I was about to,” Wakatoshi steps aside, inviting Satori inside before digging through his school bag on the floor.

“Sorry to bother you,” Satori apologizes again, laughing nervously, “I don’t mean to barge in or anything. I could have gotten it tomorrow. It’s not a big deal-”

“Satori,” Wakatoshi interrupts, turning to look at him seriously for a moment, “It’s not a problem. You’re welcome to come by anytime, okay?”

“Ah... yeah! Okay!”

Wakatoshi continues digging, finally finding the bento box in question, “Here it is,” he stands up, handing it to Satori, “You should keep better track of your things.”

Satori laughs again, still sounding nervous for reasons Wakatoshi can’t really figure out, “Thanks, Wakatoshi! Sorry about that!” he makes his way to the door again, stepping out into the hallway.

“Satori,” Wakatoshi calls after him, and the redhead stops in his tracks, turning to look at Wakatoshi with curiosity, “It’s really okay. You don’t have to apologize to me so much. I don’t mind things like this happening.”

Satori’s expression softens, “Thanks, Wakatoshi,” his fingers tap quickly against the bento box in his hands, “Now go get some good sleep!”

“Same to you,” Wakatoshi calls after him, watching him walk down the long hallway in the direction of his and Eita’s room.

He retreats back into his room, making sure to leave the door unlocked for Reon when he comes back. He leaves a clean set of his school uniform on his bedside table for the morning, and feeling as though he won’t be able to keep his eyes open much longer, he finally lays down to go to sleep.

**\-----**

During the course of his first year of high school, Wakatoshi learns a number of things.

The first is that all the rumors he’d heard about high school being tougher than junior high definitely aren’t false. The classes are harder, the teachers are more harsh, the homework is more complex and more time-consuming, and paired with nightly practice, it proved to be a bit of a challenge in the beginning. However, with practice came success and it didn’t take too horribly long for him to establish a routine. Wake up early in the mornings to get a shower, go to class and do his best to focus and learn, meet up with his fellow first-year volleyball club members for lunch, return to class for the remainder of the school day, rush to volleyball practice and put in as much work as his body would physically allow him, and finally return to his dorm afterwards, teaming up with Reon to get both their homework done before the next day. Wakatoshi felt lucky that Reon was a very dedicated student, and incredibly patient when he needed help with something.

And that was another thing he’d learned: his fellow first years were all valuable people, not just on the court. Reon was becoming a close friend, someone that he could trust with just about anything. Hayato was incredibly supportive and charismatic, always pumping up the others when they all felt too tired to work hard in both volleyball and school. Jin was quiet, but endlessly positive and easily one of the more rational minds in the entire group. Eita, while quick to anger, was also extremely caring, constantly (though aggressively) checking to make sure they all were all doing their best. And of course, Satori continued to be an extremely important person in Wakatoshi’s daily life. He was always the first one to run up and give Wakatoshi a high-five when he’d score a point during practice, always yelling things like “Nice, Wakatoshi!”, and of course he was always there to remind everyone to have fun. Satori was vital to their group, like a constant bright light that never went out no matter how down, exhausted, or ready to give up everyone else was. And for that, Wakatoshi learned how truly grateful he was to have Satori in his life.

But another thing he’d learned was a negative feeling he couldn’t immediately pinpoint or put a name to. Wakatoshi was used to being Satori’s only best friend. It wasn’t something he’d even considered being concerned about, but as he notices Satori’s growing closeness with the rest of his team, the feeling becomes something he wants to ignore, but starts to feel more and more like he can’t. Especially when he watches Satori do little things with Eita, like fling his arm around his shoulders, or push the setter’s buttons so much that he earns himself punches and kicks. It becomes something so bothersome to him that he almost considers asking Reon about it, but decides to put it aside.

The positive things far outweighed the bad, though. He’d learned right off the bat that Shiratorizawa’s volleyball team had a tradition of choosing a first-year wing spiker to join the team’s starting lineup, someone who had promise as a future ace. And, unsurprisingly to Wakatoshi and everyone else, they’d chosen him. He felt the pressure, felt Washijou’s constantly judging eyes, felt the frustration from other third and second years that didn’t have a place in the lineup while he did, but none of this deterred him from trying as hard as he could, working as hard as his body would allow him. 

And that hard work paid off, for the most part. The team made it past the preliminaries, past the representative playoffs, and made their way to nationals, where they landed fifth place, a placement that the first years felt good about. Unfortunately, the placement was not typical for Shiratorizawa, who had normally placed much higher in the past. What made it worse was that the final set of their last match was a steep loss, something that typically didn’t happen for their team. Instead of taking the bus to get back to campus, the entire team was forced to run back to school as punishment, which was an experience they all agreed they would never forget, and never wanted to happen again. After an angry and disappointed lecture, Washijou made it explicitly clear when they returned to campus that they were expected to work much harder in order to improve that placement next year.

Not long after nationals, a new captain and vice-captain were chosen from the second years, marking the end of that particular season, and the boys were able to focus more on their school work for the remainder of the school year. At the end of the school year, all the first years had managed good enough grades to stick around and continue playing volleyball in their second year, though they all knew from the start that their extremely successful year meant none of them would be turned away anyway. The third years’ graduation wasn’t as emotional for the first years as it was for the second years, but it was a bit shocking to all of them just how quick the year had gone by, just how much they’d all grown and improved. And that brought up another thing that Wakatoshi learned during his first year.

He’d always known Satori to be the type to play for fun, and initially this concerned Wakatoshi because of the seriousness of this particular volleyball club. But Satori rose to the challenge, he worked just as hard as everyone else during practice, and while he only played in official matches that year maybe once or twice, for a very short time, his efforts were starting to show. Much like everyone else, his body was starting to show more signs of hard work and effort, and as he grew taller he also grew increasingly sinewy. His instincts, though always impressive, improved as well, and watching him this way, on the same side of the net, Wakatoshi felt a whole new level of appreciation for his abilities. Satori was a force to be reckoned with, and Wakatoshi was thankful to be playing on the same side as him. 

After a short break from school that went by faster than any of them expected, their second year began and volleyball practice was immediately back in session. Wakatoshi and the others were given an option to switch roommates, but with the knowledge of how often Satori and Eita had been hanging out, especially during the break, Wakatoshi decided it was safe to assume they’d decided to stay roommates. As such, he remained with Reon, which he decided was probably for the best in the end anyway. Reon had become vital to his success in school, and, after catching a slight glimpse one day of how messy Satori and Eita’s room was, he still appreciated his neat, orderly nature. Reon was a calming presence, and always a welcome change after the end of practice every single night.

Of course, with the new year brought new volleyball club members. The group was about the same size as Wakatoshi’s first year group, but after a few weeks of practice and getting to know them, two stood out amongst the new first years. 

Kawanishi Taichi, though nearly as tall as Wakatoshi, gave off an incredibly lax and calm vibe. Wakatoshi wasn’t surprised to learn he played middle blocker, given his height, but what did surprise him was just how unaggressive he was on the court, but maybe that was because he was so used to Satori’s methods as middle blocker. Still, his abilities were impressive, and it didn’t take long for him to adjust to the rest of the team.

Shirabu Kenjirou gave off a similar vibe, though if Wakatoshi had to pick a word to describe him, it would probably be ‘dedicated’. Not only was he more focused than many of the others during practice, he’d also apparently gotten into the school on academics alone, which was enough to thoroughly impress Wakatoshi and the rest of the team. 

Neither earned an immediate spot in the starting lineup, but Wakatoshi maintained his spot, unsurprisingly. Eita earned a fairly regular spot as well, since his abilities as a setter were quite impressive. The other second years were used more often during practice matches, and considering how well they all played together, they hoped this meant they’d be able to play more often in official matches as well. Only time would tell, though.

Satori was becoming increasingly anxious to play in official matches, and he made that clear to Wakatoshi on several occasions, especially while walking back to the dorms after practice at night. While Satori’s whining wasn’t exactly enjoyable, these after-practice walks were admittedly one of Wakatoshi’s favorite parts of the day. There was something nostalgic and peaceful about slowly walking next to his best friend, watching the other members of the club hurry ahead to get to their dorms as quick as possible. He was always thankful (and a little surprised) that Satori didn’t rush ahead with Eita after practice; he usually claimed that his legs were too worn out to even attempt something like that.

Tonight is the same for the most part. They’re walking slowly, calmly, making small talk about practice and homework and the usual topics of discussion, with Satori doing most of the talking like normal. He mentions a few things about Shonen Jump, offering, as always, for Wakatoshi to borrow his copy. And, like always, Wakatoshi politely declines, though that never deters Satori from asking again the next day. The sun is beginning to set, and it’s quiet for a bit, the only sounds are birds overhead and cars in the distance.

“When do you think coach will let me have a regular spot?”

The question comes out of nowhere, catching Wakatoshi completely off guard, and he answers as honestly as always, “I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I guess you can’t know that...” Satori grumbles, “It’s just so frustrating, Wakatoshi, I wanna play with you and Eita!”

“Give it time,” Wakatoshi offers, “keep working hard and you’ll earn a spot.”

“I am! I’m working _really_ hard! And I’m _tired_ -”

“I know you are, Satori,” Wakatoshi cuts him off and turns to look at him, “I’ve watched you during practice, your blocking is getting better, as are your serves, and you’re gaining a lot of muscle. Your efforts are showing.”

Satori slows his pace, gradually turning his head to meet Wakatoshi’s stare. He looks like he’s blushing, but Wakatoshi decides that might just be the warm, bright lights from the sunset hitting his skin just right, “You think so?”

“No, I know so,” Wakatoshi gives him a small, reassuring smile, “And coach Washijou does too. Otherwise he wouldn’t continue to allow you time on the court. You’ve earned that. You should believe in yourself a little more, Satori. Everyone else does.”

Satori slows until he comes to a full stop, and when Wakatoshi notices, he does as well, looking at him with concern. Satori doesn’t exactly look unhappy, but there’s something strange in his expression, something like discomfort or confusion. It’s a look he’s seen on the middle blocker’s face for a few months now, and it’s becoming more and more common whenever they have a moment away from the others. Like always, his concern for his best friend overrides his usual method of keeping out of other people’s business, “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Satori shakes his head, waves his hands dismissively, “sorry, I think I’m just... tired, Wakatoshi. We should get back. I have... lots of homework to get through.”

“Would you like to join Reon and me to get it done?” Wakatoshi offers as they continue walking towards the large dorm building.

“Nah, that's alright,” he's smiling again but the expression appears a bit forced, it's not his usual effortless smile, and his eyes still look a bit downtrodden, “Eita and I made a deal, he helps with my math homework, I help him with English homework.”

“Okay,” Wakatoshi feels that weird, negative feeling for a moment, the one he still can’t quite pinpoint, “If either of you need additional help, our door will be unlocked for a couple hours.”

“Thanks, Wakatoshi.”

They’re back to small talk, mostly Satori discussing things that happened in class during the day. He talks about how he fell asleep for a moment and nearly fell out of his chair in the process, and how there was a particularly large beetle crawling along the window outside that kept his attention for a good portion of his math class. Wakatoshi listens intently like always, until they come to his dorm room and have to say goodbye.

“See you tomorrow, Wakatoshi,” Satori says as he starts in the direction of his room.

“Good luck with your homework,” Wakatoshi calls after him.

There’s a brief second where Satori turns around, looking confused by the statement, but he quickly shifts that expression into a grin, “Oh! Yeah! Thanks, Wakatoshi, you too!”

As he watches the redhead disappear down the hallway, it occurs to Wakatoshi that Satori may have been lying to him about homework. His mannerisms tonight were clearly unlike him, and Wakatoshi knows enough to be aware that that’s usually a tell-tale sign of lying. It then occurs to him that Satori might have been lying just to get out of spending more time with him, to spend more time with Eita. And then it occurs to him that-

He shuts the thoughts down and mentally pulls himself together as he grips tightly onto the dorm room’s doorknob. These aren’t things he should be concerned about, and he knows he needs to be focusing his attention on homework right at this moment. He takes a deep breath before opening the door and greeting Reon, who’s already seated on the floor with his homework laid out in front of him.

“Hey, just in time! I was about to get started with English.”

Wakatoshi sets his bag down, taking a seat on the floor next to Reon before digging through it and pulling out his own homework. He can feel Reon’s eyes on him, but he isn’t exactly sure why. 

Unfortunately for him, Reon is incredibly perceptive to other people’s emotions, and Wakatoshi is no exception.

“Something up? You seem distracted,” Reon asks, concern filling his voice.

Wakatoshi considers doing his best to remain unbothered by the situation that just took place, he wants to be able to move on, to not succumb to trivial things that aren’t that big of a deal. He wants to believe that Satori wasn’t lying to him, that he does still enjoy spending time with him, that-

“Uh, Wakatoshi,” Reon breaks him from his trance, “your homework…”

Wakatoshi looks down at his hand, realizes he’s bending and slightly crumpling the thin notebook in his hand. _Oh_. He’s a lot more upset than he really anticipated.

“Seriously, what’s up?” Reon raises an eyebrow, tentatively and reassuringly placing his hand on Wakatoshi’s shoulder, “Did something happen at practice?”

“Satori has been acting different lately,” Wakatoshi finally admits, setting his notebook back on the floor and attempting to smooth out the damage he’s done to it.

“Oh? How so?”

“He turned down an offer for help with homework tonight. And when I mentioned it again, he appeared to be confused, as if he actually didn’t have homework. I think he may have been lying to me.”

“Is… that it?” Reon doesn’t sound all that concerned, as if this is nothing to be worried about.

Wakatoshi thinks about it for a moment, and the more he thinks, the more things he can pick out that aren’t exactly typical of Satori, “When I talk to him, he appears uncomfortable. As if I make him uneasy, or he doesn’t enjoy my company. He avoids me in the locker room, but last year we talked a lot while there before and after practice. The only time he’s normal is during lunch, or practice. Otherwise he feels very… strange.”

Reon nods, taking in all of this information for a moment before asking another question, “And he’s never been like this before? I mean… before this year?”

“No.”

Bringing his pencil up to his lips, he taps it a few times, deep in thought. Wakatoshi assumes he’s stumped Reon completely, until he speaks up again, “Can I ask you a fairly personal question about Satori?”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi answers simply but he’s also not sure what question Reon could possibly be asking him that he doesn’t already know the answer to; Satori isn’t secretive at all about anything.

“You don’t have to answer, of course. I just assume you might know since you two are so close. But… putting it bluntly, do you know if he likes someone? Or actually… what _does_ he like?” he pauses, then laughs nervously, “I guess what I’m asking is what’s his orientation?”

Wakatoshi is taken aback for a moment. Of all the conversations Satori and him have had, of all the topics they’ve discussed over the years, that was never one that had come up before, “I don’t know,” he answers quickly, but then something else occurs to him, “Although I’ve heard him talk about actresses he thinks are cute.”

Reon laughs, “I think we’ve all heard him rave about his cute actresses. So that conversation in particular never came up?”

“Never. I didn’t think it was something I needed to be aware of.”

“Well, how about this. Do you want me to talk to Satori about all this? I won’t mention that you talked to me, of course. But I can pull him aside sometime tomorrow and let him know that he’s seemed a bit… off lately.”

“I would appreciate it, yes,” Wakatoshi answers, already feeling a bit relieved having gotten the issues off his chest.

“I think I might know what’s going on,” he smiles encouragingly, “but I just want to make sure first, okay?”

Wakatoshi is incredibly puzzled, but he trusts Reon, and knows that he’s incredibly good with talking to people. His curiosity tells him to ask Reon what he thinks is going on, but he settles for a simple “Alright,” instead.

“Now let’s get this homework out of the way, yeah?” Reon returns his attention to the papers in front of him.

Wakatoshi does the same, feeling a lot lighter after getting things off his mind. The two complete their homework quickly, as usual, and then turn in for bed afterwards. Wakatoshi wonders how well Reon’s talk with Satori will go the next day, but he tries not to think too hard about it, and eventually slips into sleep.

**\-----**

To Wakatoshi’s surprise, he doesn’t hear anything relating to Reon’s talk with Satori for quite some time. Days pass, weeks pass, months pass even, and he hears nothing besides the small conversation he holds with Reon the day after he had plans to pull Satori aside.

“Did you talk with Satori?” Wakatoshi questions him during their normal homework session that night.

“I did,” Reon smiles, and Wakatoshi stares at him expectantly before he elaborates, but only just barely, “All I can say is just… give him some time. Be patient with him. I can assure you that he’s definitely not uncomfortable with you, Wakatoshi. Answers will come in due time, okay?”

Wakatoshi is incredibly confused. He wants answers, wants to know why Satori is acting so strange, but he knows Reon is stubborn in that he probably won’t say any more than he already has, in respect of Satori’s privacy. 

So Wakatoshi _is_ patient. He always _has_ been a patient person. He continues noticing Satori’s strange mannerisms around him, continues picking up on the way he won’t make eye contact with him very often, and he continues to ask him to join Reon and him for study sessions, even though he knows he’ll be turned down every single time. He keeps this up for months, and it becomes maddening.

All he wants is for his best friend to act like his best friend again.

It’s around the middle of the year when things finally start to become clear to Wakatoshi. Not crystal clear, but it’s still something.

They’re in the locker room, changing into their practice attire. As usual, Satori is awkwardly standing outside the door, busying himself with anything possible so he can wait to enter the locker room once everyone else has left. While unusual, this isn’t uncommon, and it’s something Wakatoshi has noticed happening ever since the beginning of their second year. 

“Satori!” Eita yells from the spot in front of his locker, directing his voice towards the doorway, “My shirt isn’t in my bag, I think it ended up in yours!”

“Don’t you have an extra?” Satori yells back. 

“What? No! I think you’ll remember that I _did_ , but _someone_ decided to borrow it and never gave it back!”

“Geez, get your shit together, Eita!” Satori teases back, laughing loudly.

“I swear to God…” Eita grumbles, aggressively shoving his bag into his locker before turning to the doorway again and yelling even louder, “Satori, I swear, if you don’t bring my shirt in here right now, you’ll have to sleep with one eye open tonight!”

When Satori doesn’t answer, besides laughing, and doesn’t come into the locker room, Eita yells threateningly once more, “Tendou _fucking_ Satori, I swear to-”

“Fine, fine!” the redhead finally emerges, walking over to Eita quickly and handing him his purple t-shirt, “You should take a chill pill, Eita. If you don’t stop scowling like that, you’ll get wrinkles by the time you’re thirty!”

“And _you_ ,” Eita starts loudly, but lowers his voice significantly, “should stop walking on eggshells and just fucking _confess_ already. It’d make things a lot less awkward every day.”

Wakatoshi hears this, but not intentionally, and only just barely since his locker is only a couple away from Eita’s. He runs the statement through his mind a few times, the words ‘confess’ and ‘awkward’ sticking out to him quite a bit. So Reon was on the right track, Satori does have a crush. Or at least, that’s what it sounds like, as far as Wakatoshi can tell.

It’s another month before things _really_ and _truly_ become clear. 

Another grueling month of intense training, practice matches, late nights of homework, increasingly awkward moments with his best friend, until _finally_ he gets answers. 

And while Wakatoshi didn’t really know what to expect, it didn’t make things any simpler.

It’s after practice, a fairly cool night in early fall, when Satori pulls Wakatoshi aside, asking if he can talk to him about something. Wakatoshi agrees, hoping this means he may get some answers, and the two stick around a bit longer in the locker room, waiting for everyone else to leave. When they have, Satori offers to take their talk outside, claiming that fresh air might make it easier for him. This alone makes Wakatoshi nervous, because it sounds as if whatever he needs to talk about is possibly serious or concerning. 

They step outside, leaning up against the large building, standing next to each other in complete silence for a few minutes. Wakatoshi’s never seen Satori this quiet, this still. He’s staring at the sky, mouth pulled into a tight, straight line. Wakatoshi wants to pry, wants to ask him to start talking since he still has homework left to do, but he continues being patient for what feels like nearly an hour, but is actually only around five minutes.

Finally, Satori breaks the silence.

“Wakatoshi, have you ever liked someone?”

“I like a lot of people,” Wakatoshi answers, “I like you, I like Reon, I like the rest of our team, I like-”

“No, Wakatoshi. No. I mean like,” he thinks for a moment, waving his hand in the air like he’s grasping for the right words to say, “not in a friend way. Like.. more than a friend? I mean, have you ever… wanted to kiss someone, for example? Or hold their hand and hug them close and just… I don’t know, Wakatoshi. Have you ever felt _anything_ like that?”

“I haven’t.”

Satori stares at Wakatoshi for a moment, that same discomfort filling his face, “I figured not,” he looks away again, back at the sky, “Y’know I always thought it was kinda weird how we never had this discussion. About liking people like that, I mean. It’s kind of… a normal topic between friends.”

“I never thought it was necessary. You could have always brought it up, you know I don’t mind listening to you talk about things.”

“I know,” he smiles, but just barely, “It wasn’t really something I needed to talk about until recently though. I’ve talked to Eita about it… A lot.”

“I’m glad. Eita and you are very close.”

Satori nods in agreement, going silent again.

“So do you feel that way about someone?” Wakatoshi questions once the silence becomes uncomfortable again, “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Yeah, I uh…” the redhead laughs nervously, “I _really_ like someone, Wakatoshi.”

“Someone from your class?” Now that Wakatoshi knows Reon’s suspicions were correct, he’s incredibly curious. 

“No guesses?” Satori looks at him, furrowing his brow nervously and chewing on his lip.

“No. Guessing would take a while, since there are many people in your class and I don’t know all their names.”

Turning his body to face Wakatoshi’s, Satori laughs again, “It’s… not someone from class, Wakatoshi.”

“Ah,” Wakatoshi is truly stumped now, “someone from a different class? Someone from junior high? Someone from your neighborhood?”

“No, Wakatoshi,” he laughs again, clearly amused, and for the first time in a while, Wakatoshi sees him genuinely smile directly at him, “Someone I’ve known for a _very_ long time.”

Still unsure, Wakatoshi stares at him unblinkingly, waiting for an answer.

“Someone who’s been there for me more than anybody else. Someone who inspires me every single day to work harder. Someone that I’m so proud to know and lucky to call my best friend. Someone who’s… okay look, he’s _ridiculously_ attractive and it’s _actually_ unfair. Someone who’s caring and committed and probably the most incredible person I know. Someone who makes me laugh a lot and listens to me talk constantly without getting bored. Someone who’s _never_ abandoned me or gotten sick of me.”

There’s silence, Wakatoshi can hear and feel his own heartbeat as he stares at Satori, and Satori stares back, his eyes wide and unblinking and _intense_.

“You. It’s you, okay? I… _really_ like you, Wakatoshi,” he exhales, the sound much like he’s dropped a heavy weight he’s been carrying for a very long time, “And I can’t hide it anymore. I don’t even know how long I’ve liked you. It’s like I woke up one day and it just hit me like ‘damn, I’d love for Wakatoshi to just scoop me up and hold me in his big, strong arms and’... and other things, but I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable and, _shit_ , I probably already have, haven’t I? Dammit, I’m sorry, Wakatoshi, I went too far, I knew this was a bad idea...”

He looks distraught, his arms waving mindlessly as he speaks quickly and apologizes profusely. Wakatoshi is silent, he’s still trying to come to terms with ‘I really like you, Wakatoshi’. He’s unable to form words, and even if he could, he isn’t at all sure what he’d even say to respond to all this. It’s nothing he’d expected, and it’s _far more_ than he’d expected.

“I don’t know what to say, Satori,” Wakatoshi finally answers bluntly.

“I made you really uncomfortable, didn’t I? Who am I kidding,” Satori gives another nervous laugh, this time much louder, “I could never be good enough for Ushijima Wakatoshi… no, you deserve someone perfect, someone beautiful and incredibly gifted and smart.”

There’s a good amount of silence again, and Satori groans, smacking himself in the forehead, “Shit. I don’t wanna ruin what we have, Wakatoshi. You’re my best friend in the entire world, but I talked to Eita and Reon and they both told me I should just confess, since this has been practically eating me alive for about a year now. So I did. But now I feel like the worst person in existence.”

“You’re not the worst,” Wakatoshi maintains his composure, but his heart's still beating incredibly fast and his mind is racing with all this new information, “and you haven’t ruined anything. You’re still my best friend.”

Sighing loudly with relief, Satori leans his head back against the wall behind them, “Thank god. Please just… don’t think too much about all this. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I understand, Wakatoshi. I just… needed to get it out. Really badly. But just to make sure we’re on the same page… you don’t feel the same, right?”

“That’s fine,” Wakatoshi readjusts his bag on his shoulder, “and no, I don’t. You’re my best friend, but I don’t feel anything more than that. I apologize.”

“No, Wakatoshi!” Satori flings his hands up and waves them dismissively, the force causing his bag to nearly fall off his shoulder, “Don’t apologize! It’s fine, just… thanks for letting me be honest with you. This changes nothing, right?”

“Right,” Wakatoshi agrees, and decides a change of topic might be best, “now, I have a lot of homework to get through, so we should probably head to the dorms.” 

“Yeah! Yeah… you’re right. I have lots of homework too,” Satori nods, and they both head in the direction of the dorm building, attempting to return to their usual topics of conversation.

As soon as they reach Wakatoshi’s dorm, Satori stops instead of continuing down the hallway like normal, hands fiddling nervously with the strap of his bag. There’s still a strange expression on his face; Wakatoshi thinks it might be disappointment.

“Good luck with your homework,” Wakatoshi offers, hand resting on his doorknob.

“Yeah! Uh, same to you, Wakatoshi!”

He’s still standing there awkwardly, eyes darting back and forth across the hallway.

“Is there something-”

“I’m sorry, Wakatoshi!” Satori practically shouts, and then covers his mouth for a moment in embarrassment before lowering his voice and continuing, “I just… Gah! This is so frustrating!”

Wakatoshi raises an eyebrow, thoroughly confused again, “If there’s nothing else, I should get my homework done, Satori. And you should too.”

“Wait… just… can I hug you? Real quick?”

“Hug me?” Wakatoshi’s lost count of how many times he’s been caught off guard by Satori today, “I don’t understand how this is the best moment for a hug, but I don’t mind.”

“I don’t know, sometimes friends hug, right? That’s… a thing friends do, I think. We hug during and after matches sometimes. I mean they’re group hugs but they still _count_ , right? And-”

“Satori,” Wakatoshi holds his arms out awkwardly, not at all used to physical contact like this but willing to do anything to calm Satori’s obvious nervousness, “I said I don’t mind.”

The middle blocker wastes no time before surging forward with a bit too much force, nearly knocking Wakatoshi off his feet and against his dorm’s door. Wakatoshi maintains his balance though, and slowly wraps his arms around Satori’s shoulders. He’s not sure how long hugs are supposed to last, seeing as he isn’t used to them at all. But after the initial awkwardness has faded, he eases into the gesture, deciding it’s actually not that bad.

Satori is an aggressive hugger, Wakatoshi quickly learns. At first his arms are wrapped extremely tight around Wakatoshi’s chest, but they eventually ease up a bit. The redhead keeps his face resting against Wakatoshi’s shoulder and his body pressed tight against his. Wakatoshi thinks he can feel his heartbeat, and swears he can hear his breath, finally calming and returning to a normal pace. Somehow he discovers his own heartbeat is slowing to a more relaxed beat. He’s surprised just how much he’s enjoying this, just how soothing it is. It reminds him of the few hugs he’d shared with his father before he left, warm and comfortable, almost like home.

Shockingly, Satori is the one to pull away first, sighing before smiling again and appearing much more at ease, “Thanks, Wakatoshi. I was hoping that wouldn’t like… weird you out.”

“Not at all. It was unexpected, but nice.”

“Good!” he readjusts his bag on his shoulder, taking a couple steps in the direction of his own dorm, “I’ll leave you to your homework now, then. Thanks for… talking.”

“Not a problem,” Wakatoshi returns his grip on the doorknob behind him, “good luck with your homework, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Satori flashes a grin, gives a quick salute, and continues down the hallway. Wakatoshi watches him leave, like normal, before finally stepping inside his dorm room. 

Unsurprisingly, Reon is in his usual spot, seated on the floor and sorting through his notes and homework from the day. As soon as Wakatoshi enters the room, he looks up curiously, “Hey! Everything okay? I thought I heard Satori yell,” he punctuates the last statement with a soft laugh.

“Everything is fine,” Wakatoshi set his bag down, beginning the usual process of pulling out his own homework as well, “we had a good talk. Thank you for encouraging him to talk to me.”

“Oh!” Reon looks surprised, “You’re welcome! I didn’t think he would mention that. Guess it’s true he has a hard time keeping secrets,” he laughs again before continuing, “So… everything’s okay then? Between you two I mean.”

“Everything is fine,” Wakatoshi repeats, “we’re best friends. Nothing will change that.”

Wakatoshi likes absolutes. He likes the idea of something being unchangeable, immovable, because he doesn’t have to worry needlessly about it, he can focus his energy on other, more important things. And among the absolutes he feels in his life, his bond with Satori is one of them. He’s still letting Satori’s confession slowly sink in, but it’s like his best friend said: this changes nothing. And Wakatoshi knows Satori, as someone who’s never let him down before, will keep that promise.

Reon doesn’t appear to disagree, and he doesn’t attempt to pry anymore. Wakatoshi is thankful for that. He’s thankful for their friendship being mostly unspoken understandings. 

The two of them get to work on their homework like normal, attempting to finish up quicker than usual since Wakatoshi got back to their dorm a bit later than expected. Eventually they finish up and their nightly routine goes on as usual; Reon retreats to get a quick shower, and Wakatoshi turns in for bed, quickly falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for reading!! comments are appreciated  
> feel free to come talk to me on tumblr/twitter!!! c: (esp about shiratorizawa/ushiten/tendou)
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back! thank you everybody for your nice comments and feedback, I'm really happy people are actually enjoying this, since it's such an important project for me. ;u;
> 
> thank you again to my beta, Erica, for pushing me every day and reminding me that I'm talented and a hard worker. Those reminders keep me going every single day. <333 and thank you to everyone else who's helped push me and inspire me to keep writing this!

Despite discovering his best friend has a crush on him, everyday life and interaction between Wakatoshi and Satori stays fairly normal. In fact, things more or less _return_ to normal. Satori once again joins the others in the locker room every day instead of waiting until everyone’s left, the times when they walk to and from practice together are no longer filled with awkward glances, fidgeting, and pauses, and Wakatoshi doesn’t catch Satori staring at him with confusion or concern anymore.

But that’s not to say he doesn’t catch him staring anymore. Because he does, and he does _often_. Wakatoshi thinks nothing of it, he doesn’t see any harm in people staring at him and it doesn’t make him uncomfortable. He’s just thankful it’s not a strange expression on Satori’s face anymore, but actually his usual wide smile and bright eyes. The expression he’s used to.

Things are normal like this for a few months. The team continues bonding, continues practicing and improving together and preparing themselves with the intent to place higher at nationals this year. Wakatoshi remains in the starting lineup along with Eita, and Satori continues wishing for a more regular spot. After the team easily passes preliminaries as well as representative playoffs, they all set their sights and their focus completely on nationals. 

And then there’s a shift.

Satori seems to slowly, gradually become a bit distracted and unfocused. He puts in about half as much effort as normal during practice, spends more time pestering Eita and staring at his phone when Washijou isn’t looking in his direction. It almost seems like he’s starting to give up, and Wakatoshi notices. He wants to ignore it, toss the problem aside because it has nothing to do with him and his spot on the team. And yet, he feels at the same time that it has _everything_ to do with him. He can’t help thinking back to the years they spent in his backyard, tossing a volleyball back and forth and talking excitedly about the future and the possibility of playing together on such an impressive team. The thought almost makes him angry, a feeling he’s not all that used to or accustomed to dealing with. 

Like always, though, he internalizes his negative feelings, and this time he doesn’t go to Reon to talk about it. In fact, Reon doesn’t even seem to pick up on it, making Wakatoshi realize that he’s gotten better at hiding these things and shoving them to the back of his mind. 

He focuses completely, 100% on his sport, his spot on the team, and their placement at nationals.

And then something else changes. It takes a bit for him to pick up on it, but Wakatoshi starts to notice Satori dipping out of their usual team lunch meetups, not walking with the team to go to practice, and then it really hits him when he realizes he starts to leave early after practice is over, making Wakatoshi walk back to his dorm alone at night.

Again, he tells himself he shouldn’t be worried or upset about this. It has nothing to do with him or his performance on the team. It’s not his concern. Satori told him, _promised_ him, that nothing had changed between them. That nothing would ever change. And the fact that he _is_ getting upset about it and doubting Satori’s words makes him incredibly frustrated with himself.

After practice one day, he decides to leave before everyone else (besides Satori, who had fled the locker room almost immediately after practice was over) due to an overload of homework that he wants to get done as quick as possible. As much as he knows this is a smart decision, he regrets it almost as soon as he steps outside. 

He spots Satori immediately, pressing a girl significantly shorter than him against the large building they were just practicing in. Wakatoshi stops in his tracks, his eyes immediately going to Satori’s hands, resting against the girl’s hips, and then he looks upwards, and when he sees that he’s leaning down and kissing her, almost aggressively, Wakatoshi feels a strange, burning sensation in the pit of his stomach. It’s almost like anger, but it reminds him more of the feelings he would often experience at the beginning of Satori and Eita’s friendship.

He quickly realizes that he should have just continued walking, because the girl’s eyes open a bit, she spots him, and starts tugging at Satori’s sleeve in an effort to stop him. Satori pulls away, making a confused noise before the girl points in Wakatoshi’s direction.

Satori turns quickly, spots Wakatoshi, and his eyes immediately go wide for a moment, “Oh… hey, Wakatoshi, you left early! Everyone else still in the locker room?”

“They are,” Wakatoshi notices Satori’s face going red, “I apologize. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

He starts to walk away, but Satori hurries after him, catching his shoulder, “No, it’s fine, Wakatoshi! Sorry I… didn’t think anyone would be leaving the building for a bit. Um,” he glances back at the girl again, beckoning her towards them with his free hand, “I should probably introduce you to my girlfriend!”

“Girlfriend?” Wakatoshi repeats, gaze flicking briefly to the person in question.

“Yeah!” Satori steps towards the girl, gently wrapping his arm around her shoulders, “This is Azumi! She’s in my class, she’s really smart! And she likes anime, and Shonen Jump!” he speaks quickly and enthusiastically, finally turning to the girl again, “Azumi, this is Wakatoshi, my best friend and teammate!”

Wakatoshi eyes her carefully; long red hair with bangs, thick-rimmed glasses, pale skin dotted lightly with freckles. They make a perfect match, he thinks, and somehow that makes the strange burning feeling in his stomach even worse.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he states simply.

“You too,” she mumbles in response, voice quiet, and then she turns to Satori, smiling warmly and pressing closer against him, “Satori talks about you a lot.”

Wakatoshi hums in acknowledgement, his eyes returning to Satori, who’s smiling and appears as happy as ever before asking, “We’re gonna go get some ice cream together, you wanna tag along?”

“No thank you,” Wakatoshi responds immediately, probably a bit too forcefully judging by the way Satori flinches a bit, “I have homework I should get done,” he bows his head quickly in both of their directions before turning to walk towards the dorms, “You two enjoy yourselves.”

He doesn’t bother turning around, even though he clearly hears Satori making noises in an effort to get his attention again. He’s trying his best to squash that strange, foreign feeling that he thought he had mostly overcome at this point. Keeping his eyes fixed right in front of him, on the dorm building, he focuses instead on the homework he needs to complete, on the fact that he needs to get it done early in order to get a good night’s sleep and do well at practice tomorrow.

He has no reason to feel anything negative about Satori apparently having a girlfriend now. A girlfriend that clearly makes him happy and that he enjoys the company of. And _yet_ … 

Miraculously, he’s able to get his homework done without allowing his mind to wander too far, and when Reon returns to their room as well, he never once picks up on Wakatoshi’s negative feelings. By the time he’s ready to turn in for bed, he finally feels his mind starting to clear, finally feels himself returning to that normal composure he likes to maintain. He’s lying down in bed, eyes closed, and he can feel himself drifting off to sleep...

And then his phone goes off. That familiar and annoying beeping sound signaling he’s received a text.

His eyes slowly open, and he rolls over to glance at his phone, sitting on the small nightstand next to his bed. He’s confused why anyone would be texting him this late, but when he sees who it is, he admits that he’s really not surprised.

_**Satori** : hey wakatoshi! u might be asleep, but if not, can we talk? it won’t take long_

Wakatoshi glances over at Reon’s sleeping form, noticing he hasn’t stirred at all. He turns his attention back to his phone, lowering the brightness significantly before typing out a response.

_**Wakatoshi** : I’m awake. What do you want to talk about? _

It takes only a few seconds for him to get a response.

_**Satori** : a few things. i’d rather do it in person though. will u meet me by the vending machines in the lobby?_

_**Wakatoshi** : Okay_

As carefully and quietly as he possibly can, Wakatoshi slides out of bed, pulling a random t-shirt from out of his laundry and putting it on before slipping out of his dorm room. He leaves the door unlocked, but brings his key with him just in case. 

The building is extremely quiet, he isn’t even sure what time it is, but he glances at his phone again, noticing it’s just past 10 pm. He hopes Satori isn’t lying when he says it’ll be a quick talk, because he prefers getting a good amount of sleep every night in order to wake up early.

Sure enough, Satori is standing next to the pair of vending machines close to the front doors to the building, hair hanging down and a towel wrapped around his neck. He must have just gotten a shower. 

“Satori,” Wakatoshi greets him, and the redhead quickly turns around to face him, “What did you need to talk about?”

“Hey, Wakatoshi!” his demeanor is strange and fidgety again, frustrating Wakatoshi even further, “Sorry, I just… wanted to clear some things up, I guess.”

Wakatoshi stares at him expectantly, folding his arms in front of him. He doesn’t mean to look menacing, but the way Satori is looking at him makes him feel that way.

“You seemed upset today. After practice, I mean. Was something wrong?”

“No,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, settling for a simple answer since he’s trying and failing to find the correct words to use. He isn’t even sure _what_ he was feeling when he saw Satori and Azumi together.

“Ah! Okay!” the middle blocker nervously fiddles with the hem of his tank top, “Just wanted to make sure! Y’know, it’d be really fun if you went with us next time to get ice cream. There’s a small ice cream shop not far from campus, they have really unique flavors but I always get chocolate, cause it’s the best.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Yeah!” he smiles, wide and genuine, “Azumi is a lot of fun too, it’s nice to have someone to talk to about anime and stuff.”

“I’m glad,” that feeling is back, somehow even more overwhelming even though Azumi isn’t even around, “how long have you been dating Azumi?”

“Three weeks or so,” his expression shifts to nervousness again, and he glances away, out the glass front doors, “I kept meaning to tell you but… I wasn’t sure if you’d be interested in knowing or not.”

Wakatoshi runs the information through his head, quickly realizing that, yes, three weeks is about the same amount of time since Satori started acting strange at practice and disappearing during lunch.

“You two seem very happy,” the statement comes out a bit gruffer than he’d wanted it to.

“Yeah, we really like each other! She wants to come to nationals and watch us play! I told her how amazing you are, she’s excited to see!”

Wakatoshi can feel his self restraint starting to slip at the mention of nationals, at the thought of Satori’s lack of enthusiasm during practice, at the fact that, if he keeps up the way he’s been acting, he likely won’t even be playing when they _do_ go to nationals.

“I assume she wants to watch you play as well.”

Satori turns his face, fixing his eyes on Wakatoshi again, “Yeah, but I already told her I probably won’t be playing.”

“That wouldn’t be the case if you were applying yourself during practice, Satori.”

There’s a painful beat of silence. Wakatoshi can see Satori’s face shift from neutrality to confusion. His eyes narrow, his brow furrows, and he takes a step back, cocking his head, “What makes you think I haven’t been applying myself?”

“You aren’t putting in as much effort as you used to. Your technique is slipping. I see you on your phone at any given opportunity,” with every statement, Satori flinches a bit, but Wakatoshi continues, because he knows Satori needs to hear the truth, “Why do you think you haven’t been put in practice matches as much lately? You’re clearly unfocused.”

“Wakatoshi, I…” he appears to be at a loss for words, shaking his head a bit before continuing, “You know that doesn’t concern me. I’m there to have fun! Volleyball isn’t my life, it’s just a hobby for me. You know this.”

“You told me at the beginning of this year that you wanted a spot in the regular lineup. You told me you wanted to play with Eita, and with me. That requires work, focus, and discipline.”

“Yeah, I _did_ say that. But let’s be realistic, Wakatoshi, I’m not at the same skill level as you two are. And I’ve accepted that. I’m okay with just watching my friends play, and cheering you guys on from the sidelines!”

“You could be at the same skill level, if you were focused on what’s important. You’re a part of this team for a reason.”

Satori scoffs, “Look, I get that volleyball is your life, Wakatoshi. But it’s not the same for me. I just wanna be with friends and have a good time.”

“What happened?” Wakatoshi asks the simple question, saying it much louder than he had planned.

“I… don’t know what you mean.”

“You’ve changed, Satori.”

“Yeah,” he gives a small shrug, then laughs, “people change, Wakatoshi. But nothing between us has changed at all, so I don’t know why you’re so upset about it. I told you, you’re still my best friend in the entire world.”

“What about the promise you made to me when we were in junior high? I assume you no longer want to rightfully earn a spot in the starting lineup of a nationals-level team, playing a sport that we both grew up practicing together?”

Satori goes silent, clearly stumped by Wakatoshi’s honesty.

“You say nothing has changed, but clearly something has. I apologize if I’ve done something wrong. It’s never my intention to hurt you or make you uncomfortable, Satori. But the way you’ve been acting recently makes me believe I have.”

“You haven’t,” Satori’s voice is uncharacteristically soft, “I swear you haven’t, Wakatoshi. You haven’t done _anything_ wrong.”

“Then why this sudden change?”

“It’s…” he struggles, waving his arms awkwardly and shifting his weight from one foot to the other, “really complicated. It’ something with _me_ , it’s nothing you’ve done, okay? I swear, Wakatoshi, your friendship means more to me than anything else in this entire world. Nothing could ever ruin that.”

Wakatoshi doesn’t respond, he’s tired, exhausted, and he feels afraid that if he were to open his mouth and respond, it would come out too aggressive.

“It’s just something I personally have to work through. But I swear to you, you’ve never done anything wrong, Wakatoshi.”

“Was that it?” Wakatoshi questions, really wanting nothing more at this point than to return to bed.

“Yeah… yeah, that was it. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. We both should get some sleep, though.”

Satori sighs, tapping his fingers against his legs, “You’re right.”

He still sounds downtrodden, but Wakatoshi doesn’t question any further. It’s like he said, it’s a personal issue, something that has nothing to do with him. So they both head back up the stairs to the dorms, walking in complete silence. When Wakatoshi reaches his, they exchange quick and very quiet “goodnight”s before he steps back inside, carefully locking the door and slipping back into his bed without waking Reon.

**\-----**

_“Nothing between us has changed at all.”_

Wakatoshi keeps those words in the back of his mind as a constant reminder. Sometimes he doesn’t need the reminder, like when Satori does stick around for lunch and he’s his usual self, or when they’re all in the locker room, and he’s set up some elaborate prank (usually for Eita) that makes the entire room erupt in laughter while the captain and vice captain shake their heads in unison. 

But other times he does need it. Like the times when they’re together, and Satori focuses his attention primarily on his phone, giggling and smiling as he types out messages to (Wakatoshi assumes) Azumi. Or when he appears more excited while talking about his little dates than he does when Wakatoshi and him discuss practice. Wakatoshi just has to keep reminding himself, it has nothing to do with him. Nothing has changed.

By the time nationals rolls around, the team is more ready than they ever have been. Unsurprisingly, Satori doesn’t get a spot in the starting lineup. Of the second years, it’s still Wakatoshi and Eita, but no one on the team is remotely upset about this, considering how well they fit into the team.

Nationals goes incredibly well in relation to the year before. They land third place this time, and, thankfully, they aren’t forced to run back to school. Washijou is content with the placement, but he once again makes it clear that next year, they have to set their sights even higher. They have to do even better. Wakatoshi has never been more happy in his entire life, he thinks. All of his hard work had finally paid off, but he still feels an itch to try harder, to do better. 

After the match is over, the team returns to Shiratorizawa with the surprising news that there won’t be any after-game practice this time. Once the usual group hugs and tears of joy are done, for the first time in a long time, Wakatoshi and Satori share a moment that feels genuine.

Most of the team is already outside, heading excitedly to the local ice cream shop that Satori talked so much about in the past. Wakatoshi takes his time in the locker room, though. It clears out completely by the time he finishes changing and packing everything up. He leaves the building, expecting to walk alone to the ice cream shop, but he’s surprised to find that someone is waiting for him just outside the gym.

“Satori,” he stops in his tracks and greets the redhead, who’s leaning against the gym building and, for once, doesn’t have his phone in his hand. He quickly realizes that something else is off, “Where is Azumi?”

Satori looks disappointed for a moment but it doesn’t last long before he’s smiling again and shrugging, “In her dorm, I guess.”

“Oh,” Wakatoshi continues walking, and Satori falls in step next to him, “Did she enjoy the games today?”

“Oh, she didn’t go,” Satori says it easily, and he almost sounds amused.

“I thought she was excited to watch?”

“Yeah, well,” he sighs, and laughs again, “we broke up a couple of days ago. So she lost interest, I’m sure.”

“Are you upset about that?” Wakatoshi doesn’t mean to pry, but Satori’s current joy seems uncharacteristic for someone who just broke up with a person he seemed to enjoy so much.

“Nah!” waving his hand dismissively, Satori turns to look at his best friend, “I kinda realized we didn’t mesh well. We were too similar, y’know? I mean, having someone to talk to about Shonen Jump is great, but when that someone likes all the characters you _don’t_ like, and prefers all the series you _don’t_ prefer… not a good time, Wakatoshi.”

This seems like a strange reason for two people who seemed so happy together to suddenly break up, but Wakatoshi accepts the reasoning and somehow feels… lighter. Maybe Satori’s attention will return back to volleyball, back to the team. This would be especially important considering they would both soon be third years.

Discussion shifts back to the excitement of doing so well at nationals, and eventually they find themselves at the very ice cream shop Wakatoshi has heard so much about. It’s small, tucked away between other compact stores, and it’s a wonder that the entire team even fits in the building. The noise and excitement of his teammates is almost overwhelming for Wakatoshi, but at the same time, it’s nice to see his friends so happy, and it feels good to bask in the feeling of doing so well, the prospect of doing even better next year. 

The day after the visit to the ice cream shop (that ends much later in the night than all of them anticipated), they return to the gym at the usual time for practice, but this time for third year send-offs, and introductions of the new captain and vice captain. The third years wait with bated breath, though most of them know exactly who will be given the title of captain.

After a speech about how proud he is of the team’s growth and improvement, the former captain scans his eyes along the row of second years before stopping at his target, “Ushijima.”

Wakatoshi was already making eye contact, but he gives a small nod in acknowledgement.

“You’ve grown exceptionally this year as a player. You’re the strongest ace this team has had in years. Not only that, this entire team respects you, and I’d be honored if you’d take my spot as captain this next year.”

Giving another nod, Wakatoshi makes a small noise of approval, and then he hears the sounds of clapping erupting from the entire team standing around him (starting with Satori, of course, who stares at Wakatoshi with a wide grin.)

When the applause dies down, the next to make an announcement is their former vice-captain, “Soekawa.”

Jin lifts his eyes from the spot he’d been staring at on the floor, “Yes?”

“The support you have for all your teammates is really admirable, how do you feel about being vice captain next year?”

After a moment of appearing shocked and surprised, a smile makes it’s way across Jin’s face, and then he nods enthusiastically, “I’d be honored!”

There’s brief applause again before the captain and vice-captain make final statements, wishing the team luck next year and claiming that they’d be watching proudly from the sidelines at official games. After this talk is over, practice lets out, and it quickly hits all the former second years that the next time they return to practice, _they’ll_ be the veterans of the team. For Wakatoshi, this knowledge, along with his new title as team captain, just serves as more motivation to work harder during the next year. 

“So, should I call you ‘captain’ now?” Satori teases as they walk back to the dorm building together, like normal, “Or ‘sir’?”

“That doesn’t seem necessary,” Wakatoshi answers seriously, though he realizes after hearing Satori giggle next to him that he probably meant the question more as a joke.

“Either way,” Satori continues, quickening his pace just a bit so that he can turn and look at Wakatoshi, a wide grin filling his face, “feels pretty cool to be best friends with the captain.”

Wakatoshi smiles back, just barely, but doesn’t say anything in response. 

They continue walking, Wakatoshi with his usual solemn stride, Satori with a slight skip in his step as he hums random tunes that Wakatoshi doesn’t recognize. As they get closer to the building, Satori speaks up again, that same tease filling his voice.

“Since you’re captain, you’ll give me a break during practice, right? Cause y’know… best friends, and all.”

“No, that won’t be happening,” Wakatoshi answers just as seriously as before as they enter through the dorm building’s front doors.

“‘Toshiiiii…… c’mon,” Satori whines, dropping his shoulders a bit and pouting.

Wakatoshi stops, turning to look at Satori, “I want you in the regular lineup. With me, and with Eita. And I want the others there as well. So I won’t be going easy on any of you.”

“Y’know… Taichi shows a lot of promise, he might be better suited-”

“Satori. I said I want you in the regular lineup,” Wakatoshi keeps his voice firm, “Taichi does show promise, but I know your abilities, I know how skilled you are, and I think you’re much more suited to this team.”

Satori doesn’t respond, only fiddles with the hem of his jacket and bites his lip.

“Will you promise me you’ll work hard to make that happen?”

“Yeah,” he finally answers, nodding as he studies Wakatoshi’s expression, “yeah, I can do that. Besides, I can’t let you and Eita hog the glory _all_ the time, right?”

The quirk of his lips pulling into a smirk tells Wakatoshi this was also meant as a joke, so he gives a small smile again and nods before they both begin heading to their dorms for the night.

**\-----**

Satori keeps that promise, just as Wakatoshi knew he would. Not only does he improve exponentially even during just the beginning of the season, but he gets placed in practice matches regularly, and appears more focused and dedicated. Wakatoshi doesn’t remember seeing him this happy since their first year.

Of course, he thinks one of the motivations for this comes in the form of an enthusiastic and hard-working first year named Goshiki Tsutomu. Goshiki comes to the team during his first day with a loud introduction, and a firm promise that he _will_ be Shiratorizawa’s next ace. Wakatoshi takes the promise seriously, instantly putting a lot of pressure and high expectations on the first year, who actually rises to the occasion, impressing the entire team with his abilities. It doesn’t take long for Washijou to decide that Goshiki will be their first-year wing spiker in the regular lineup. 

Joining him are, of course, Wakatoshi, but also Reon, Hayato, Taichi, Kenjirou, and Satori.

Possibly the largest shock of the new lineup for the year is the replacement of Eita, who’d been an extremely successful and strong setter the year before. Some of the team had their doubts about Kenjirou stepping in as regular setter, but they all knew it would be a bad idea to question Washijou even a little bit about his decision. And besides, it quickly became clear when they all noticed how well he and Wakatoshi worked together. 

Wakatoshi takes his role as captain extremely serious, though not much changes considering that his teammates already respected him a great deal before he was even given the title. The first years all seem a bit intimidated by him, although Goshiki is a different story. His declarations of taking Wakatoshi’s place and becoming the next ace are frequent, almost comically serious, and usually answered with a gentle “Okay, I wish you luck,” from Wakatoshi, and booming, body-shaking laughter from Satori. 

The team’s dynamics seem to improve exponentially from the previous year. Goshiki fits into the team surprisingly well, though on occasion the pressure of being among more experienced players seems to get to him. Yamagata and Reon are always the first ones to let him know he’s doing fine, though. Satori is incredibly pushy with Taichi, but it’s clear to the entire team that he means well and just really, honestly believes in his kouhai’s abilities as a middle blocker. 

Outside of volleyball, other, smaller things start to change with a few of them as well. When he’s not at practice, Reon takes up tutoring, finding that he really enjoys teaching and helping other people. Wakatoshi wonders how he manages to put in so much work with other people and _still_ manage extremely good grades, especially when he returns to their dorm much later at night than usual. It almost makes the room feel lonely at night, but Wakatoshi spends so much of his free time doing homework anyway that he rarely notices. 

Satori begins whining fairly often to Wakatoshi after practice about Eita being gone all the time as well, usually hanging out with Taichi, who he’d apparently formed a really close bond with. He often cries to Wakatoshi about being “abandoned” and “left to fend for himself” in terms of homework. To this, Wakatoshi gives him a simple offer to help him with homework anytime he might need it. He actually never expects Satori to take him up on the offer, since he never had in the past, but surprisingly he’s proven wrong one night after practice.

Wakatoshi is sitting on his bed, finishing up the last bit of homework he has for the night, when his phone beeps. He glances up, notices it’s a text from Satori, and immediately picks it up from his nightstand to check the message.

_**Satori** : whatcha doin right now, toshi? （・u・）？_

_**Wakatoshi** : I’m finishing up my homework for the night._

_**Satori** : oooh, that was fast! such a good student~ (シ_ _)シ_

Luckily Wakatoshi isn’t exactly new to the use of these ‘emoticons’, though even after years of seeing Satori use them, he isn’t really sure what the purpose of them is. He stills finds that he sometimes has trouble figuring out what they’re meant to resemble, and by the time he’s even discovered that the one used in Satori’s last message is a person bowing, he’s already gotten another one.

Satori: sooo do u mind helping me out? eita isn’t here to help me with math because he’s a traitor and always hangs out with taichi now. he abandoned me again, wakatoshi!!! （ｉДｉ）and tonight’s homework is rlly hard (；¬n¬)

Wakatoshi glances at the time. He still has a couple of hours before he normally lays down to go to sleep. 

_**Wakatoshi** : I don’t mind helping you with math._

_**Satori** : i knew i could count on u, toshi! (ゝ∀･)b_

_**Satori** : my door is unlocked whenever u wanna come by! ~_

Wakatoshi finishes up the last bit of his final math problem before neatly packing his homework away in his school bag. He considers leaving his bag in his room, but ultimately decides taking it to Satori’s room might be a good idea in case he needs to show him examples. Satori seems to be more of a visual learner, after all. 

The hallway is quiet, like it normally is during this time of night. Wakatoshi hasn’t been to Satori and Eita’s room in a few months at least, but he suspects that it likely isn’t any cleaner than it used to be. He pads quietly and quickly to their room, and when he gets there he finds that, just as Satori promised, the door is unlocked. 

“Hey, Toshi!” Satori greets him from his seated position on his bed with a wide grin and a wave. He pats the spot next to him, “You can sit here if you want. Or Eita’s bed, but you’ll have to move his stuff, and you know how he is about people touching his stuff,” he says the last bit with a slight mocking tone. 

Sure enough, the clutter and mess is just as bad as always. There is, however, a clear path, and Wakatoshi finds it easy enough to dodge the piles of clothes and books before making his way to Satori’s bed. He plops his bag on the bed and sits in the spot Satori indicated, making the mattress squeak a bit underneath the weight of both of them.

“You needed help with math?” Wakatoshi asks once he’s comfortably situated on the bed with his back leaning against the wall.

“Yeah!” Satori quickly riffles through a mess of paper and notebooks in front of him, finally pulling out his math assignment and handing it to Wakatoshi, “This calculus stuff makes no sense to me, but you’re decent at math, right?”

Wakatoshi studies the paper for a moment before answering, “I enjoy math, it’s not that difficult. This is very straightforward, let me show you my assignment.”

He hands the paper back to Satori, who’s looking at Wakatoshi as if he just spoke another language. Digging through his own backpack, Wakatoshi pulls out his own math assignment, which happens to be fairly similar to Satori’s. He shows it to the redhead, “Would looking over my problems help you? Or would you rather me explain?”

Satori glances at the paper for a moment before giving Wakatoshi a sheepish grin, “Do you _mind_ explaining?”

“Not at all,” Wakatoshi digs through his backpack again, finding a pencil and a notebook with blank paper. He shifts a bit closer to Satori in order to give him a better view, “I’ll start at the beginning. Pay close attention and ask questions if you have any.”

Satori quickly agrees, and watches intently as Wakatoshi works through one of his own problems again, explaining every single step with as much detail as possible. Satori doesn’t ask many questions, but when he does, Wakatoshi is patient with him, giving him clear and concise answers that he hopes make sense. As soon as he’s worked through his own, he hands his pencil to Satori, “Now you try.”

Satori taps the pencil against the paper for a moment before starting on his own problem. He works slowly and cautiously, and while Wakatoshi still occasionally has trouble reading his handwriting, whenever he picks up on a small mistake, he gently and calmly corrects him. Wakatoshi knows that Satori definitely isn’t as quick to pick up on math, but the more he keeps working, the faster he seems to be getting through the problems, and the less Wakatoshi has to correct him. 

By the time Satori has worked through all of his problems, Wakatoshi notices that they’re both extremely close now. They’re both sitting cross-legged, but their knees are touching and their arms keep brushing against each other. The contact doesn’t really bother Wakatoshi, and he assumes it would be likely to happen anyway with how small the bed is. It almost feels normal, which he chalks up to being because they’ve been so close for so many years.

“Do you feel better about the material now?” Wakatoshi questions as soon as Satori skims through the assignment and seems confident in all his answers.

“Yeah, way better!” he enthusiastically nods, turning to Wakatoshi with a wide grin, “Thanks, Toshi. You’re a blessing.”

“A blessing?”

“Yeah,” Satori turns his body to face Wakatoshi’s, “a blessing! A marvel! A miracle!” he punctuates each word with a dramatic flourish of his hand, “That’s it, everyone should just call you Miracle Boy Wakatoshi, that’s how amazing you are.”

Wakatoshi stares blankly at him, but eventually gives a small smile when he sees that Satori’s grin doesn’t diminish. As always, his joy and excitement are contagious and hard to ignore.

“So, Miracle Boy Wakatoshi,” Satori turns to his original position again, leaning against the wall, “did you need to get back to your dorm?”

Wakatoshi checks the time on his phone again. It’s only been about an hour. “I don’t, no.”

Satori raises an eyebrow, “Oh? Well, I’ve been wanting to show you something,” he slides off the bed without any agreement from Wakatoshi and begins digging through his school bag on his desk, “there’s this series in Shounen Jump about basketball and honestly I think you would really love it! There’s a couple characters that are so skilled that it’s _actually_ impossible and inhuman but they remind me of you every time I read it.”

Wakatoshi watches him continue digging until he pulls out a slightly bent and worn issue of Shounen Jump, “They remind you of me?”

“Yeah! Super skilled, really well-built, stoic and serious but also care a lot about their team...” he turns, walking back over to the bed and handing the issue to Wakatoshi before crawling back onto the bed and returning to his original seated position, “It starts on page… 50 or something, I think? You’ll be able to tell. Or you could, you know, read through the entire issue,” he gives Wakatoshi’s shoulder a slight nudge.

Wakatoshi glances at Satori for a moment, feeling slightly warm and strange when he explains his reasoning for comparing him to these characters. Again, he chalks it up to the fact that they’re sitting so close. He decides that it’s likely their combined body heat, so he chooses to ignore it. 

This event of Wakatoshi reading through this one series quickly turns into Satori flipping the pages on his own, loudly and excitedly explaining every little thing that’s going on in every panel. They don’t just stick to this one series about basketball; at some point, Satori flips to the very beginning of the issue, repeating the same process with the first series, the second series, the third...

They’re sitting even closer than before now. Satori’s head is almost resting on Wakatoshi’s shoulder, and his legs are curled up, resting against Wakatoshi’s. The ace doesn’t even notice until his internal clock tells him it’s nearly time for him to go to sleep. He doesn’t want to interrupt Satori’s enthusiastic comments though, so he waits until he’s found a stopping point and then speaks up, “I should probably head back to my dorm now.”

Satori looks up, leaning back a bit when he notices just how close their faces are, “Ah… yeah, it’s getting late isn’t it? Damn, we were having fun...”

“We were,” Wakatoshi agrees, earning himself another wide smile from Satori, “but we can always do it again sometime if you want.”

Somehow, Satori’s smile seems to grow even more, and his eyes go even wider, “Really?” he gestures to the issue of Shounen Jump still in Wakatoshi’s lap, “You liked it? I _knew_ you would!” he playfully bats at the ace’s shoulder, “This is why I kept trying to get you to look at it for so many years, Toshi! You should listen to me more often,” he says the last statement with pride.

Wakatoshi nods in agreement before shutting the issue and starting to hand it over to its owner. Satori eyes it for a second before shaking his head and throwing his hands up in front of him, “Nah, how about you borrow it? I’ve already read through it a couple times. You can finish reading it and we can talk more about it!”

“Oh,” Wakatoshi thinks on the suggestion, but doesn’t really have time to give a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ before Satori continues.

“And! Next week, when I’m done reading the new issue, you can borrow it again! We can make this a weekly thing, Toshi!”

He’s not exactly completely interested or invested, but when Wakatoshi sees the pure joy and excitement in Satori’s face, he can’t help wanting to go along with it. After all, this had been a good night. Satori is enjoyable to be around, and somehow extremely comforting and calming. Of course, Wakatoshi has known this for years, but it’d been awhile since the two had time to just casually spend time together like this. 

“Alright,” he finally agrees, gently slipping the issue into his backpack before turning his attention back to Satori, who’s practically vibrating with excitement.

“Finally,” he proclaims dramatically, raising a fist victoriously, “I’ll have someone to talk with about Shounen Jump. You’ve saved my life, Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

“But you had Azumi before, right?”

Wakatoshi doesn’t consider the statement striking a nerve, but after it leaves his mouth he feels almost a bit guilty. Bringing up an ex-girlfriend probably isn’t the best thing to do in this situation, but Wakatoshi is used to saying whatever passes through his mind. Thankfully, Satori doesn’t appear bothered in the slightest. He scoffs, laughs a bit before waving a hand dismissively in the air, “Yeah, but Azumi wasn’t _you_ , Toshi.”

Wakatoshi wants to ask what he means by that, but before he can open his mouth to respond, the dorm’s door flings open, revealing Eita, whose eyes dart quickly from Satori to Wakatoshi, “Oh. Hey, Wakatoshi. Am I… interrupting something?”

“Nope!” Satori answers quickly, “I just had to ask Toshi for help because _someone_ keeps abandoning me and refusing to help me with homework.”

Eita rolls his eyes so hard it almost looks painful, “If you haven’t picked up the material by now then I don’t think I can help you, Satori,” he turns his attention to Wakatoshi before plopping the bag on his shoulder on to his desk, “besides, I think Wakatoshi knows math a lot better than I do.”

Wakatoshi knows well enough how these little tiffs between Satori and Eita usually go, and he decides that leaving before it starts is probably his best option, “I should get back to my dorm,” he states, slipping off Satori’s bed and grabbing his backpack.

“Thanks again, Toshi!” Satori claps him enthusiastically on the back, “And make sure you read through that issue so we can keep talking about it!”

Wakatoshi gives him a warm smile before offering both him and Eita a small nod, “Have a good night, you two.”

As he’s leaving the room, he can hear Eita through the door after he shuts it, “I can’t believe you’ve pulled Wakatoshi into your weird obsession.” Wakatoshi thinks it sounds like both of them will likely be bickering for a while before they decide to lay down and go to sleep. 

The ace heads slowly down the hallway towards his dorm room. Once inside, he notices that Reon still isn’t back. Maybe he’s still in the library, cramming to get his work done after tutoring for so long. Again, it amazes Wakatoshi that he’s able to get so much done, stay up so late, and still do so well with both school and volleyball.

He begins his usual nightly routine; changing into a pair of comfortable sweatpants, setting aside a clean set of his school uniform for tomorrow on his desk, and making sure he has a fresh pair of shorts and a t-shirt in his bag for practice tomorrow. He keeps the dorm’s door unlocked, just to make things easier for Reon once he comes back, and then he flips off the light before slipping into bed. 

Generally, it would take no time at all for him to go to sleep. Ten minutes, at most. Tonight seems to be a different story, though, and to say it’s bothering Wakatoshi would be an understatement.

He lays on his back, hands folded across his stomach, just like every other night. He keeps his eyes closed, focusing on the gentle sound of the wind outside the window. It’s always worked in that past, but for some reason, tonight the silence is absolutely _deafening_. Wakatoshi lets his eyes slowly open again, staring straight up with his brow furrowed, as if it’s the ceiling’s fault that he can’t seem to go to sleep. 

There’s a strange ache in the pit of his stomach, something he’s really not used to. His first thought is that maybe he ate something bad for lunch or dinner, but it quickly occurs to him that he ate the same thing that he normally does, so that shouldn’t be the case. Maybe he overworked himself during practice? Also unlikely, considering today wasn’t really any more difficult than any other day. 

The thoughts of practice quickly transition to thoughts of someone else entirely. Someone who’s been working extra hard in practice lately. Someone who’s voice is loud and carries throughout the entire gymnasium. Someone who’s always the first one to run up to his teammates with his hand raised for a high-five, or a swift clap on the back and a loud expression of pride. Someone whose smile makes Wakatoshi feel at ease, warm, comfortable. Someone whose touch is indescribably gentle despite his personality being so brash-

Wakatoshi quickly comes to realize that he’s smiling, for no obvious reason. He’s incredibly confused, and frustrated with himself for letting his thoughts wander like this when he should be doing his best to go to sleep. 

And yet… he can’t stop thinking about Satori. 

He can’t stop thinking about the lilt in his voice while he talks about things he enjoys, always little things that Wakatoshi doesn’t initially see much importance in. But these little things are important to Satori, they excite and amaze him, and through extension, Wakatoshi begins to see it as well. He thinks about the brightness of his eyes, and curl of his lips when he smiles, the freckles dotting his cheeks and his nose, his tumultuous and powerful laughter, his constant habit of humming little tunes that no one else really knows, the skip in his step whenever he walks, the way his entire body practically vibrates when he gets excited about something…

Wakatoshi thinks about every small, miniscule detail about Satori, everything from the way he can’t seem to stand still to the passion he exudes for playing volleyball with his team, his friends. He thinks about all these things, and he’s not sure how long that goes on. It feels like hours, but when he checks the time on his phone he finds that it’s only been a few minutes. He wants to believe this is normal behavior, something that most people do. But that ache isn’t going away, if anything it’s getting worse the more he thinks about Satori, and it confuses him. 

He takes a deep breath, sighing and willing his brain to be quiet. Luckily he’s fairly good at clearing his mind of most things, and this seems to be no exception. He’s still incredibly confused, but he decides it’s nothing that important, and shoves all these strange feelings to the back of his mind. Fortunately, this works well enough, and he’s able to close his eyes again and drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for reading!! as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts!!  
> feel free to come talk to me on tumblr/twitter!!! c: (esp about shiratorizawa/ushiten/tendou)
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Thanks for all the comments and feedback, I'm honestly honored that people are enjoying this as much as I've enjoyed writing it! ;u; This update is quite a bit shorter than the past ones, but a lot of things happen and this is probably my favorite chapter so far, personally. 
> 
> Thank you again, as always, to Erica. I couldn't do any of this without you, honestly. And thank you to all my other friends who support what I do, it means the world to me.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, thanks for reading!

Unfortunately for Wakatoshi, these late night thoughts don’t stop. He wants to believe it’s just a one-time thing, but it keeps happening and it gets increasingly harder to suppress. He keeps these thoughts a secret, though. He never lets Reon catch on, and he never lets another soul know about it. Especially not Satori, who he notices he’s started to feel a constant urge to be around. 

They make the weekly Shounen Jump readings a reality, Satori makes certain that happens. Though, to be fair, it’s mostly Satori flipping through the entire issue on his own, excitedly reacting to every page, every panel, while Wakatoshi watches him, a soft smile on his face and a feeling of comfort washing over him. When he does have the issues to himself, Wakatoshi finds himself usually reading through the ads; he just finds them more interesting somehow, which Satori clearly finds amusement in when he catches on. Wakatoshi’s just thankful Satori doesn’t seem upset that his interest level doesn’t really match his.

They start out meeting in Satori’s room, but eventually it becomes more common for Taichi to show up to hang out with Eita. And, since the two spend their time listening to music and flipping through their own reading material (indie music and obscure fashion related magazines that Satori often teases them about) it becomes a bit awkward and cramped for all four of them to be in the same room. As the year progresses, it becomes more of a tradition for Satori to simply barge into Wakatoshi’s room with no warning as soon as he’s completed all of his own homework. Wakatoshi never knows when he’ll show up, but he lets him know that he’s welcome anytime. 

There’s one night in particular where Satori is flipping through Shounen Jump, feigning excitement, but Wakatoshi can tell he’s extremely tired and dangerously close to drifting off. He’d been pushing himself extra hard at practice this week due to the interhigh preliminaries coming up fairly soon, and the effects were starting to show. He makes several comments about how Satori should probably head back to his dorm and go to sleep, but Satori always disagrees, says that Eita and Taichi would still be there anyway.

“If you want to nap until they leave, you can use my bed, or Reon’s. I don’t mind, and he won’t either.” 

Satori, seated on Wakatoshi’s bed and leaning against the ace, weakly waves his hand in front of his face, “I’m telling you, I’m fine, Toshi. Now, let’s finish this chapter!”

Wakatoshi isn’t wrong in his assumption that Satori is close to passing out though, and not long afterwards he feels Satori’s head gently slump against his shoulder, hears the redhead’s breath become a bit louder and slower. Wakatoshi instantly freezes, unsure how to handle this situation. He could wake Satori up and ask him to lay down, but he knows for a fact that he would decline that offer and just insist that they continue reading the magazine in front of them. 

He isn’t really sure how light of a sleeper Satori is, but he decides his best option is to slip out from under Satori’s weight, and let him continue sleeping on his bed. As carefully as he possibly can, he rests one hand against the back of Satori’s head, the other in the middle of his back, and gently slips out from under the redhead’s leaning position. Thankfully, Satori doesn’t stir besides snoring a bit, and Wakatoshi is able to set him back down with his head resting against the pillow. He doesn’t move the issue of Shounen Jump from Satori’s lap; something tells him that the middle blocker’s attachment to the reading material might be enough to wake him up if Wakatoshi _did_ move it.

Now standing next to the bed, Wakatoshi takes a moment, looking at Satori. Sure, he’s seen him napping before, but it’s been a while, and he hadn’t really ever taken the time to study him in this state. It suddenly strikes him just how calm and peaceful Satori’s expression is. It’s extremely uncharacteristic, but he almost feels drawn to it.

No. Not ‘almost’. He’s _definitely_ drawn to it.

It’s quiet, besides Satori’s gentle snoring and the sound of his breath. Wakatoshi watches the way he shifts slightly in his sleep, watches the way his mouth parts slightly with every snore. Unconsciously, he leans closer, now studying the freckles covering Satori’s cheeks and nose. They continue down his neck, though more scattered, and Wakatoshi knows from times in the locker room that they don't end there, they cover his shoulders, his back, his arms, his chest. He finds himself wondering, curiously, where else they might reside.

Suddenly he feels warm again. Briefly, the image of Satori in the locker room, grinning and laughing while tugging his shirt off, flashes through Wakatoshi’s mind. He’s seen that image several times in person, and it’s _never_ affected him this way before. It’s never made him feel an overwhelming amount of curiosity, never made him feel like he’s just stepped into a sauna. 

Wakatoshi shakes his head a bit, tightly closes his eyes before opening them again and taking a step back from his bed. 

He’s acting ridiculous again. 

He turns, forcing himself to sit at his desk and pull out his notes from class. He might as well distract himself with something productive, like studying. There’s a test coming up in his history class, and he knows there’s several dates and names he should be doing his best to remember. Generally, these things come fairly easily for him, thanks to methods Reon taught him in the past during their first and second years-

“...Wakatoshi,”

Wakatoshi’s thoughts come to a speeding halt. His hand hovers over the notebook on his desk as he slowly turns his head to glance over at his bed. Satori is still fast asleep. Surely he hadn’t just heard that?

“...Toshi…”

So he hadn’t just heard it. Satori is talking in his sleep, which honestly comes as no surprise to Wakatoshi, seeing as he’s so talkative when he’s _awake_ as well. But that doesn’t change the fact that, out of all the words he _could_ be saying, he’s mumbling Wakatoshi’s name.

Wakatoshi continues staring over at Satori, catching the soft smile that’s spreading across his otherwise neutral face. He can’t bring himself to look away. He can’t bring himself to pull his gaze back to what he should be focusing on. 

_Why is he struggling so much with focusing on anything other than Satori lately?_

He’s extremely concerned that he’ll be stuck this way for an indefinite amount of time, but the sound of his phone going off startles him out of his trance. He pulls it out of his pocket, finding that it’s a text from Eita.

_**Eita** : hey, wakatoshi, is satori still over there?_

Wakatoshi doesn’t chance another glance at Satori.

_**Wakatoshi** : He is. He fell asleep._

_**Eita** : ok, well, his phone must be on silent. I tried to tell him taichi left but that was about ten minutes ago. could you let him know?_

_**Wakatoshi** : I’ll do that._

Easy enough. Just wake Satori up and tell him he can go back to his dorm room now. 

Wakatoshi stands up from his desk chair, striding back over to his bed and gently reaching out to Satori’s sleeping form. His hand hovers over his face, he fights a very sudden and strange urge to run his fingers through his hair, curious what it might feel like. He resists, instead placing his hand on Satori’s shoulder and gently shaking. The redhead doesn’t stir, so Wakatoshi tries calling out to him.

“Satori.”

Still no response. He shakes with a bit more force, calls out a little louder, and finally Satori’s eyes slowly open, pupils darting around in confusion for a moment before settling on Wakatoshi’s face, and then he softly smiles, “Oh hey, Toshi… sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

His voice is groggy and cracks a little bit. Wakatoshi feels that warmth cascading over him again when he hears it.

“It’s no problem. You must be very tired from practice,” Wakatoshi averts his gaze, settling on the issue of Shounen Jump still in Satori’s lap, “Eita texted me, he wanted me to let you know that Taichi left and you can go back now.”

“Oh,” Satori rubs his eyes, sits up, and stretches his arms above his head. Wakatoshi notices a sliver of his pale skin peeking out from beneath his hoodie when he lifts his arms, notices a few freckles there as well, and then he internally curses himself. Once he’s stretched, Satori continues, “yeah I’m… exhausted, that’s probably obvious though. If you wanna borrow this issue and read through it before practice tomorrow, I don’t mind!”

“I’ll do that, thank you,” Wakatoshi nods, taking the magazine and plopping it on his nightstand.

“But you have to promise,” Satori smirks, sliding off the bed and standing in front of Wakatoshi, “that you’ll read more than just the ads.”

Wakatoshi smiles back, “The ads are interesting, though.”

Satori laughs, gently pats Wakatoshi on the arm before reaching for his bag on the floor next to the bed, “You’re funny, Toshi. I’m gonna head back to my room, see you tomorrow!”

“Have a good night, Satori,” Wakatoshi responds, watching him walk out the door.

“You too, Toshi!” Satori calls out, giving a small wave before closing the door behind him. 

As soon as the door is completely shut, Wakatoshi heaves a sigh before sitting on the edge of his bed and staring at his floor. Part of him is glad Satori’s left, glad he won’t have to have his attention constantly stolen away from more important things for the rest of the night. But another part of him feels that same loneliness, the same deafening silence creeping in that’s kept him company every night ever since he helped Satori with his homework. Part of him wants Satori to come back, to curl up in his bed and fall asleep again so Wakatoshi can stare at him and feel that same warmth rush over him once more.

He’s _extremely_ confused, and a little bit frustrated that his thoughts aren’t making sense to him. He wants to continue studying, but he knows his mind won’t allow him to focus at this point anyway. Coming to this conclusion, he decides the only remedy is to turn in early and try to get some extra sleep.

Easier said than done.

**\-----**

Interhigh comes and goes, and Shiratorizawa does exceptionally well. While to be expected, it also excites the team, making them realize just how powerful and unstoppable the lineup this year is. Every single one of them improves, works harder, and the coaches claim that this lineup is the strongest and most impressive that Shiratorizawa has had in years. As such, expectations for nationals are extremely high.

Things generally stay the same between Wakatoshi and Satori. They continue spending most of their free time together, either working on homework, studying, or more frequently, flipping through Shounen Jump together. Wakatoshi still isn’t completely invested in the reading material, but he _is_ invested in spending these moments with Satori, and finds that these moments keep him sane amongst the combined stress of school and being captain of a volleyball team.

He still feels strange and weird about the things he’s feeling, and he wishes he could put words or emotions to them, but when he thinks about it he finds he’s just even more frustrated, and the last thing he wants is for Satori or anyone else to catch on. So he leaves it be. He relishes in the calm, warm feelings he gets when he’s around Satori.

He wishes it could be that easy all the time.

Sometimes, still most frequently at night while he’s trying to sleep, he’s rendered helpless and completely distracted by constant and overwhelming thoughts of Satori. They’re never calculated, never specific, and somehow that makes it even more frustrating for him. They’re random, always about small things that he _knows_ shouldn’t require this much thought or consideration. 

Eventually, he becomes accustomed to it. He starts turning in for bed earlier than normal in order to get the proper amount of sleep that he prefers, which is still top priority for him considering the expectations at practice are so high this year.

Things go well for most of the year, until they suddenly don’t.

Expectations are big for Spring High, and as such, the entire team goes into it expecting to do well. Besides, they’d been working extremely hard, harder than they ever had in past years, and they all were working so incredibly well together. The expectation is that this year, they’ll place extremely high at nationals. 

The first three matches of the tournament are a breeze, and they expect for the last one to be the same way. They can’t even remember the last time they’re heard the name ‘Karasuno’, but they’re still cautious, because it’s obvious they’ve gotten this far for a reason.

Unfortunately, after a grueling match that none of them really expected to be so difficult, and five full sets of fighting for their spot, they come out of the match with a loss. 

Wakatoshi feels numb as he looks around at his crying teammates, and he feels especially numb when he realizes Satori isn’t even crying. Even after they’ve done cool-down stretches and gathered their things to get back on the bus, something feels off about Satori. It’s as if he’s holding something back. And Wakatoshi doesn’t like it.

The ride back to school is silent, for the most part. Satori stares out the window the entire time, and Wakatoshi stares straight in front of him at the back of the seat. When they get back to school, Wakatoshi takes a moment to talk to every single one of the members of his team, giving them advice about where to go from here. He hands off his captain title to Shirabu, Jin hands his vice-captain title to Kawanishi, and finally, Wakatoshi, though informally, hands off his ‘ace’ title to Goshiki. 

He has zero doubts about any of these decisions.

Practice runs much later than normal, as a “punishment” for their loss. And as a result, all of them are exhausted by the time they head out of the gym for the night.

Wakatoshi intends to simply head back to his dorm and try to sleep off any disappointment he might feel. But as they’re walking in that direction, Satori stops him, his face downcast as he asks a simple question, “Wanna take a walk?”

Part of him wants to say ‘no’, because he’s tired and ready to turn in for the night. Especially after the most disappointing match of their careers, followed by rigorous practice that only served to exhaust them further and rub salt in the wound. He’s not sure why he lets Satori talk him into it. To be fair though, Wakatoshi isn’t sure why he lets Satori talk him into doing _most_ of the things he talks him into. 

It’s odd though, because as they walk along the street-lamp lit sidewalks, Satori is unusually quiet, there’s no skip in his step like normal, and his mouth isn’t curled into its usual smile. His hands are stuffed into the pockets of his track jacket, his eyes are devoid of any emotion; it’s extremely unlike him. Wakatoshi simply chalks it up to being because of the events of the day.

He lets Satori sort of lead the way, even though they’re walking side-by-side. He doesn’t have any idea where he’s leading them, but he trusts his best friend, has known him long enough to know that he likely has a clear idea in his head. 

After another ten minutes it becomes obvious. They’ve nearly made it to the street they both grew up on, and when Satori takes a sudden right, they end up at their destination. The redhead stops in his tracks, and so does Wakatoshi, eyes scanning the park that used to seem so big and so exciting when they were both kids. 

Wakatoshi wants to say something, wants to ask Satori why he’s brought them here when they both should be back in their dorms getting ready for bed. But he stays silent, instead glancing at Satori in hopes he’ll find some kind of answer in his face.

He doesn’t.

Suddenly the redhead is moving again, taking a few long strides before reaching the swingset where they first met. He stands still for a moment, hand reaching out to grasp the chains of one of the taller swings, before finally sitting on the plastic seat. Even though he’s not speaking all that loudly, Wakatoshi can clearly hear his voice from where he’s standing. 

“I’m sorry, Wakatoshi.”

This only increases his confusion. He tilts his head before slowly making his way over to the swingset, “You brought me to the park to apologize?”

“I… no, that’s...” Satori stumbles over his words, clearly confused about what he wants to say, “I just… wanted to come back to the place where we first met, I guess. Sounds pretty stupid now that I say it.”

“Because you wanted to apologize to me?”

“No, Wakatoshi, it just… felt necessary. That’s not why I wanted to come out here, though,” he looks down, making little circles in the dirt with his feet, “I really am sorry, though.”

“I don’t understand,” Wakatoshi replies, leaning against the swingset’s cold metal bars.

“This was our last chance to go to nationals,” Satori turns his head to face Wakatoshi, “ _your_ last chance. And we lost. Why did we lose? We shouldn’t have lost, right?”

He sounds exasperated, and Wakatoshi wishes he would just calm down, wishes he knew _how_ to calm him down. He doesn’t like seeing Satori worked up, he doesn’t like seeing him this upset. 

“Karasuno beat us fair and square. There is no ‘should have’. We lost, it’s that simple. It would do us more good to just leave it behind and move forward.”

“I wish I could,” Satori huffs, “but it goes deeper than that. It feels like… the end of something.”

“Satori, you’re being unclear,” Wakatoshi replies.

There’s a brief pause before Satori’s face gradually twists into something Wakatoshi doesn’t see much from him: fear.

“I don’t want to lose you, Wakatoshi,” he says so quietly that the ace probably would have missed it if he wasn’t standing so close to him.

He’s still, for the most part, confused, but the power behind that statement pierces through him. The dread in Satori’s eyes makes him feel a sudden pang of guilt, though he isn’t entirely sure why. This confusion isn’t at all new, though. Throughout the years they’ve known each other, Satori has made Wakatoshi feel things he’s not at all used to.

“This is it for me, Wakatoshi. I don’t get to play a real match with you ever again. And I don’t want to lose you because of that,” his hands clench so tightly on to the chains holding up the swing that his knuckles go white.

“Satori,” the ace responds, more in an effort to calm him down than anything else. 

When Wakatoshi doesn’t say anything after that, Satori continues, “You’re gonna get into some really nice college through a sports scholarship, probably make lots of new friends and excel in all your classes, you’ll most likely end up playing professionally. And what about me?”

“You’ll do whatever you’re meant to do, Satori,” Wakatoshi means it to sound reassuring and comforting, but he’s unsure if it does.

“Well, what if,” Satori takes a deep breath before continuing, voice coming out louder than he probably intended, “what if I don’t want to do any of it without you? I don’t care if that sounds selfish. I just,” he lowers to a whisper, “I need you in my life, Wakatoshi.”

There’s silence, they both simply stare at each other. Wakatoshi knows he should say something, but he’s trying to sort through what he’s feeling. He can’t help but think back to their second year, when Satori confessed that he’d always liked Wakatoshi, liked him more than just as a good friend. Back then, the ace found it difficult to understand what he was feeling, whether or not he felt the same way.

Now, though, in this very moment, he thinks he knows. The fact that his heartbeat has noticeably picked up ever since the last thing Satori said seems to be a good indicator.

“I never said you have to do any of it without me,” Wakatoshi cautiously lifts a hand, resting it against one of Satori’s, still clenching the chain.

The redhead jumps a bit, but Wakatoshi notices the tension in his hand has reduced quite a bit just from his touch. Satori continues staring for a moment, but breaks his gaze to look instead at their hands. Wakatoshi can sense something in his face, something like longing.

“I don’t think you get it, Wakatoshi,” he says quietly, moving his thumb to rest on top of Wakatoshi’s and brush across its knuckle.

“And I think you’re mistaken,” he takes a more forceful approach, gently lacing his fingers with Satori’s even though he isn’t sure how the action will make him react.

The redhead makes a little noise of surprise, but he doesn’t recoil. If anything, he gravitates closer in Wakatoshi’s direction, making it easier, even in the dark, for the ace to notice the soft blush quickly spreading across his nose and cheeks. Wakatoshi isn’t sure he’s ever seen Satori this silent or this still. But seeing him this way, he feels a sense of warmth, of comfort.

He realizes he should probably stop pretending at this point that his feelings are any less than they are.

“Satori, I need you in my life too,” he finally says after a brief moment of silence, “so as I said, I think you’re mistaken. I _do_ get it,” he takes a step, moving in front of the redhead before loosening his hand from the chain and coaxing him to stand up from the swing, “Do you believe me?”

“I… yeah,” Satori mutters as he stands, and glances down at their still joined hands.

“Why do you seem hesitant?” Wakatoshi questions, and when the redhead doesn’t look up he adds, “Look at me.”

Satori snaps his gaze back to the ace, giving a small, nervous chuckle, “It makes me nervous when I’m not sure what’s going through your head, ‘Toshi.”

Maybe it’s the sound of that laugh, or the glint in Satori’s eyes, or maybe the way the redhead squeezes his hand when he says ‘Toshi’. But Wakatoshi feels a sudden urge that he thinks has probably been steadily growing ever since the beginning of their third year. And being someone that doesn’t usually think too much before he speaks or acts, he doesn’t ignore it.

Leaning forward a bit, he closes his eyes before pressing his lips to what he assumes are Satori’s, but ends up missing just a tad and catching the corner of his mouth instead. He’s afraid at first, afraid Satori might freeze up and not reciprocate these feelings or actions.

What happens is quite the opposite, though. Satori shifts his head just enough to press his lips flush against Wakatoshi’s, and squeezes his hand even tighter while bringing his free one up to rest against the ace’s neck. Satori’s lips are dry and chapped, and the contact is admittedly a bit awkward, but when they pull away and stare into each other’s eyes again, Wakatoshi feels a fire building inside of him. It isn’t enough.

The ace carefully brings his free hand up to rest against the nape of Satori’s neck. The redhead gives a nervous, though clearly pleased laugh before Wakatoshi closes the distance between them again, this time hitting his target and tilting his head just a bit. Satori presses closer, parting his lips just a tad to deepen the kiss, and Wakatoshi complies, fingers shifting up to thread through Satori’s red hair. 

Eventually he pulls away for breath, eyeing the now very prominent blush on the redhead’s face before speaking again, “Are you still unsure of what’s going through my head, Satori?”

Satori’s eyes dart across Wakatoshi’s face, “Might help if you let me know, just to be sure we’re on the same page here,” he answers, hand dragging from Wakatoshi’s neck, down his chest, before finally falling back at his side.

“We’ve known each other since we were kids, Satori. You’re my best friend and I could never picture my life without you in it. You won’t lose me, no matter what paths we take in life. I’m making that promise to you right now.”

Satori’s lips curl into a smirk, “Do you kiss all your best friends, Wakatoshi?”

“No,” Wakatoshi answers bluntly, earning him another laugh from Satori, “but it feels right with you, and if you feel the same, I’d like to do it again.”

“Yeah I’d…” Satori exhales before answering quickly, “ _really_ like that, ‘Toshi.”

So he does it again. Wakatoshi closes his eyes before he presses his lips to Satori’s again, this time with a bit more force. Satori quickly reciprocates, reaching up with both arms to curl around Wakatoshi’s neck as he tilts his head and parts his lips again. 

Wakatoshi isn’t really even sure if he’s doing this right, and it’s a strange feeling to be so inexperienced. He’s used to being the best at whatever he does. He’s used to leading. He’s used to setting an example. But in this moment, he lets Satori take charge. He lets Satori press himself closer, lets him drag his tongue against the seam of his lips and deepen the kiss even more. And Wakatoshi allows _himself_ to smooth his hands slowly, gently, down Satori’s sides, finally resting on his hips, tugging him even closer. He allows himself to dip his thumbs underneath the hem of Satori’s t-shirt, running them lightly against his warm skin. 

He really, _really_ doesn’t want it to end. But eventually, Satori laughs softly against Wakatoshi’s lips before slowly pulling away and resting his forehead against the ace’s, “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

“I believe I have too,” Wakatoshi mumbles in response before smiling.

“I’m really glad the feeling’s mutual.”

There’s a pause; Wakatoshi stares into Satori’s eyes, continues running his thumbs gently against his skin. He takes the moment to study him without guilt, without that nagging feeling in the back of his head telling him that he’s acting strange and unreasonably, telling him that feeling any of these feelings for his best friend is wrong, until Satori speaks up again.

“We should probably head back,” the redhead releases his arms from Wakatoshi’s neck, “we don’t wanna get locked out of school grounds.”

The ace nods in agreement, reluctantly slipping his hands out from Satori’s shirt, only for the redhead to reach for one and tightly lace his fingers between Wakatoshi’s. Nothing about it feels strange, in fact it feels natural, so Wakatoshi doesn’t fight it. He’d never even consider it.

They walk back to school in silence again, though this time it isn’t filled with unease, disappointment, or confusion. Wakatoshi feels warm and comforted, and he hopes Satori feels the same way. Judging by the redhead’s gentle smile and the slight skip in his step, though not as energetic as usual, he assumes this is the case. 

When they get back to school grounds, there’s an unspoken understanding that, for now, they should probably stop holding hands. They walk back to the dorms, up the stairs, and down the long hallway towards Wakatoshi’s dorm, much slower than normal in an effort to experience this calm silence for as long as possible after the disappointing day they’ve had. 

“Guess I’ll say goodnight, then,” Satori mumbles once they’re stopped in front of Wakatoshi’s door, “thanks for… tonight.”

“Thank _you_ ,” Wakatoshi responds, taking a quick second to reach for Satori’s hand, giving it a brief squeeze before releasing again.

“So, uh… would it be out of line to say that I _really_ wish I could kiss you again right now?” Satori questions, dropping his voice a bit more.

“It wouldn’t,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, “considering that I feel the same way right now.”

Relief appears to wash over Satori, and he laughs softly, “Oh good. Would it be out of line for me to _ask_ you if we can make that happen?”

“Not at all.”

They’re already standing extremely close. All it takes is for Wakatoshi to lean forward a bit, and Satori does the same, until their lips connect again in a much more gentle, and admittedly fairly awkward kiss. As much as Wakatoshi would like to do more, it’s late, and the last thing he wants is for someone to catch them.

As soon as they pull away from each other again, Satori laughs nervously, “I liked it better when we weren’t holding back.”

“I agree. There will be plenty of other opportunities, though.”

Satori’s eyes light up, “Really? Promise?”

“Really,” Wakatoshi smiles, and without warning, pulls Satori into a tight hug, “I promise.”

Satori’s arms wrap around the ace, fingers digging into his back as he mumbles, extremely close to Wakatoshi’s ear, “Thank you, Toshi,” before planting a quick kiss against his neck.

Wakatoshi just squeezes him tighter in response before letting him go.

“Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.”

Satori nods, gives a quick, “Same to you, Toshi,” before reluctantly and slowly heading further down the hallway to his dorm room. 

When Wakatoshi enters his own room, he’s thankful for once that Reon is already in bed, fast asleep, because the smile on his face would give everything away. That’s not to say he’s not willing to share what just happened. Besides, Reon is part of the reason he and Satori have even come this far, and he fully intends to share the news or answer honestly if it ever comes up between them. He’s just unsure if he’d be able to properly articulate his feelings in this moment.

He knows one thing for sure, though: tonight, he’ll likely be sleeping just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally some happiness for the boys,,, question is how long that can last,,
> 
> feel free to come talk to me on tumblr/twitter!!! c: (esp about shiratorizawa/ushiten/tendou)
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!! Hope you guys are ready for an emotional roller coaster of an update~
> 
> With this chapter, I've updated the tags and rating, just fyi!
> 
> Thanks again, as always, to my beta Erica, for looking over my stuff and enthusiastically yelling about it even after working 12-hour shifts sometimes. I'm not sure how you do it, but your effort and enthusiasm are so important to me. <333
> 
> And thanks to everyone else still hanging around and reading this!!! I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing it!

Even though tournament season is over and the third years’ general attitudes towards volleyball start to become more lax, Wakatoshi doesn’t allow himself even a brief moment of laziness. He continues working hard with the knowledge that eventually the hard work will pay off, and a university will likely contact him. Or at least, that’s what his school advisors and coach Washijou keep telling him. 

Satori, on the other hand, is less than confident about his plans after school. When asked about it, he changes the subject, claiming that it’s “too early to know for sure” and that he’ll “figure it out when the time comes”. Wakatoshi is concerned about these answers, because he knows Satori’s abilities and intelligence when he chooses to apply himself. He knows Satori would likely excel in whatever he chose, and he wishes Satori believed in himself a little more.

He rarely brings up the topic, though. He continues having Satori over in his dorm room whenever possible since Reon is still staying busy with tutoring and focusing on getting into a good university. If anyone had more of a focus on after-school plans than Wakatoshi did, it would definitely be Reon. Satori always brings his copy of Shounen Jump and his homework, just like normal, and things stay relatively the same.

Well, plus the added bonus of frequent kisses and cuddling.

The notion of these acts of affection is still somewhat foreign to Wakatoshi. He’s not the best at kissing yet, since he usually freezes up a bit and gets nervous, and whenever Satori tries his best to flirt, Wakatoshi can’t seem to pick up on it very quickly. That’s not to say he doesn’t enjoy it, because he does, more than he ever thought he would, but it’s just… different.

Satori likes to move quickly, Wakatoshi learns. He’s touchy, extremely affectionate, and constantly wanting to get closer to Wakatoshi. Luckily, Wakatoshi is used to Satori being so close to him all the time, but the addition of his hands roaming and exploring while they’re both looking through an issue of Shounen Jump is a bit strange. He’s not afraid to call him out when it gets to be too much, though. And Satori is never hurt or offended when he _does_ get uncomfortable. Most of the time he’ll even ask for permission to do something, or to try something new.

Wakatoshi is incredibly thankful for this.

Somehow, even after a couple months since their first kiss in the park, no one has caught on. Or at least, not to Wakatoshi or Satori’s knowledge. Wakatoshi considers bringing the subject up with Reon, more as a way to thank him for his help and support during their second year, but he never finds a good moment to talk about it. He thinks that, maybe if everyone wasn’t so busy with post-high school plans, or if the team was still playing regular official games, it would be something more concerning to tell everyone about. But right now… right now isn’t the time. For now he’s just enjoying the peace and comfort that is being _secretly_ involved with Satori. 

Even though sometimes, like right now, Satori gets to be a little overwhelming. 

Today was _supposed_ to be about studying, getting work done, and making sure they both get a good score on their next few tests. Wakatoshi should have known that the instant they sat so close next to each other on his bed, that wasn’t going to be the case. 

“Satori,” Wakatoshi mumbles, trying to get the redhead to focus on the homework in front of him.

Currently dragging his lips across Wakatoshi’s neck and peppering gentle kisses against his skin, Satori pauses, exhales, and his breath gives Wakatoshi goosebumps. He’d be lying if he said he _wasn’t_ enjoying this affection, but that doesn’t change the fact that there’s still work that needs to get done. 

“Hmm?” Satori hums, lifting his face and eyeing Wakatoshi curiously.

“You’re unfocused again,” Wakatoshi responds, tapping his finger against the notebook currently sliding off Satori’s lap.

“Ah, sorry,” Satori smiles, “it’s kinda hard to stay focused when you’re sitting right next to me, Toshi.”

“Would it be more beneficial for you to study on your own? Or with Eita?”

“No! Besides,” he answers, quickly grabbing his notebook and pencil and getting back to work, “wouldn’t want to interrupt Eita and Taichi since they’re probably working _real_ hard on homework, I’m sure.”

Wakatoshi picks up on a hint of sarcasm in Satori’s voice, but he doesn’t ask him what he means. He thinks he knows anyway, since fairly recently Goshiki had walked into the locker room at the wrong time and now… now it was no secret to the rest of the team that Eita and Taichi were _definitely_ involved with each other. 

The room goes quiet again, minus Satori’s gentle humming and the rustle of bedsheets every time he shifts his legs. These are the moments Wakatoshi likes best, even though they aren’t that common. Not many people get to see this peaceful and calm side of Satori, but he’s thankful that he does.

Eventually they manage to get all their homework done, and Satori is even willing to study for a little bit once Wakatoshi promises him some kind of reward in the form of affection. Unfortunately he doesn’t get this chance, since Reon returns to the room earlier than normal, looking exhausted and yet, somehow still happy and content. He greets them both with a warm smile and a wave, seemingly unsurprised at the way they’re both practically sitting on top of each other. 

Satori leaves not long after, but Wakatoshi follows him out into the hall to steal a quick, fleeting goodbye kiss. Satori tugs just a bit at Wakatoshi’s sweatshirt and mumbles, “Since I studied, you still owe me, Toshi,” before giving a quick wink and skipping down the hallway.

Wakatoshi watches him leave, then returns back inside the dorm room. Reon glances up from his desk towards Wakatoshi, grinning suddenly.

“What?” Wakatoshi raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, you just look really happy,” Reon explains before returning his attention to the textbook in front of him, “It’s nice to see you smiling so much lately.”

It hadn’t occurred to Wakatoshi that he was smiling. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he’d appeared happier than normal lately. He supposes he knows the reason for that, though.

“Ah,” he walks over to his bed, taking a seat and studying the carpet for a moment before continuing, “I think there’s something you should know, Reon.”

Reon turns around in his chair to give Wakatoshi his full attention, “What’s that?”

“Satori and I,” he begins, trying to choose his words correctly, though he isn’t even sure what to call what their involvement is, or if he even _wants_ to give it a title, “are… involved. With each other.”

“Oh,” he smiles again, “I was going to guess that was the case. I’m very happy for you both! I can tell you both make each other very happy.”

“We do,” Wakatoshi pauses, honestly a bit surprised how calmly Reon is taking this, “but we wouldn’t be the way we are now without your help, so thank you.”

“My pleasure,” he turns back around in his chair, “though honestly, I think you two would have ended up involved even without my help, considering things like the fact that you’ve been mumbling Satori’s name in your sleep every once in awhile for the past few months.”

Wakatoshi’s face feels hot. This is yet another thing he hadn’t been aware of, but even so, the thought makes him smile, and makes him feel warm, happy.

**\-----**

With the end of high school fast approaching, Wakatoshi starts to worry about not already hearing from a prospective school. He continues working hard both in volleyball and academics, until finally, the day arrives when his advisor pulls him aside and lets him know that a university a few hours away wants him for their program, specifically for volleyball, and is willing to give him an extremely generous scholarship.

As soon as Wakatoshi looks into the school and discovers that, not only do they have the major he’s considering, horticulture, but also an extremely impressive volleyball team, he accepts without hesitation.

The first person he tells is his mother, who cries over the phone and lets him know just how proud she is, and just how much she knows he’s going to continue to succeed. He lets Reon know next, since he’s the first person he sees when he returns to his dorm after receiving the news, and his friend and teammate enthusiastically claps him on the back, saying he knew from the moment he met Wakatoshi that he was destined for great things. 

And then he heads to Satori’s dorm, wanting to give him the news in person. There’s a knot in his stomach as soon as he reaches the door, replacing his initial excitement and pride. He thinks this is likely because he knows what Satori’s response will be, and he fears having to deal with his best friend being so torn apart.

He knocks, and not even five seconds later, the door cracks open to reveal Satori, clad in his usual hoodie and athletic shorts, “Hey, Toshi!” he looks behind him, kicking aside a pile of dirty clothes in front of the door to give more floor space before beckoning him inside with a sly, “What brings you to my humble abode?”

Wakatoshi steps inside, glancing around and immediately noticing that Eita and Taichi aren’t here like normal. He ignores the previous question, still mulling things around in his mind in terms of how to break the news to Satori, and instead states obviously, “Eita and Taichi aren’t here.”

“No, they aren’t,” Satori shuts the door and Wakatoshi hears the familiar click of the lock, “they went out for tonight. There’s some concert or something? I don’t know, it’s one of their weird, obscure bands,” he slinks back in front of Wakatoshi, wrapping his arms around his middle and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, “so I’m glad you came by, I was feeling a little lonely.”

Wakatoshi feels his heartbeat accelerate. In the past that was only something that would occur when he was working extra hard at practice, but now… now it seems to happen whenever Satori and him are alone, whenever Satori touches him or even looks at him with a glint in his eye. He’s still getting used to it, but admittedly, it’s a sort of… exciting feeling.

“Soooo,” Satori drawls, raising an eyebrow, “what’s up? You seem distracted, Toshi.”

Suddenly realizing he’s standing stock-still while Satori’s arms are so lovingly wrapped around him, he loosens up a bit and reciprocates the gesture, resting his palms against Satori’s waist, “I wanted to talk to you about some news I recently received. Can we sit down?”

“Oh! Yeah, of course!” Satori unfurls his arms from Wakatoshi and instead grabs one of his hands, guiding him over to his bed where they both sit down next to each other on the edge of the mattress, “So, what’s the news? Is it good? Bad?”

Wakatoshi thinks on the question for a moment, staring blankly at Satori before finally answering, “For me, it’s good news. I was accepted into a university, with a generous scholarship. They want me to play volleyball for them, and they also offer horticulture as an area of study.”

“Toshi!”, Satori’s eyes light up and he surges forward, hugging Wakatoshi extremely tight, “That’s amazing, I’m so proud of you!” his voice is a bit muffled against Wakatoshi’s chest, but he leans back again and continues, much clearer, “I knew you’d get some kind of offer, that’s my miracle boy!”

A smile makes its way across Wakatoshi’s face but he knows it’s going to be short-lived as soon as the next statement comes out of his mouth, “The school is a few hours away, Satori.”

Wakatoshi can pinpoint the _exact_ moment the statement hits Satori like a brick, because his brow furrows, his grin slowly shifts to a slight grimace. He can tell it hurts, and it hurts _him_ too.

“Wait,” Satori’s voice is small, “so… you’re… _going_ to this school? That’s a few hours away? For sure?”

“I am,” Wakatoshi takes Satori’s hand again, squeezing it. He’s not good at comforting words, he never really has been, but he wants Satori to know he’s here for him.

“Ah,” glancing away for a moment, Satori starts to gently shuffle his feet against the carpet. He’s fidgeting, and Wakatoshi knows by now that that’s a telltale sign he’s experiencing some kind of negative emotion, “well, I’m really happy for you, Toshi.”

“You don’t look happy,” Wakatoshi states bluntly, shifting to try and meet Satori’s stare, “how are you really feeling right now?”

It takes a moment, but finally Satori faces him again, his face a bit devoid of emotion, “I’m scared, Toshi. I don’t know how to handle you being so far away from me. You’ve been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember and I _don’t_ want to lose that. I _can’t_ lose you.”

“This was inevitable, Satori. We both knew we’d likely be going to different universities,” he maintains his tight grip on Satori’s hand, soothingly running his thumb across his knuckles, “I don’t want you to be upset about that.”

Satori doesn’t say anything besides sighing softly and resting his head on Wakatoshi’s shoulder. There’s silence between the two again but, as always, it’s not uncomfortable.

“Have you been looking at schools as well?” Wakatoshi finally asks; the question’s been burning in his mind for a while now, since Satori doesn’t typically talk about it.

“Kinda,” Satori mumbles.

“What are you planning to do?”

Satori shifts slightly, Wakatoshi thinks it was meant to be a shrug, “I don’t know, Toshi. Nothing really interests me that much,” he sounds tired.

“Do you have ideas?” Wakatoshi continues prying; he wants to do something to help Satori overcome this uncertainty and stress. He wants to watch him succeed, not stay in a rut of self-doubt.

“I’ve thought about film,” Satori fiddles with the hem of his hoodie with his free hand, “acting might be fun but I don’t have any experience. Game design maybe? Or art would be cool.”

“What do you like best out of those?” Wakatoshi brings his free hand up to Satori’s hair, softly running his fingers through the cherry-red strands. Satori leans in to the touch even more.

“Probably art,” he answers, “I think my dream is to be a manga artist, but it would be so _hard_.”

Wakatoshi smiles again. He should’ve known this would be Satori’s dream job; it’s so unquestionably _him_ , “It would be a lot of work, but you could do it.”

“You think so?” Satori lifts his face, resting his chin on Wakatoshi’s shoulder and staring him in the eyes, “You really think I could?”

“I do,” Wakatoshi nods, letting his hand rest against the nape of Satori’s neck now, “you have a lot of passion for it, and if you have passion and drive for something, you’re already halfway there to achieving it.”

Satori finally lets himself smile again, even if it’s just a small, brief one, “Thank you, Toshi.”

“You’re welcome, but I’m just telling you the truth. I think you should believe in yourself a lot more, Satori,” Wakatoshi tugs him closer against his chest.

The redhead doesn’t respond, but he presses his face closer, and moves his hands to wrap around Wakatoshi’s waist again, clutching tightly at the fabric of his sweatshirt. Wakatoshi keeps one hand resting on his neck and runs the other gently and soothingly up and down his back.

“There’s a school,” Satori finally speaks up, slightly muffled again against Wakatoshi’s chest, “an art school, a local one. The academic requirements aren’t that insane, and I think I wanna apply there.”

“If that’s what you want, then you should.”

“Yeah,” Satori sighs again, “it just sucks. You’ll be so far away. I wanna go with _you_ , Toshi.”

“You have to follow your own path, Satori. That doesn’t mean I won’t still be here for you,” Wakatoshi, slowly but surely learning how to be affectionate, quickly kisses the top of Satori’s head, ignoring the way his hair slightly sticks to his lips, “you’re my best friend, you always will be.”

“Toshi,” Satori mumbles, lifting his face again until it’s extremely close to Wakatoshi’s, “can I ask you a really serious question? 

“Of course.”

“So… is that all we are? I mean… I _like_ being best friends, if that’s what you want to be, forever, that’s fine. But,” he slips a hand under Wakatoshi’s sweatshirt, running gently across the warm skin of his back, “I also really like _this_ … being able to kiss you… and touch you. And I think you like it too, but I might be wrong. I guess… we don’t even _have_ to have an official title I just… I dunno, Toshi, I just wanna know where you stand on this. I need to know for sure.”

Wakatoshi takes all this in, ponders it for a moment before shrugging, “I enjoy this too. It’s still new for me, and I’m trying my best to learn, but I like doing these things with you as well, Satori. That’s where I stand.”

“So are we… together? Officially?” Satori blushes and laughs nervously, “I can’t believe I’m asking you if we’re dating when we’ve been doing this stuff for a few months now.”’

“Yes, if that’s what you want,” Wakatoshi answers quickly.

“Even if… you leave? And we’re at different colleges? You still want to be with me?”

“I always want to be with you,” Wakatoshi responds as if it’s an obvious answer, “I’ve never _not_ wanted to be with you, Satori. Leaving for college doesn’t change that. Do you feel the same?”

“Of course I do,” he exhales, relief filling his expression, and then he presses his forehead to Wakatoshi’s, “I don’t wanna be with anyone else.”

“I’m glad that’s settled.”

“Me too,” Satori pauses, eyes Wakatoshi curiously before shifting a bit, throwing a leg across his lap. When Wakatoshi doesn’t say anything or make any objections, he continues, moving to fully sit in his lap with his knees resting on the mattress on either side of him, “and _speaking_ of settling things, you still owe me for studying with you the other night, Toshi.”

“Ah, I do,” Wakatoshi peers up at Satori with amusement and rests his hands against his hips, holding him in place, “what did you have in mind?”

“Still thinking,” Satori tilts his head, runs his fingers gently across Wakatoshi’s back, “is this okay so far?”

“This is fine,” Wakatoshi answers quickly. Satori isn’t exactly light but having his added weight on top of him like this is somehow nice, he has to admit.

“Good. You’ll let me know if I do anything to make you uncomfortable, right?” Satori asks, and as soon as Wakatoshi nods in agreement, he continues, “Because all I wanna do is make you feel _good_ , Toshi.”

Wakatoshi watches closely as Satori leans down, breath hot against his skin as his lips press against the area behind his ear. He closes his eyes, feels his skin flush and produce goosebumps. He wonders if there’ll ever be a time when he’s become used to this, but the combination of his heartbeat picking up pace and the warmth surging through his body instantly makes him doubt it. 

Satori drags his lips downwards, until the neck hole of Wakatoshi’s sweatshirt stops him. He lifts his mouth just enough to mutter, “Toshi, do you mind taking this off?” while tugging gently at the sweatshirt’s hem. 

Wakatoshi doesn’t mind in the slightest, especially since Satori has seen him shirtless countless times throughout the years. He just wonders _why_ he wants him to. Regardless, he quickly slips the garment off and tosses it behind him before replacing his hands on Satori’s waist.

Satori’s eyes dart across Wakatoshi’s chest before he gives a shaky exhale, “Nice… do you want me to take mine off too?”

“Why?” Wakatoshi cocks his head, a bit confused about where this is going.

“Just being fair,” Satori smirks and tugs his own hoodie off without waiting for an answer, tossing it to the floor, “plus you’re warm enough for both of us, so it’s not like I’ll get cold.”

 _Maybe this is why_ , Wakatoshi thinks, staring intently at Satori’s now bare chest. Again, he’s seen him this way countless times before, and yet… somehow this is different. In the past it was always in locker rooms, at the pool, or other public places where everyone was free to set eyes on Satori as much as they wanted to. But right now… it feels more personal, it feels more private, and it feels like this is meant _just_ for Wakatoshi. In fact, Satori’s eyes, half-lidded and boring into his, combined with the familiar smirk on his face, tell him that’s _exactly_ the case.

And when he thinks about that, he suddenly feels an urge to keep anyone else from seeing Satori like this, so only _he_ can see him this way. His mind wanders for a moment, thinking about Satori’s past relationship and wondering just how much Azumi got to see him like this. It makes him a bit angry, so he tucks that thought away, continuing to focus on Satori.

Wakatoshi feels warmth pooling overwhelmingly throughout his entire body, and he doesn’t fight the urge telling him to lean forward and press his lips just below Satori’s collarbone, in a spot with a small cluster of freckles. He hears Satori hum with delight, feels his fingers dragging through his hair as if urging him to keep doing what he’s doing, so he does. He starts a pattern, pulling away just enough to eye Satori’s skin and pick out another spot he finds intriguing, and then softly kissing that spot, sometimes letting his tongue flick out to indulge himself in the taste of Satori’s skin. 

He feels like he’s moving quickly on his own, but it’s obviously not as quick as Satori is wanting to move, because the redhead reaches down, taking hold of one of Wakatoshi’s hands and guiding it upwards to rest against his chest. Wakatoshi keeps it there, dragging his thumb against his skin until he finds one of Satori’s nipples. He rolls his thumb against it, feels the nub harden quickly against his touch, and then he hears Satori whine his name softly and _oh_ … that does things to Wakatoshi, makes him feel things he’s never felt before in his entire life.

He presses one more quick kiss to Satori’s chest and then lifts his gaze. Satori is watching him extremely closely, mouth parted slightly. “Damn, Toshi,” he breathes, “You’re a quick learner,” before leaning down and aggressively crashing his lips against Wakatoshi’s. 

Wakatoshi feels a surge of pride at the knowledge that he’s doing this right, so he pushes it a bit more. He lifts his second hand, matching the motions of his other against Satori’s chest, and he feels the redhead press closer, arching his back. He whines again too, but this time it gets lost between Wakatoshi’s lips.

He keeps this up, until Satori reaches a point where his hips are starting to roll downwards, right against Wakatoshi’s. If Wakatoshi felt warm before, then right now… he feels like he’s been set on fire. Satori pulls away, tugging Wakatoshi’s bottom lip between his own before releasing it and resting his forehead against Wakatoshi’s again, “Toshi,” he cooes, rolling his hips once more, “How did you discover one of my weak spots so quickly?”

“You mean your nipples?” Wakatoshi asks innocently, but Satori giggles softly when he hears him, “I _didn’t_ know, _you_ put my hand there.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Satori smirks, pressing his palm against Wakatoshi’s cheek, “Well, I gave you a _hint_ , then. You figured it out yourself, though. Now you know another little secret about me.”

Wakatoshi’s mind wanders again, the thought of Azumi once again nagging him. He knows he needs to settle this thought right now before it starts to eat him alive, even if it’s not exactly the prime moment, “Satori, what was your relationship with Azumi like?”

Satori’s eyes widen with surprise and he laughs again, “Geez, Toshi… way to kill the mood,” he teases, playfully batting Wakatoshi’s shoulder, “I mean… we dated. We were definitely together, is that what you mean?”

“No,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, “what I mean is did you do things like _this_?”

“Oh,” Satori looks taken aback for a second, “well… yeah. We definitely did stuff like this.”

Wakatoshi continues staring at him expectantly. He wants to know just how far they went, just how much Azumi got to see of him, what secrets she knew about Satori that Wakatoshi’s doesn’t. He wants to know _everything_.

“Are you… asking for specifics?” Satori pries, tilting his head slightly.

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Satori laughs nervously, “Well, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Toshi, but I can tell you we did a lot of what you and me do now. Lots of kissing and cuddling. But also… we did more than that sometimes. We never actually had _sex_ , but she uh… sucked me off a couple times, and I returned the favor.”

“‘Sucked you off’? I’m not familiar with that term, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Toshi! It means uh… she sucked my cock,” he laughs nervously again, “why is it so much more awkward to use actual terms?”

“Did you enjoy that?”

Satori blushes slightly, “I mean yeah… but it didn’t really feel… _right_. Everything we did felt wrong. That’s actually the biggest reason we broke up, I didn’t like her in the same way she liked me. Does that make sense?”

Wakatoshi narrows his eyes, admittedly a bit confused, “Not really.”

“Well, basically I just kinda realized one day that I was too far gone for my best friend to ever even consider being with anybody else,” Satori explains, smiling, “does _that_ make sense?”

Wakatoshi smooths his hands down Satori’s waist, nodding in response and pulling him closer against him as if trying to keep him to himself. He’s not really surprised, but for some reason he feels a bit angry towards Azumi, as if she had no right to do any of that to _his_ boyfriend, even though they weren’t together at the time. He knows that anger is unreasonable, though.

“You two didn’t do anything further than that?”

“No,” Satori mumbles, pressing his face in the space between Wakatoshi’s neck and shoulder, “and besides… to be honest, whenever we did those things, or whenever we were together, I was always thinking about _you_. I’m not proud of it, I know we weren’t together that long, but I was _so_ desperate.”

“I understand,” Wakatoshi feels a wash of relief, “if I had understood my own feelings a lot earlier, then you wouldn’t have had to be so desperate.”

“That’s alright, Toshi,” Satori smiles against his skin, wrapping an arm around his neck and hugging him close, “We’re together _now_ and that’s all that matters to me.”

“We are,” Wakatoshi turns his head to finish the statement closer to Satori’s ear, “and I have no intention of changing that.”

Satori’s grip tightens, “Me either, Toshi.”

**\-----**

The excitement surrounding graduation day is almost overwhelming for Wakatoshi. The school is crowded, not just with graduating students but also family members, staff, and even more notable figures in the community, like the mayor.

The ceremony takes place outside in late March, in one of Shiratorizawa’s stadiums typically used for various sports. The weather is perfect; just cool enough for everyone to be comfortable in their school uniforms, and cloudy enough for the sun to be tucked away and kept out of their eyes. There’s a large makeshift wooden stage, decorated with a gray backdrop matching their school uniforms, and a large banner sporting the school’s name and graduating class. Several notable figures working at the school are seated on the stage, and the school’s president is currently in the middle of a speech. Wakatoshi’s mind is wandering and unfocused, though. He’s not exactly nervous; they’ve practiced this ceremony several times in the past week, but there’s still something strange in the back of his mind. Is it fear? Uncertainty? He’s not entirely sure, but when his eyes scan through the rows of students in front of him, settling finally on a very familiar shock of red hair, he feels it subside a bit. He just wishes sitting in order of last name weren’t a requirement, so Satori could be sitting right next to him.

Wakatoshi watches intently as the graduating class’ names are called. He watches Reon walk across the stage with an air of professionalism that he always seems to exude, bowing respectfully when he receives his diploma. He watches Eita do the same, his shirt slightly untucked and jacket sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Next is Jin, as low-key and mannered as usual as he offers every single staff member a brief bow. Satori crosses the stage soon after, a large grin filling his face as he receives his diploma. He even flashes a quick peace sign before exiting the stage, and Wakatoshi can’t help but smile and laugh, softly. And then it’s his turn. The moment passes so quickly, he really only registers stepping on stage and then exiting. But the diploma is in his hand, and he rolls it around as if confirming it’s actually real as he moves to take his seat again. And then the final member of their group, Hayato, is on stage, graciously receiving his diploma before turning to the crowd and enthusiastically pointing and waving out towards the family section. Wakatoshi hears a a few voices, all yelling Hayato’s name enthusiastically, before the libero finally steps off the stage. 

As soon as all the names have been called, there’s a few more speeches, some from students and some from staff members, all incredibly emotional. After this, they’re all asked to stand and sing their school anthem. Wakatoshi usually isn’t much for singing, but he does anyway, feeling an overwhelming and immense amount of pride for the campus he’s spent the last three years at, and the team he’s worked so hard with. He’s almost thankful when the anthem is done and the closing speech has started, because the emotions are getting to be a bit too much for him. 

As soon as the ceremony ends and the cheering dies down, the crowd begins to move; most graduating students make their way to the family section, seeking out their parents. Some students rush to their dorms with friends, wanting to spend their final day and night on campus with each other. Wakatoshi stays completely still, mind still trying to process the fact that he’s officially graduated, the fact that he’s no longer a high school student, and the fact that he’s no longer a member of Shiratorizawa Academy. 

A gentle clap on the shoulder breaks him from this trance, and Wakatoshi glances behind him to find Reon, smiling and waving his diploma in the air next to him, “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

Wakatoshi looks at the diploma in his own hand, then looks back at Reon, “It does.”

By the time Wakatoshi stands up from his seat, Hayato bounds excitedly over to the two, nearly knocking them both over before grinning wide and wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders, “We did it, guys!”

Before Wakatoshi can respond, Jin joins them, voice fairly calm despite the nervous smile on his face, “Careful, Hayato. Don’t injure these two before they join their university teams.”

Reon laughs before reaching out and ruffling Hayato’s hair a bit, “We’ll be fine. After dealing with _this_ team for three years, I think we could handle just about anything at this point.”

“Kenjirou and Taichi definitely have their work cut out for them,” Hayato snickers, letting his arms fall back to his sides, “speaking of ‘too much to handle’, here come the problem children.”

Wakatoshi glances at Hayato and then follows his eyes, finally spotting Eita and Satori rushing over to the group. Well, actually it’s _Satori_ rushing over to them with his arm wrapped around Eita’s. It vaguely reminds Wakatoshi of the very first day he met Eita in his classroom during lunch, but this time, instead of a scowl on Eita’s face, it’s a slightly annoyed, but mostly amused smile. 

“We’re free men!” Satori calls out, stopping in front of the group and finally letting Eita’s arm go.

“Um… not sure if you’re aware, but college is definitely a thing, Satori,” Reon teases gently, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Satori waves his hand dismissively, “but we should relish in this feeling of freedom! You guys wanna get ice cream later?”

“I dunno if I can,” Hayato quickly answers, “I think my family wants me to go to dinner with them tonight.”

“Okay, well then how about tomorrow? Before we all officially move out?” Satori offers.

The rest of the group quickly agrees, and then they all look at Wakatoshi.

“I would enjoy that,” Wakatoshi answers, giving a small smile.

The group finds their families after this, posing together for pictures for quite some time until every family member has gotten a chance to take a photo. Tears are shed by most of the families, and they all receive enough hugs to last them for the rest of their lives. 

Eventually the field begins to clear out. Hayato and Jin leave with their families to get dinner, Reon heads to his and Wakatoshi’s dorm, claiming that he still needs to get things packed to leave tomorrow, and Eita leaves to find Taichi. This leaves Wakatoshi, his mother, and Satori standing in the mostly cleared out field.

And then it hits Wakatoshi. Satori’s father isn’t here. He somehow doubts he even managed to show up. There’s disappointment and anger bubbling up inside him again, and he’s glad when his mother breaks the silence.

“I’m so proud of you both,” she says softly, eyes still glistening with tears as she glances from Wakatoshi, to Satori, and back again.

“I couldn’t have gotten through these last three years without my best friend,” Satori says proudly, nudging Wakatoshi slightly with his shoulder, “It’s been a wild ride.”

Wakatoshi turns to look at him, and when he catches that smile and the warmth in his eyes, he doesn’t fight the urge to reach for his hand, lacing their fingers together. Satori’s expression falters a bit, and his eyes dart towards Wakatoshi’s mother.

Maybe he thinks that Wakatoshi wants to keep their relationship a secret, but that’s definitely not the case.

“Kaasan,” Wakatoshi starts, and then looks at his mother again, “I think you should know that Satori and I are together.”

“Oh,” she appears shocked for a moment, probably more due to her son’s bluntness than anything, but her face softens again and she nods slowly in understanding.

Satori grips Wakatoshi’s hand extremely tight. Wakatoshi runs his thumb gently across his knuckles, trying to soothe his nerves before he continues, “I want to stay with him even while I’m away at university.”

“Well,” Wakatoshi’s mother grins before reaching out and resting her hands on each of their shoulders for a quick moment, “As long as you’re happy, _I’m_ happy.”

“I’m very happy,” Wakatoshi confirms, and then looks at Satori again, “ _we’re_ very happy.”

“I can tell,” she laughs softly, and then pauses for a moment before pulling them both into a tight hug, “I’m so glad you two have stuck together for so many years.”

Wakatoshi feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders just knowing that his mother approves of his relationship, though he didn’t have any doubts in the first place that she would be okay with it.

After a few more declarations of pride and joy, Wakatoshi’s mother finally leaves, letting them both know that her door is open to them whenever they might need her. Wakatoshi keeps his goodbye fairly quick, since, starting tomorrow, he’ll be staying with her again for a couple weeks before leaving for university.

And then it’s just him and Satori, along with a few other families scattered throughout the field.

“This is kinda weird,” Satori mumbles, leaning against Wakatoshi’s shoulder.

“What is?” Wakatoshi wraps an arm around his waist.

“Not being high school students anymore. It’s freeing but also kinda… scary.”

“Hmm,” Wakatoshi hums, “do you have anything to fear, though? You were accepted into that art school, right?”

“Yeah,” Satori confirms, “but still… _you’re_ leaving and that scares me even though we promised each other we’d stay together. It’s just… fear of the unknown, I guess.”

“I made a promise and I intend to keep that,” Wakatoshi punctuates this statement with a tight grip on Satori’s waist, “so you don’t need to be afraid.”

Satori doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t really need to. He just nudges closer against Wakatoshi, sighing with relief. Sometimes it’s obvious that all he really needs is a reminder that emotionally, Wakatoshi isn’t going anywhere, even if he’ll be moving away in just a couple of short weeks.

“Hey, Toshi,” Satori lifts his head, taking a step back, “you know that old tradition where the boy gives the second button of his jacket to the girl he likes on graduation day?”

“I’m familiar with it, yes.”

“Well,” he fiddles nervously with his tie, “I kinda… wanted to do something like that, with you. That sounds kinda silly since we’re already dating, huh?”

“It’s not silly,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, “though I’m not sure how much use I would have for a button. And it seems strange to ruin a perfectly good jacket by removing one of its buttons.”

Satori laughs loudly, attracting the attention of a couple people walking by, “That’s a good point, Toshi. I wasn’t going to give you a button, though. I just wanted to give you something to remember me by when you leave.”

“Why would I forget you, though?” Wakatoshi tilts his head. The notion of needing something to remind him of Satori seems a bit unnecessary since he’s almost always on his mind anyway.

Satori chuckles yet again, nervously shifting from one foot to the other, “It’s just… it’s just the _thought_ , Toshi. I’m not saying you’ll _actually_ forget me, it’s just… I dunno, a nice gesture? Anyway, I was thinking I could give you the first issue of Shounen Jump that we read together… Is that weird?”

Wakatoshi remembers the exact issue, though he realizes he remembers _less_ of the content and _more_ of the time they spent together while reading it. Maybe that’s the point though? A keepsake to remind him just how far they’ve come?

“I would like that,” he finally answers, smiling softly.

“Really?” Satori almost shouts, “You really would?”

“Yes. I would like to give you something in return, though. I’m just not sure what that should be.”

“Anything, Toshi,” he shrugs, grinning from ear to ear, “anything that you think I might like or might remind me of you.”

“I’ll have to think about it in the next couple weeks, then,” Wakatoshi reaches for one of Satori’s hands again, “for now, we should probably go get some dinner.”

“We should!” Satori nods enthusiastically, “I’m starving, Toshi!”

“I am too,” Wakatoshi can’t match his enthusiasm, but his smile grows, and then they head off in the direction of the school’s cafeteria together.

**\-----**

At the end of the day, Wakatoshi feels more exhausted than he ever has from any volleyball-related event or any day of school. He never expected graduation to take so much out of him, but when the day is over, he feels incredibly relieved.

He doesn’t even think twice when Satori asks him to come back to his dorm room with him that night. He _still_ doesn’t think twice when Satori asks him if he’ll stay the night, since Eita is staying with Taichi. He wants to take every possible opportunity he can to be with Satori before he leaves for university.

They spend the majority of the night reminiscing about being a part of the volleyball team. They talk about the shenanigans that happened in the locker room, they talk about Tsutomu’s constant enthusiasm and the time he attempted to outrun Wakatoshi, as well as eat more than him, which resulted in him getting sick. They talk about Eita and Kenjirou’s little tiffs that were sometimes a bit nerve-racking, but also always resulted in them still being incredibly good friends. They talk about the moments when Taichi would chime in with a really good comeback or comment that would blow the entire team away, causing them all to tear up from laughing so hard. They talk about Hayato constantly misplacing his phone, usually finding it in incredibly obvious spots like his pocket or inside his locker. They talk about Jin, and his enthusiasm and focus on the entire team even though he never got a moment to truly shine on the court. They talk about Reon being so supportive and how they were so lucky to have such an amazing and patient teammate. 

They talk about all these things until it gets incredibly late, and Wakatoshi realizes he’s been ignoring his internal clock telling him it’s time to go to sleep. He could definitely get used to this, though: sitting with Satori late into the night, the redhead leaning against his shoulder while he mindlessly fiddles with anything in his vicinity, be it the bedsheets, his hoodie, Wakatoshi’s shirt, Wakatoshi’s hair, or even Wakatoshi’s fingers. It’s comforting and soothing, and it’s exactly what Wakatoshi needed after such a long day.

He doesn’t even feel strange about laying in Satori’s bed with him that night. Satori changes into his usual sleep attire, a tank top and really baggy, loose-fitting joggers. Wakatoshi is dressed the same as usual too, in just a pair of sweatpants. Satori switches off the lights, crawls into bed and immediately curls up against Wakatoshi, one hand resting against his chest and the other underneath his own pillow. It’s extremely quiet for a moment, but then he whispers, “Is this okay, Toshi?”

Wakatoshi moves his gaze from the ceiling to Satori, who's looking at him nervously. He shifts, reaching towards Satori and carding his fingers through his hair, “This is fine,” he mumbles.

“Okay,” Satori sounds relieved, and then he presses a bit closer, breath hot as it fans across Wakatoshi’s neck, “you’re so warm, Toshi.”

Well… now he’s _really_ warm. 

He turns his body to face Satori, and moves his head closer, accidently bumping noses with the redhead since it’s a bit hard to see. Satori giggles before pulling Wakatoshi into a tender kiss, letting his palms explore Wakatoshi’s neck and chest. At first, Wakatoshi wonders why they’re not attempting to go to sleep, but another part of him is really enjoying this, especially after the long day they’ve just had, and he almost wants to take it farther.

He keeps one hand threaded in Satori’s hair, but he gingerly moves the other, slipping it underneath Satori’s tank top to run softly against his hip. He can feel goosebumps rising on Satori’s skin, especially when he gets closer to his chest. Suddenly he feels contact on his own chest, dragging down to his lower abdomen and stopping at the waistband of his sweatpants. He’s surprised at himself when he finds he doesn’t mind all that much. In fact he _really_ doesn’t mind. 

He drags his own palm up, stopping at Satori’s nipple. He hasn’t forgotten what he learned the other day. This time, it’s already hard, and when he presses his thumb against it, Satori doesn’t just whine against his lips, but he bites down slightly, and his fingertips dip just barely beneath Wakatoshi’s waistband. 

Then he quickly pulls away, gulping nervously and whispering, “Toshi, can I…” he tugs just barely at Wakatoshi’s sweatpants, “can I touch you?”

Wakatoshi only has a small idea of where this might be going, but he thinks about it, and when he realizes just how much he _wants_ to try this, he answers simply and quickly, “Yes.”

There’s movement next to him, Satori shifts even closer before slipping his hand underneath Wakatoshi’s sweatpants. His palm presses against Wakatoshi’s crotch, and even though there’s still a layer of fabric there from his underwear, Wakatoshi gives a sharp intake of breath.

Satori pauses, “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Wakatoshi answers, gripping Satori’s hair a bit tighter, “you didn’t hurt me.”

“You’ll tell me if I do though, right? This should feel good, let me know if I’m doing something you don’t like.” 

“Okay,” Wakatoshi agrees, honestly anxious for more. He’s never been one to pleasure himself very often, it’s never really been that big of a concern to him, but even still, this small amount of contact feels good so far.

Satori lifts his hand, just enough to slip under Wakatoshi’s underwear. The contact of his skin against Wakatoshi like this is much different than what they usually do, but there’s heat pooling in his body again, this time focused on his lower abdomen. Satori takes hold of him, pulling him free of his clothing as he leans down and breathes against Wakatoshi’s ear, “Still okay?”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi’s voice catches in his throat a bit.

And then Satori starts stroking, slowly and languidly. Wakatoshi’s free hand fists in the bedsheets, and he feels his breath starting to pick up pace. This feels much better than anything he’s ever done to himself, and he wonders if that’s just because Satori is more _experienced_ , or if it’s simply because it’s _Satori’s hand_ on his cock right now.

He thinks it’s likely the second reason, especially when he can feel himself becoming more and more aroused as soon as Satori starts whispering in his ear.

“That feel good, Toshi? Hmm?”

Wakatoshi doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t really think he has to since the way he’s grunting seems to be every indication that Satori needs to let him know that this is good, and that he is enjoying this. 

He’s hard in Satori’s grip now, and his hips are stuttering slightly into Satori’s touch. He bites his lips to try and contain any noises he might make, but he reaches a point where Satori’s touch is like kryptonite, and he can’t help but completely lose himself and groan with ecstasy. 

Much to Wakatoshi’s disappointment, Satori pauses his ministrations for a moment and shifts in place a bit, mumbling, “God, you’re so _hot_ , Toshi.”

“Is that a comment about my body heat?” Wakatoshi mutters weakly.

“No,” Satori laughs softly, and then he continues stroking again, “definitely not. But I could listen to you making noises like that forever.”

Wakatoshi notices that Satori’s breath is now becoming shallow and quick, and he quickly realizes this is because he’s touching _himself_ as well now. Wakatoshi almost feels guilty for not doing anything, but he tucks that feeling away, instead taking hold of Satori’s neck and pulling him into a fervent kiss. 

They keep this up for a bit, Satori stroking both of their cocks and whining against Wakatoshi’s lips, and Wakatoshi tugging him as close as possible as his hips continue moving against Satori’s touch. And then Wakatoshi feels himself getting dangerously close, so he interrupts their kiss to whisper, “Satori, I’m-”

“It’s okay, Toshi,” Satori pants, “it’s okay. Cum for me.”

Something about the way Satori whispers that last statement does something to Wakatoshi, and drives him over the edge. He feels his muscles tense up, his toes curl against the sheets, his eyes shut for a brief moment, and then he’s groaning and releasing himself in Satori’s grip.

Apparently this has a similar effect on Satori, because the redhead _moans_ , and when he moans, Wakatoshi thinks it’s one of the most beautiful things he’s heard in his entire life, but he wishes he could see his face more clearly in the dark. Satori’s breath stutters and fans across Wakatoshi’s face, then he cries out, “ _Fuck_ , Toshi,” as he reaches his peak as well.

The air is hot and heavy around them, and eventually Satori releases his hold on himself and Wakatoshi before wiping his hands off on his own shirt. Wakatoshi tugs his sweatpants and underwear back up, and then wraps his arms around Satori, gently kissing his neck. It’s all he can really muster. He feels even more tired than before, but somehow he feels more at peace, and definitely much more connected to the boy lying next to him. 

Satori tugs his own pants back up as well, and then folds his arms around Wakatoshi’s middle before sighing loudly and laughing very softly, “This might be a silly question,” he plants a kiss against Wakatoshi’s cheek, “but was that as good for you as it was for me?”

“It was more than good,” Wakatoshi mutters, still gently pressing his lips against Satori’s neck every few seconds.

“I think we’ll both sleep a lot better now, huh?”

“I think so too,” Wakatoshi smiles against Satori’s skin.

“Thanks for being so open to new things, Toshi,” Satori says much quieter, “I know I like to move really fast sometimes.”

“Thank you for being so patient,” he runs a hand reassuringly up and down Satori’s back, “and for making me feel good.”

“My pleasure,” Satori responds, and after a few seconds of silence, he whispers, “goodnight, Toshi.”

“Goodnight, Satori,” Wakatoshi mumbles, already feeling himself starting to drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suffered through several intense emotions while writing this chapter, fyi
> 
> thanks for reading!! as always, feel free to hmu about my boys:  
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! I'm back again! this update took a bit longer, I'm sorry about that! ;;; The combination of miderms and hype for season 3 kept me extra busy! 
> 
> Thank you again to Erica, everyone else who's been so supportive and enthusiastic throughout this entire process, and of course everyone else who's continued reading! <333 We're nowhere near the end so I hope you guys are in for a long ride! ;u;

Wakatoshi has always been a morning person. He’s not really sure why, but waking up to the sound of birds chirping outside and the warmth coming through his window make early mornings one of his favorite times of the day. The usual routine is for him to slip out of bed after his alarm goes off at 7 AM (though he usually wakes up a couple minutes before out of habit), head to the showers, get breakfast, and then get ready for class all in the time span of about forty-five minutes. He’s had this routine for the past three years, but this morning is different.

Instead, his eyes crack open just a few minutes before 11 AM, though he doesn't know this until he glances at his clock on Satori’s nightstand. At first he wants to panic, because he’s never slept this late, he’s missing class and he’s never missed a class in all three years he’s attended Shiratorizawa Academy. 

But then it hits him, once again: he doesn’t attend Shiratorizawa Academy anymore. 

His eyes scan the room, settling on several cardboard boxes stacked messily together and nestled against the wall. Some are Satori’s, some are Eita’s. It’s then that another thing hits him in his half-asleep state: he’s moving out of his dorm today. He won’t be roommates with Reon anymore. He’ll be staying with his mother, and then a couple weeks from today… he’ll be in a completely different prefecture, attending a new school, taking new classes, meeting new classmates and a new roommate, joining a new team…

He feels movement and the rustling of bedsheets from next to him and turns towards the sound.

He’d almost forgotten that he’d spent the night in a different bed last night.

Satori is nuzzling closer against him, mumbling something Wakatoshi can’t make out at all. But he smiles anyway, lets himself feel a sense of relief because for right now, everything's okay, everything's the same.

It would be hard not to feel some sense of relief anyway, since Satori looks so peaceful and calm when he sleeps. Wakatoshi stares shamelessly, spending at least a minute on every single miniscule detail he can find in Satori’s face. His thin eyebrows, his surprisingly long eyelashes, the gentle upturn of his nose, the curl of his lip even while he’s sleeping, the pale brown dots scattered across his cheeks and nose, and of course, the mess of red hair on his head, sticking up in several different directions.

Tendou Satori really is incredibly, _indescribably_ beautiful, and Wakatoshi feels a sense of longing to cover his face in kisses, and to wake up to this view much more often.

He runs his fingers softly through Satori’s hair, notices the way the redhead’s expression shifts slightly; he looks incredibly content. Wakatoshi’s mind is telling him that he should be getting up and getting ready for the day… but his heart is telling him to stay here for a little bit, and while he usually doesn’t let his heart win over his brain, this time he makes an exception. 

Wakatoshi isn’t sure how long he lays there, studying Satori’s face and playing with his hair, but eventually the redhead slowly opens his eyes. He looks confused for a second, but when his eyes settle on Wakatoshi’s, a smile spreads across his face and he says in a quiet, slightly gravelly voice, “Morning, Toshi.”

“Good morning,” Wakatoshi responds just as quietly, noticing that his own voice is a bit groggy as well, “how did you sleep?”

“Really good,” Satori presses closer, reaching to thread his fingers with Wakatoshi’s free hand. He brings their joined hands closer to his face, pressing a few quick kisses against Wakatoshi’s knuckles, “what about you?”

“I slept well,” Wakatoshi feels a shiver cascade down his back at the feeling of Satori’s lips against his hand. It’s too early to be this ridiculously enticed.

“Good!” he grins, and then sits up higher, stretching his arms above his head as he looks across the room at Eita’s bed, “Ah, Eita’s still gone,” he settles back down again, reaching an arm across Wakatoshi to grab his phone on his nightstand. He’s quiet for a bit, scrolling through notifications on his screen, until he suddenly mumbles, “Oops.”

“What’s wrong?” Wakatoshi questions, looking at him curiously and finally sitting up straight.

“Well… I kinda forgot to figure out a time for ice cream today. Also Eita’s been texting me, oh my god,” he laughs, his entire body shaking, “listen to this, Toshi: ‘Satori I’m not coming in that room unless I know you and Wakatoshi are decent, you better text me soon, I need to get dressed.’ That was two hours ago! Two hours ago, Toshi! He’s gonna kill me!”

Satori’s laughter is powerful and loud, and Wakatoshi wonders how it’s possible for him to go from being so tired to… this. Maybe it was a blessing for Eita and him to be roommates all three years, if this is the effect their friendship has on Satori.

“I know exactly what I’m gonna say,” Satori titters, taking a few seconds to type out a response before continuing, “I told him ‘if you want, I can put together an outfit for you and leave it outside the door, it would probably be better than any outfit you can come up with anyway,’” he leans against the wall, eyes screwed shut as he laughs again, “Oh god, Toshi, he’s gonna be so mad!”

Wakatoshi just sits up and continues watching Satori with slight amusement. It’s enjoyable to see him this happy and entertained, even if it might be at Eita’s expense. 

When Satori has finally calmed down, he sighs loudly and slumps against the wall, scrolling through his phone again, “Damn,” he starts, “I’m _really_ gonna miss rooming with Eita and messing with him all the time.”

Wakatoshi can sense Satori’s mood starting to falter, “It’s not over yet,” he says calmly, “we still have to go have ice cream.”

Satori lifts his gaze to meet Wakatoshi’s and lets himself smile again, “Yeah, you’re right,” clearly his energy is back, because he practically jumps off the bed and nearly trips on the way to the pile of cardboard boxes. He rummages through one, finally pulling out a set of random clothes, “I’m gonna go get a shower! Will you text the others and figure out the ice cream thing? Thanks, Toshi!”

Before Wakatoshi can even process what just happened or give an answer, Satori is out the door, headed quickly to the showers. He sits still for a moment, staring at the door, until his phone, still laying on the nightstand, goes off. He reaches for it, realizing he’s gotten a message from Eita.

_**Eita** : since satori didnt answer my question, i’ll ask you. are you guys decent? am i good to come in?_

_**Wakatoshi** : Of course, this is your room. Satori left to get a shower._

A few minutes later, Eita steps cautiously through the door, dressed in a baggy sweater (that Wakatoshi is almost certain belongs to Taichi) and a pair of shorts. He glances around the room, finally settling his eyes on Wakatoshi, still in Satori’s bed, “Hey, Wakatoshi,” he closes the door behind him before opening a cardboard box and carefully rummaging through it for some clothes, “glad the room isn’t a disaster.”

Puzzled, Wakatoshi cocks his head, but he doesn’t say anything in response.

“Anyway, when are we getting ice cream? Is that still a thing we’re doing? Also isn’t it a little weird to have ice cream for lunch?” Eita looks up, staring at the wall for a second before shaking his head and laughing softly, “Why am I surprised, this is something Satori concocted.”

“Satori wanted me to figure out when we’re going. Do you know if the others are awake?”

“Reon is,” Eita answers, still trying to decide on a shirt, “he was meeting with his advisor one last time, I think. Last I knew, Hayato’s family was helping him move boxes out to their car. And Jin is talking to Taichi right now… Taichi’s a little nervous about being vice captain, I think.”

“He shouldn’t be,” Wakatoshi finally emerges from the covers, swinging his legs off the side of the bed, “Taichi is very capable.”

“I know,” Eita sighs, and moves on to choosing a pair of pants, “I tell him that all the time. He can’t seem to get it through his head, though.”

Wakatoshi gets the sense that Eita seems a bit distant and upset, but he doesn’t want to pry, and he doesn’t get a chance anyway.

“I’m gonna go shower, feel free to stick around,” Eita folds his clothes into a neat pile before grabbing them again, “but you might wanna plan on ice cream soon since they want us to finish moving out in a couple hours.”

Wakatoshi nods in agreement before Eita leaves the room again. He slips his shirt back on from the day before and grabs his phone, leaving the door unlocked as he leaves. 

He decides to get a shower, and by the time he’s finished and heads back to his room, he finds Satori seated on the edge of his mattress, swinging his legs back and forth as he stares at his phone. His hair isn’t unruly anymore, it’s back to its usual state of controlled madness, and he looks very refreshed. When he sees Wakatoshi he jumps up and bounds over to him, giving him a quick hug, “Hey Toshi! Wow, you smell really good! Anyway, I talked to the others, we’re ready to go whenever you are!”

Wakatoshi smiles to himself, amused by Satori’s obvious excitement about going to get ice cream. They exit the dorm room and visit the rest of the third years’ rooms, wrangling up the whole group before they walk outside together and begin the short trek to the quaint ice cream shop they’ve frequented before as a team. 

It’s a very small building, tucked away between other buildings and extremely easy to miss unless you know what you’re looking for. The shop is owned by an elderly couple: Yukiko and Hisashi. The team doesn’t know their full names, they’ve only ever introduced themselves with their given names, telling the team that they would welcome them anytime with open arms. Apparently it’s been a long-standing tradition for the Shiratorizawa volleyball team to visit this shop after matches, especially tournaments. 

As soon as they enter the building, they’re greeted by Hisashi with a warm smile and a wave as he shuffles over to the freezer displaying all the flavors of ice cream. He looks at every single one of them for a moment before speaking in his low and slightly croaky voice, “This is an odd time for you boys to be coming by.”

Satori, obviously more than ready to get his ice cream, moves to the front of the group, grinning from ear to ear, “We had graduation yesterday! So this is like our one last team outing, just us third years! Or… graduated… third years… Anyway, I want the usual!”

Hisashi laughs, more than accustomed to Satori’s energy and excitement at this point, especially around his favorite food. He quickly gets to work on Satori’s order, piling a cone with chocolate ice cream before carefully handing it to the redhead and then returning his attention to the others, “What can I get the rest of you?”

Reon gets a much smaller amount of buckwheat ice cream than Satori’s heaping mess of chocolate. Eita gets a small sized bowl of mint chocolate chip. Hayato gets a cone with wasabi ice cream, Jin gets a bowl of peach ice cream, and finally, Wakatoshi gets his usual: a cone with two scoops of green tea ice cream.

They all pay for their orders, even though Hisashi tries to tell them it’s on the house since it’s such a special occasion, and then they take a seat at their usual table, the one nestled on of the front corners of the shop. They take their usual spots; Satori, Reon, and Eita on the side against the wall, and Wakatoshi, Jin, and Hayato on the opposite side. None of the tables in this shop match, and neither do the chairs. It gives it a sort of comfortable feeling, something like home. 

They’re fairly silent for quite some time as they eat their ice cream. It’s a lot different, Wakatoshi notices, when they second and first years aren’t here with them. Generally Tsutomu and Satori would be the ones to get the conversation going, followed quickly by Kenjirou telling them they were being too loud and needed to quiet down. That usually prompted Eita to tell him to chill out, and just enjoy his ice cream. Jin would do his best to calm everyone down, meanwhile the rest of them would be sharing amused glances.

Wakatoshi feels an ache in his chest, making him realize how much he really will miss this team. He has no fears leaving it behind, though. He knows Kenjirou will be an excellent captain, and he has complete faith and trust in him. While he’s not as close with Taichi, he knows the rest of the team believes in him wholeheartedly, especially Jin, Eita, and Satori. 

“Wakatoshi.”

It’s Reon’s voice that breaks him from his thoughts, and Wakatoshi glances up, unaware that he was staring at his ice cream, “Yes?”

“We were just discussing our favorite moments this year. Do you have one?”

Wakatoshi’s thoughts must have been so loud that he’d completely missed the conversation. He thinks on the question, though, realizing that there are several moments that stick out to him from this year. All the club room antics, even though he never quite understand what was happening or could keep up, the intense hours of practice that made them bond even more as a team, these trips to the ice cream shop, every tournament and official game… 

“The day of the match against Karasuno,” he finally answers, glancing briefly in the direction of Satori, sitting on the opposite side of the table, “that was one of my favorite moments.”

“Really?” Eita pipes up, already nearly done with his ice cream, “Even though we, y’know, lost?”

His tone has just a bit of disgust, but Wakatoshi nods, “Yes. Karasuno played a fair game and they won. But I enjoyed that match,” he glances at Satori again, remembering the night after the match and their first kiss in the park, “and I believe we all learned a lot that day.”

Satori, whose mouth is surrounded by a few smudges of chocolate, smiles back at Wakatoshi in complete understanding.

“Yeah,” Hayato sighs and leans back in his chair, “to be fair, they were a tough match. They were a lot of fun, though!”

“I really loved watching you all play that day,” Jin grins, poking at his bowl of ice cream with his spoon, “I mean, I _always_ love watching you guys play but… something about that match was extra exciting. You all looked like you were playing really hard and enjoying yourselves at the same time. It was nice, I felt really proud.”

“We should all feel proud,” Reon looks around at all of them, satisfaction filling his face, “We got to be a part of a really amazing team, go to nationals multiple times, grow as players and people, and now we’re leaving behind a really impressive lineup. We shouldn’t harbor any doubts or disappointment.”

“Right!” Satori exclaims, the rest of his ice cream nearly toppling over, “And I’m making you all promise right now that we stay in contact, no matter what!”

“You can’t make any of us promise anything,” Eita mumbles, but there’s a clear teasing lilt to his voice and a smirk on his face, “do I really wanna subject myself to more of your antics after these three years?”

“Rude, Eita!” Satori shouts, leaning over Reon to get a clearer view of his former roommate, “You know you enjoyed rooming with me, don’t deny it!”

“Yes, I really enjoyed having my clothes stolen and having to hear you yell through your anime marathons. Time of my life.”

“I didn’t _steal_ your clothes, Eita. They just happened to end up in my laundry, that’s not my fault. Anyway, I had to deal with your weird music and odd fashion choices, so we’re even!”

Eita shrugs, “Not my fault you can’t comprehend obscure music and styles,” he still has a smug smile on his face as he finishes off the rest of his ice cream.

Satori is probably planning to retort, but Wakatoshi speaks before he can, “We will stay in contact,” he looks around at all of them and a feeling of pride rushes through him, “We will.”

The rest of them nod in silent agreement.

“Definitely,” it’s Reon who breaks the short-lived silence, “but for right now, let’s enjoy this last moment together as a team.”

After that, conversation quickly shifts to the past three years. They talk about the challenges, the trials, the successes, the failures, and they talk about all the members that aren’t with them in this moment. They talk about Tsutomu’s drive and desire to improve, and how he’ll make the finest ace in all of Miyagi next season. They talk about Taichi’s development and gradual increase in self-confidence, and Satori points out how proud and happy he is that he’ll be the one taking his place next year. They talk about Kenjirou’s dedication and focus, and Wakatoshi expresses just how faithful he is in his abilities to take over as captain. It’s then that he realizes he should probably take him aside and talk to him, at least one more time, before he leaves for university. 

They stay at this small ice cream shop for several hours, filling its walls with laughter and excited discussion, until they realize the sky outside is quickly getting a bit darker. Before they all leave, they get out their phones and put together a small group chat, just for them. They’ve always had the general team group chat, but now that they’ve graduated and taken themselves out of that, it feels comforting to have yet another one. And, probably most important, it feels like a promise that they’ll all continue keeping in touch, no matter where life takes them. 

Because they all have a few weeks before their college classes begin, they agree to meet up again at least one more time before that. It makes it easier to separate after they leave the ice cream shop, because they can once again tuck away their final goodbyes and save them for another time. 

Wakatoshi and Satori fall in step next to each other, since their homes are on the same street, just a few houses apart. Their hands brush awkwardly against each other before Satori finally links his fingers with Wakatoshi’s.

“Hey, Toshi,” Satori begins, his voice wavering slightly with uncertainty, “do you maybe… wanna come by my house? Just for a little bit.” 

As much as Wakatoshi knows his mother is ready for him to come home and spend time with her, he takes Satori up on his offer. Mostly because he wants to spend as much time as possible with him in the next couple weeks, and also partly out of extreme curiosity; in all the years he’s known him, he’s never stepped foot in Satori’s house.

It’s getting even darker as they walk towards Satori’s childhood home. The sky is quickly transitioning from an array of bright pink shades to dark orange and red and eventual deep blue as the sun finally sets. Wakatoshi remembers the house, even though he’d only stood in front of it a few times. It looks exactly the same.

It’s not really a large house; it’s fairly small, two stories, and probably just big enough for two people. The grass out front is overgrown, covering a good portion of the walkway up to the stairs and the doorway. Satori carelessly wades through it, fishing in his pocket for a set of keys. He fiddles with them for a moment, finally choosing the correct one and carefully unlocking the door. When he opens it, it creaks loudly, and Satori immediately shivers when he steps inside. Wakatoshi can hear him muttering under his breath, something about someone never turning the heat on.

Upon entering, they both slip their shoes off and Wakatoshi immediately feels like he’s stepped foot in a house that hasn’t been lived in for hundreds of years. There’s furniture and appliances of course, but everything looks like it hasn’t been touched in a very long time. He suddenly wonders just how long it’s been since Satori’s father has been home. He wonders where he’s been, and why he didn’t make it to their graduation.

Wakatoshi wonders a lot about Satori’s father, because for someone that speaks openly about most of the things in his life, Satori barely ever says a word about his father.

“Make yourself at home, Toshi,” Satori says loudly, but something about his enthusiasm feels fake, “I’m not sure what’s in the kitchen, but if you want I can make something. Or feel free to snack on whatever.”

“I’m not hungry, but thank you,” Wakatoshi responds before looking around the room.

The kitchen area is directly to the right of the entryway. There’s no kitchen table, but there’s an island area in the middle of the room, flanked with four tall bar stools. To the left there’s a living room space, with a simple couch and armchair and a fairly old television. Wakatoshi immediately notices there’s a lot of dust - everything is covered in dust. That would answer the question of whether or not Satori’s father had been home recently. 

Satori makes his way over to the island, staring at the tall pile of mail with a frown on his face, “Can’t wait to go through all this,” he motions towards it, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“How long has it been?” Wakatoshi suddenly asks.

“Since what?” Satori starts going through the pile, tossing some of the envelopes carelessly to the side.

“Since someone has been here.”

Satori pauses, chewing slightly on his lip. He doesn’t look up, but Wakatoshi notices his expression cracking for a brief second before he regains another one of his fake smiles.

“I was here earlier today, Toshi. I moved my stuff back in here,” he motions towards a flight of stairs that’s directly in front of and several feet away from the doorway.

“That’s not what I meant,” Wakatoshi steps closer, leaning against the opposite end of the island so he can get a better look at Satori’s face, “When was the last time someone was actually living here?”

“Well, I mean…” Satori glances up, and then back down, nervously riffling through the stack of envelopes, “right now, right? Since _I’m_ living here now. This is home sweet home for me now.”

Wakatoshi isn’t sure how else to get his point across besides being blunt.

“Satori,” he says clearly and with obvious reason.

The redhead looks up, still maintaining an obviously fake smile, “Hmm?”

“Where is your father?”

The second it leaves Wakatoshi’s mouth, he knows he’s struck a nerve. Satori flinches slightly, shrinking back a bit. His smile twitches, and he tenses up as if trying extremely hard to maintain his expression. He flips through the envelopes even quicker now, even though he isn’t looking at them anymore and he’s been through the stack at least once.

“I don’t know, Toshi.”

His voice is strange and uncharacteristically gentle.

“You don’t know?” Wakatoshi continues prying.

“No,” Satori looks down again, “and does it really matter? I’m not a kid anymore, I can… deal with things on my own… without him.”

“Don’t you miss him?”

Now he’s _really_ struck something. Satori’s smile slowly shifts to neutrality, and while that wouldn’t be strange for anyone else, with Satori it’s odd to see his face so devoid of anything.

“Nope,” he finally answers, “I have no reason to.”

“He’s your father. You must have some desire to see him again?” Wakatoshi is determined at this point. He’s determined to figure out this odd, shadowy figment of Satori that he isn’t familiar with.

Satori scoffs, “Why would I? He hasn’t been in my life for years, Toshi.”

“Neither has mine,” Wakatoshi responds a bit stronger than he had planned.

There’s a short moment of silence. This one isn’t comfortable though, and Wakatoshi can feel the tension in the air.

“I know Toshi, and I’m sorry about that. You must miss him a lot.”

Confusion clouds Wakatoshi’s mind at this point, affecting his judgement about what to say and what not to say.

“I’m very confused, Satori,” he admits, folding his arms and resting them against the island.

Satori doesn’t respond, so Wakatoshi keeps pushing.

“You say I should miss my father even though I haven’t seen him since I was in elementary school, but when it comes to your own father, whom you haven’t seen in years, you say the opposite.”

He’s still silent, still toying mindlessly with the envelopes in front of him.

“Why wasn’t your father at graduation?”

Silence except the shuffling of envelopes.

“Why didn’t he ever come to any of our games?”

Dead quiet.

“Why didn’t he help you move into your dorm, or help you move out?”

Nothing.

“Satori, where is he?”

Repeated riffling of paper.

“Satori.”

Silence.

“Sato-”

Something snaps, and Satori violently shoves the pile of envelopes off the island; some smack against the counters on the opposite wall, some immediately fall to the floor, Wakatoshi isn’t sure. His eyes are focused on Satori because the redhead looks _angry_ and he looks _hurt_. His hands ball into fists and he lets out a brief, tormented shout, and when Wakatoshi looks closer, there’s something else. Satori’s mouth is twisted into something extremely pained and there’s tears in his eyes. 

He’s _crying_.

Wakatoshi freezes. He’s never known how to handle things like this. He’d never expected to _have_ to handle this, especially with Satori. He’s never seen Satori cry in all the years he’s known him, and now… when he needs him most, Wakatoshi is frozen, unsure of what to do.

Satori seems to curl up, he brings his hands up to cover his face, leans his elbows on the island, and his entire body shakes as he lets out a loud, powerful sob. He looks so much smaller than usual in this moment.

Wakatoshi finds the willpower to step towards Satori. He reaches out, calming calling out his name, “Satori,” before his fingers just barely brush against one of the redhead’s hands.

Satori recoils, smacking Wakatoshi’s hand away and letting out another almost-yell before he collapses backwards. His back hits one of the counters before letting himself fall to the floor and curl into a seated position, his knees pulled up to his chest. 

“I’m-” 

“Stop!” Satori screams, voice slightly muffled since his face is pressed against his knees, “Just stop, Toshi! Please!”

Wakatoshi is almost panicking now. He wants to help, but he has no idea how. It was never his intention to make things worse for Satori. He simply wanted to talk things through with him and help him move past this.

He crouches down, settling on his knees and reaching out gently to rest a hand on Satori’s shoulder. The redhead flinches again, but he doesn’t yell this time.

“Satori, look at me,” Wakatoshi commands, reaching with his other hand to try and lift Satori’s face.

He succeeds, but he’s almost sad that he did. Satori is a mess. His face is almost as red as his hair, his nose is running, there’s trails of tears cascading down both his cheeks, and his eyes are still pooling and extremely wet. He’s still sobbing loudly too, even though he keeps pressing his lips tightly together to try and stop it.

“What’s wro-”

“You don’t get it, Toshi,” Satori interrupts again, voice cracking and weak, “you just don’t get it.”

“What don’t I get?” Wakatoshi asks calmly.

“Your dad was there for you,” Satori’s voice is extremely shaky and he’s speaking between sobs, “even though he left, he supported you. He wanted you to succeed, he encouraged you. Your dad _loves_ you, Toshi.”

Now it’s Wakatoshi’s turn to be silent.

“But my dad... my dad left me. He left me _all the time_ , Toshi, and he still does. He hasn’t seen me in three years, and he doesn’t care. And not just him. My mom left me too, she didn’t give a _damn_. She left when I was a _baby_ , and she never even wanted to look back. They both left me, they don’t care about me, they don’t love me. Why don’t they _love_ me, Toshi?”

Wakatoshi stays quiet, unsure what to say.

“All I’ve ever wanted was to feel good enough... for him, and for my mom who probably doesn’t even know my name. I just want to feel worthy of their love and I don’t. The only time my dad speaks to me is when he texts me to tell me he’s leaving for a few months, or to say he’s put money in my bank account. He thinks that’s good enough but it’s not,” Satori’s fingers dig into the skin of his knees, leaving crescents, “It’s not good enough, Toshi. All I want is to feel appreciated and loved…”

“Why do you believe he doesn’t love you?” Wakatoshi asks gently, scooting closer in an effort to let him know he’s here for him, even if he can’t properly articulate that through words.

“When I was in elementary and was getting bullied, he never wanted to help. He told me I needed to ‘man up’ and get used to it ‘because the world is a cruel place’. When I got into Shiratorizawa, he never said anything about it. He never offered to help me move in. He said he was busy and he had work to do in another prefecture. That’s _always_ his excuse. Every time we went to nationals or had an official game, he was too busy. Sometimes he never even answers my calls, or my texts. He never even asked when graduation was, Toshi. He’s _never_ said those three words to me. He’s _never_ told me he loves me.” he lets out another sob before continuing, much softer, “In all seventeen years of my life, _nobody has_. And that haunts me every single day of my life, Toshi.”

“Satori,” Wakatoshi says his name a bit louder this time, and rests both hands against Satori’s cheeks, gently turning his face towards him.

He studies him for a moment. He stares at the tears still rolling down his cheeks, the pained furrow of his brow, the tremble of his lips, and the shakiness of his hands, still resting on his knees. Even though he looks like a mess right now, Wakatoshi is hit once again with the powerful realization that he’s never been so fond of someone in his entire life as he is of his best friend.

“Satori,” he repeats, just a bit softer, “ _I_ love you.”

Satori’s eyes open wider, his body relaxes a bit, and his voice is barely above a whisper, “Toshi…”

“I love you, Satori,” Wakatoshi says again, this time louder, clearer, and much more certain.

Satori turns his body to face Wakatoshi’s, “Are you serious?”

“When am I not serious, Satori?” 

Satori laughs, and even though it’s a weak laugh, it cuts through the pain on his face. Satori’s body relaxes even more and even though he’s still letting out a few weak sobs, his face breaks into a grin and his eyes crinkle up at the corners.

Beautiful.

Wakatoshi, whose hands are still gently pressed against Satori’s cheeks, coaxes the redhead closer until their foreheads are touching. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them again and maintaining eye contact, “I’m not your father. I’m not your mother. But I love you, Satori, and if being good enough is what you’re worried about, you’re good enough for _me_.”

“Toshi...” Satori mumbles, getting choked up again before he can continue.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want you to cry.”

“No, Toshi,” Satori shifts even closer, tightly wrapping his arms around Wakatoshi’s neck, “It’s okay. These are good tears now.”

Wakatoshi embraces Satori, pulling him extremely close to his chest and eventually into his lap.

“And,” Satori takes a deep breath before continuing, “I love you too, Toshi. I love you _so much_.”

Wakatoshi doesn’t really know how to respond besides pressing his palms against Satori’s back and rubbing soothingly. Satori’s grip on his neck doesn’t falter, but the redhead’s sobs start to become less frequent, and his breath eventually returns to normal. The moment doesn’t feel tense and strange anymore, and once Satori seems to have reverted back to a fairly peaceful state, Wakatoshi decides to try again.

“If you want to talk about your father, I will listen to you, Satori.”

“Yeah,” Satori mumbles, right next to Wakatoshi’s ear, “I haven’t talked to anyone about it so that… might be good.”

“Should we move to the couch?” Wakatoshi questions, fidgeting slightly underneath Satori’s weight, “I don’t think this is the prime position to be in.”

Satori laughs, his body shaking with the force of it before he slides out of Wakatoshi’s lap and nods, “Yeah, let’s move to the couch, Toshi.”

They stand up, Wakatoshi linking hands with Satori and leading him over to the couch in the living room. Satori makes a short, disgusted noise at the dust-covered couch before swiping his hands against the old, cracked leather in an effort to clear it. He’s not really that successful but he takes a seat anyway, eyeing Wakatoshi expectantly and patting the space next to him until the ace finally sits down.

“So… where to begin…” Satori laughs nervously, picking at one of the peeling spots on the seat of the couch.

“Your father is a financial analyst,” Wakatoshi recalls, watching Satori carefully so he can catch any signs of discomfort or unease.

“He is,” Satori nods, “and apparently he’s like… some big shot at some company, I dunno. I don’t know much about what he does besides traveling a lot. And when he’s not traveling he’s just at work, in his office,” he scoffs, “hell, even when he’s home, he’s in his office.”

“He has an office here?” Wakatoshi glances around the room.

“Yeah, upstairs,” Satori motions towards the stairs again, “I’ve only been in there once or twice. I used to get in trouble if he found me in there, or if I knocked on the door when he was in there.”

“Why would you get in trouble for that?” 

“Dunno, Toshi,” Satori shrugs, “he just used to tell me the room was off limits, because it was his private work space. So I stopped trying to go in there. There’s probably just a bunch of stuff about math anyway, and you know how I feel about math.”

Wakatoshi smiles just a bit, “You don’t like math.”

“No,” Satori laughs too, eyes widening as he shakes his head, “No, I don’t like math. Probably explains why me and dad never got along.”

“What’s his name?” Wakatoshi isn’t sure why the question pops into his head, but he suddenly wants to give a name to a figure he knows very little about.

“Junichi,” Satori stares at the couch, but he doesn’t appear uncomfortable, just absorbed in his thoughts, “Junichi Tendou. I think the only thing I got from him was the red hair, but he dyes his anyway, so you wouldn’t be able to tell.”

Wakatoshi can’t help the amused smile that forms on his face for a moment, “He dyes his hair?”

“Yeah,” Satori laughs too, making Wakatoshi feel more at ease, “his hair was always a much darker red, though. When I was really young, like… early elementary school, I think… he started going gray, so he started dying his hair black. Even his eyebrows, Toshi. How weird is that?”

“Very weird,” Wakatoshi tries to picture Satori with black hair and shakes his head a bit at how wrong that image feels, “I’m glad you’ve kept the red.”

“Yeah?” Satori lifts his gaze, smiling with pride, “Me too. It’s just… different, you know?”

“It is,” Wakatoshi admires Satori’s hair for a moment, lifting a hand to run gently through it, “I like it.”

“I’m glad, Toshi.”

“You really don’t know where he is right now? Or why he wasn’t at graduation?” Wakatoshi poses the question with a calm voice, still running his fingers through Satori’s hair.

“Well… kinda?” Satori brings his knees up against his chest again, but he still doesn’t appear upset, just deep in thought, “The last time I heard from him was… right before the game against Karasuno. But a couple weeks before that, he said he’d be out of town again for at least three months. Anyway, he texted me before that game and told me he’d be staying with someone he really liked. Some girl he met at a bar.”

“So he’s still staying with her?”

“As far as I know, yeah. And from what I can tell, he… doesn’t really plan on coming back anytime soon.”

Wakatoshi studies him for a moment, trying to gauge his feelings, but he’s unsuccessful. Satori’s face is neutral again, and he’s still playing with the peeling leather on the couch. He’s extremely hard to read in this moment, but Wakatoshi moves his hand from Satori’s hair, resting it on his neck before asking, “How do you feel about that?”

Satori looks contemplative for a minute before finally opening his mouth and answering simply, “I’m okay with it.”

He stops after that, but he still looks as if he has more to say, so Wakatoshi stays quiet, letting Satori mull through his thoughts. He keeps his palm pressed against his neck though, running his thumb softly against Satori’s jaw.

“I mean… I’ve made it this far without him, right?” Satori looks up again, meeting Wakatoshi’s gaze, “And I’ve done fine. I got into my dream high school, joined a team that was all the support I ever needed, went to nationals with you guys, made it through high school, and now I’m going to an art school in a few weeks,” he stops for a moment, and Wakatoshi gives him a soft smile, urging him on, “I’ve never needed him. Everything he never provided me… all the love and support he never gave me… you guys were there to make up for that,” he shifts in place, scooting closer and reaching out to brush a hand against Wakatoshi’s chest, “especially _you_ , Toshi. You’ve stuck with me for all these years and I don’t think I would have made it without you.”

As soon as Satori’s hand presses against his chest, Wakatoshi feels his heartbeat speed up. He glances at Satori’s hand, lifting one of his own to rest on top of it before looking at the redhead again, “You’ve done a lot for me as well.”

“Yeah?” Satori smiles again, though it’s small and uncharacteristically gentle.

Wakatoshi hums confirmation before giving himself a moment to think through the array of feelings he has for the person seated in front of him.

He feels exceptionally proud. He’s proud of the growth Satori’s had over these last several years, both in terms of personality and in terms of talent. He remembers when they used to play volleyball in his backyard, remembers how Satori would tell him about his coaches in elementary school and junior high encouraging him to change his style of playing. He remembers the way he ignored them, stayed confident in his own abilities, and was able to grow so incredibly at Shiratorizawa. But not only did his talent flourish, he’d also learned to be a leader, a mentor, and a strong supportive figure in their team.

He feels immense joy. It’s hard not to when he stares into those deep red irises, constantly radiating the life and energy that resides within Satori’s soul. Even in this moment, when he isn’t exactly at his happiest, there’s still a brightness about him that Wakatoshi can’t really explain. All he knows is that it’s extremely contagious and he can’t get enough; like a moth to a flame.

He feels comfort. He feels it in the touch of Satori’s palm, the soft press of his fingertips against his chest. He feels it whenever they’re alone, like a constant reminder that he doesn’t have to act a certain way or be afraid of saying the wrong thing. He knows Satori accepts him for all that he is, even if he might not completely understand all the time. And for that reason, Satori is his comfort zone.

He even feels a little bit of anger. Mostly for the things Satori has had to go through, all things that he _never_ deserved. Ridiculous amounts of bullying and a family that never even seemed to want him in the first place… Wakatoshi wants to erase all of it, but he knows that’s not possible. It just makes him want to protect Satori from everything bad in this world. He wants to make him feel wanted, make him feel desired and appreciated, and above all…

Wakatoshi wants Satori to feel loved. 

When Wakatoshi looks at Satori, or simply thinks about him… warmth radiates throughout his entire body. It has for a long time, but he was never able to really place what that feeling was. And now he knows; when Wakatoshi looks at Satori, that warmth cascading throughout his entire body is love.

“You look really happy right now, Toshi,” Satori suddenly speaks, breaking Wakatoshi’s trance.

“I am happy,” Wakatoshi responds simply, then chooses to elaborate, “being with you makes me happy.”

Satori turns his head as a soft blush forms on his cheeks. He laughs a bit, waving a hand in front of his face, “C’mon, Toshi, you’ll make me blush.”

“You already are,” Wakatoshi points out, dragging the hand he has on Satori’s neck up to his cheek where he runs his thumb softly against his now slightly-pink skin. He notices quickly, and with slight amusement, that that contact only makes the soft pink shift to a brighter red.

“Are you feeling better now?” Wakatoshi finally asks, but only after indulging himself by staring at Satori’s face for just a little longer.

“Yeah,” Satori breathes, voice just above a whisper, “thanks, Toshi. Sorry for lashing out like that.”

“It’s not a problem. I apologize for not handling it correctly at first,” Wakatoshi feels a tinge of guilt, replaying the moment in his head when Satori swatted his hand away, “I will try my best to handle it better in the future.”

He’ll try his best. He’ll do what he has to do to protect Satori and make up for the lack of love he’s had in his life. Even if he has to tell Satori hundreds of times how much he loves him, he’ll do it.

Satori’s hand presses a bit harder against Wakatoshi’s chest. His eyes are thoughtful as they scan Wakatoshi’s face, and then he grips the fabric of his t-shirt, urging him closer. Wakatoshi obliges, moving his legs up and underneath him on the couch before crawling close enough to Satori so that their faces are just inches apart and his hands are resting against the couch on either side of him. Wakatoshi stays quiet, sensing in Satori’s face that he’s about to say something.

“Which do you believe more in, Wakatoshi?” Satori mutters, palm smoothing against Wakatoshi’s chest, right against his heart, “Fate or luck?”

Wakatoshi is a bit taken aback by the question and wonders what would have prompted it, so he gives him a confused stare, earning him a playful bat on the shoulder and a gentle laugh.

“Nevermind,” Satori continues, then pulls him even closer before whispering, “I’m a really lucky guy, Toshi,” and pressing his lips to Wakatoshi’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, rolling in a puddle of my own tears: i _promise_ i only want happiness for tendou satori
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo!! im back again! this update was a massive struggle for me, and im not entirely sure why? maybe because (spoiler alert) spicy things happen and i always spend so much time reading through things like that to make sure everything sounds okay...
> 
> anyway, HUGE thank you again to Erica (silveramoebasquid on here and on tumblr, please read her amazing fic),, especially this time because she's been so insanely encouraging lately and honestly this chapter, and this fic as a whole, wouldn't exist if not for her. <333 I appreciate her a lot. I think I say that every time,, lmao.
> 
> and thank you again to everyone else that's continued reading and commenting! c: your support and kind words are so important to me, and I wish I knew the proper words to express that!!!

The two weeks leading up to the start of university classes are eventful to say the least. The first day they’re officially moved out from Shiratorizawa, Wakatoshi helps Satori deep clean the house that he now has to call ‘home’. They plan to make it a quick process with both of them tackling different rooms to get things done efficiently, but what actually happens is Wakatoshi ends up cleaning the majority of the house while Satori tags along, obviously still feeling strange in this house. 

Wakatoshi doesn’t like the way this house affects Satori. It makes him seem smaller, and it dulls the usual brightness and liveliness he exudes. Maybe that’s why he agrees to do whatever he needs to do to make this a more comfortable space for him.

They don’t go in the office, though. Wakatoshi starts to, and Satori immediately latches onto his arm, tugs him away, and mumbles, “No, not that room.”

Wakatoshi doesn’t question it.

By the time they’re done, the house, while still feeling extremely somber and dull, has a bit more life to it. They stock the kitchen with enough food to last a few weeks, and Satori puts up several posters throughout the home, all in random places that Wakatoshi doesn’t necessarily think look good in terms of cohesiveness. But when Satori glances around at the images throughout his home, he smiles. And even though it’s a small one, Wakatoshi thinks it’s a miracle. 

Even after all this, after spending all day cleaning with him, Wakatoshi struggles with leaving Satori. He knows in his head that this is ridiculous; Satori lives just five houses down the street from him, and it would take him just a few minutes to come by and visit. But there’s still a clenching feeling in his heart when he stands outside Satori’s front door, their hands interlocked and their lips pressed together in a fleeting goodbye kiss.

He knows why, though. He has to leave him in just under two weeks, and it physically pains him, but he refuses to let Satori know that, refuses to let him see that weak side of him.

Wakatoshi’s mother is nothing short of amazing, of course. The entire time that he stays with her, she cooks most meals for him and basically insists that he just relax and do nothing for two whole weeks. However, Wakatoshi doesn’t really know how to just relax, so he helps her around the house and with cooking just as much as he used to when he was younger. 

He does enjoy the time at home, though, and develops yet another routine to stick to. He continues waking up early every morning, going on runs to stay in shape. After these runs he returns home, making breakfast for himself and his mother and bringing it to her while she’s still in bed. Only after he knows that she’s gotten her food will he finally go get a shower. The rest of the day is usually spent doing whatever his mother is doing if she’s not working; sometimes that’s going out shopping, sometimes it’s staying at home and watching TV together, cleaning, or being outside in the backyard tending to the plants. 

At least, that’s how the first week goes. 

Wakatoshi and Satori still spend quite a bit of time together. Satori usually comes by during the day to help with whatever Wakatoshi and his mother are doing. If they’re not at Wakatoshi’s, they’re spending time with the rest of the graduated third years. And when Satori isn’t around, he’s usually texting Wakatoshi or calling him. Wakatoshi is very used to getting texts and calls from Satori throughout the day, but he notices that as the week progresses, they become more frequent, and much more random. 

He’s laying in bed one night, almost asleep, when his phone goes off at a few minutes past midnight.

Noticing that this is starting to become a theme, Wakatoshi rolls on his side, reaching for his phone and squinting against the bright screen to read the message, even though he already knows who it’s from.

_**Satori** : toshiiii, i cant sleep (◞‸◟；)_

Wakatoshi isn’t surprised, this has been a recurring message for the past couple of nights.

_**Wakatoshi** : Do you have your television on again? You should turn that off at night, it would make sleeping easier._

_**Satori** : no, i dont this time. im just really cold (ノAヽ)_

This also isn’t a surprise, even though it’s not cold outside. Satori is just perpetually cold, all the time. Of course, it doesn’t help that the heat in his house can’t be turned on anymore. Satori had told him a couple days prior that, since the bill for the heating and cooling hadn’t been paid for months, it was turned off, and Satori didn’t exactly have the money to just turn it back on.

_**Wakatoshi** : Do you have extra blankets you can use? Or a space heater?_

_**Satori** : no… _

Wakatoshi knows this isn’t complete truth. He vividly remembers seeing a stack of blankets in one of the closets in the house.

_**Wakatoshi** : Are you sure? I remember seeing some blankets in the small closet outside your bedroom._

He doesn’t get an answer until about ten minutes after he sends this. He almost assumes that maybe Satori finally went to sleep, so he lays on his back again, closing his eyes. But then his phone _does_ go off again.

_**Satori** : toshi could u come over maybe? u dont have to stay all night, i just cant sleep and i think u being here might help （◞‸◟）_

Wakatoshi doesn’t give it a second thought.

_**Wakatoshi** : I’ll be over soon._

He carefully and quietly leaves his room, grabbing one of the house keys from the keyring hanging on the wall in the kitchen before stepping outside his house. The trek to Satori’s home doesn’t even take five minutes, and he notices as soon as he arrives that the front door is unlocked. He hopes this wasn’t the case all night. 

It’s extremely dark inside the house, but at this point he knows the layout fairly well and easily makes it upstairs to Satori’s bedroom. He knocks a couple times, softly, just in case he would have happened to fall asleep in the last five minutes. This isn’t the case though, because as soon as Wakatoshi knocks, Satori calls out, “Come in.”

Wakatoshi steps inside, surprised to see that, despite how Satori usually sleeps, his television isn’t on and the clock on his nightstand is even unplugged so there’s no light at all. He makes his way, carefully, over to Satori’s bed, doing his best not to trip on anything on the floor. As soon as he reaches his destination, Satori’s hand is already reaching out, brushing Wakatoshi’s thigh awkwardly, “Hey, Toshi,” he mumbles, shifting in bed to make room and then patting the space next to him, “you can lay down if you want.”

Obliging, Wakatoshi blindly reaches out and pulls back all three layers of blankets, crawling into Satori’s bed and immediately pulling the redhead close to his chest before replacing the blankets over both their bodies. 

Satori curls up against Wakatoshi, sighing against his chest, “Thanks for coming over.”

Wakatoshi can’t really see Satori all that well in the dark, but he can hear his slightly gloomy tone and senses that he’s upset.

“Is something wrong?” he asks, curling a hand into Satori’s hair and running it gently through his locks; this has become a proven way to calm both of their nerves.

“No,” he answers quickly, but not firmly, and then after a few seconds he changes his answer, “I mean… kinda. I just feel really lonely at night.”

Wakatoshi runs his other hand against Satori’s back, noticing with satisfaction that the tension in his body relaxes quite a bit.

“I just… I hate this house, Toshi. It’s dark and quiet and lonely and I feel _trapped_ in here. I don’t know if that even makes sense.”

To be fair, Wakatoshi isn’t sure how he could feel trapped in a house he could very easily just walk out of, but he doesn’t question that. He imagines that it would be difficult to live in a house that didn’t exactly hold the best memories.

“Anyway, sorry to make you come over so late. I won’t do it again.”

Now he can sense guilt in his voice, and he aims to squash that before it grows any more.

“It’s not a problem,” Wakatoshi mumbles, punctuating his words with a gentle kiss to Satori’s forehead, “I don’t mind. If it would help, you’re always welcome to come by my house, as long as you don’t wake my mother up in the process.”

“Really, Toshi?”

“Yes, though I will be leaving a week from tomorrow. I’m sure you’ll be welcome even after that, though.”

Satori is silent besides pressing closer against Wakatoshi’s chest and huffing a sigh. 

“You still seem upset, Satori,” Wakatoshi states calmly when he notes that Satori is still giving off a tense vibe.

“I’m okay,” Satori grumbles, “let’s just go to sleep, okay?”

“Alright.”

Wakatoshi makes himself stay awake for as long as it takes for Satori to fall asleep. Once he can hear his soft snores, quiet mumbles, and calm breath, he finally allows himself to do the same.

**\-----**

The offer for Satori to come over whenever he wants doesn’t stop there. The night after Wakatoshi gives the offer, Satori shows up at Wakatoshi’s house, curling into bed next to him and immediately commenting that he’s “glad he has a walking heater for a boyfriend”. The second night, this happens again, and then the third… and the fourth…

By the fifth night, Wakatoshi doesn’t even question Satori coming over. At this point, he’s given him an extra house key, so he doesn’t even have to get up to let him through the front door. Satori just comes in on his own, immediately pulling back the covers and tightly latching onto Wakatoshi. 

Wakatoshi is disappointed he didn’t offer this situation much earlier in the two weeks before he has to leave for school, because now he only has two more nights like this, and he doesn’t think that’s enough. 

Despite having his extremely clingy boyfriend in bed with him every night, he sticks to his usual routine. He wakes up just as early every morning, making sure not to wake Satori when he gets out of bed. That isn’t difficult though, since Satori is one of the heaviest sleepers Wakatoshi knows. 

Along with making breakfast for himself and his mother every morning, he adds Satori into the mix. Wakatoshi is a bit surprised that the smell of food isn’t enough to wake Satori up, but he just does the job himself when he brings him breakfast in bed. It takes quite a bit of jostling and pleading, but once Satori sees that Wakatoshi has food in his hands, that’s usually enough to make him sit up, his eyes wide and excited.

Wakatoshi’s mother has zero complaints about Satori being over so often, and she doesn’t even mind him staying the night. Satori and her get along just as well as they used to years ago, and that puts Wakatoshi a bit more at ease. At least he knows that, if Satori were to get lonely or upset, he would have someone to immediately turn to that was right down the street. 

Satori being around all the time just feels natural, and Wakatoshi accepts this both as a blessing but also as a curse, because while he appreciates how well they mesh together in terms of everyday living, he realizes how much he’s going to miss it when he has to leave. 

By the time there’s only two nights left before Wakatoshi has to leave, his daily routine with the addition of Satori has become normal even though it’s only been in place a few days. Morning runs, coming home to make breakfast, stepping into the shower, and coming out to find Satori (and sometimes Wakatoshi’s mother as well) seated in the living room, watching television. Wakatoshi just wants it to last forever.

Wakatoshi’s mother leaves the house two nights before he has to move to school, saying she has to watch the dogs at her sister’s house but she’ll be back in the morning. She bids Satori and Wakatoshi goodbye, telling them not to stay up too late, though they both know she means it mostly as a joke. They spend the evening curled up on the couch, flipping through the channels on TV, not really finding anything all the interesting to watch. 

It gets considerably late, though that’s been the case most of these nights since Wakatoshi wants as much time as possible with Satori. Sure, it always made him extra tired in the morning, but it definitely proved to be completely worth it. At around 10 pm, Satori, whose head is currently slumped against Wakatoshi’s, glances up at him, mumbling, “Toshi, this is boring.”

Wakatoshi hums in agreement, staring at the screen in front of him, playing some crime drama that neither of them are remotely interested in.

Satori shifts, sitting up straight again before swinging a leg across Wakatoshi’s legs, effectively placing him right in his lap. Wakatoshi watches him carefully, remembering just where this went the last time he did this, but this time Satori wraps his arms around Wakatoshi’s neck and tucks his face against his shoulder, sighing dramatically. 

“Is something wrong?” Wakatoshi questions, wrapping his arms around Satori’s waist.

“No,” Satori’s voice is muffled, “just tired, I guess.”

“Do you want to go to bed?”

“Hmm,” Satori lifts his face again, looking Wakatoshi in the eye, “yeah… let’s go to bed, Toshi.”

Wakatoshi stares at him awkwardly for a moment, glancing down at his lap before looking up again, one eyebrow raised, “I can’t get up if you’re on my lap.”

Satori giggles, lips curling into a smirk, “Well, you could just carry me.”

“Carry you?”

“Yeah,” Satori’s expression is filled with amusement but Wakatoshi can tell he’s being very serious about this request, “I’ll hold on really tight, it’ll be fine. You room isn’t that far anyway. Plus… when would you get another chance to carry me like this? You never know, Toshi,” he reaches down, softly patting his own stomach a couple times, “college might make me gain a few pounds.”

Wakatoshi furrows his brow, very confused about why Satori would be so adamant about this. It would be much easier if they just walked to his bedroom.

“Would you still love me if that happened, Toshi?” Satori asks, voice breaking up amidst a few laughs.

“Of course,” Wakatoshi answers simply, thinking it’s incredibly odd for Satori to even question that.

Satori makes zero moves to get out of Wakatoshi’s lap, so he finally just stands up. Satori isn’t exactly light but he’s easy enough to carry, especially with his arms and legs wrapped around Wakatoshi’s neck and waist, reminding him vaguely of a koala. The first couple steps are a bit wobbly, and Wakatoshi almost threatens to put Satori down and make him walk once he hears him giggling right next to his ear. 

Slowly but surely, he makes his way through the hallway leading to his bedroom without bumping into too many walls, and shuts the door behind him with his foot before plopping Satori down on his full-sized mattress. 

Immediately sprawling out, Satori laughs again and stares at Wakatoshi, “Uh-oh, looks like you gotta fight me for part of this bed.”

“I can sleep on the floor or the couch if that would be more beneficial for you,” Wakatoshi offers.

“It’s a joke, Toshi,” Satori laughs loudly again, his entire body shaking, “besides, you gotta keep me warm at night.”

Wakatoshi offers Satori a smile before making his way over to his dresser. He pulls out a pair of sweatpants, like normal, slipping them on once he’s out of his jeans. He moves to pull his shirt off next, tugging at the hem and-

He has his shirt about halfway off, and there’s hands pressing against his back. He’s fairly sure that those hands are Satori’s, considering he’s the only other one in the room, or in the house. 

But he knows it with utmost certainty once he hears Satori murmur, “Lemme help you with that.”

Now one of those hands is helping him slowly pull his shirt off, while the other smooths across his shoulder blades and his upper back. Wakatoshi lets the shirt fall to the floor before he starts to turn his body to face Satori, but the redhead stops him with a hand on his shoulder and a quick, “No no no, wait, just… stand here for a minute.”

Thoroughly confused but also completely trusting in Satori, Wakatoshi stares straight in front of him and obliges. Satori’s hands run softly against Wakatoshi’s shoulders, his upper back, his lower back, and then back up. Oddly enough, he’s extremely quiet besides sighing a few times, and eventually he presses his lips against the back of Wakatoshi’s neck.

Wakatoshi lets his eyes close, lets his head fall forward a bit, lets himself enjoy the oddly gentle and soft touches that Satori is supplying. If he didn’t know him so well, he would almost assume that it was someone else entirely. He’s not even sure how long Satori keeps it up, but he’s fallen into an extremely blissful trance.

“I’m gonna miss you a lot, Toshi.”

There goes the blissful trance.

Wakatoshi opens his eyes again, notices that Satori’s hands have stopped, now they’re just resting against his shoulder blades. He waits a moment before attempting to turn his body again. This time Satori doesn’t stop him, he’s too busy letting his head droop, staring at the floor. Wakatoshi isn’t sure what to say, so he pulls Satori against his chest.

“I wish I could go with you. I wish I was smart enough for that school. Or, I know it’s selfish, but I wish you could stay here. I don’t wanna be alone again, Toshi. I can’t handle being alone. It’s scary and-”

“Satori,” Wakatoshi firmly interrupts him, reaching to cup his face and lift it so he can look him in the eye, “What did I tell you the night of the match against Karasuno? Do you remember?”

“Yeah, but-”

“What did I say?”

Satori stares at him, a hint of relief washing over his expression before he mumbles, “You told me that no matter what paths we take in life, I won’t lose you.”

“And did you think that was an empty promise?” Wakatoshi tilts his head curiously.

“No!” Satori clings on to Wakatoshi’s arms, quickly shaking his head, “Of course not, Toshi!” he deflates again, “But even then… it’s gonna be hard not seeing you every day.”

“We’ll still see each other. The train system has a stop a few minutes from my university.”

“I know…”

“Nothing is going to change between us,” Wakatoshi moves his other hand to rest against Satori’s hip, “Do you understand?”

“I-”

“Satori,” he keeps his hand pressed against his hip and softly runs his thumb across his jaw with his other hand, “do you understand?”

“Yes,” Satori finally answers.

In most cases, Wakatoshi doesn’t like to interrupt Satori, but he knows that when he gets too much in his head, in his overwhelming and loud emotions, all he needs is a gentle tug back to reality.

All he needs is a reminder that everything is okay.

“Good,” Wakatoshi moves his hand to cup Satori’s chin, offering him a gentle smile before giving him the reminder he thinks he really needs to hear, “I love you.”

Satori lets the words sink in before finally smiling, “Even if I make you sleep on the couch?”

“I thought you said that was a joke?”

Satori laughs again, loudly and unrelenting, “It was, Toshi, you gotta learn to read sarcasm a little better,” he gently pats Wakatoshi’s upper arm before stepping closer and smirking, “now kiss me, you doof.”

Wakatoshi does, and he does it tenderly, letting his palms smooth down Satori’s sides before resting at his hips. His eyes are closed but he can feel Satori’s grip on his upper arms tightening, his lips curling even more as his tongue smooths against his. He grunts a little, even, making Wakatoshi’s spine tingle. Then he presses against Wakatoshi, forcing the ace back against his dresser. Now he’s nipping slightly at Wakatoshi’s lower lip, tugging gently at it in between wet, ardent kisses. The final straw is when he moves his hips, pushing them right against Wakatoshi’s.

There’s that fire again. Wakatoshi’s fingers dig into Satori’s hips, unconsciously tugging him closer and closer until their bodies are pressed flush against each other and then-

Satori groans against Wakatoshi’s lips, pulling back just enough to mutter his name, “Toshi…”

Wakatoshi opens his eyes, meeting Satori’s half-lidded stare. It reminds him of the many other times they’re gotten into heated moments like this, but this time Satori’s eyes are even more intense, practically begging Wakatoshi to do something. In the past, he’s had trouble catching these signs, understanding these suggestive glances, movements, and touches, and as quick to move as Satori is, Wakatoshi couldn’t be more grateful that he’s been so patient with him.

At least now he has a better idea of what he’s doing. 

Hands still on Satori’s hips, he hooks his thumbs under the hem of his t-shirt, giving him a curious glance. Satori immediately nods his head just a bit before making a move to remove the garment himself, but Wakatoshi stops him with a soft, “Let me.”

Satori’s face goes a charming soft pink as he lifts his arms above his head. Wakatoshi drags the t-shirt up slowly, taking time to run his thumbs against the soft lines of Satori’s abdomen and his pecs before finally slipping it off and letting it fall to the floor. He’s lost count of how many times he’s seen Satori like this but _god_ if he isn’t just as enamored every single time. He wants to keep staring forever but Satori tugs him into another impassioned kiss, hands snaking up around the back of his neck. 

There’s more going on this time; Satori’s hips continually press up against Wakatoshi’s, almost in a sort of rhythm. His breath gradually picks up, his fingers dig into Wakatoshi’s scalp, and eventually he’s just unabashedly whining against his lips. Wakatoshi would know just by all these clues that Satori is worked up, but the main sign is the increasing hardness pressing up against his thigh. 

Curious, he shifts his thigh forward, earning him a breathy moan spilling from Satori’s lips.

“Again,” Satori mutters, “do that again, Toshi.”

He obliges, a bit slower this time. Satori sighs with pleasure, digging his nails into Wakatoshi’s neck. He does it again, again, and once more before Satori finally cracks, hissing and begging, “Bed, let’s move to the bed.”

Wakatoshi guides Satori backwards until the back of the redhead’s legs come in contact with the mattress. He immediately crawls on top, and Wakatoshi follows suit until Satori is laying back against the pillows and the ace is hovering above him, hands resting on either side of his head. They’re kissing again, but this time it’s sloppy and hectic and Wakatoshi’s brain feels like it might combust. Never before has he wanted so badly to spend hours doing just this, roughly kissing Satori and making him whine and twist with desire below him. 

“Toshi,” he finally utters, hands raking against Wakatoshi’s shoulders, “can I try something?”

Wakatoshi presses a few more kisses against his cheeks, below his eyes, and on the tip of his nose before answering, “Try what?”

Trailing random shapes and patterns against Wakatoshi’s skin with his fingertips, Satori’s voice is soft but he speaks clearly, “Can I suck your cock?”

_Oh._

Wakatoshi stares at Satori with a blank expression for a moment, a bit taken aback by the question. He can physically feel himself becoming more aroused simply at hearing those words coming out of Satori’s mouth though, and-

“I’m sorry, nevermind,” Satori blurts out, covering his face and groaning, “I need to be more patient with you, I know you’re not always ready for new things, Toshi, I’m really sorry, I haven’t even _tried_ it before-”

Satori stops as soon as Wakatoshi grabs one of his hands, gently tugging it away from his face. The ace gives him a small smile, running his thumb against Satori’s palm, “It’s okay, I’m okay with it.”

Of course he’s okay with it; he trusts Satori with his entire being.

“Wait- really? You’re… you mean I can?” Satori is clearly flustered at this point, sitting up a bit.

“Yes,” Wakatoshi answers bluntly, though admittedly he has no idea how this specifically works, “just tell me what to do.”

Satori’s expression softens, and he gives another one of his trademark smiles, his eyes slightly crinkling up, “Just lay back, I’ll do all the work, but promise me you’ll tell me if it doesn’t feel good.”

“I will.”

Wakatoshi’s mind is racing with a thousand questions, but he does what Satori says, trading spots with him and laying back against the pillows. Satori settles between his legs, watching him closely, “Tell me when you’re comfy, okay?”

Shifting a bit until he thinks he’s as comfortable as he’ll probably manage to get, Wakatoshi nods, “I’m comfortable.”

Satori takes a deep breath, lowering his gaze to settle on Wakatoshi’s lower abdomen. He reaches out, smoothing a hand across his abs and then downwards until he reaches the waistband of Wakatoshi’s sweatpants. Watching him with bated breath, Wakatoshi’s stomach clenches when Satori drags the waistband down along with his underwear. It’s definitely not a bad feeling in his stomach, and it flares into something extremely hot again when he watches Satori’s tongue flick out briefly, hears the redhead give a shaky exhale. 

Satori takes hold of him, and Wakatoshi’s breath catches in his throat. It’s not the first time he’s touched him like this, but it’s so much different this time… maybe because he’s watching him, studying the way his expression changes and focuses intently on Wakatoshi. He strokes slowly, his other hand resting on Wakatoshi’s thigh.

They both stay quiet for a bit, but Wakatoshi’s breath is starting to become more shallow and he can feel himself getting harder in Satori’s grip. He wants to close his eyes and relax but it’s impossible not to watch the show in front of him.

“Y’know, Toshi,” Satori speaks in a low tone, fingertips dancing across Wakatoshi’s thigh as he continues rhythmically pumping his cock, “I’ve thought about this a lot lately.”

Wakatoshi grunts in response, fingers clutching at the sheets beneath him. Something about Satori’s voice and the way he’s speaking is doing something to him, making his body feel tense in a good way.

“Yeah,” Satori smirks, face dangerously close to Wakatoshi’s cock now, “I think about making you feel good a lot, Toshi,” he can feel his breath against his extremely sensitive skin now, “I just hope I can deliver.”

Suddenly he’s dragging his tongue against him, running it along his tip, down his shaft, and then back up again. Wakatoshi nearly jolts upwards, but he contains himself because it feels _incredible_ and the last thing he wants is for Satori to stop. He settles instead for grasping the bedsheets so tightly his knuckles go white, and allowing a soft groan to slip past his lips. 

Satori laughs, and then grins, clearly pleased with himself, “That was good? You’re okay so far, Toshi?”

_God, yes,_ Wakatoshi thinks, but he doesn’t say it. Instead he nods and offers him an encouraging stare.

Satori continues, repeating the same ministrations that he tried before until he’s gotten into a comfortable rhythm. Wakatoshi, now breathing quickly through parted lips, keeps his eyes glued on Satori, watches how focused he is, but also how careful he’s being, hands delicately caressing Wakatoshi’s thighs and cock, eyes constantly flicking up to check on him. 

When Satori finally wraps his lips around Wakatoshi, the ace feels like he might just erupt into flames, and there’s no stopping the throaty groan that erupts from him.

Satori laughs again, humming with appreciation around Wakatoshi’s cock, and _god_ , Wakatoshi can feel the vibrations of his lips, the firm press of his tongue, the wetness of his mouth, and it’s enough to nearly push him off the edge. He presses against the sheets, pushes his head back against the pillows, and grits his teeth as he fights himself from thrusting upwards. 

He can feel himself getting close, though, making him moan Satori’s name, low and urgent. The redhead hums again, swirls his tongue along Wakatoshi’s tip one last time, and that’s where he loses it. 

He curls his toes, groaning again as he releases himself inside Satori’s mouth, and though he doesn’t mean to, he unconsciously bucks his hips upwards a bit.

Satori makes a choking sound and immediately recoils, making Wakatoshi instantly sit up. Satori sits up as well, hand covering his mouth as he coughs. It sounds painful, so Wakatoshi crawls closer to him, cautiously reaching out to cup his cheek, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Satori sputters, coughing a few more times before finally taking a deep breath, “yeah, I’m okay, Toshi… what about you?”

Wakatoshi doesn’t immediately answer. He studies Satori’s face, beet red and cautious, and then he feels his own heart start to race as he processes what just happened, how good Satori made him feel at the cost of his own comfort.

He doesn’t give a spoken answer, even if he wanted to he’s not sure he’d find the right words. Instead, he cups Satori’s face, pulling him closer and into another heated kiss. Satori’s hands instantly grasp at Wakatoshi’s neck, and he pulls him down, back to their original position with him laying down and Wakatoshi above him. 

He breaks the kiss for a quick moment, staring up at Wakatoshi through half-lidded eyes, “That good, huh?”

Wakatoshi threads a hand through Satori’s hair, “Can I return the favor?”

Satori freezes up, eyes extremely wide and unblinking, “Wait… what?”

Nervously, Wakatoshi reaches down with his free hand, dipping his thumb under Satori’s waistband, “Can I return the favor?” he repeats.

“Toshi, hang on,” Satori’s voice is more serious now as he reaches for Wakatoshi’s arm, gripping his wrist, “you don’t have to do anything. I don’t expect you to. As long as I can make _you_ feel good, that’s all I care about.”

“I want to,” Wakatoshi mumbles, tugging a bit at Satori’s shorts, “I want to try.”

Furrowing his brow, Satori loosens his grip on Wakatoshi’s wrist, but he keeps his hand where it is. Wakatoshi can sense something negative bubbling up in Satori, so he moves his hand away from his waist, resting it instead on the mattress.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course, Toshi,” Satori immediately answers, letting go of Wakatoshi’s wrist, “I just don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“I don’t feel obligated, Satori. I want to make you feel good too.”

Satori’s uncertain expression softens into adoration, his hand shifts back up to rest on Wakatoshi’s neck, and he tugs him back down, continuing their kiss from before. Wakatoshi lets himself enjoy the moment, but he moves his hand back to Satori’s waist.

He gives it a minute. A minute of focusing on the sound of Satori’s breath, the grip of his hands on his neck, the press of his tongue pushing up into his mouth, the feeling of his own heart beating like it’s about to jump right out of his chest. 

Finally, he tugs at Satori’s waistband again, slowly and gently so as not to make him uncomfortable again. Satori whines against Wakatoshi’s lips, but it’s when he lifts his hips slightly into the action that Wakatoshi translates this as a signal to keep going. 

Admittedly, he is nervous. He’s never touched Satori in this way before, he isn’t even sure how to do it. And while he’s done similar things to himself, it’s somehow different with another person. The only clues he has to go by are what Satori’s done to _him_ in the past. It’s always felt incredible when Satori does it; his fingers are extremely nimble and his touch is always the perfect mix of delicate and rough. Wakatoshi’s just nervous that he won’t be able to make him feel the same way. Luckily, he’s good at masking his nervousness, even though it’s not a feeling he’s used to at all. He just continues kissing Satori without abandon, keeps tugging at the fabric of his shorts and underwear until they’re resting at the middle of his thighs. 

He breaks away from the kiss, now feeling a strong desire to look at Satori. He meets his gaze for a split second before sitting upright, eyes trailing down the familiar pale, speckled skin of his neck, collarbones, chest, abdomen… 

His gaze settles on Satori’s lower half. He brushes his fingertips along his lower abdomen until he reaches a short, red happy trail matching his hair. He studies this for a moment before trailing his fingers down even further, tracing across a couple larger freckles resting just above his groin. Finally he stares at Satori’s arousal, curved slightly upwards and complimented, just as Wakatoshi might have guessed, by a soft dusting of marks matching the rest of his body. 

Feeling Satori’s stare, Wakatoshi looks up again, gazing into wide, nervous eyes. Those eyes look expectant, like he wants Wakatoshi to say something, anything. 

“You’re beautiful, Satori,” Wakatoshi finally says, maintaining eye contact while delicately brushing his fingertips across the supple skin of Satori’s thigh.

“Toshi, c’mon…” Satori mutters, blushing again and averting his stare.

Wakatoshi waits for him to say more, but he doesn’t. However, he still doesn’t appear uneasy or uncomfortable, so Wakatoshi tests the waters, dragging his hand inward to run his fingers against Satori’s cock. The redhead instantly shivers, but only a little bit, and a whine slips past his lips again. 

“Satori,” Wakatoshi calls out to him, only continuing once he has his attention again, “will you tell me if I’m doing something wrong?”

“Ah,” Satori gasps softly as Wakatoshi continues running his fingers against his sensitive member, “yeah… don’t worry about me, Toshi.”

Wakatoshi finally wraps his hand around Satori’s cock, starting with gentle and slow strokes. Satori sighs blissfully, eyes fluttering closed as his body starts to relax a bit more. Wakatoshi continues, mentally noting all the signs that this is going just fine, that he’s doing fine. Satori’s hands dig into the pillow beneath him, his hips move slightly along with Wakatoshi’s strokes, and every few seconds he hisses and moans softly. _He’s very noisy_ , Wakatoshi thinks, considering he’s barely done anything so far, _but that definitely isn’t a bad thing_.

Once he’s sure Satori is comfortable and everything is going smoothly, he leans back down, pressing his lips against his exposed neck. Almost instantly, Satori releases his grip on the pillow and replaces his arms around Wakatoshi’s neck, fingers digging back into his shoulder blades as he gives a shaky, “Faster, Toshi…”

Wakatoshi immediately obliges, picking up pace as he flicks his tongue out, massaging it against Satori’s skin. He drags it up, coming into contact with Satori’s ear before he whispers, “Is this good?”

“Little more,” Satori answers weakly, “the tip... “

He follows instructions yet again, this time gently running his thumb across Satori’s tip. He listens for a hint to know if this is what he wanted, but he doesn’t have to listen hard because Satori instantly moans, “God, _yes_ , Toshi,” as his hips buck upwards.

_Good_ , Wakatoshi thinks to himself as a sense of pride washes over him.

He wants to go back to Satori’s neck, but he’s interrupted when a palm presses against his cheek as the boy under him whimpers something he can’t make out. Wakatoshi presses his forehead to Satori’s, skin flushing when he notices the pleasured smile stretched across his face and the cloudiness of his half-lidded eyes, filled with an incredible amount of lust. Wakatoshi is reminded once again how he somehow finds something even more beautiful in Satori every single day. 

“Almost, Toshi,” Satori mutters, threading one hand up into Wakatoshi’s hair, “keep going.”

Wakatoshi does, and it only takes a couple more strokes before Satori’s back arches, Wakatoshi’s name spilling from between his lips but interrupted slightly by a throaty groan. His release spills out between both of them, coating their chests and Wakatoshi’s hand before he lays back completely again, panting.

Glancing at Satori’s blissful expression, Wakatoshi can’t bring himself to look away. He feels a need to say something, but he’s rendered speechless when he takes in the sight of Satori’s suddenly peaceful eyes, the curl of his lip, the redness of his cheeks, and the rise and fall of his chest, glistening slightly with the aftermath of his orgasm.

Satori giggles, cutting through the silence that’s only filled with the sound of their breath, “Look at this mess,” he motions weakly to the space between their bodies before making a move to get up, “I’ll go grab a towel.”

Wakatoshi stops him, pressing softly against his chest, “No,” he states gently, “just lay back, I’ll go get one.”

Satori smiles, leaning up to give Wakatoshi a quick kiss before lying back down and stretching his arms out across the mattress. He slowly closes his eyes, sighing blissfully as Wakatoshi climbs off his bed, making the mattress squeak just a bit. Wakatoshi tugs his sweatpants back up before making his way into the hallway and finally to the bathroom, where he grabs a clean towel off the towel rack. He turns to the mirror on the opposite wall, studying the mess that’s slowly rolling down his chest, dangerously close to his waistband. He dabs the towel across his skin, checking in the mirror that he’s clean before leaving the bathroom. When he gets back to his bedroom, Satori, still sprawled out, cracks his eyes open and watches Wakatoshi carefully as he steps closer to the bed. 

Wakatoshi carefully wipes at Satori’s chest, though he has to admit to himself that seeing Satori laying there, cum splattered across his skin, is actually an extremely beautiful sight. He only hopes he’ll be able to see something like it again, but judging by Satori’s pleased smirk as he watches Wakatoshi pat him down, he’s not too worried about that. 

When he’s finished, he tosses the dirty towel in the laundry, making a mental note to himself to take it with him when he leaves for university. He thinks his mother would probably benefit from not having to clean something like that, and surely she won’t miss just one towel.

“Just so we’re clear, Toshi,” Satori pipes up, tone laced with humor, “I really was kidding about the couch thing. I’d much rather have you in bed with me, even if it means I can’t sprawl out.”

Wakatoshi smiles, just barely, before flicking the light off and walking back over to his bed, switching the lamp on the nightstand on. Satori scoots to one side of the bed, patting Wakatoshi’s usual spot, and he quickly crawls into bed with him. Immediately curling up and nuzzling against Wakatoshi’s chest, Satori sighs again, “That was really nice, Toshi.”

He runs a hand through Satori’s hair, smooths his other gently up and down his waist, and then asks a question that’s been running through his head throughout this entire experience, “How did you know how to do that?”

“Oh,” Satori snickers, “well… I looked it up. I uh, did a lot of research, Toshi. Because I wanted to do it right the first time, or at least try to.”

“Ah,” Wakatoshi isn’t surprised in the slightest, considering Satori’s always been very shameless about these things, “I apologize for making you choke.”

Satori laughs again, this time a bit louder, before peppering a few kisses along his jaw, “It’s fine, Toshi. I don’t mind. You made up for it, anyway.”

“Did I?”

“Mhmm… You wanted to make me feel good, and you did. Well… _more_ than good. Amazing, really.”

Wakatoshi hadn’t realized he needed to hear those words, but once he does, a feeling of pride and satisfaction fills his entire being, “I’m glad,” he says softly, right against Satori’s forehead.

“Sleep now?” Satori mumbles, looking curiously at Wakatoshi. 

Wakatoshi hums agreement before reaching to switch off the lamp on the nightstand, “Sleep now,” he echoes, tugging Satori close against him again.

Just like every other night, he waits to fall asleep until he can confirm that Satori already has. This time, he notes how comforting and intimate it is to hold Satori like this; bare-chested and having just come down from waves of pleasure. Somehow it makes falling asleep easier, but Wakatoshi thinks that getting up in the morning might be a little more difficult than normal.

**\-----**

Wakatoshi’s alarm goes off the next morning at its usual time - 7 AM. He slips out of bed, taking care once again not to wake Satori, whose arms are wrapped loosely around his torso. Again, it’s not a difficult feat, and the redhead continues snoring softly as Wakatoshi pauses, staring at the peaceful expression on his face and the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

He eventually tears his gaze away, grabbing a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt before heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth and change. This process usually takes no time at all, so when he steps back out and notices that Satori isn’t in his bed anyway, he’s a bit puzzled. Where could he have gone so quickly without Wakatoshi noticing?

Wakatoshi takes a few moments to glance around the house, searching for any sign of Satori. He finds nothing, though, so he assumes that maybe Satori went back home. Accepting this, he finally steps outside to start his morning run.

“Morning, Toshi!”

Jumping a bit, Wakatoshi immediately turns to the source of the voice just outside and to the right of his front door, “Satori… good morning.”

Satori grins, eyes still droopy as if he literally just woke up minutes ago, “Sleep good?”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi gives him a confused look, noticing that he’s changed into clothes that aren’t his, “why do you have my shirt and shorts on?” he stares a bit more, noticing that the tag is sticking out of the maroon shirt Satori is practically swimming in, “Also you have my shirt on inside out.”

“Do I?” Satori shrugs the topic off, stepping up next to Wakatoshi and dropping down into a crouch, dramatically stretching his legs, “Anyway, I wanted to go with you on your run this morning, Toshi!”

Wakatoshi watches him, slightly amused by his enthusiasm this early in the morning. That’s definitely not typical of him. “Can you keep up?”

“What?” Satori squawks, looking up at Wakatoshi with slight disappointment, “Of course I can!”

“You and the others always fell behind in high school,” Wakatoshi points out, “Taichi and you were always the farthest behind.”

“Ushijima Wakatoshi, please…” Satori lowers his tone, gently gripping Wakatoshi’s ankle and giving him an intense stare, “have more faith in Miracle Boy Satori.”

Wakatoshi does, but that changes nothing.

Satori still falls behind, constantly yelling things like, “It’s fine, just keep going!”, “I’ll catch up eventually!”, “Wakatoshi, this isn’t fair, not everyone was gifted with endless stamina!”, and “Toshi, how do you do this _every_ morning?!”

Generally it’s Wakatoshi’s policy to never allow himself to slow down, no matter what. Often he would see people walking their dogs and desperately want to stop and give them the attention they deserved, or he would spot an interesting plant and want to take a look at it, but he still didn’t let that happen. This morning he makes an exception, slowing down every once in awhile and jogging in place in order to wait for Satori. When Satori manages to catch up, they run together for maybe a minute before he falls behind again. Truthfully, it’s amusing. Wakatoshi’s never had this much fun while running in the mornings, and while he likes to keep it a fairly serious and rigorous activity, he doesn’t mind this one morning being an exception.

By the time they’re done and back in Wakatoshi’s house, Satori is drenched in sweat as he collapses on the couch and sighs dramatically. Wakatoshi brings him a bottle of water and offers him a clean hand towel from the kitchen. After this he begins breakfast, making pancakes just as Satori had requested several times while on their run. 

They eat breakfast together on the couch, watching the morning news even though neither of them are all that interested in it. Once they’re done eating, Wakatoshi cleans their dishes, and then retreats to the bathroom to get a shower. Satori gets one after him, and not long after that, Wakatoshi’s mother returns home. The rest of the day goes by just like usual - spending time out back tending to plants, eating lunch together, and then spending the rest of the day in the living room, talking excitedly, and nervously, about university.

The day goes by quick… too quick, Wakatoshi thinks. By the time they’re back in bed for the night, Wakatoshi has the sudden realization that tomorrow is the day he has to leave. He’s excited, of course, how could he not be? But when he looks at Satori, curled up against him with his arms wrapped around his chest, he feels guilty. He doesn’t want to leave him, and he’s almost scared he won’t be able to in the morning. 

He’s happy his mother is going with him to help move him in, but he wishes Satori could come with him too, to make him feel more at ease in such a new environment. Making Wakatoshi feel comfortable is a skill Satori is incredibly good at. Unfortunately, Satori has plans tomorrow too. His orientation for school falls right at the same time as when Wakatoshi will be in the middle of a long car ride to campus.

Wakatoshi tries his best to go to sleep, and he does, off and on. Everytime he wakes up he takes a minute to study Satori’s sleeping form, his calm expression, making sure he never forgets how amazing this past week has been spending so much time with him, how amazing these past three years have been, how much they’ve bonded and grown together. 

He bites back intense emotions, fighting back tears that he knows will come if he keeps thinking about this. Now isn’t the time. He wills himself to fall asleep, and finally, he does.

**\-----**

The next morning, Wakatoshi doesn’t go for a run. He spends that half hour laying in bed, threading his fingers gently through Satori’s hair and counting the freckles on his cheeks. He loses count every time, usually because he’s interrupted by Satori shifting slightly or making a soft noise. Wakatoshi isn’t complaining, though.

Finally he does get up, and when he goes to the kitchen he finds that his mother already made breakfast: toast and fried eggs, just like she used to every morning when he was in elementary and junior high. All three of them eat together, mostly in silence because they all know what today brings, and they don’t want to acknowledge it just yet. Wakatoshi gets a shower afterwards, and when he’s done he notices that all his belongings have already been moved out to his mother’s car. He’s both thankful and disappointed.

The time is 9:30 AM, Satori has orientation at 11 AM, Wakatoshi aims to be on campus at around 2:30 PM, and the drive will take four and a half hours. Wakatoshi knows this, has calculated it carefully in his head several times in the past week, but it doesn’t make it any easier. 

His mother is already in the car, though she made it clear to him that he should take as much time as he needs to tell Satori goodbye. 

Wakatoshi walks Satori to his house, finding that he can’t let go of his hand even when they’ve stepped up to his front door. He keeps it tightly in his, noting how slender and delicate Satori’s fingers are in his.

“Well…” Satori starts, kicking slightly at a small rock on the pavement outside his house, “guess this is goodbye, huh?”

Wakatoshi hums, unsure of what to say in this moment. He’s trying to gather all his overwhelming feelings but finding it incredibly difficult. Looking into Satori’s eyes doesn’t help, because he can tell he’s struggling too. 

“You’re gonna be amazing… you’re gonna be the ace over there too, and I can’t wait to watch all your games and cheer you on,” Satori smiles, but it’s small and trembling, “I’m really proud of you, Wakatoshi.”

Wakatoshi gulps down the lump in his throat, blinks backs the stinging feeling in his eyes.

“And,” Satori’s voice shakes slightly, “I’m gonna come visit you whenever I can, okay? I promise.”

It’s getting harder to fight now. Wakatoshi tightens his jaw, refuses to open his mouth even though he knows he wants so badly to say so many things to Satori right now. He’s just not sure what those words are.

“Also we have skype… you can skype me anytime, Toshi. I don’t care. And call or text me. Please. I…” a sob breaks through, he wipes aggressively at his eyes, “I don’t know how long I can go without hearing your voice, and,” now there’s tears rolling down his cheeks, his lips are trembling and his body is shaking, “ _fuck_ , I’m gonna miss you, Toshi.”

Wakatoshi’s resolve cracks. He can feel wetness pooling in his own eyes now, can hear small but ugly sobs slipping past his lips, but he ignores it and immediately embraces Satori, stuffing his face in his neck before he allows himself to actually cry. 

Satori cries too, they cry together, hands grasping at each other’s bodies as if in a desperate attempt to keep each other close forever. 

“I love you,” Satori is the one to break the silence littered with sobs and sniffles, “I love you so much, Toshi.”

Wakatoshi gives himself a second to recuperate, finally pulling back and staring into Satori’s wet, red eyes, “I love you too, Satori.”

Finally they kiss, but it’s soft and chaste and it doesn’t last long. Wakatoshi doesn’t stop until he can feel Satori smiling against his lips, he doesn’t stop until he knows he’s leaving him in a good state of mind.

Wakatoshi’s mother has the car pulled up to the curb outside Satori’s house. When Wakatoshi starts to leave, he keeps his eyes focused, refusing to break eye contact with Satori. He reaches the car, reluctantly tugging the door open and sitting down inside. Wakatoshi’s mother rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder, gripping slightly but not saying anything. 

The last thing he hears as they pull away is Satori’s loud, booming voice chasing after the car.

“Go get ‘em, Miracle Boy Wakatoshi!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am very emotions,,,
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! gonna keep it short this time since i'm just anxious to post this! sorry its taken a bit to update ;;;
> 
> thank you again to Erica for being so encouraging and amazing, and thank you to everyone else who's continued reading, I really appreciate it!!!! <333

The move-in process goes by smoothly and quickly for Wakatoshi. The only fairly difficult part is telling his mother goodbye again, but even that isn’t all that painful. Maybe because he’d been living away from her for the past three years already. Wakatoshi assumes that the most difficult part of this new chapter in his life is yet to come. The thought of new classes, new people, new teachers, and a new volleyball team makes him slightly uneasy. 

Though the _most_ uneasy thought in his mind is definitely that of who his new roommate will be. 

He knows he looked at the form he had to fill out to move into the dorms on campus. He knows he saw a name and he knows it sounded vaguely familiar, but he can’t quite remember it. Wakatoshi’s always been better at remembering faces rather than names, anyway. 

When his mother leaves, Wakatoshi takes about an hour to put away things still in boxes. His room looks as clean and organized as it did at Shiratorizawa, which helps immensely at making it feel a bit more like home. He takes a quick photo of it on his phone, sending it to Satori. He knows he can’t answer right now, he’s likely still at school. Once he’s done he decides to walk to campus; maybe getting some dinner will make him feel a bit more at ease since he’s barely eaten today. 

Campus is filled with several options for eating, it’s almost overwhelming. Wakatoshi just settles for a simple sandwich from one of the less crowded dining halls. He finds a secluded spot outdoors - a small table right outside the dining hall, flanked by two chairs - and takes his time eating. He has no reason to hurry back to his dorm, especially if his roommate has showed up by now. He doesn’t want to get in the way of him moving in. 

He keeps checking his phone, anxious to hear back from Satori. There’s still nothing, though. Suddenly the thought creeps into his head that maybe Satori’s made new friends already. Maybe he’s already, on the first day of orientation, found a group of like-minded people who share the same passions as him and make him feel welcome at his new school.

Of course, the thought makes him happy. But it also makes him feel uneasy again.

Satori and him never really shared the same passions, besides volleyball. And now that’s over for Satori, he’ll likely never play again. His life is sketchbooks, easels, creative projects in which he can put all of his colorful thoughts and imagination into. Volleyball will probably slip his mind, he’ll never even consider it again, he’ll move on to other things, and maybe that’s the case for-

No.

Wakatoshi stops the loud, doubting thoughts in his head. He loves Satori. Satori loves him. Nothing could ever change that, right? 

He doesn’t want to think about that anymore. It’s silly that he has in the first place; he’s only been away from Satori for a few hours and his heart already aches to see him again, or even just to hear his voice. 

He never realized just how difficult this was going to be.

After sitting and mulling through a whirlwind of thoughts for about an hour, Wakatoshi finally decides to head back to his dorm. He takes the walk slow, pausing a few times to look at some of the bright and colorful flowers decorating campus. Admittedly, he is excited about his major, and he hopes the classes will be interesting. 

As soon as he gets back to his dorm, he notices something is different. There’s more boxes in the small living room area, and he can clearly hear movement coming from the bedroom that isn’t his. He steps slowly and carefully to his room, but before he can step inside, there’s a voice behind him.

“Hey, roomie!”

Wakatoshi turns, immediately taking in the sight of the person he’ll be rooming with. He’s tall, basically as tall as Wakatoshi, but he thinks that has something to do with the way his messy black hair sticks up as if he slept on it wrong and never fixed it. 

“Ushijima Wakatoshi,” the stranger says, folding his arms and giving a sly smile.

Wakatoshi remembers that smile, remembers it being a lot more aggravating on the court even though he only remembers playing him once or twice. This time it doesn’t feel that way, though.

“Kuroo Tetsurou,” Wakatoshi responds, turning his whole body to face his roommate, “from Nekoma.”

Kuroo snickers, “That’s me! Have to admit, when I saw who my roommate was I was really intrigued. They usually like to put people together if they have vaguely similar majors at this school.”

“Ah,” Wakatoshi didn’t know that, but now he’s also a bit curious what Kuroo’s major is.

“So? I assume you’re here for volleyball, right? Probably got a nice scholarship?” he leans against one of the kitchen counters, looking genuinely interested.

“I got a scholarship for volleyball, yes,” Wakatoshi answers.

“Cool! I got one too, but I already had my eyes on this school anyway. Their molecular biology program is really impressive.”

Kuroo doesn’t strike Wakatoshi as a biology kind of guy, but admittedly he doesn’t know him all that well. He nods, “I heard their horticulture program is also impressive.”

“That your major?”

“It is.”

“Huh, you don’t strike me as a plant guy, but that’s cool! Hopefully we can learn a lot from each other.”

Wakatoshi nods in agreement, choosing to stay silent since he’s ready to get back into his room. There’s a strong urge in him to check his phone again, hoping that Satori’s messaged him back by now.

“Anyway, I’m gonna keep putting my stuff away. I look forward to being roommates!” Kuroo takes a few steps towards his room and then stops again, “Oh, and playing volleyball together! It’ll be nice to be on the same side of the net this time!”

Wakatoshi returns his smile, but keeps it small. Once Kuroo is back in his room, Wakatoshi steps back into his as well, shutting the door behind him. He checks his phone, is disappointed to see there’s still nothing, and then he leans against the door for a moment, looking around the space and trying to get used to it. 

He spots a smaller box, resting right against the foot of his bed, one he must have forgotten about when he was unpacking things. This should be distraction enough until Satori decides to get back to him.

It’s mostly full of old clothing from Shiratorizawa - a sweatshirt, a couple t-shirts, some shorts. He isn’t sure what the point of keeping these is but at the same time, the thought of getting rid of them feels incredibly wrong. He’ll just hang on to them for now. 

Once he’s put these away in a drawer that’s fairly empty, he turns back around to face the box, surprised to see that there’s still something in it. When he steps closer and realizes what it is, he almost assumes that Satori just forgot one of his issues of Shounen Jump and it somehow ended up in Wakatoshi’s things.

But then he realizes… this isn’t just any issue of Shounen Jump. This is the very first one that they read together during their third year at Shiratorizawa.

He drops down to his knees and reaches out, gently picking it up and staring at the cover for a moment. He still doesn’t even know all these characters’ names, but he knows if Satori were here right now he’d remind him with no problem at all. Riffling through the pages, he notices there’s something stuffed about halfway through the magazine, and it falls out as soon as he passes it. 

It’s an envelope, bright purple and decorated with little stickers of plants. Wakatoshi’s name is written on the front, and there’s a small heart doodled right next to it. He wastes no time before carefully opening the envelope, trying not to rip it. 

It’s stuffed full of photographs. All photos that Satori has taken over the years. Some are both of them together, some are them individually, and some include their entire team at Shiratorizawa. Wakatoshi slowly flips through them.

There’s a blurry one of Eita, looking incredibly angry as he puts on one of his white Shiratorizawa t-shirts, permanently stained pink from the laundry. There’s one of Tsutomu, from the time he tried to get ready for a match so fast that he put his entire uniform on backwards. There’s Taichi, eyes red and watery and face covered by a surgical mask, likely from when his allergies were so bad he could barely play volleyball without sneezing every two minutes. There’s several of the entire team together, some funny and some serious. Photos from training camps and locker room shenanigans make up the majority of the stack of pictures.

But there’s some from this last week as well. There’s one of Wakatoshi out in the backyard with his mother, with a blurry Satori in the corner making a peace sign. There’s one of them both cuddling on the couch. There’s several that Wakatoshi recognizes as photos that were very random and unexpected, where Satori would simply tug him close and say, “Picture time!” There’s even one of Satori planting a kiss on Wakatoshi’s cheek, and that makes his heart ache even more.

The last photo honestly strikes Wakatoshi by surprise, but he supposes he should’ve expected no less from his boyfriend. It’s a photo of Satori from the waist up, shirtless. He’s winking, sticking his tongue out, and giving his typical peace sign. Wakatoshi turns it over, finding a note written out on the back that reads, “for when you get lonely~ (ゝω･)♡”

He stares at the photo for an embarrassingly long amount of time. He thinks he’ll probably hang the rest of them on his wall somehow, but this one… this one he’ll keep in his wallet, maybe. Or stuffed away in a drawer where only he can find it. For now, he sets it aside with the rest, finally coming to the last thing in the envelope - a folded up piece of lavender polka-dotted paper.

Satori’s handwriting has always been difficult to read, but Wakatoshi’s thankful that over the years he’s gotten used to it. Otherwise this handwritten letter would be very difficult to read.

_Hey Toshi!_

_I hope you find this when you’re unpacking things, it was really hard choosing pictures to print but I hope you like them! Also I probably should have warned you to watch for a gift, but that’s okay, I trust you to find it!_

_Anyway, I wanted to give you something to remember me easier. You know, like what we talked about on graduation day. I know you never decided on a gift, but - confession time - I nabbed one of your hoodies before you left, one that smells like you so I can stuff my face in it and think of you. Is that weird? It’s not weird, right? So yeah! That can count, I’m content with that. Hopefully you won’t miss it too much. It’s really cozy!~_

_I’m really excited for you, Toshi. I’m so proud of you and I can’t wait to watch you keep getting better and better every day. Someday I’ll be able to look at the world and say “Ushijima Wakatoshi is my best friend, my boyfriend, and he’s amazing!”, not that I can’t already say that of course. But you’re going to do so well at university, I know it. I wish I had as much confidence in myself as I do in you, but that’s why I always look to you for motivation!_

_You’re my rock, Toshi. You’re my everything and I already miss you so much even though I’m writing this as you’re a few feet in front of me, planting something with your mom. I fall more and more in love with you every single second we’re together and it sucks that we have to be apart for so long, but I have so much faith and confidence in our bond and I look forward to the day we can be together again, forever!_

_I hope the move-in process went well, I hope your roommate is nice, I hope classes go amazingly, I hope your new team is great, and most of all, I hope you have FUN! ☆_

_Please call/text/skype me anytime. I might be busy but I’ll do my best to answer. I’ll do my best to come visit whenever I can. I would do anything for you._

_I love you, Toshi ♡♡♡_

_Satori_

Wakatoshi reads through the letter countless times. He doesn’t even really know how long he’s been sitting there, but his legs start to go numb from sitting on them for so long. He’d probably keep reading it over and over and over again if not for his phone going off, signaling he has a new text.

He pulls it out from his pocket, pleased to see Satori’s finally answered back.

_**Satori** : oooooo~ looks nice, toshi!!! so clean and neat (*＾∀ﾟ)ъ_

Wakatoshi considers texting back, but he decides instead to try calling. It rings twice before Satori picks up.

“Toshi! Hey! How’s it goin’?”

“Satori,” Wakatoshi feels a rush of relief and comfort at the sound of his voice, “it’s going well. How was orientation?”

“It was fun! Everyone’s really nice and the teachers I met seem really cool! I think I made the right choice, Toshi, I can’t wait to learn so much stuff!”

Wakatoshi shifts into a cross-legged position, leaning back against the foot of his bed, “I’m glad. I also think you made the right choice.”

“Yeah!” he can practically hear his smile through the phone, “Anyway, how’s the university? Who’s your roommate? Oh! Did you find what I left you in one of the boxes?”

“It’s nice. I walked around a bit today, there’s quite a few places to eat and the plants on campus are well-maintained,” he hears Satori give a small laugh at that comment, “My roommate and I haven’t talked much, but his name is Kuroo Tetsurou, he’s from Nekoma. Oh, and yes,” he glances down at his side, shuffling through the photos again before smiling, “I did find what you left me. Thank you, Satori.”

“Ah, good! I was hoping it wouldn’t get lost! I’m wearing your hoodie right now, actually. Sorry I didn’t ask, but you have so many of them I figured you wouldn’t miss this one.”

“Not a problem,” he has to admit Satori is right, he’s accumulated quite a few hoodies over the years, loaning one to him really isn’t a problem at all, “are you back home now?”

“Yup! Being lazy… I need to get stuff ready for classes tomorrow, though.”

“I do too,” Wakatoshi eyes his school bag sitting by his door, still full of work from Shiratorizawa.

“Ah,” Wakatoshi can hear shifting and the creak of a mattress on Satori’s end and his tone drops a bit, “should I let you go then?”

Wakatoshi ponders it. As much as he doesn’t want to stop talking to Satori, he knows he’ll be happier in the morning if he has everything ready to go before class.

“Or,” Satori continues, voice bubbly again, “I’ll let you go _for now_ , but we can skype later? Before bed?”

“I would like that,” Wakatoshi answers quickly, smiling.

“Okay, sounds like a plan then! Have fun getting stuff together, okay? We’ll talk later, love you!”

“Love you too.”

**\-----**

Just as Wakatoshi expected, university is much more difficult and tiring than high school ever was. In fact, while he did expect it, he realizes he was never really prepared for the amount of work he’d be expected to accomplish.

He doesn’t really have “free days” like he expected he would. Weekdays begin every morning with classes starting at 9 AM. He gets a small, hour-long break for lunch, and then he has class again until 3 PM. His days don’t stop there, though. After this he has volleyball practice, starting at 4 PM and ending around 9 PM. This part doesn’t bother him too much; Shiratorizawa prepared him for extremely long and rigorous training sessions. The part that does bother him is having to get to all his homework every night before bed. Even on weekends he has practice, and when he’s not there, he’s back at his dorm, trying to finish the rest of his homework. 

This makes visiting Satori incredibly hard; he never finds a good moment to do that throughout the entirety of his first semester. Part of him feels guilty, but another part of him doesn’t, because he knows Satori is just as busy as he is. His projects are huge and, while they aren’t the same as Wakatoshi’s assignments involving insane amounts of terminology, they’re just as time-consuming.

They make it a habit to skype each other every night before bed, usually using their webcams. Sometimes they sit in mostly silence, each of them working on their own homework. Sometimes, if Wakatoshi has a fairly light load, he’ll sit and watch Satori work, watch his hands create masterpieces right in front of his eyes. It amazes Wakatoshi, he never realized Satori was such a good artist. 

On occasion, Satori’s loneliness gets the better of him, and he’ll ask Wakatoshi if he can keep the skype call going until he falls asleep. Wakatoshi always obliges, staying awake just long enough to end the call once he’s sure Satori is asleep.

This is the only contact they have besides phone calls and texts for a very long time. Wakatoshi never thought he’d miss Satori this much. Well… he knew he’d miss him, that was a given, obviously. But for him to miss the little things… like the feeling of Satori’s hand in his, the sound of his laugh reverberating through a room, the constant movement of his body and his inability to sit still, his habit of humming and always skipping as he walks… for him to miss all _those_ things so much, he didn’t really expect that.

He misses the physical contact too. Wakatoshi’s never been much for displays of affection, but with Satori it’s… different. He never feels pressured or pushed. Satori is incredibly patient, despite his constant desire to go further and do even more. He still makes Wakatoshi feel comfortable, and maybe that’s what he misses most. The comfort and warmth that fills his entire body when Satori and him kiss, when they huddle up together in bed or on the couch, or even when they do things even further. Those are things he can’t experience over skype calls and texts, but he’s thankful for what he _can_ get. 

Something that surprises him during his first semester is just how close Kuroo and him become. Wakatoshi had expected to simply live in mostly silence with Kuroo, only exchanging brief ‘hello’s when they would happen to walk by each other. But it doesn’t really work that way.

Wakatoshi finds that Kuroo is one of those people who really ends up being much more than they appear to be. He’s an amazing presence on the university team, though he doesn’t initially get a starting position like Wakatoshi does. His methods are certainly different than Satori’s ever were, but there’s no arguing that he’s an impressive middle blocker.

Even beyond volleyball, though, Wakatoshi finds that Kuroo is extremely intelligent. He spends minimal time studying and doing homework, and yet still manages to pull off extremely high scores on everything in all his classes. It honestly baffles Wakatoshi, because he’s always had to work hard to get decent grades on his own. It takes a while for him to really work up the nerve to ask, but eventually he starts asking Kuroo for occasional help. It’s nice to find someone to fill the role that Reon served for three years, though he doubts Kuroo will ever become as close of a friend to him. 

They definitely bond, though, and in a way Wakatoshi never would have expected.

It’s an extremely busy Saturday night for Wakatoshi. His homework has piled up so much that he doesn’t even take Satori up on skyping. He misses him so much that he knows if he has the ability to speak to him or look at him, there’s no way he’d be able to focus on the work in front of him. 

He works for hours, combing through stacks of vocabulary lists and several pages of constant, relentless text. It’s honestly maddening, but he feels lucky that the subject matter is at least something he has a decent amount of interest in. 

He allows himself a small break, stepping out of his room and into the kitchen to grab a quick drink of water. He does this without looking around the dorm too much, but when he moves to step back into his bedroom, he notices a new presence sitting on the couch. 

Well, more accurately, a new presence sitting in Kuroo’s lap.

His back is to Wakatoshi, he’s curled up in Kuroo’s crossed legs, thumbs working rapidly at what Wakatoshi thinks is either a phone or a small gaming device. His hair is dyed blonde, Wakatoshi can tell because his roots have noticeably grown out.

Wakatoshi catches himself staring for a moment, and quickly tears his eyes away before retreating back into his room. He shuts the door behind him, suddenly wondering just who this new person was. Kuroo never mentioned having a guest over, and while it doesn’t really bother Wakatoshi that he didn’t say anything, he stills feels a bit strange about it.

He ignores it for now, returning to his homework again for what feels like another five hours but is actually only about one or two hours. He wants so badly to call Satori, to hear his voice, to see his smiling face… but he knows nothing would get done if he allowed himself that luxury. 

He’s in the middle of reading through one of his many textbooks when there’s a soft knock on his door. Curious, he looks up and calls out, “Yes?”

Kuroo opens the door slowly, leaning against the doorframe, “Hey, you busy?”

“I am,” Wakatoshi glances down at his textbook, “did you need something?”

“Yeah, I just…” he rubs the back of his head nervously, “wanted to apologize for not letting you know Kenma was coming over. You seemed kinda upset when you saw him.”

“Kenma?” Wakatoshi assumes this must be the stranger he saw earlier.

“Yeah! Kenma’s… well, we’re together. He’s my best friend, but we started dating in my third year at Nekoma,” he stops himself, smiling awkwardly and shaking his head, “sorry, that was… too much information. Anyway, I apologize for not letting you know.”

“It’s not a problem,” Wakatoshi bookmarks his place in the textbook with a post-it note, “I apologize for making you think I was upset. I wasn’t.”

“Ah, good!” Kuroo flashes a wide grin, “I don’t think to let people know… we’ve always been like that, y’know? Super handsy and close. Ever since we were friends in elementary school. So it’s not a strange thing for me.”

Wakatoshi’s eyes light up a bit at ‘elementary school’, “Satori and I were also friends in elementary school.”

“Satori?” Kuroo cocks his head in confusion.

“I apologize,” Wakatoshi feels silly, he almost assumes everyone who knows him also knows Satori since they’ve been inseparable friends for so long, “Satori is my best friend. We also started dating in our third year of high school.”

“Really?” Kuroo smiles again, “That’s so funny, imagine that! You were on the same team?”

“Yes, he was our middle blocker at Shiratorizawa.”

“Wait,” Kuroo’s eyes widen, “are you… talking about that guy with the crazy red hair? The loud one?”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi smiles, thoughts drifting to Satori’s surprisingly soft hair and booming voice.

“Wow,” he pauses, mulls the thought over, and then laughs, “I never would have expected that. You guys must be super close, though.”

“We are. I love Satori very much.”

Wakatoshi thinks the words might come across a bit strong, but Kuroo only smiles, a twinkle in his eyes as if he understands completely, “That’s really good to hear. I’m happy for you guys.”

“Thank you,” Wakatoshi nods in acknowledgment and then takes a few seconds before finishing, “I’m happy for you and Kenma as well.”

“Oh, thanks!” Kuroo averts his gaze, laughing softly again before looking at Wakatoshi again, “So… you’re cool with him coming over more often?”

“Of course,” Wakatoshi answers quickly, reaching for his textbook again.

“Awesome! Maybe next time he comes over you can meet him for real. He usually isn’t too good with new people, though. I hope to meet Satori sometime too.”

“I would like that. He’s in art school and he’s very busy, but he would like to visit sometime, I think.”

“I look forward to it!” Kuroo reaches for the doorknob again, “I’ll leave you alone now, you look really busy. If you need help, I’m out here.”

“Thank you,” Wakatoshi offers him a smile before his roommate shuts the door behind him as he leaves.

**\-----**

“How do you deal with it?”

Wakatoshi glances up from his homework, asking a question that, in his head, makes complete sense, but upon further thought, he realizes how vague it is.

“With what?” Kuroo asks, also looking up from his own homework on the dining table in front of them.

“With missing Kenma. How do you deal with that?”

“Oh,” Kuroo leans back in his chair, sighing, “well… that’s not an easy thing, is it? Missing someone you love so much.”

Wakatoshi nods in agreement. The emptiness has been getting harder to deal with lately. He’s proud of himself, proud of Satori, but being away from him for so long is starting to take its toll.

“For me,” Kuroo continues, putting his pencil down and folding his arms, “it helps having Kenma come over so much, but I know that doesn’t really help your situation since Satori is so busy. Wait, you aren’t _mad_ at him are you?”

“No,” Wakatoshi answers the question effortlessly. He might be mad at the situation, yes, but it’s hardly Satori’s fault that he can’t make it to visit, much like it’s hardly Wakatoshi’s fault that he can’t find time to visit him either.

“Good, because you shouldn’t be. You’re both working hard for your futures right now, and that’s important. Not to… give you life advice or anything,” he laughs, “but just… think about how great it’ll be when you’re both done with school.”

Wakatoshi does think about it. He thinks about working every day, coming home to Satori, whose working from home, making dinner together and watching television until it’s time for bed, curling under the covers together every night… 

It’s everything he wants.

“See, you’re smiling,” Kuroo observes, a grin filling his own face, “so that’s what you need to think of whenever it seems impossible to get through. That’s what I do, anyway. Kenma wants to go into game design, I like to think of us living in a nice apartment in the middle of a big city, him making video games and me working in genetic engineering,” he sighs blissfully, “that’s the dream, anyway.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Right?” Kuroo leans forwards again, resting his arms on the table, “So what about you, Wakatoshi? What’s the end goal?”

When Wakatoshi stops to think about his future with Satori, sometimes it seems blurry, because nothing is ever set in stone. Nothing is ever concrete, but when he thinks about his best friend, something _does_ feel certain. The thought is comforting.

The only thing he’s certain about in his life is that he’ll always want Satori in it.

“I would like to live somewhere rural, I think Satori would as well. We love nature. I’d like to own a dog. Satori loves animals, though I think we would want something smaller, like a lizard. I’m not certain about my future job, but I know Satori wants to be a manga artist,” he fiddles with the pencil in his hand, twirling it, “I don’t care what he wants to do, I would do anything to help support him in whatever his goals are.”

Kuroo doesn’t say anything for a moment, but he’s smiling warmly, knowingly.

“I don’t know him, but I think he’d probably say the same about you, Wakatoshi.”

“I believe so as well,” Wakatoshi smiles too.

“Anyway, that’s how you can deal with it. Just… think about what the future holds for you guys. That’s what I do. And then all the hard work, all this insane homework,” he presses a finger to the stack of papers in front of him, “it all becomes worth it.”

“I see,” Wakatoshi nods, “Thank you, Tetsurou.”

“No problem,” he moves to pick his pencil up again, “now, let’s get back to work, yeah? That way you can spend more time later thinking about all this.”

“Right.”

**\-----**

After a full year of college, Wakatoshi finally feels like things are starting to fall into place. His classes are going incredibly well, he’s already playing as the ace on his university team, and he feels a general closeness with his entire team, though he knows it’ll never match the closeness he had with his team at Shiratorizawa.

He’s still undecided about what he’ll work towards after university. He still has a definite interest in plants, and thinks maybe it’d be nice to one day own a little flower shop, but he just isn’t sure. All he knows is that he’s so busy, he doesn’t have much time to think about the future. And when he does get a chance to think about it, all his mind conjures up are images of Satori and him living together. 

He misses him a lot. He misses being around him every single day, spending all his free time with him even if it means doing absolutely nothing together. He wishes he could find time to go visit him, wishes it was as easy as buying a ticket for the train and showing up at his house. But it’s not. He’s still incredibly overloaded with work, and he knows Satori is too. 

Even during breaks from school, it’s hard for them to find chances to visit. Practice keeps Wakatoshi constantly busy, and Satori knows if he were to come visit, visitor guidelines and rules would be strict, and Wakatoshi would be gone and busy most of the time anyway. So they settle for late-night skype calls and texting throughout the day. 

Wakatoshi spends a good amount of time flipping through the photos Satori gave him at the beginning of the school year, as well as a multitude of new ones he sent him as a Christmas present. He couldn’t afford much, but Wakatoshi is thrilled anyway to have new things to look at. And, while Satori insists he doesn’t have to get him anything in return, Wakatoshi orders him a bottle of the cologne he’s always used, since he’s complained that he hoodie he nabbed from Wakatoshi is losing its scent.

During his first year of college, Wakatoshi gets to play in several official matches with his volleyball team. He never expects Satori to show up, given that he’s so busy, and he never does. Wakatoshi never holds this against him, though, especially since the guilt he feels is obvious whenever they talk afterwards. Luckily, the matches are broadcasted on television sometimes, and he’s able to watch anyway. 

But, in his words, he “wishes he could be in the stands, cheering Wakatoshi’s name”.

Reon shows up a couple of times with Hayato, as does the current team at Shiratorizawa. Wakatoshi speaks to them afterwards, pleased to find that Kenjirou is doing exceptionally well as captain and Tsutomu has completely lived up to his title of ace. Reon is working hard at university, focusing on becoming a coach for junior high students someday, and Hayato is excelling at culinary school. 

Seeing his old teammates is always a highlight and a breath of fresh air for Wakatoshi. As much as he does appreciate his new team, it’s just not the same as Shiratorizawa. He sticks next to Kuroo most of the time, feeling slightly disconnected with most of the other players. 

Things are going smoothly, though. Even if homework is piling up, he hasn’t seen Satori in person in a full year, volleyball is incredibly demanding, his sleep is being negatively affected, and he struggles a bit with some of the material in class, things are smooth. They’re fine.

Completely, 100% fine and according to plan.

Until they aren’t.

It’s a Friday night, Wakatoshi’s just gotten done with studying a massive pile of flashcards for a terminology test he has on Monday, and he’s ready to get a quick shower and crawl into bed. He’d gone without skyping Satori again tonight, simply because he wanted to get a lot of work done and didn’t need the distraction.

Though, when he thinks about it, their skype sessions _were_ becoming less frequent, limited now to only a couple nights a week. He almost feels guilty for this but he knows it’s best for both of them with their incredibly busy schedules.

His shower is extremely quick, just like it always is. He brushes his teeth afterwards, gets into a pair of extremely comfortable sweatpants, and shuts off his light. When he crawls into bed and grabs his phone to turn his alarm on, that’s when he notices something unsettling. 

Five missed text messages, three missed calls, all from Eita.

_**Eita** : wakatoshi, are you busy?_

_**Eita** : can you just call me when you get a chance?_

_**Eita** : alright seriously, i need to talk to you_

_**Eita** : also dont tell satori im texting you_

_**Eita** : wakatoshi, please call me, its kind of an emergency_

Wakatoshi’s heart speeds up a bit. He has no idea what this could possibly be about, but something doesn’t settle right with him at all. Eita didn’t leave any voicemails, but all of these texts and calls were in the span of the last thirty minutes, so he must still be awake.

He immediately calls him, hoping he’ll answer quickly so he can quell any of his rising fears. Fears of what? He’s not really sure.

Eita picks up after a few rings, “Wakatoshi, hey.”

“Hi, you asked me to call you?” 

“I did,” Eita sighs, “look, before I say anything… I’m not supposed to be talking to you, alright? Well… I’m not supposed to be telling you any of this. So, like… don’t let Satori find out, okay? He doesn’t want you worrying about him.”

Wakatoshi immediately feels slight comfort at the fact that Satori must be okay if Eita is telling him not to tell him anything.

“Alright, what’s going on?”

“How do I put this in an easy-to-swallow way?” Eita laughs nervously, “Wakatoshi, you need to come home. At least for a few days. Trust me.”

“School is very busy, I’m not sure if I can, Eita.”

“Fuck school, Wakatoshi,” Eita’s voice is stronger now, more forceful, “your boyfriend, my best friend, won’t come out of his house, won’t answer his door, and I’m fucking worried about him, okay?”

Wakatoshi goes silent for a moment, a thousand questions filling his mind, “Eita, he’s busy with schoolwork-”

“Oh my god,” Eita sounds exasperated, making a few strained noises before continuing, “Wakatoshi, do you not know?”

“Do I not know what?” Wakatoshi’s confusion is overwhelming at this point.

“Satori _dropped out_. He dropped out like… last semester, Wakatoshi. And he won’t come out of his house anymore. I’m terrified, how do you not know this? Don’t you guys talk _all the time_?”

Wakatoshi is speechless. Completely speechless.

He had no idea, he had no clue, he had no reason to even think anything was wrong. Sure, Satori was always in his room when they skyped, but he was still always painting and drawing and creating artwork so the thought that he dropped out never even occurred to Wakatoshi. He seemed fine, he seemed happy and bubbly as usual and now-

“Seriously, Wakatoshi… please come home. If not for me, then for Satori. I know you have an extra key to his house. We used to hang out all the time, and now he barely ever answers my texts. It’s been like three weeks since I’ve seen him. You don’t have to stay long, I just want to know that he’s okay.”

Wakatoshi answers without even thinking about it. 

“I’m boarding the next train over.”

Eita sighs with relief, voice shaky, “ _God_ , thank you, Wakatoshi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOPS ITS A CLIFFHANGER
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihihihi!!! I tried to be quicker this time! I'd like to keep updating once a week, I hope I can continue managing that!!
> 
> As usual, thank you Erica ([tumblr](http://silveramoebasquid.tumblr.com/), [ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid)) for being as amazing as always and matching my enthusiasm about this fic... idk how you don't get tired of hearing me yell about it as well as ushiten and tendou in general, lmao. <333
> 
> I also wanna thank [AJ](https://twitter.com/thehauntedboy) this time around, who's stayed enthusiastic about this fic, drew some [bEAUTIFUL ushiten art](http://thehauntedboy.tumblr.com/post/152833700891) the other day, and also linked this fic. I appreciate you so much and I'm so happy we're friends <333
> 
> And ofc thank you to everyone else who is still reading this. I say it every time, but I can't express how much it means to me because this story and ushiten in general are _very_ important to me.  <333

Wakatoshi packs the bare minimum - just enough clothes to last him the weekend, his laptop, and the stack of flashcards just in case he finds a moment to continue studying. He knows that’s not his priority right now, though. 

Train tickets are more expensive when they’re bought last minute, but that doesn’t bother him. What bothers him right now is Satori. Why did he lie to him? Why did he drop out in the first place? Why wasn’t he talking about things if he was upset? Wakatoshi thought he’d made it clear that if Satori had problems, he was always free to talk about them.

Wakatoshi tries not to get angry as he gathers everything in his backpack. He moves quickly, changing into a random t-shirt and jeans before stepping out to the shared kitchen and writing a quick note for Kuroo. 

The last thing he wants is to become angry with Satori; distance is making things hard enough, but to have this extra strain of his best friend, the most important person in his life, lying to him and choosing to suffer alone… admittedly it _does_ make him a bit angry. 

He jogs to the station, arriving a few minutes before the train itself. The train is nearly empty, there’s only a few sleepy passengers slumped against seats or staring at their phones. The silence almost makes things worse for Wakatoshi, because he can’t find a distraction for his mind to cling to. His thoughts keep wandering, drifting to horrible possibilities that he hates his brain for even conjuring up. 

What if he’s really sick and that’s why he had to drop out? What if he’s not getting help for his illness? What if he was being as reckless as usual and broke a bone or something? Maybe he can’t walk and that’s why he doesn’t leave home? Wakatoshi hasn’t spoken to him on skype for a couple days now, what if he’s not even alive?

Wakatoshi tightly shuts his eyes, digs his fingernails into the peeling fabric of the train seat and takes a deep breath. No. All those thoughts are ridiculous. Satori is fine, he _has_ to be. 

If he wasn’t, Wakatoshi isn’t sure what he’d do. The thought leaves him completely terrified, and that’s not a feeling he’s used to at all. 

Wakatoshi knows he could call his mother and ask her to check on Satori, but he also knows that if he didn’t answer the door for Eita, he wouldn’t answer the door for her either. The train ride proves to be the longest couple hours of Wakatoshi’s life so far, but when he arrives at the station be knows the walk to Satori’s home will only take a few short minutes. He shoots Eita a quick text, letting him know that he’s in town now and he’ll let him know when he’s gotten in contact with Satori. After this he begins the trek to his destination.

The house is in even worse condition on the outside now. The grass is extremely overgrown, somehow worse than it was when he visited last year. This isn’t a good sign, but he ignores it, chalking it up to Satori’s usual laziness when it comes to tasks like mowing the grass. He steps up to the front door and considers knocking before fishing in his pocket to grab his wallet. The key to Satori’s house is still there, tucked away in one of the small pockets. 

Wakatoshi’s hands never shake, but they are right now as he slowly unlocks the front door. It’s mildly frustrating - he wants to maintain composure in preparation for the absolute worse but his mind is racing and extremely loud and it’s hard and -

The house is an absolute mess. Wakatoshi glances to his right, noticing the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, flanked by piles sitting on the sides as well; dishes that can’t even fit in the sink. The pile of mail on the island is even worse, some envelopes spilling over and falling onto the floor. He looks to the left, noticing the stacks of carry-out boxes on the coffee table in the living room. There’s a few flies buzzing around too. 

These aren’t good signs either. Wakatoshi gulps, shutting the door softly behind him before turning to face the stairs in front of him again.

“Satori?” he calls out, voice cracking slightly with nerves.

He hears nothing, no response. 

“Satori? Where are you?” he tries again, a bit louder.

Silence.

His heart feels like it’s about to burst out from his chest, but he takes another deep breath, willing himself to stay calm before he begins ascending the stairs.

“Satori?” he calls out once more.

When he still doesn’t get a response, he makes the decision to stop calling out. Everytime he doesn’t get a response he can feel his heartbeat speed up even more, and that’s the last thing he needs right now. 

At the top of the stairs, he glances to his right again. The office door is still shut, Wakatoshi highly doubts Satori is in there anyway. He turns left instead, glancing inside Satori’s room. He isn’t there either, though the space is even more of a disaster than the first floor was. His bed and floor are covered in dirty clothes, volumes of Shounen Jump, even more dirty dishes and carry-out boxes, as well as an array of art supplies. There’s a clear empty spot on his bed, obviously from where he’s been sleeping every night, but the rest of the space is disgusting and Wakatoshi even has to hold his breath for a moment when a horrible stench reaches his nose. He stands and stares for a moment, speechless and shocked that Satori could ever let things get this bad.

And then he hears shuffling. It’s nothing all that loud, but he knows it’s coming from the bathroom just down the hall. 

Wakatoshi turns and quickly walks towards the small room, immediately finding that the door is shut. He slowly lifts his hand, knocking gently on the door before speaking again, “Satori, are you in there?”

He clearly hears sniffling.

The door isn’t locked. He opens it carefully, and immediately feels a crashing wave of relief when he finds Satori, curled up against the edge of the bathtub with his head stuffed against his knees, dressed in only Wakatoshi’s old hoodie and a pair of boxer briefs.

“Satori…” Wakatoshi breathes, stepping forward and dropping to his knees before pulling Satori against him in a tight embrace.

As if Wakatoshi’s touch flipped a switch, Satori’s arms immediately reach out and grasp tightly at the ace. He sobs, stuffing his face against Wakatoshi’s chest and staining his shirt with tears. Wakatoshi’s heart aches; he wants to know what’s going on in Satori’s head but he knows that he has to give him time to calm down. He closes his eyes instead, lifting a hand to run carefully through Satori’s hair.

They sit like this for a while. Wakatoshi isn’t sure how long, but he knows it’s over ten minutes. 

“Toshi,” Satori’s voice is muffled against his chest, but he lifts his red, tear-stained eyes to gaze into Wakatoshi’s, “I’m sorry.”

Wakatoshi can’t bear to hear Satori putting blame on himself, so he does the only thing he knows will keep him quiet. He tightly grips Satori’s face and crashes their lips together, immediately feeling that familiar warmth coursing through his veins, feeling every tense nerve in his body loosen.

 _God_ , he’s missed this so much. He’s missed _Satori_ so much. 

Satori, of course, obliges, pressing closer and dipping his hands underneath the hem of Wakatoshi’s t-shirt, dragging his fingers against the lines of toned muscle. Wakatoshi can feel tears dripping down Satori’s face still, running down his thumbs as he tries to gently swipe them away. Satori certainly hasn’t lost touch; his tongue still drags expertly against Wakatoshi’s, his lips still move with the perfect mixture of aggressiveness and softness.

Wakatoshi wants to keep kissing Satori forever, to pull him even closer until they’re flush against each other and never part again. But Satori is the one to pull away, lips brushing softly against Wakatoshi’s as he mutters again, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Toshi,”

“Stop,” Wakatoshi pleads, resting his hands on Satori’s shoulders now, “stop apologizing.”

“You don’t understand, Toshi, I fucked up,” Satori continues, voice extremely shaky and threatening to break around sobs once again.

“Help me understand,” Wakatoshi stares at him seriously, furrowing his brow in concern “tell me what’s wrong, please.”

Satori averts his stare, lifting a hand to swipe at his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie, “I dropped out, Toshi. I had to, I… couldn’t keep pretending anymore. So much shit has happened, I hate that I can’t function anymore, Toshi, I hate myself for it. Everyday is a struggle and I hate that I can’t move past this, I can’t keep going, I just want to give up and-”

“C’mere,” Wakatoshi interrupts with a gentle voice, tugging Satori into another brief hug before threading his fingers with his, “let’s go get you a drink, and then we can talk, okay?”

Satori nods weakly, biting his lower lip as if to keep the words from spilling from his mouth. 

Wakatoshi helps him stand up, keeps his hand in his as he guides him downstairs to the kitchen. He offers for him to go sit down while he gets a glass of water for him, but Satori shakes his head, tightening his grip on Wakatoshi’s hand. 

As soon as Wakatoshi hands him a full glass of ice water, they both move to the living room, choosing to sit on the loveseat farther away from the coffee table and its mess of empty food containers. Tomorrow, Wakatoshi thinks, he’ll make an effort to clean this place.

But first, he needs to find out just what is going on.

He watches Satori carefully for a bit, threading his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck as he takes small sips of water. Wakatoshi can see his expression better now, and he doesn’t like it. His eyes have always been droopy and punctuated with eye bags, but now… now his eyes are worse, and he doesn’t look healthy. He looks like he hasn’t seen the light of day for at least a week or two.

“Eita talked to you, huh?” Satori suddenly mumbles, staring straight forward at the wall, “I told him not to tell you. I didn’t want you worrying about me, I know how busy you are and you shouldn’t have to come baby me when I can’t handle shit on my own.”

Wakatoshi neither confirms or denies the accusation, “Why shouldn’t I worry about you?”

“Because, Toshi,” he scoffs, taking another quick sip before continuing, “I’m a fucking adult. I’m supposed to be able to handle life by myself. Just proves how worthless I am.”

“Stop,” Wakatoshi keeps his voice soft, even though he wants to raise it, “you aren’t worthless, Satori.”

“You don’t have to sugar coat things, Toshi. You’re so amazing and talented and I’m honestly confused why you’re still putting up with me. You deserve-”

“Satori,” his voice is a slight growl now, “I didn’t come here to argue with you. I came here to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re lying to me.”

Satori stays quiet, finishing off the last bit of his water before placing the glass on the floor. 

Wakatoshi gives him a couple of minutes, gives himself a couple of minutes to cool down. The last thing he wants is to snap at Satori while he’s in this state, but it’s hard when he’s being so self-depreciating. 

“You said you dropped out,” Wakatoshi mutters after some time, still dragging his fingers through Satori’s hair, “why?”

“A lot of things, Toshi,” Satori sighs, leaning back against the loveseat now and staring up at the ceiling, “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“I’ll listen to you. Start wherever you want. I want to know.”

He looks thoughtful for a moment before pulling his knees up against his chest, “Well… I loved it at first, y‘know? Everyone was really cool and unique and I felt like I was finally around people who _understood_ me. I had fun, art is something I always have fun with, even at school. I mean… the projects were kinda boring sometimes but I wouldn’t complain. It was better than doing math all the time,” he laughs, just barely, at that statement, “and I dunno… I felt _good_ at what I was doing. I finally felt confident in something again in the absence of volleyball.”

Wakatoshi listens closely to every word, extremely confused to hear so much positivity and still be aware of the end result of this story.

“So it was good for a while. _Really_ good. And then,” he sighs, “I got too confident. I called dad - well, I _tried_ calling him… like ten times before he actually answered. It was so weird to hear his voice after so long. I hadn’t spoken to him in… _god_ , I don’t even know how long, Toshi.”

Wakatoshi can feel his stomach drop with dread at the mention of Satori’s father. He’s never heard a positive word about the man, and he knows that isn’t about to change.

Satori closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them again, Wakatoshi can see tears starting to pool at the corners. His instinct is to reach and wipe at them before they start cascading down his face, but he remains still, focused on Satori’s words.

“He wasn’t happy. I told him how proud I was of what I was doing and he still wasn’t happy. He wasn’t even angry, he was just… so inexpressive. He just kept saying ‘art school is a waste’ and that I ‘should’ve pursued something more practical’ in that _stupid_ fucking deadpan voice of his. God, it drove me insane.”

Satori wipes quickly and aggressively at his eyes again and takes a deep breath.

“Anyway, I told him what I was doing, and when he said I wasn’t being smart or practical, and that I wasn’t thinking about my future… I told him I _was_. I told him about _you_ , I _finally_ told him about us, Toshi. I told him that I wanted to live with you someday and do you know what he said?”

The question doesn’t feel so much directed at Wakatoshi as it does to the space around them, so he stays silent, watching Satori stare straight up at the ceiling, anger filling his expression.

“He told me I was being ridiculous. He told me I couldn’t put that much faith in another person, or expect you to keep staying with me. I told him what you were doing and what you were studying and he said you were moving to bigger and better things, and that you’d probably find someone more suited to your lifestyle and interests. And _godammit_ , Toshi, that tore me apart. I started crying on the phone and I snapped and I was yelling at him and I don’t even remember what I said but he hung up on me… He hung up and wouldn’t answer any more calls. I texted him so many times, trying to apologize, begging for him to talk to me again so we could iron things out, but he never did, he never answered, he never texted back.”

Shakily exhaling, he closes his eyes tightly again, and this time a few tears roll down his cheeks.

Wakatoshi still doesn’t say anything. As much as he wants to interrupt and comfort Satori, he has a feeling this story isn’t over, and he quickly realizes he’s correct.

“That’s not even the worst part. I tried calling and texting for three days. I skipped my classes because I was so upset. I finally had the chance to speak to my dad, who I never get to see or talk to, and I fucked it up. I made him mad. I yelled at him. I disappointed him. And then,” the anger in his face shifts to something a bit more bewildered, “next thing I know… there’s cops at my door.”

Wakatoshi furrows his brow. This isn’t where he expected this story to go, but judging by the fear and pain in Satori’s expression, he prepares himself for the worst.

“Two of them. One of them had a nicer suit on, I remember. A navy blue tie… and a white button-down. The other one just had usual police attire on, though. I was so nervous, but I answered, and I remember their expressions… they both looked so serious and I immediately knew something was wrong,” he curls up even tighter against himself, “the fancier guy, he looked at me and he asked ‘Is this the residence of Tendou Satori?’ and I told him ‘Yes, that’s me’. My heart was beating so fast, Toshi. It’s moments like that where you realize how scary it is to be an adult and have to handle these situations on your own…”

He pauses, Wakatoshi assumes he needs to collect his thoughts. 

“So they both looked at me for a minute, and then he asked if they could come inside. I let them in, they both sat on this loveseat. I sat on the couch. I was shaking so bad, I was afraid I did something wrong, that I was in trouble, even though I knew I didn’t do anything wrong. I think there’s always that fear when you interact with authorities, huh?”

Wakatoshi makes a small noise of agreement, still gently dragging his fingers through Satori’s hair.

“They didn’t sugar coat anything. The one in the suit stared at me really seriously and he said,” he pauses, taking a deep breath, and then quickly finishes, “‘I’m sorry to inform you, but your father, Tendou Junichi, was in a car accident this morning. He passed away while the paramedics were attempting to revive him.’”

Wakatoshi’s heart drops into his stomach and he thinks his heart skips a beat. His hand stops moving in Satori’s hair. This is the last thing he expected to hear.

“And god, I didn’t know how to respond. I felt like I was dreaming… or that this was some prank Eita was pulling on me for all the other pranks I’ve pulled on him for so many years. Like he hired some people to look real official and come prank me. But it wasn’t. It was _real_. They showed me their badges and everything, they gave me medical details, but I tuned it out. Everything was silent in that moment, my head was empty and I wasn’t really sure how to feel. I was okay for a while… everything went back to normal and I never really told anybody. I didn’t think anyone needed to know, since no one else knew him but me. I went back to school… kept doing projects… kept talking to you…” he takes another deep breath, “and then a month later it finally hit me… it hit me so hard that I had to drop out. I couldn’t handle dealing with it. Every day is just a constant series of the same thoughts. Dad is dead, the last time we spoke was me yelling at him, he wasn’t confident in me, and worst of all… I never made him proud.”

The tears are flowing again, rolling slowly down his cheeks and dripping onto his hoodie. He looks straight forward again, bringing his hands up to wipe at his eyes again.

“No… no, the worst part is I can’t figure out why I’m so upset. He treated me like shit. He was never here for me. And yet… I feel so much fucking guilt. I hate him for making me feel so guilty,” Satori grits his teeth, forcing back a sob as his voice becomes a bit louder and fiercer, “I hate him for making me so upset, I hate him for making me want to drop out, I hate him for never being proud of me, I hate him for telling me I’m not good enough for you, Toshi… And yet I miss him. I want him alive again and I hate myself for it.”

Wakatoshi wishes he knew the right words to say. He hates watching Satori unravel like this, negative words constantly slipping from his lips like an unstoppable flow of self-deprivation. 

“I’m so sad every single day because all I can think about is the fact that he was never happy for me, he never cared about me, I was constantly chasing after him for some sort of approval or validation but I never got it and now I never will and… and _shit_ , all I ever hear in my head is his fucking voice, telling me you deserve better and you’ll find someone better and you’ll move on and forget about me and-”

“He was wrong,” Wakatoshi cuts through Satori’s blubbering, hand firm yet gentle against the nape of his neck, “your father was wrong about that, Satori. Look at me.”

Satori gulps, turning his head to face Wakatoshi.

“I’m right here,” he reaches for one of Satori’s hands, gripping it tightly, “I’m here with you, right now, because I love you. I dropped everything to come make sure you were okay, and I would do it a thousand times all over again.”

Satori stares at him, eyes wide, sad, and unblinking.

“I can’t move on, even if I wanted to. And, even if he was right that there’s someone better out there for me, I don’t want that. I want _you_.”

“Toshi…” Satori bites his lip again, holding back a few sobs until he physically can’t anymore, “you deserve so much more… I’m just an art school dropout that never leaves home… I’m doing nothing with my life, you’re so amazing and smart and you’re going places and you need someone who can keep up with you-”

“You might be all of those things, Satori. But you’re still my best friend, you’re still more important to me than anyone else in this world. And,” Wakatoshi scoots closer, draping an arm across Satori’s shoulders before tugging him into a hug, “even if you can’t keep up with me, I’ll wait for you. I’ll carry you. I’ll do whatever I have to do because I need you.”

Satori sniffles, stuffing his face against Wakatoshi’s shoulder.

“And to imply that you aren’t amazing is a mistake. I’m amazed every day by your artistic talents and your ability to read people. You’re incredible, Satori, and if your father couldn’t see that, then he was gravely mistaken. You should focus on the people that know your worth. Me, my mother, Eita, and everyone else from Shiratorizawa.”

The redhead is still quiet, snuggling closer against Wakatoshi.

“I don’t want to see you like this, Satori,” Wakatoshi glances around the room, rubs his hand up and down Satori’s back, “you don’t deserve to live this way. Let me help you. Don’t hide these feelings from me, please. I understand that it’s hard, but I want to be here for you. I’ll do anything in my power to help, please let me.”

“But you’re so busy with school,” Satori mumbles.

“I am,” Wakatoshi agrees, “however, I still want to do what I can. We can start tomorrow, I’ll help you clean the house.”

Satori makes no response, but he tugs gently on Wakatoshi’s shirt.

“I can’t stay past Sunday, but I won’t leave your side until then, okay?”

“Thank you, Toshi,” the redhead’s voice is barely above a whisper, but Wakatoshi hears it and he grips him tighter in response.

“You don’t have to thank me. I do this because I love you.”

“I love you too,” Satori finally lifts his face, “I love you so much, Toshi, and I’ve missed you so much and… it’s so hard being away from you.”

“It is,” Wakatoshi agrees, cupping Satori’s face with one hand and studying his expression that has thankfully softened at this point, “but I’m here now, so let’s enjoy it, okay?”

Satori smiles. He finally smiles, and even though it’s small and barely there, it makes Wakatoshi incredibly thankful that he chose to come visit. They kiss for a moment, brief and comforting, before Wakatoshi pulls Satori into another warm hug.

“We should probably go to sleep,” Wakatoshi suggests after a bit.

“Mhmm,” Satori agrees, “I’m really tired.”

“I’m sure you are. I’ll sleep on the couch, but I can walk you upstairs and sit next to you until you fall asleep if you want.”

“No,” Satori shakes his head, “remember, you said you weren’t gonna leave my side. I’m holding you to that. My bed is a mess but I’ll sleep on the couch with you.”

Wakatoshi laughs softly. Satori isn’t wrong, he _did_ say that, and if he’s honest with himself, he wants nothing more right now than to hold Satori close until they both fall asleep.

“Alright. You go lay down, I’ll grab a pillow and blanket.”

Satori obliges, but not before pressing another quick kiss to Wakatoshi’s lips. The ace walks upstairs, to the same hall closet he remembers storing a bunch of blankets in last year when they cleaned. He grabs one of the fairly large ones before venturing back into Satori’s room and retrieving one of his pillows.

He pauses before leaving the room, taking a moment to shoot Eita a text. He knows Satori has already caught on that the reason he’s here is because Eita contacted him, but he wants to make sure he doesn’t catch him texting him, anyway.

_**Wakatoshi** : I’m with Satori now. He’s okay, I’ll be staying with him for the weekend. Thank you for contacting me about this._

As if he was sitting next to his phone, waiting for a text, Eita responds very quickly.

_**Eita** : thank you, wakatoshi. i owe you big time._

_**Wakatoshi** : It’s not a problem. You don’t owe me anything, I believe I’m the one who owes you._

Eita doesn’t answer back, but Wakatoshi isn’t concerned since it’s gotten extremely late at this point. He heads back downstairs and over to the couch in the living room, placing the pillow on one end and starting to unfold the blanket. 

“Hey, Toshi,” Satori, sitting on the edge of the couch, eyes Wakatoshi curiously, “won’t it be kinda hard for both of us to fit on the couch?”

Wakatoshi stares blankly at him. He hadn’t really considered that, but after some thought, he realizes he’s right, “Ah, that’s true.”

“Unless… I lay on top of you? Is that cool? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

“Whatever is comfortable for you is fine with me,” Wakatoshi answers, handing Satori the now unfolded blanket.

Satori eagerly takes the blanket and bounces in place a bit, obviously excited about this sleeping arrangement. Wakatoshi thinks it’s cute; he chooses to watch him for a couple seconds before laying down and getting comfortable. Once he has, he coaxes Satori with a wave of his hand.

Satori gently rests on top of Wakatoshi, nuzzling his head into Wakatoshi’s shoulder before mumbling, “This okay? Am I too heavy?”

“You’re fine,” Wakatoshi replies, reaching to pull the blanket over both their bodies. Admittedly, Satori is a bit heavy against him, but he can tell he’s overjoyed about sleeping like this, and he doesn’t want to spoil that at all.

“Okay, good,” he snuggles closer, “thank you again, Toshi. For all of this.”

“You’re welcome,” Wakatoshi wraps his arms around the redhead, hugging him close, “I hope you sleep good despite the strange position.”

Satori laughs softly, “I’ll be fine, especially since I’ve got my miracle boy here with me.”

Wakatoshi smiles, pressing a kiss to Satori’s cheek before muttering, “Goodnight, Satori.”

“Night, Toshi.”

**\-----**

Wakatoshi wakes up the next morning to the sound of a pan being dropped, immediately followed by a hushed, “Shit.”

He almost forgets where he is when he opens his eyes; it takes him glancing around the room for a moment for him to remember he came to Satori’s house last night. And speaking of, he isn’t laying on top of him anymore. Wakatoshi quickly deduces that he must have been the source of the noise from the kitchen.

Wakatoshi sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before facing the kitchen.

“Ahh, I’m sorry, Toshi! I was trying to be quiet, but I got clumsy,” Satori quickly exclaims when he notices Wakatoshi sitting up, “don’t get up! Stay comfortable!”

“What are you doing?” Wakatoshi grumbles, voice groggy.

Satori scrambles to pick up the pan on the floor, dusting off its surface before placing it on the stove, “What does it look like? I’m making you breakfast, silly!”

“You should have woken me up, I would have helped.”

“Please, Toshi,” Satori scoffs, pouring some pancake mix into the pan, “if there’s one thing I can do, it’s cook. Especially pancakes. I make a lot of pancakes. Now, how many do you want?”

Wakatoshi smiles to himself at Satori’s enthusiasm, finding it’s a nice change from his fit last night, “Three is fine.”

“Alrighty, they’ll be done fairly soon. You can turn on the TV if you want.”

Wakatoshi doesn’t choose to turn on the TV. He considers it, but ultimately decides that listening to the sound of Satori humming as he cooks is much more pleasant than anything he would find on television anyway. 

He checks his phone and is initially a bit shocked to find it’s nearly 11 AM. He can’t remember the last time he’s slept this late, but given how late Satori and him were up last night, he supposes he shouldn’t be surprised. 

“Satori, it’s almost 11 AM. Breakfast doesn’t seem appropriate,” Wakatoshi mumbles, looking up from his screen and over at Satori, who’s already setting a couple pancakes on a plate.

“Brunch, then! And besides, is there ever a bad time for breakfast food?”

“I can think of many times during the day when breakfast food isn’t really the most practical choice,” Wakatoshi states, confused by the thought of foods like waffles and fried eggs for dinner.

“But Toshi,” Satori slides a couple more pancakes onto another plate and gestures towards them, “ _pancakes_ ,” he grins and then his eyes go wide as if he just had the most clever idea in the world, “here, I’ll make you a special one!”

Wakatoshi doesn’t press the argument anymore. Mostly because he doesn’t want to squash Satori’s mood, but also because he is incredibly hungry and pancakes _do_ sound very good. 

A few minutes later, Satori carefully carries two plates, forks, and a bottle of syrup over to the couch. He hands Wakatoshi one of the plates and forks, and sets the syrup on the coffee table before plopping down on the couch next to him and reaching for the remote.

“You didn’t turn the TV on, ya doof!”

“I was listening to you humming, I didn’t want the television to drown that out,” Wakatoshi answers bluntly.

Satori turns to face him, smiling wide, “You like my humming?”

“I do,” Wakatoshi nods, “it’s very soothing.”

“Ah, I’m glad!” Satori laughs softly, turning back on the TV and flipping channels a few times until it lands on a talk show, “There’s never anything on, this’ll work though.”

Wakatoshi reaches for the syrup bottle on the table, but before he pours any onto his pancakes, he stops himself. Satori did make a “special” pancake, but this was hardly what Wakatoshi had expected. The bottom two are perfectly normal, circular pancakes. The top one, however, is made up of three circles, and Wakatoshi quickly realizes it’s meant to be the shape of a bear’s head.

“Like it?” Satori asks, having caught on to Wakatoshi intently staring at his plate, “I’ve been playing around with pancake art lately. It’s kinda fun making different shapes and stuff. I can’t do anything crazy yet like in those videos online, but I can make basic shapes like that.”

“I see. I do like it,” Wakatoshi stares at the bear shaped pancake, bottle of syrup still hovering above the plate, “but I don’t want to eat it.”

“What? Why not? Is this about the breakfast thing again?” Satori cocks his head, narrowing his eyes, “Because really, there’s never a bad time for pancakes, I will take that opinion with me to my grave, Toshi.”

“No, this isn’t about breakfast. You worked hard on this,” Wakatoshi prods gently at it with his fork, “I would feel guilty if I ate this.”

Satori suddenly bursts into laughter, nearly sending his plate flying off his lap, “Oh my god, Toshi! It’s okay! It wasn’t that much work, it took the same amount of time as a regular pancake. It’s not that special, I’ve made them several times, and I can make them again!”

Wakatoshi doesn’t answer, just continues staring.

“Look, how about this,” Satori reaches for Wakatoshi’s phone on the coffee table, “I’ll take a picture of it. That way you can still look at it even after you eat it.”

Considering it for a moment, Wakatoshi agrees, shifting his arms out of the way so Satori can snap a quick photo and show it to him afterwards, “See? Now you have the memory forever!”

It still feels slightly wrong, but Wakatoshi pours a layer of syrup over his pancakes before handing the bottle to Satori. He takes a small bite, starting at one of the bear pancake’s ears. Satori watches him expectantly until Wakatoshi finally says, “They’re very good,” before going in for another bite.

Satori grins, grabbing the syrup bottle and covering his pancakes, “Good! I think I’m kind of an expert now, y’know?”

“How often do you eat pancakes?” Wakatoshi asks.

“Well…” Satori looks thoughtful before digging into his own pancakes with his fork, “a lot? Pancake mix is fairly cheap and they’re an easy meal.”

“Satori, you should have more variety in your meals.”

“Toshi, I can’t believe that you, a college student, are telling me this,” Satori shakes his head, but his amused smile remains, “actually, nevermind. If there’s any college student who keeps their nutrition at the front of their mind, it would be you.”

“Nutrition is important,” Wakatoshi explains, though he doesn’t go further, he’s too focused on the shockingly delicious pancakes on the plate in his hand.

“You’re so cute, Toshi,” Satori giggles, leaning back and taking a huge bite of pancakes before continuing with a full mouth, “you know that right?”

“What?” Wakatoshi couldn’t quite understand him through the mouthful of food.

“Nevermind,” Satori laughs again, fixing his stare on the television.

They both take their time eating, enjoying the comfort of each other’s company and mostly ignoring the show on TV to focus on each other instead. When they’re finished, Satori insists that he’ll take their dishes to the sink, but only sets them to the side anyway since the sink is still full.

“Sorry it’s such a mess, by the way,” Satori laughs nervously as he heads back over to the couch, “I wasn’t, y’know, expecting company.”

“It’s alright,” Wakatoshi reassures him, “we’ll work on cleaning it today.”

“You know what would be more fun,” Satori raises an eyebrow, sitting back down and leaning against Wakatoshi, “is just sitting here and being lazy all day.”

Wakatoshi gives him a look; a serious one that immediately makes the redhead laugh again and sit up straight.

“Alright, you’re the guest, you can choose what we do.”

“It’s only for your benefit, Satori. This house is a disaster, it’s not healthy.”

“I know,” Satori’s expression shifts to disappointment, “it’s just been really hard, y’know?”

“I do,” Wakatoshi nods, gently patting Satori’s thigh before standing up, “but we can make cleaning fun.”

“That’s the most Wakatoshi thing I’ve heard so far today,” Satori teases, standing up as well.

They both quickly get to work cleaning, starting in the living room and kitchen areas. Wakatoshi is surprised how much effort Satori is putting in, especially after his remarks about not wanting to clean. It probably helps that he finds a way to motivate himself during the process.

He plugs his phone into the TV, playing loud music that can be heard throughout the entire house. Wakatoshi doesn’t recognize the songs, but Satori knows every single word and explains to him that they’re openings and endings from various animes. Wakatoshi can’t keep up with the titles, but he listens anyway, and watches with amusement when Satori dances and loudly sings along.

So maybe it _is_ Wakatoshi doing most of the cleaning, but he finds that he doesn’t mind even a little bit when he watches Satori’s face light up with joy. Seeing him having fun and enjoying the long process of cleaning is definitely a welcome change from last night. 

After a couple of hours, all the dishes are clean, the counters are wiped down, the coffee table is cleared off, the trash is taken out, and they move upstairs to Satori’s bedroom and the bathroom across the hall. Wakatoshi doesn’t even bother asking about the office or Satori’s father’s bedroom right now, but he keeps it in the back of his head. They’re both definitely spaces that Satori will have to think about going into soon given the circumstances. He’ll give him time, though.

For now, Wakatoshi wants to watch Satori dance across the room and enthusiastically talk to him about various pieces of merch he’s picked up in the last year. 

They pile all of Satori’s laundry into a couple of laundry baskets, and Wakatoshi tells him that they’ll take it to his mother’s house since her washer and dryer are much nicer. All the empty food containers and other garbage go into the trash, and soon enough Satori is able to flop onto his bed and spread out with ease.

“This is amazing, Toshi,” he sighs, rubbing his hands up and down against the sheets, “we’ll actually have somewhere to sleep more comfortably tonight!”

“Yes, but we should wash those sheets as well,” Wakatoshi says, spotting the large amount of crumbs littering the black fabric.

“Ah, true,” Satori rolls off the bed, cringing at the sheets when he also notices the mess on them, “that’s pretty gross, huh?”

“It is, but things are a lot cleaner now than before.”

“Yeah!” the redhead enthusiastically pats Wakatoshi on the back, “Thanks for all of this, Toshi. I owe you a lot.”

“You don’t owe me anything. Just promise me you won’t let things get this bad again.”

“I won’t,” Satori turns, facing Wakatoshi and wrapping his arms around his waist, “I promise.”

“Good.”

After cleaning the bathroom and taking out the last bit of trash, Satori’s home is finally clean once again. The process takes most of the day, but both of them are relieved and proud once it’s done. Wakatoshi knows they should be taking the laundry over to his mother’s house, but when Satori asks him if they can just sit down and relax for a bit before that, he doesn’t object. 

The television is still on, now playing a reality tv program that neither of them recognize. They don’t pay attention to it anyway. Satori curls up against Wakatoshi, leaning his head against his shoulder and sighing blissfully.

“Are you feeling better?” Wakatoshi asks, wrapping an arm around Satori’s waist and pulling him closer.

“Hmm?” Satori glances at him, “Yeah, about the house you mean?”

“No, I meant about your father.”

“Oh,” the redhead pauses, his face becoming more downcast as he toys with the drawstring of his hoodie, “yeah, a little. I’m still coming to terms with it, y’know?”

“I understand. I want to be there for you during that process.”

“Thanks, Toshi.”

Wakatoshi gauges the situation, gauges Satori’s reaction, and decides he seems a lot more emotionally stable today than last night. Maybe asking a few more questions would be safe.

“I have some questions about it.”

Satori eyes him curiously, “Okay.”

“Is there a funeral date?”

“No,” Satori shakes his head, glancing away for a moment, “apparently that responsibility falls on me but… I don’t really know what to do. He didn’t have any brothers and sisters, his parents were dead before I was born… there’s nobody attached to him but me. But I can’t afford a funeral… I can’t afford anything.”

“I see,” Wakatoshi is uneasy, but he maintains his composure, “if I can do anything to help, tell me. Did he leave a will?”

“Nope… he didn’t have a will. Probably didn’t expect to… y’know, pass so soon. And besides,” he laughs, just barely, “do you really think he’d wanna leave anything for me?”

“He’d be ridiculous if he didn’t.”

Satori shrugs. Wakatoshi is furious, but he stays calm. He has to.

“Have you gone into his office yet?” he finally asks, ready for any reaction.

“No,” Satori aggressively shakes his head, his eyes widening, “I haven’t. I don’t want to, not yet.”

Wakatoshi nods in understanding, “When will you?”

“I dunno,” his expression shifts to slight anger, “someday. But not today. Not tomorrow.”

“Will you let me help you when that time comes?” Wakatoshi asks calmly, staring at Satori as seriously as he possibly can.

“Of course,” Satori nods again, “that would be… really helpful, Toshi. Thank you.”

Wakatoshi tugs him closer, “I have one last question.”

“Shoot.”

“If my mother is okay with it, will you stay with her for a while? I want to know that you’re taking care of yourself.”

“Toshi, I’m not a kid…” Satori raises an eyebrow.

“I didn’t imply that you’re a child. All I said is I want you to take care of yourself.”

“Yeah, but… I can do that here. On my own.”

“Satori,” Wakatoshi grips him tighter, leans down to rest his forehead on his, “please. For me.”

The redhead stays silent for a moment, eyes staring into Wakatoshi’s unblinkingly before he finally sighs and mumbles, “Okay.”

“Thank you.” Wakatoshi feels immediate relief, especially since he has no doubts that his mother will be okay with this arrangement.

They sit for a while longer, until the sky outside is starting to slightly darken and Wakatoshi decides he should contact his mother. She answers his call immediately, overjoyed that he’s come home for a couple days. He briefly explains the situation, as quickly and easily as he possibly can. His mother instantly agrees, telling Wakatoshi that Satori is welcome in her home whenever he wants to be there. He also senses sadness in her voice, which isn’t something he usually picks up on with her, but he knows the news is upsetting for her. 

After getting off the phone, Satori and him carry the laundry over to his mother’s house. Once his mother has hugged them both tightly in greeting and says that she’ll cook some dinner for them, they get to work loading the washer. The laundry takes a while, since Satori hasn’t done his in quite a while (Wakatoshi tells him he should never let it get this bad again, Satori agrees with an amused smile.) 

After four loads of laundry is done and folded, they sit down to have dinner with Wakatoshi’s mother. They chat about school, though Wakatoshi keeps that subject relating to himself and not Satori. They talk about volleyball, Satori talks about anime he’s been watching, and they talk about life in general. Wakatoshi feels completely calm and comforted for the first time in a long time, and he knows for a fact that Satori feels the exact same way. 

Wakatoshi’s mother offers for them to stay at her house, but Wakatoshi declines, saying they’ll be staying at Satori’s for tonight instead. They bid her farewell and head back to the redhead’s house, immediately looking around the home with pride when they remember just how clean it is. 

Wakatoshi expects Satori to ask for them to sit on the couch and watch television some more, but when he catches the redhead yawning he’s less surprised when he asks, “Can we just turn in early? I’m ready to cuddle and sleep.”

“I am as well,” Wakatoshi nods, “but I need a shower before that.”

“Oh!” Satori instantly looks less tired, “That’s funny, I was gonna get one too.”

“I didn’t know, I apologize. I can get one after you,” Wakatoshi offers.

Satori looks thoughtful for a moment, and then a smile slowly spreads across his face, “No, wait, I have an even better idea. Let’s get one together.”

“Together?” Wakatoshi raises an eyebrow in confusion.

“Yeah!” Satori steps closer, lacing his fingers with Wakatoshi’s and rocking back and forth on his feet, “It’s uh… good for the environment, right? Uses less water. Takes less time, too.”

Wakatoshi can’t argue against this logic. Not to mention the thought of showering with Satori isn’t exactly a bad one. In fact, it makes his skin flush and his heartbeat pick up.

“So? Whaddya say, Toshi?” Satori presses.

“Alright, we’ll shower together.”

Satori grins, immediately leading Wakatoshi upstairs and grabbing a couple towels from the hall closet. This is the most excited Wakatoshi’s seen Satori in a while.

They don’t bother shutting the bathroom door since no one else is in the house. Satori insists on helping Wakatoshi get undressed even though he’s perfectly capable on his own, and Wakatoshi returns the favor, hands delicately brushing against the redhead’s pale skin.

The shower is much smaller than Wakatoshi had anticipated, but he also figures that’s because it’s currently housing two full-grown men and not just one person. Satori turns the water on, setting it to a comfortably warm temperature. It’s a bit awkward at first, both of them shuffling to try and find a comfortable position, but finally they do. Satori stands with his back to Wakatoshi, and lets him know what each bottle of product is for in the shower. 

Wakatoshi finds the shampoo, putting a small amount in his hands before rubbing it through Satori’s hair. The redhead leans back into Wakatoshi’s touch, humming blissfully as the ace’s fingers rub against his scalp. Wakatoshi quickly realizes that the previous promise of ‘it takes less time’ was a lie, because he knows he spends several minutes just on Satori’s hair.

Wakatoshi washes Satori’s hair thoroughly, and Satori returns the favor. Then they move to soap, carefully and lovingly cleaning every part of each other’s bodies. Wakatoshi discovers that Satori is ticklish is several areas, mainly his neck, and that amuses him quite a bit. He decides to tuck that knowledge away for when they're in a safer place than a cramped shower. 

Even after body wash, they stay in the shower for a bit and indulge themselves. The whole room is steamy and hot despite the door being open, but that doesn’t stop them from kissing and touching each other as if it’s one of the last times they’ll be able to for a while. And well… Wakatoshi knows that very well might be the case. 

Once they’re done, they dry their hair and wrap towels around their waists. Wakatoshi goes to find his backpack. He changes into his usual sleeping attire, and Satori does as well. Wakatoshi makes Satori’s bed, putting the clean sheets back on and fluffing the pillows. Before long, they’re both lying comfortably under the sheets; Wakatoshi on his back like normal, and Satori curled up against his side. 

Wakatoshi tries not to think about having to leave to go back to school tomorrow as he runs a hand gently up and down against Satori’s back. He’s surprised how quickly Satori falls asleep, but he’s also thankful. He’s thankful that he finally has a smile on his face again and he hopes that he really does feel at least a little better than he did yesterday. 

The thought of everything Satori’s had to go through in the past few months is extremely upsetting for Wakatoshi, but it only makes him hold him closer. He just wants to do what he can to protect him from everything bad in this world, and he wishes he could stay here with him forever.

Kuroo’s voice is in the back of his head, though, telling him that he needs to focus on the future. He needs to focus on the thought of building a prosperous and beautiful future with Satori. And it’s that very thought that eventually lulls him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for reading!! <333
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooo! sorry about the two week wait,, holidays are keeping me busy, but I'm doing my best because I still wanna update this fairly regularly!! Also I apologize for not responding to comments,, I have read them and I will respond eventually, thank you all so much for the support!!!!
> 
> and!!! tumblr user [lalikaa](http://lalikaa.tumblr.com/) drew some [adorable fanart](http://tendouaf.tumblr.com/post/153573531776/hey-hey-so-this-is-a-picture-i-drew-inspired-by) for this fic!! I'm so honored and still crying about it ;;;; <3333
> 
> and ofc, thank you Erica ([tumblr](http://silveramoebasquid.tumblr.com/), [ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid)) for reading through it and being as supportive as always~
> 
> hope you all enjoy the update!!

Leaving Satori a second time somehow proves to be even more difficult than the first time around. Wakatoshi thinks it’s likely because he knows Satori’s mental state isn’t the best right now, and with good reason. When he thinks about the things he’s had to go through, his heart aches and he wishes he could take all the pain away. To say he’s not worried would be a lie, but he knows Satori will have good company while he’s gone.

He doesn’t leave Miyagi until he knows for certain that Satori is staying with his mother, and that she’s completely okay with this and more than willing to offer up her home. (When she tells Wakatoshi that “Satori is like another son to her, so of course it’s okay” he immediately feels relieved and extremely lucky.) He also gets in contact with Eita again, who wants to come by and spend time with Satori as much as he possibly can amongst cosmetology school. 

Wakatoshi knows, deep down, that it will be okay. He’ll take the train back to school, continue his studies, and Satori will be fine.

The rational part of himself knows that college is what he should be doing right now, even if it will take a couple of years. He knows he needs to wait patiently in order to spend his life with Satori. He knows this. But another part of him is troubled. Another part of him doesn’t think he _can_ wait that long. Another part of him wishes he could bring Satori with him, hide him in his room so he never has to be away from him again. 

It’s a struggle when his rational side and his emotional side butt heads like this. He still isn’t used to it, even though it’s been present ever since he and Satori started dating. If anything, he thinks that might be the one negative to being in a relationship with his best friend.

He takes the train back to school in the middle of the day on Sunday. He wants to stay longer but he knows he has a huge test tomorrow (that he didn’t study for at all the entire weekend) and he needs to get some time in to go over terminology. And besides, he knows that the longer he stays, the more tempted he’ll be to not leave. 

Things go back to normal, thankfully. Wakatoshi’s grades don’t falter, volleyball continues going very well, his friendship with Kuroo grows more and more every single day, and he makes a point to skype Satori almost every single night again. 

It’s a lot more reassuring to see the most important person in his life spending time in his own childhood home, in the bedroom that used to be his. It’s so much nicer than seeing Satori in his old bedroom, in a house that he knows only made him feel small and insignificant. What’s even better is seeing the genuine smile on Satori’s face every single time they get a chance to talk to each other on webcam. 

Satori doesn’t take the ability to stay at Wakatoshi’s childhood home for granted, either. After a couple months, he tells Wakatoshi that he’s job hunting, helping out with cooking and cleaning around the house, and focusing intently on developing an idea he has for a manga series. He never divulges anything about it besides “I can’t tell you anything about it, Toshi, it’s a surprise!” Wakatoshi never pries, especially since Satori seems so excited about keeping it a secret. 

He’s extremely proud of Satori; proud of his ability to move on and push past his negative thoughts and feelings and work on bettering himself anyway, proud of his desire to help out and carry his own weight. When he thinks about these things, he’s even more baffled by Satori’s father’s words about his son not being good enough for Wakatoshi. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard anything further from the truth. 

Satori has _always_ been more than good enough for him, _perfect_ for him. 

And he thinks that maybe Satori is starting to believe that too. Wakatoshi never thought it would be possible, but every time he and Satori interact, he can feel himself bonding even more with him, falling even more in love. It’s an odd feeling, really. It always has been. He’s read about it in stories, heard people throw the word ‘love’ around constantly all through elementary, junior high, high school, and college. The concept never seemed like something he would ever personally experience or have a desire for, and he doesn’t think he really ever truly understood the meaning until he realized his feelings for Satori. 

He thinks he’s known for quite some time, deep in his heart, that he loves Satori more than anything and anyone on this entire planet, but he finds that lately he’s really starting to realize just how deep and strong that love runs. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi is madly in love with Tendou Satori and he can’t wait to be able to spend every single waking moment with him in the future. 

Almost a full semester goes by. Wakatoshi’s grades are great, his new classes for the coming semester sound just as interesting as his past classes, and he continues to be a star player on his university volleyball team. 

But, as is starting to become a theme, once things start to calm down and seem certain, a wrench is suddenly thrown into the cogs all over again.

Thankfully, this time, the circumstances, while still unexpected, aren’t so bad.

Wakatoshi and Kuroo are headed to volleyball practice on a chilly Saturday, just like normal. When they step into the locker room to put their bags away, the last thing Wakatoshi expects is for the coach to walk in, call his name, and immediately ask for him to come outside for a moment. 

Wakatoshi hasn’t even had a moment to put his bag away, but he doesn’t object. He steps outside the locker room, outside the gym, and finds his coach waiting for him outside the massive structure. 

“You needed to see me?” Wakatoshi eyes his coach curiously.

His coach, as tall as Wakatoshi but possessing a much calmer demeanor than Washijou, nods briefly before explaining, “Yeah, I got a call this morning. I’ll cut right to the chase, Ushijima, there’s a scout coming to practice today,” when Wakatoshi only gives him a blank stare, he elaborates a bit more, “and he’s coming to watch you specifically.”

“Me?” Wakatoshi narrows his eyes, mind suddenly racing at the things this could potentially mean.

“Mhmm. I don’t know much about him besides his name, which is Tezuka by the way, and that he’s from Tokyo, which,” his coach laughs a bit, “should give you a sign that… he’s probably a big shot. If I knew more I would tell you. Apparently he’s come to visit this school a lot in the past, but since I’ve only been coaching at this university for a couple years, I’m not familiar with him or the name. Anyway,” he claps Wakatoshi on the shoulder, offering him a smile, “just wanted you to know so you’ll be on your a-game, but I’m not all that worried about you.”

And really, he has no reason to worry.

Wakatoshi performs just as well as usual during practice, scoring point after point during a practice match and still outrunning the majority of his team when they do laps around campus. He notices the extra presence in the gym, an older man in a dark blue suit that won’t take his eyes off of him. Luckily, Wakatoshi has always performed just fine under pressure.

He almost forgets the man is there until after practice when he emerges from the locker room and finds him waiting for him outside. He looks even older up close; he’s a bit short and stocky, his hair is wispy and gray, but his demeanor is kind and his eyes practically light up when he meets Wakatoshi’s stare.

“Ushijima Wakatoshi,” he greets him, looking him over as if he’s contemplating every single detail of his appearance before offering a slight bow and introducing himself, “Tezuka Tashiro, it’s wonderful to finally meet you.”

Wakatoshi bows in response, grunting slightly in greeting. 

“I’ve been watching you for quite some time. Your growth has been extremely impressive!”

“Thank you,” Wakatoshi responds, still unsure of just who this man is and what he wants with him..

“Ah, my apologies, you’re probably a bit confused,” Tezuka laughs, “I’m from Tokyo. I’m a scout for Japan’s national volleyball team.”

Wakatoshi’s breath catches in his throat. A scout for the national team is here? To watch him? Sure, he’d dreamt about something like this happening his entire life and he never doubted for a second that his abilities were up to par, but to have it actually happen… 

Tezuka’s smile widens, “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost, kid. I’m not joking around here. We’ve had our eye on you since your days in junior high. Have to admit, makes me a little emotional to watch you grow up so fast.”

“You want me to play for the national team?” Wakatoshi cuts right to the chase, his mouth a bit dry.

“Woah, woah,” Tezuka’s smile doesn’t falter but he holds both hands out in front of him for a moment, “hold on there. I said we were watching you. We’re definitely considering inviting you. Actually I’d like to have dinner with you first, get to know you a little bit more.”

Wakatoshi thinks it’s a bit odd for this man to want to get to know him more when he’s already seen the skills he possesses on the court, but he sure as hell isn’t going to turn down the offer if it means potentially having his dream come true.

“Are you free right now?” Tezuka asks, raising an eyebrow.

Glancing down at himself, Wakatoshi frowns. He certainly isn’t dressed to go to dinner, and he has a good amount of homework waiting for him back at his dorm. But again… he’s not about to turn down this offer.

“I am.”

**\-----**

“So, tell me about yourself, Ushijima.”

The question stumps Wakatoshi. He sits completely still at one end of the table for two in a small cafe a few blocks from campus, occasionally taking sips of his water. He wishes he still had the menu in front of him to distract himself from the awkward conversation. It’s not that he doesn’t like Tezuka, in fact he doesn’t mind him at all, he’s just never been very good at social situations like this.

“You don’t talk much,” Tezuka grins, drumming his fingers against the table, “you’re one of those silent types that likes to have his _skills_ speak for him, huh? Can’t say you’re the first person I’ve met like that.”

“I suppose,” Wakatoshi nods, stirring his ice water with its straw.

“Why’d you choose this university? I assume you had a sports scholarship, but what’s your area of study?”

Finally a specific question.

“Yes, I received a scholarship,” Wakatoshi returns his attention to Tezuka, “and my major is horticulture.”

“Interesting. What’s the reasoning for that?”

“I really enjoy learning about plants, as well as taking care of them.”

“So simple and to the point,” he folds his arms across his chest, “I like that about you,” he pauses for a moment, looking Wakatoshi over again, studying him, “so let’s talk more serious here. Is volleyball something you still want to continue, even after college? Seriously, not just recreationally.”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi answers easily and quickly. Volleyball has always been a constant in his life, and he can’t imagine it ever _not_ being a part of him. Besides Satori, it’s the only thing he has extreme confidence in.

“Good, I think that’s for the best. Your skills are very impressive, it would be a shame to waste that.”

Wakatoshi hums in agreement, but his mind is still racing with possibilities.

“Do you have anything locally tying you down?”

Oh. Wakatoshi hadn’t even considered that. 

He supposes college could be considered something that’s tying him down, but given the opportunity to join a national team, he wouldn’t hesitate dropping out. He loves college, sure, but the prospect of playing for a national team… it makes his heart skip a beat.

But then there’s Satori. He could never leave him behind, even if he was offered everything he’d ever wanted in the entire world. The thought makes his mood plummet and his mouth go dry.

“I have a significant other.”

Tezuka smiles again, “Ohhh, I see. You don’t want to leave them behind?”

“No,” Wakatoshi’s answer is firm, certain.

“Hmm,” Tezuka looks thoughtful for a moment, “well, usually we hook up new players with a certain apartment nearby that’s the perfect size for one person. You’d be surrounded by other people also on the team, and you’d be right next to the gymnasium where you’d be practicing. I can’t offer that if you have another person with you, though. There’s just not enough room. It’s a very nice building, though. One of the nicest in Tokyo.”

“I understand, but I can’t leave him behind.”

“Young love…” he laughs, his entire body shaking, but Wakatoshi can tell he doesn’t mean it to be condescending, “well in that case, you’d be responsible for finding your own housing. I can give you recommendations, of course, but finding housing so last minute in a city like Tokyo might be hard. Also… do you know if your significant other is willing to drop everything and move?”

Yet another thing Wakatoshi hadn’t even considered. He knows his own feelings are concrete, unshifting. If the tables were turned, he wouldn’t give it a second thought. But does Satori feel exactly the same? He believes so, but he can’t be sure without talking to him.

“I don’t know. I would need to speak with him about it.”

“Might want to do that soon,” Tezuka’s tone shifts, it’s not as bubbly as before, but more cautious, “we’d want you in Tokyo by the time next semester rolls around. Which is, what… about two months away?”

Wakatoshi doesn’t panic, but his body tenses up. Why hadn’t he been informed of this sooner? It would have given him more time to think, more time to plan… last second changes aren’t something he’s used to, given that everything else in his life has always been so planned and thought out.

“Seriously, though. We’d be honored to have you, Ushijima. Of course, you’d be a trial member at first, we’d have to see how well you mesh with the other players. So there’s still a possibility it won’t work out, but once we’re positive… we’ll offer you a contract. Are you interested? Ideally I need an answer today, but I can leave you my card, and I’ll definitely be in contact with you.”

‘Yes’ is what Wakatoshi wants to say. He feels it so strongly that he wants to yell it, though he knows that’s not the best idea in a small building like this. He wishes he could confidently say ‘yes’, but he can’t. Not until he talks things over with Satori.

He just hopes he’s making the right decision in wanting to pursue this opportunity.

“I’ll contact you when I know a definite answer,” Wakatoshi finally answers, “but I need to figure things out first.”

“I understand,” Tezuka holds up both hands before reaching into his suit pocket and pulling out a business card, handing it to Wakatoshi, “Just let me know when you know for sure. And let me know if I can do anything to help get you to Tokyo. I’m definitely not the only one that would do everything in his power to get you on this team.”

Wakatoshi considers it a blessing when their food finally arrives. This offer is definitely the most amazing thing he’s ever been given in his life, but the knowledge of it is powerful and overwhelming, and he thinks he needs at least a few hours to let it really sink in and process. 

Dinner is filled with mostly painful small talk, and Wakatoshi is ready to leave once Tezuka and him are finished eating. The scout pays for both their meals, claiming enthusiastically that ‘this is the first of many perks that come with joining the national team’ and clapping him on the back as they both leave the building. 

Wakatoshi bids Tezuka goodbye, making sure he has his number before starting the walk back to his dorm. The silence in the night air only serves to make his mind go a hundred miles a minute. Who should he tell first? Does he even tell anybody? Should he keep it a secret until he knows for sure that it will work out? _Can_ he even keep it a secret?

Surely not, considering that he can barely control the smile spreading across his face.

He tells Kuroo first. It’s impossible not to, since the second he walks into their shared dorm, his roommate is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Even if Wakatoshi wanted to hide his expression, he wouldn’t be able to. Kuroo is too perceptive for that. Not to mention he knew earlier that something was going on with the old guy in the fancy suit.

“Hey, where you been?” Kuroo questions out of pure curiosity.

“I went to dinner,” Wakatoshi mumbles, standing stock still in the living room, “with the man in the suit that was at practice. His name is Tezuka.”

“Ah,” Kuroo looks genuinely confused, “is he… a friend? Relative?”

“No. He’s a scout from Tokyo. He’s trying to get me on the national team.”

“Wait- What?” Kuroo practically jumps out of his seat, eyes comically wide, “Hold on, are you serious? For real?”

“Yes?”

“That’s…” he actually stands up now, running a hand through his messy hair and laughing, “holy shit, Wakatoshi, that’s amazing! You accepted, right?”

“I haven’t given him an answer.”

Kuroo immediately goes still, “Woah, why not?”

Wakatoshi moves his eyes to stare at the floor, “I need to talk it over with Satori first.”

Understanding and sympathy fill Kuroo’s expression, “Ah, right… Well, y’know what? I have a feeling it’s gonna work out. And I’m really, really happy for you, Wakatoshi.”

“Thank you,” Wakatoshi smiles and looks up again, already feeling a bit relieved in knowing Kuroo’s confidence.

“And,” his roommate smirks, eyebrow quirking up, “you’re gonna send your amazing roommate free tickets to games, right?”

“I’ll do my best.”

**\-----**

The second person that Wakatoshi tells is Reon. As soon as he gets into his bedroom after telling Kuroo, he tries to relax and get some homework done. But, he finds the information about this new offer is still sitting in his brain, still needing to be expressed to someone, anyone.

It only feels natural to call Reon. After all, he’s gone to him several times in the past for advice on a number of things. And really, while he does want to express his excitement about this offer, he also feels like he needs the solid advice of a good friend, someone who’s always been honest with him and wants the best for him. 

Reon answers after a few rings, even though he’s also working on his own homework. Wakatoshi, of course, cuts right to the chase, immediately after they’ve both caught up with each other’s current status with school. 

“Reon, I’d like to ask for some advice.”

His friend makes a small noise of surprise but quickly responds with a simple, “Alright, sure. What’s up?”

Wakatoshi thinks for a moment, trying to find the simplest way to ask for such important advice. He could beat around the bush, not exactly explaining the situation. Or, he could just spill the beans. He supposes there’s nothing wrong with being up front about it.

“I met with a scout today. He’s from Tokyo, from the national volleyball team,” Wakatoshi hears something being dropped on the other line, but Reon doesn’t interrupt, “and I’ve been offered a spot on a trial basis. I’m not certain if it’s the best choice, though.”

Reon waits a moment before responding, probably making sure that Wakatoshi has finished, “Well, first of all,” his voice is slightly shaky, wonder and amazement filling his tone, “that’s _incredible_ , Wakatoshi. I mean, I can’t say I’m surprised, I knew you’d be going places, but I’m honestly so proud of you. What’s holding you back from accepting?”

“School,” Wakatoshi says this, but he knows that’s not the complete answer, “and Satori. I can’t leave him behind.”

“Ah,” Reon’s tone shifts and he sounds thoughtful, “well, as far as school goes, you can always come back to that, right? If things didn’t work out, you could just enroll again. I’m sure they’d accept you back with no problems. As for Satori… I heard he dropped out from school? And last time I talked to Eita he mentioned something happened to his father.”

Wakatoshi isn’t sure how this relates at all, but he confirms the information, “Yes, he dropped out and his father passed away.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that. How is he handling it?”

Wakatoshi leans back in his desk chair, staring at the ceiling, “He’s okay now. He’s living with my mother, so he’s not in his childhood home anymore. He’s happier this way.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that,” Wakatoshi can practically hear the smile on Reon’s face, can picture it clearly in his head, “In that case… how do you think Satori would react if you asked him to move away with you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Wakatoshi,” Reon laughs, softly, “I think you _do_ know. What does Satori have to tie him down? He’s not going to school right now, he hasn’t found a job yet, and he can’t even live in his own house without feeling upset.”

Wakatoshi takes all the information in, lets it sit in his brain.

Reon continues, “Don’t you think he would be ecstatic about the opportunity to leave? To start over? Especially if it means being with _you_? Wakatoshi, he _needs_ this. _You_ need this. This is everything you both have ever wanted.”

Before he knows it, Wakatoshi is smiling. He’s smiling at the thought of finally living with Satori, on their own, in a big city full of new things and opportunities. Reon is right, it’s everything they both need.

“So, if my answer isn’t clear,” Reon laughs again, gentle and warm, “I say give it a shot. And tell Satori as soon as you can, I’m confident that he’ll accept with no hesitation at all. I can picture his reaction in my head, he’s going to be ecstatic and he’s going to be _so_ proud of you.”

Wakatoshi supposes the answer should have been clear all along. He just needed to hear it from someone else.

He thanks Reon, who tells him it’s not a problem, and lets him know that he should get back to homework before hanging up. He debates if he should call Satori and tell him the news, but he decides against it. Instead, he buys a train ticket online for one of the afternoon trains the next day; he plans to drop by his mother’s house completely as a surprise. Hearing the news in person might be more impactful, anyway.

Needless to say, sleeping that night is a challenge for Wakatoshi. He trusts Reon’s advice, as someone who’s also known Satori for long enough to be able to guess how he’ll react, but the more realistic side of him knows there’s always the possibility that things won’t go over all that well. And that’s what keeps him awake much later than normal, staring at the ceiling above him. 

He just hopes with every fiber of his being that Reon turns out to be right.

**\-----**

Fortunately, not only is Reon correct in his assumption, but really, using the word ‘ecstatic’ might not have been enough to completely cover Satori’s reaction.

Wakatoshi shows up at his mother’s house in the late afternoon. He immediately notices that his mother’s car is gone, and he starts to worry that maybe neither her or Satori are home. Perhaps she went grocery shopping and he went with her? Or maybe he’s still sitting inside, completely oblivious that Wakatoshi is standing right outside the front door. 

The thought is slightly amusing. Wakatoshi pull his phone out, typing out a quick message to Satori.

_**Wakatoshi** : Hello Satori, how is your afternoon going?_

Just as he expected, it takes almost no time for Satori to answer.

_**Satori** : hey, toshi! ♡♡♡ ( ＾◡＾) its going rlly good! just watchin tv and sketching! im gonna help ur mom cook dinner when she gets home! how r u?_

Wakatoshi smiles to himself, glancing at one of the windows that leads into the living room of his house. The curtains are covering it, but he knows if they weren’t he could simply knock and Satori would see him. Instead, he sends another message. 

_**Wakatoshi** : I’m glad you’re having a good afternoon. I’m doing good as well. I miss you, though._

_**Satori** : i rlly miss u too, toshi (ノ﹏ヽ) i wish i could see u right now, can we skype?_

He ponders playing with Satori a bit more, telling him no and leaving him hanging. But he doesn’t think his own self-restraint is that strong. Honestly, he can’t wait to hold Satori in his arms.

_**Wakatoshi** : I miss you too, but that’s not necessary. Look outside your front door._

_**Satori** : (・・？) _

Wakatoshi doesn’t respond. Instead he waits, eyes fixed on the white door leading into his house. He’s surprised just how long it takes Satori to actually come to the front door, even though it takes just a couple minutes. 

But when he does, he thinks the entire neighborhood probably knows it.

“Toshi!” Satori yells as soon as the front door flies open, a bright, excited grin filling his expression.

Wakatoshi doesn’t get a chance to say anything before the redhead’s arms fling around his neck and he nuzzles his face into the ace’s cheek, lips pressing several quick kisses anywhere they can reach. He mutters a greeting right against Satori’s ear, his own arms enveloping his boyfriend as tightly as possible. When Satori pulls back, his eyes dance across Wakatoshi’s face, his grin still as wide as ever.

“I didn’t know you were coming, why didn't you tell me? I would’ve made sure your mom would be home, or I would’ve made food or something!” he moves his hands, pressing one palm against Wakatoshi’s cheek and dragging the other through his hair, “I mean I’m happy you’re here but… shit, I didn’t expect this, Wakatoshi, I’m so happy to see you!”

“I wanted to surprise you,” Wakatoshi reaches up and takes hold of the hand Satori has on his cheek, “I didn’t know I would be coming by until last night.”

Satori laughs, his face somehow lighting up even more, “Well, this is like… the best surprise ever,” he reaches back for the front door, opening it again and gesturing inside, “anyway, let’s go inside! It’s kinda cold out here.”

Once Wakatoshi follows Satori inside, he’s instantly bombarded with a barrage of questions about whether or not he’d like something to drink, something to eat, and then a final question of “Why am I asking you this? It’s _your_ house after all!”

Eventually they both settle on the couch, Satori shoving all his art supplies to the side so Wakatoshi has a spot to sit. Almost immediately after the ace takes a seat, Satori sits next to him, long legs draped across his lap and head snuggled against his shoulder. It doesn’t look comfortable to Wakatoshi at all, but Satori’s blissful expression definitely says he feels otherwise.

“So,” Satori pipes up once he’s comfortable, “what brings my miracle boy back to Miyagi?”

Wakatoshi turns to face Satori’s joyous expression, smiling softly, “I just wanted to come see you.”

Satori narrows his eyes, a knowing smirk tugging at his lips, “Ahhh, c’mon, Toshi. You always have clear, specific reasons for doing things. You can’t fool me,” he punctuates his last point with a soft poke to Wakatoshi’s nose.

There’s still an uncertain and nervous feeling tugging at Wakatoshi’s gut, making it difficult for him to come out and say exactly why he’s here. Instead, he eyes Satori for a moment before changing the subject entirely, “How have you been lately?”

“Good!” Satori answers immediately, and Wakatoshi is thankful that it often doesn’t take much to direct his attention to something else entirely, “Your mom is seriously the coolest, we watch old anime together a lot. Did you know she used to watch really old anime when she was younger? So cool, Toshi. Oh! And she’s taught me how to cook a lot of things. I’m like a professional cook now. But mostly I just work on my surprise manga series and help out around the house.”

“That’s good,” Wakatoshi nods along, “have you heard back from any possible jobs yet?”

The grin on Satori’s face falters a bit, but not too much for Wakatoshi to be concerned, “Nah… I haven’t gotten called back from anywhere, even though a couple interviews went really well. Really though, I’m not set on any of them. I’m not ready to settle, y’know? I wanna be happy.”

_Not ready to settle._

Wakatoshi’s stomach does cartwheels. He’s not sure if he should take this as a sign that Satori isn’t willing to move somewhere for a period of time, or if he _is_ willing because it’s something new and different. Maybe this is all a bad idea and he should just forget about the offer. Maybe neither of them are ready to settle down in a big city with foggy circumstances. Maybe-

“Toshi?” Satori’s voice breaks Wakatoshi from his fit of uncertainty, hand reaching up again to gently run his fingertips along the ace’s jaw, “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Wakatoshi answers, gulping back all the words he knows he needs to say but can’t quite bring himself to, “are you considering going back to school?”

Satori gives him an odd look, raising one eyebrow, “At the moment, no. I’m okay with things the way they are. I don’t really think college is for me anyway,” he shrugs before continuing with a teasing lilt to his voice, “what’s up with all these questions? You runnin’ some kind of survey?”

“I’m not,” he responds bluntly, “I was just curious about your current situation.”

“Ah,” Satori still has a look of confusion on his face, but he grins again, “well, same as last time we talked about this stuff. Still job hunting, still working on a manga series, and still dating the coolest, most talented guy in the world.”

Wakatoshi has to smile again at that last statement.

“So what about you? How’s school and volleyball going?” Satori asks after a few seconds of silence.

Ah. Here’s where Wakatoshi knows he can’t keep things under wraps for much longer.

“School is going well. My classes are enjoyable. And volleyball,” he pauses, reigning in all his thoughts, “is going very well.”

“Ooooh, ‘very well’?” Satori’s eyes widen with amazement.

“Yes.”

“What does ‘very well’ mean?” Satori pries, and really, Wakatoshi can’t blame him. 

He’s just not completely sure how to tell him the news in a subtle way.

“The team is really talented. I’m still the ace,” he starts slowly, Satori nodding along and listening intently, “and yesterday… we had a visitor.”

Satori cocks his head, curiously blinking his large eyes, “A visitor? That sounds ominous.”

“Not at all,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, “this visitor was good. He was a scout from Tokyo.”

“Woah!” Satori bounces in place, “That’s so cool, Toshi! What was he there for?”

“He was there to watch me,” Wakatoshi spits it out, knowing that he could drag things on longer than he needs to, but the look of excitement in Satori’s expression makes it hard to do that, “he’s been watching me for several years. And… he wants me on the national team.”

Satori stops bouncing. He goes completely still for a moment, and it almost makes Wakatoshi worry. But then his smile slowly shifts into something much bigger, his lips tremble a bit, and then he’s grabbing Wakatoshi’s shoulders tightly, slightly shaking them as he practically yells.

“Toshi! Are you serious?”

Wakatoshi stares at him as seriously as he possibly can, “Of course I’m serious.”

It’s extremely difficult to make Satori speechless, but Wakatoshi’s managed to achieve just that with this news. His look of shock doesn’t last long before he’s back to yelling, practically pouncing on Wakatoshi’s lap and forcing the ace to lean back against the couch, a smile of his own pulling at his lips.

“Wakatoshi, this is _amazing_! I never had any doubts, I _knew_ people would be contacting you, you’re just that incredible! I’m so proud of you, I said it back in highschool, but I can’t wait to watch you and cheer you on and tell everyone that I’m your biggest fan and I’ve watched you grow since you were just starting out and…” he takes a deep breath, shaking his head in awe, “shit, Toshi, this is so awesome! When are you playing? When are you joining officially? When do you start practicing? Do you know who anyone else on the team is?”

Wakatoshi attempts to process all the questions, but it’s nearly impossible. Satori’s joy, while definitely a positive reaction and everything he had hoped for, is still overwhelming sometimes.

“I haven’t officially accepted yet.”

Satori stops again, now sitting across Wakatoshi’s lap with his hands firmly pressed against the ace’s shoulders. He cocks his head, narrows his eyes, and his grin slips back to a confused pout, “Huh? Why not?”

“Things need to be worked out first,” Wakatoshi’s tone remains serious, “I can’t agree to something like that without thinking and planning.”

Satori blinks, slightly frowning now, “But… Toshi, this is everything you’ve ever wanted. Everything you’ve ever _dreamed_ of. You can’t just let this go.”

Wakatoshi knows he’s right. Satori would know that better than anyone else in this world.

“It is,” Wakatoshi agrees.

“Toshi, please, all I want is for you to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted. You deserve that. You’ve worked _so hard_ for _so long_.”

“I have. However, I refuse to do any of it without you,” Wakatoshi finally explains, resting his hands on Satori’s hips.

Satori’s breath catches in his throat, and his eyes go wide again before his tone softens, “What makes you think you have to do any of it without me by your side?”

“I would have to move to Tokyo. I would have to be completely moved there by the beginning of next season. It’s all so last minute, and uprooting you from your current living situation is the last thing I want to do if you’re happy here, in Miyagi.”

“Toshi…” Satori stares at him fondly, laughing softly, “I’m happy in Miyagi, yeah. But you know where I’m happiest? Right here,” he punctuates his words with a tight squeeze on Wakatoshi’s shoulder, “with _you_. And I don’t care where you go, I want nothing more than to be with you. You know that.”

Wakatoshi’s heart flutters. Satori often likes to proclaim that he’s the luckiest person in the world, but sometimes Wakatoshi thinks it’s actually himself that holds that title. He has to be. He’s not sure how else he could have managed to be with someone so flexible, accepting, and supportive. 

And _god_ , that contagious smile, full of adoration… he must be the luckiest person to be able to experience that.

“You’d be willing to move? So last minute?” Wakatoshi finally asks.

“C’mon… I love you, Toshi. I love you more than anything else in this entire world, and I know that’s a lot but I’m not joking. I’d go to the ends of the world for you, I’d throw out all my merch for you, I would skip the premiers of every new anime ever, just for you. So yeah… I’m willing to move. Even if it meant moving tomorrow, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

“Why would I make you throw out your merch?” Wakatoshi questions, baffled by the concept.

“You probably wouldn’t,” Satori chuckles, softly patting Wakatoshi’s shoulder, “It was mostly a joke, I was just making a point. And the point is… I love you and I would do _anything_ for you.”

“I love you too,” Wakatoshi mumbles, fingers digging against Satori’s waist, thumbs rubbing circles, and then he repeats it a bit louder, “I love you, Satori.”

“You love me enough to ask me to move away with you?” Satori smirks, a telltale sign for Wakatoshi to know he’s teasing.

Wakatoshi simply nods, and then leans forward to quickly press a gentle kiss to Satori’s lips, “I can’t wait to live with you.”

Satori blushes, “Geez, Toshi… You don’t even have to _try_ and you sound like the sweetest person in the entire world. Me too, though… I think about living with you a lot. Making it a reality would be… really awesome,” his face lights up again, “especially in Tokyo, that’s like… living the dream!”

“It’s still not certain, though,” Wakatoshi states, “we would have to find housing, and it might be a bit difficult this last minute.”

Satori suddenly jumps up, nearly tripping over himself as he rushes into the hallway, back towards Wakatoshi’s old room. When he returns, he has his laptop with him, popped open before settling back into Wakatoshi’s lap.

“Well, let’s start looking, then!”

Wakatoshi smiles again, nodding in agreement. 

Truly, he must be the luckiest person in the world.

**\-----**

They spend about an hour looking at prospective apartments online. The results are slim, just as Wakatoshi expected them to be, but they both conclude that, given the situation, they aren’t going to be picky.

Eventually, Wakatoshi’s mother returns home, grinning as soon as she spots her son in the living room. The ace wants to keep the news fairly calm, but with Satori, that’s nearly impossible. The redhead immediately starts announcing the news to Wakatoshi’s mother, bouncing excitedly in place. His mother cries, though Wakatoshi expected that. She hugs him for a long time, constantly repeating to him just how proud she is, and just how much she always knew he was going to accomplish something like this. 

She cooks a celebratory dinner, with Satori’s help. Wakatoshi offers to help too, but they both tell him he should just relax on the couch. What he really does is continue looking at apartments online. He finds that, with Satori’s support and positive reaction, he’s even more determined to make this dream a reality. 

After a cozy dinner, he and Satori settle on the couch again, still digging through possible housing options together. Eventually they discover three separate options, all fairly similar. The prices are a bit steep compared to others, but the one bedroom size is perfect for both of them. Wakatoshi shoots an email to each apartment, hoping to hear a response within a couple days. 

As much as he wants to stay, Wakatoshi has school in the morning, and although he plans on dropping out soon anyway if things go according to plan, he doesn’t want to screw up his grades or attendance.

Satori walks him to the train station, a smile seemingly permanently plastered across his face. He hasn’t stopped smiling since they started looking for apartments together, and that fact makes Wakatoshi feel a lot more at ease. He wants everything to work out. He’s never wanted something so much in his entire life, and he thinks Satori feels the same way.

The train comes into view, and Wakatoshi gives Satori’s hand a quick squeeze before turning to face him.

“I’ll let you know if I hear anything from the apartments we contacted.”

“Okay,” Satori steps closer, “I hope we hear something soon.”

“I do too,” Wakatoshi lets Satori’s hand go, wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace.

Satori nuzzles his nose against Wakatoshi’s neck before muttering, “I love you so much, Toshi… and I’m so proud of you,” breath tickling the ace’s skin.

Wakatoshi releases Satori, but leans closer, whispering, “I love you too,” and then gives him a quick, chaste kiss. 

The train stops in front of them, and Wakatoshi quickly steps on board. When he settles into his seat, he glances out the window, spotting Satori and giving him a small wave. The redhead waves back, winking and making a kissy face. Wakatoshi doesn’t return the expression, but he smiles, and he can tell by Satori’s smile that that’s more than enough, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for reading!! <333
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo!!! I'm sososo sorry about this later-than-normal update!! orz
> 
> I've been _really_ sick for the past couple weeks, PLUS I've had finals, so finding the energy to write has been really difficult! Especially considering this chapter is really important and I wanted to be completely engrossed in it with zero distractions so I could do it right! I am feeling better now, though, and finals are basically over for me so I'm ready for the holidays and ready to hopefully write even more than usual!
> 
> With this update, the rating has been upped!! I think you all know what that means, but if you prefer not reading nsfw things, there's a clear hint of where it begins so you can easily skip over it! It's not exactly crucial to the story, I just feel it's important to include as part of their growth together! Which is, obviously, what this fic is all about. c:
> 
> THANK YOU ERICA ([tumblr](http://silveramoebasquid.tumblr.com/), [ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid)) FOR BEING AS AMAZING AS ALWAYS, this fic wouldn't exist without your support so I really appreciate it and I appreciate you. <333
> 
> And I say it every single time, but thank you sososo much to everyone else who's still reading and enjoying this! Your comments and enthusiasm are what push me to work so hard on this, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you!! <333

Wakatoshi knows that apartment hunting so last minute in a city like Tokyo is bound to be on the borderline of impossible, but he tries to stay positive, tries to hold on to the small bit of possibility that everything will work out. Satori helps a lot when it comes to this. Every time they talk on the phone or on skype, Satori asks if Wakatoshi’s gotten any responses, and when Wakatoshi gives him a disheartened “no”, Satori does noticeably get a bit discouraged as well. That only lasts for a few seconds, though. Eventually he’s back to his usual self, telling Wakatoshi that everything is going to work out, insisting that it _has_ to.

Maybe it’s that bright positivity of his that finally makes the universe decide to give in.

It’s a normal weekday, nearing the end of finals week, when Wakatoshi gets a call from a man in Tokyo. He tells him that he has one apartment left, a fully furnished unit with one bedroom and one bathroom. Wakatoshi knows that smaller options, like a studio, would be much more favorable in terms of cost, but the answer immediately slips from his lips before he can even think about it.

“We’ll take it.”

Paperwork is sent over, and Wakatoshi abandons the studying he’s doing in order to quickly print it and fill it out. It takes a bit, understandably, but once he’s done and scans it to send it back over, he feels more relief than he’s ever felt in his entire life.

Maybe things are _actually_ going to work out.

He wastes no time in calling Satori, who picks up almost immediately with a sing-song voice.

“Toshi, hi!”

“Hello,” Wakatoshi tries to keep his voice steady, but as usual, it’s impossible for him to hide good news for very long, “I have something exciting to tell you.”

“Oh?”

Wakatoshi considers making him try to guess, but god knows he can’t keep himself quiet long enough for that, “I got a call from a landlord in Tokyo, he offered us an apartment.”

Satori practically screeches, and there’s quite a bit of noise otherwise on the other end, “Toshi, that’s amazing! I’m so excited! You took it, right?”

“Of course,” Wakatoshi can’t control the smile that fills his face when he hears Satori’s excitement, “I already filled the paperwork out. We move in in late December.”

There’s yelling on Satori’s end again, and Wakatoshi laughs softly with amusement at the sound. He knew Satori would be excited but as usual his reactions are always far exceeding his expectations.

Satori tells Wakatoshi’s mother, who excitedly takes the phone from him and gushes once again about how proud she is and how much she can’t wait to help them move in. Wakatoshi is filled with an immense amount of warmth; the endless support of his mother is something he’ll never take for granted. 

Eventually word travels to all his past teammates, most of which quickly call him to congratulate him. It’s through this that Wakatoshi discovers Eita and Taichi will also be moving to Tokyo in the Spring; Eita will be looking to further his cosmetology career and Taichi will be working for a indie music-based magazine, writing a new music review panel. Knowing that these two are going to Tokyo as well gives him a definite feeling of security and hope. 

And, of course, Wakatoshi contacts Tezuka as soon as possible, letting him know that he’s definitely going to be in Tokyo and he’s definitely still interested in being a part of the national team. Tezuka’s voice when he congratulates him is full of clear excitement, but obviously not nearly as much as Satori’s was.

Needless to say, it’s nearly impossible for Wakatoshi to focus on finals. He does his best, however, and manages to finish out the semester with high grades as usual. His teachers are disappointed to see him moving away, but still proud and enthusiastic about his future. 

Kuroo is also sad to see him go, but thrilled that his dreams are actually coming true and working out for him. And, even though Wakatoshi didn’t expect it, he works hard to help Wakatoshi clear out his stuff from the apartment. When he informs Wakatoshi that Kenma will be attending this school soon for game design, they both express their hope that he’ll be able to move into this very dorm. Wakatoshi wouldn’t want anyone else to take his place, because he knows how happy and content Kuroo would be with his best friend here with him.

Wakatoshi’s mother and Satori drive to Wakatoshi’s university to help him move everything out. Satori briefly gets a chance to meet Kuroo, who immediately hits it off with the redhead. They spend the majority of the time Wakatoshi takes to move out standing and loudly talking about anything and everything. Wakatoshi only catches small snippets of their conversation; something about how Satori is so amazed with Kuroo’s hair and wants to know his secret. When Kuroo tells him it’s just bedhead, Satori expresses how jealous he is. Even though the two aren’t doing much to help out, Wakatoshi has to admit the conversation is amusing, and he’s happy Satori has finally gotten a chance to meet Kuroo outside of the court.

It’s bittersweet leaving university and watching campus get smaller and smaller in the distance as they drive away in his mother’s car. But when he feels the tightness of Satori’s hand in his, and the weight of his head leaning against his shoulder, he feels comforted. He feels like things can only get better from this point forward.

The next few weeks are a blur, and if Wakatoshi had to look back and recount everything that happened, he knows it would be nearly impossible. It’s a blur of paperwork, packing, moving boxes around, and making constant phone calls to make sure everything is completely planned and worked out. He rents a trailer, pays extra to get a larger one just to make sure all his and Satori’s belongings will fit, and he spends a good amount of time being stressed… a feeling he’s not entirely used to.

But Satori’s presence is more than comforting. His constant words of encouragement and promises that everything is going to work out and be just fine… that’s what gets him through these weeks. That and the thought of finally living alone with him, finally having their own privacy, their own apartment, their own life together. That gets him through this stressful time too.

Finally the day comes when it’s time to officially move, and Wakatoshi doesn’t think he can make sense of his feelings anymore. Is he stressed? Is he excited? He can’t tell anymore. All he can comprehend is the road ahead of him as his mother drives them towards their new home and the presence of Satori next to him, soothingly running his thumb across his knuckles and expressing constant excitement about finally going to Tokyo. 

Tokyo is huge and overwhelming, but also exciting and amazing. Traffic makes the drive to their new home take an extremely long time, but luckily the city is filled with enough sights and sounds to keep all three of them entertained during this time. Satori spots a few manga shops and nearly jumps out of his seat, making Wakatoshi promise that they’ll make a trip to visit them sometime soon. Wakatoshi agrees, but also makes Satori promise to visit a quaint floral shop with him that he spots on a corner. Satori, of course, agrees without question.

It’s nearing evening when they finally reach the apartment. Before moving anything in, they make the trek up a few flights of stairs to find the front door. The building is a bit messy and sketchy, but Wakatoshi knows they couldn’t be very picky in this situation. He fishes for the keys in his pocket that he received in the mail a few days prior, and, with Satori’s hand still gripped tightly in his, he slowly unlocks the door and lets it swing open. 

The interior is small, cramped, with an open floor plan that melds the living room and kitchen together. There’s a very short hallway to the left, leading to a tiny bathroom and a surprisingly decent sized bedroom. Everything is furnished with plain, modern furniture in black and white, and the walls and carpet are all done in brown shades.

“It’s perfect,” Satori mumbles as they stand in the bedroom, still hand-in-hand.

Wakatoshi glances sideways at him, notices the grin spreading across his face, and suddenly he realizes just how much he needed to see that. He exhales relief, grips Satori’s hand even tighter, and responds quietly.

“It is.”

As quickly as they can, Wakatoshi, his mother, and Satori begin moving boxes inside. The process takes a couple of hours, given that there’s no elevator in this building and the apartment is on the sixth floor, but they manage to bring everything inside, covering the floor, counters, and tabletops with several boxes that neither of them are exactly excited to have to go through and empty. They decide to save that process for another day, probably tomorrow if they aren’t too busy exploring the city.

Wakatoshi’s mother is obviously slightly distraught about having to leave both of them, but she’s as strong as usual, holding back most of her tears as she gives them both long hugs, wishes them luck, tells them to stay in contact, and bids them farewell. 

Wakatoshi expects Satori to want to stay up, exploring every nook and cranny of this new space, their new home, but he’s surprised to find that as soon as they retreat back inside, he’s visibly exhausted, weakly tugging Wakatoshi into a hug and softly asking a question.

“Can we go to bed, Toshi? I feel like I can barely stand,” he punctuates it with gentle laughter.

“Of course,” Wakatoshi answers, running his fingers carefully through Satori’s hair, “we’ll work on unpacking tomorrow.”

They retreat to the bedroom, _their_ bedroom, neither one bothering to change out of the clothes they’ve worn all day. Wakatoshi wants nothing more than to curl up next to Satori under the covers, sleeping into the morning without any alarm, and he thinks Satori feels that way too. It’s one of the few nights where they actually drift to sleep at almost the same time as opposed to Wakatoshi waiting until Satori falls asleep. It’s also one of the best nights of sleep Wakatoshi thinks he’s ever had in his entire life.

**\-----**

After a couple of busy, full weeks, things seem to have fallen into place for Wakatoshi and Satori. They’ve unpacked everything, made the apartment their own with several of Wakatoshi’s new plants from the corner floral shop and Satori’s collection of posters and figurines. It’s slightly cluttered and doesn’t match in the slightest, but it’s starting to feel like home and that’s all Wakatoshi can hope for.

They’ve gotten to know small parts of the city, mostly the areas surrounding their apartment. Satori visits the manga shops several times, spending probably a bit too much money, but Wakatoshi doesn’t want to squash his excitement. They find that there’s a small grocery store just a short walk from their apartment, which works perfectly when it comes to shopping for food. Although admittedly, they frequent a few of the tiny restaurants, trying out different foods that they’ve never really experienced before. It’s all a very experimental process, and it’s incredibly exciting for both of them. 

Finally the day arrives when Wakatoshi leaves for the stadium where he’ll be practicing for the first time. He has to take a bus, and he stresses a bit about having to leave Satori behind at their apartment for a while, but he’s also excited about getting to meet his new team.

Tezuka is, of course, there to introduce him to each player and all the coaches. Wakatoshi would be lying if he said he was able to remember each and every one of their names; it’s nearly impossible for him. Most of them express enthusiasm about having Wakatoshi there as part of their team, and some of them show clear skepticism. Wakatoshi takes this as a sign that he’ll just have to prove himself to them, and he doesn’t think that will be a difficult task at all.

Practice goes extremely well, though Wakatoshi is a bit overwhelmed by the sheer amount of players. It’s at least triple the amount that was at Shiratorizawa, and double the amount from university. And, he has to admit, many of their skills are far exceeding his own, but he takes this as a challenge, takes it as an opportunity to continue getting better and better. After all, he earned this spot fair and square. 

After a few days of grueling training and practice games, one of his coaches pulls him aside, telling him that the team is strongly considering making him an official member as opposed to a trial one. This excites Wakatoshi, but he knows he still has a lot of work to do to earn his place constantly on the court. 

He’s given a jersey, red and sleeveless with Japan’s flag shown on the chest. His heartbeat accelerates when he holds it, and he finds that he can’t wait to get back home to show Satori. Sure, the number ‘22’ is something that he’s not used to but, again… it shows room for growth, room for improvement, and room to prove himself to this team, this country.

Wakatoshi takes the bus home, watching the sky shift from orange and pink to dark blue. It’s late, and he hopes Satori will still be awake when he gets home. He imagines he will be, probably sketching or watching television. Admittedly, this is the best part of Wakatoshi’s day with this new routine, coming home to Satori and spending the rest of the night relaxing with him.

Sure enough, when he returns home, he calls out and hears Satori’s voice coming from their bedroom. He walks inside, finding the redhead sitting cross-legged in bed, dressed in a pair of old sweatpants and a baggy tank top. Wakatoshi smiles, walking over to him and giving him a quick kiss.

“Hey, how was practice?” Satori asks, practically lighting up at Wakatoshi’s presence.

“Productive,” Wakatoshi answers, dropping his duffel bag next to their dresser, “coach told me he’s going to do what he can to make me an official member as opposed to a trial one.”

“That’s great, Toshi! I didn’t have any doubts,” Satori grins.

“Also,” Wakatoshi unzips his bag, pulling out his newly acquired jersey and holding it out in front of him for Satori to see, “they gave me an official jersey.”

Satori whistles, eyes scanning the garment, “Woah, that’s so cool! Have you tried it on yet?”

“No,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, folding it up again and moving to put it back in his bag.

“Woah, wait, hold on!” Satori holds out a hand, and Wakatoshi pauses, giving him a confused look before the redhead continues, “You should try it on! I wanna see!”

Wakatoshi looks at the jersey, then back at Satori, and nods, “Alright.”

Wakatoshi offers to change right in the bedroom. Satori protests, though, saying it’ll be even cooler and more exciting if he has a big reveal when he walks out of the bathroom. Wakatoshi doesn’t really understand this logic, but he agrees anyway, moving to the bathroom before removing his t-shirt.

He pulls the national uniform over his head, tugging at the hem until it’s fully covering his chest. Only then does he glance up, studying himself in the mirror. 

It’s different, that’s for sure. The fact that the jersey is sleeveless is strange, and the bright red color is definitely something he’ll have to get used to. Really though, the shade isn’t much different than Satori’s hair, and he’s never had a problem getting used to that. What’s truly strange is the large, white ‘22’ on the front. For years he was used to ‘1’, in college he was used to ‘3’, and now… this high number is oddly uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as the tightness of this jersey.

_I’ll just have to get used to it_ , he repeats to himself in his head.

He continues staring at himself until he hears Satori calling from the bedroom, “Toshi, lemme see!”

Wakatoshi steps out from the bathroom, back into their shared bedroom, and glances down at himself again before looking back up and in Satori’s direction. The redhead, still cross-legged in bed with his sketchbook open in front of him, stares wide-eyed in Wakatoshi’s direction before softly whistling.

“That looks… _really_ good, Toshi. Wow. Red suits you.”

Wakatoshi tugs gently at the hem again, “Does it?”

“Oh yeah,” Satori nods aggressively, closing his sketchbook and setting it aside on the nightstand before gesturing for Wakatoshi to come closer, “c’mere.”

Wakatoshi walks towards the bed, stopping at the edge of the mattress, his eyes still fixed on Satori. His boyfriend reaches out, brushing a palm against the soft fabric of Wakatoshi’s jersey. Standing this close, the ace can hear Satori’s breath catching slightly in his throat.

“This, though,” Satori hand smooths upwards, fingertips tracing the white ‘22’, “this just doesn’t seem right.”

 

“It’s my official number,” Wakatoshi explains, even though he knows Satori already knows that.

“Yeah, but,” Satori’s voice is soft, his touch is oddly gentle as his palm continues upwards, resting against Wakatoshi’s neck, “we both know it _should_ be a ‘1’.”

“Perhaps someday,” Wakatoshi mumbles, reaching up and resting his hand on top of Satori’s.

“Well,” Satori shifts, sitting on top of his knees and leaning closer to Wakatoshi, “you’ll always be number one in my heart, captain.”

Wakatoshi’s skin flushes. Satori’s voice is almost a purr, his eyes are nearly slits, and his lips are tugged into a tight smirk. The combination of all those things makes Wakatoshi’s chest tighten, makes his breath stop, makes his mind flood with several thoughts that he wouldn’t be willing to repeat out loud.

“How do _you_ like it?” Satori asks, moving his other hand to rest at Wakatoshi’s hip, fingers dancing underneath the hem of his jersey.

Wakatoshi’s mouth is dry, but he responds anyway, “I’m not sure. It’s different.”

“It is,” Satori agrees, “but it really does look amazing. Showcases your muscles.”

Warmth bubbles up throughout Wakatoshi’s body. Perhaps it’s the fact that they were apart for so long during college, but he can feel the familiar heat of need and desire boiling in the pit of his stomach, and staring at Satori, listening to him speak this softly, and watching him admire his body… none of those things are helping to put out the flame.

“You know what would look even better, though?” Satori cocks his head, fingers pushing underneath Wakatoshi’s jersey even more before tugging it upwards, slowly and gently, “No jersey.”

That’s it. Wakatoshi can feel his self-restraint snap at the sound of Satori’s teasing tone. He leans forwards, reaching to grip the nape of Satori’s neck before crashing his lips against his. Satori makes a noise of surprise, but it quickly transitions to a satisfied hum before his tongue darts out, swiping against the seam of Wakatoshi’s lips. Wakatoshi feels Satori’s hands grip at his jersey, tugging him forwards and causing him to catch himself on the mattress with his other hand. Satori giggles, the vibrations sending waves of goosebumps across Wakatoshi’s skin as he crawls onto the bed, leaning over the redhead. 

“So,” Satori nips at Wakatoshi’s lip, voice barely above a whisper as he tugs at the jersey again, “take this off maybe?”

Wakatoshi obliges; in fact, he’s happy to. He sits up, knees resting on either side of Satori’s waist as he effortlessly tugs the jersey up and over his head. He turns, glancing at the floor as he tosses the garment to the side, and when he looks back in Satori’s direction, the redhead is running his hands across the toned planes of Wakatoshi’s chest, pressing his lips just above one of his nipples as he hums appreciation against his skin. The ace runs his fingers gingerly through Satori’s hair, tugging at the strands of crimson, cherry, and almost-black. The tufts glide easily between his fingers, and with each tug, Satori’s lips press a little harder, his teeth drag just a bit more. The feeling wills Wakatoshi’s eyes to slowly close, his body to lean into the ministrations. This is what he needed after the stress of moving and everything changing. This is what they both needed.

But Wakatoshi wants more. 

As carefully as he can, he simultaneously places a hand under Satori’s chin and grabs a fistful of his hair with his other, lifting his face until he’s able to press his lips tightly against his again. He’s a bit more forceful this time, pressing Satori back against the mattress and being less careful about the force of each tug at his hair. Satori seems to be enjoying having his hair pulled anyway, as odd as that is to Wakatoshi. 

“Toshi,” Satori’s voice is soft, slightly muffled against Wakatoshi’s lips, but significantly raises in pitch when the ace gives another particularly forceful tug at his hair.

Wakatoshi pulls away, catching his breath for a moment before diving back in, this time tugging Satori’s tank top to the side, just enough to smooth his lips across his collarbone. Satori sighs, fanning his fingers against Wakatoshi’s shoulder blades and lifting his chest up to give the ace easier access. Wakatoshi is thankful for this, thankful for Satori’s willingness to go along with whatever he feels the need to do despite his uncertainty in these situations. 

But if there’s anything Satori’s made clear to him in the past, it’s that he should just do what feels natural, and that no matter what that might be, he trusts him. Satori trusts him more than he trusts anybody else.

So Wakatoshi does whatever his mind and his body are telling him to do. And in this very moment, they’re telling him to undress Satori, to indulge in the pale, milky planes of his body, to taste every inch of his skin and mark him so that everyone in Tokyo knows that Satori is his… Satori is his everything, Satori is the love of his life. 

Wakatoshi lifts the hem of Satori’s tank top after he presses one more sloppy kiss to his neck. Satori sits up just enough to allow the ace to slip the garment off of him, tossing it to the side to land right next to Wakatoshi’s jersey. It’s always impossible for Wakatoshi to keep his hands off of Satori when he sees him like this. The suppleness of his skin, even though he’s experienced it several times, is always a pleasant feeling. And really, he doesn’t know how Satori maintains such a toned figure despite not playing volleyball anymore. It’s just another one of the things that amazes Wakatoshi every single day he’s around Satori.

Satori settles back down, shimmying against the sheets and sighing pleasantly when Wakatoshi drags a palm down his chest. Wakatoshi’s touch is light, studying every line, every slight protrusion of Satori’s hip bones, ribs, and collarbones. His fingers trace freckles, making indiscernible patterns and leaving goosebumps in their wake. He takes it slow, wanting to experience every inch of pale skin.

Apparently he’s not being fast enough, though. 

Satori lifts a hand, gingerly placing it on top of Wakatoshi’s. The ace glances up, catching Satori’s vehement expression, the slight curl of his lip, the intensity behind his half-lidded eyes. 

Wakatoshi’s heart stops for a moment, it always does when Satori looks at him like this. It doesn’t take long for him to realize that Satori is lightly tugging Wakatoshi’s hand downward, stopping right at the waistband of his sweatpants. Wakatoshi glances down at their joined hands, and then looks back up. Satori’s eyebrow is quirked up now, his mouth a clear smirk.

“You forgot the other half, Toshi.”

If Wakatoshi had any question about whether or not Satori is feeling the same desire and need that he currently is, that has clearly been answered now. 

He doesn’t waste time, he’s not sure he could even if he wanted to. His fingers curl around Satori’s waistband, tugging his sweatpants down until they slip off completely. They land somewhere on the floor; Wakatoshi isn’t sure exactly where since his eyes are currently fixed on Satori’s lower half. Unsurprisingly, he’s wearing an obnoxiously bright pair of purple briefs with lime green stripes. Wakatoshi’s seen him in worse; in fact, the majority of his undergarments are incredibly bright and distracting. 

Even more of a reason for Wakatoshi to get them off of him as quickly as possible. 

Wakatoshi makes quick work of the briefs, tossing them even more quickly to the floor before leaning down and pressing a few wet, open-mouthed kisses to Satori’s upper thigh. He feels Satori shudder underneath him, hears him give a shaky exhale, and those are clues enough that he’s getting worked up. Wakatoshi glances to the side, takes note of Satori’s half-hard arousal, and then smiles to himself with satisfaction. Getting Satori to feel this way so quickly… it’s empowering for him to think about, even though Wakatoshi knows it’s really not all that difficult of a task.

“Toshi,” Satori whines, voice slightly shaking, “this isn’t fair… I was supposed to be worshipping your amazing muscles.”

Wakatoshi laughs softly against Satori’s skin, rubbing circles against his hips with his palms, “You do that very often, though.”

“Well, can you blame me?” Satori scoffs, shivering again when Wakatoshi’s tongue darts out against his skin, “A body like yours _needs_ worshipping. It’s only right.”

Wakatoshi sits up straight again, making clear eye contact with Satori, “A body like yours also needs attention, Satori.”

Satori blushes, eyes scanning Wakatoshi’s face before he slowly sits up and leans closer, whispering, “C’mere, ya doof,” before slotting his lips over Wakatoshi’s again. 

This time it’s Satori taking charge, but Wakatoshi doesn’t mind in the slightest. Satori’s good at this anyway; better than good. He knows the perfect amount of pressure to use with his lips, his tongue, and even his hands, grasping at his neck and jaw. If Wakatoshi could subject himself to kissing Satori like this for hours, he’d agree without question.

Wakatoshi lets his eyes flutter closed, leaning more into Satori’s touch and deepening the kiss as much as he can. It’s messy and hot and Wakatoshi can feel his own shorts starting to get tighter but he doesn’t want to interrupt this. The hand Satori has on Wakatoshi’s jaw shifts; Wakatoshi isn’t sure where it goes but he’s not worried about that. Right now he’s hyperaware of Satori’s tongue gliding across his and the soft sounds of pleasure rising up from his throat. 

And then he’s startled by a noise. Wakatoshi’s eyes open and fly over to the source; the alarm clock on the nightstand has fallen off, and Satori’s free hand is reaching behind him, resting on the knob of the nightstand drawer. Kiss now interrupted, Satori gives a sheepish grin and chuckles nervously, “Ahh, sorry, Toshi. I was tryin’ to be quiet.”

Wakatoshi looks back at Satori, “What are you doing?” he asks, completely confused by the fact that Satori has chosen now as a good time to blindly dig through a drawer.

“Well,” Satori blushes, glancing back at his hand still resting on the drawer, “it doesn’t matter, sorry, can we go back to kissing?”

Normally, Wakatoshi would completely oblige, but there’s something strange in Satori’s expression… something like guilt.

“Satori,” Wakatoshi takes one of his hands, lacing his fingers between his before repeating his question, “what were you doing?” 

“I was… gonna grab something, but it’s seriously no big deal, Toshi!” 

“What were you going to grab?” Wakatoshi narrows his eyes.

Satori says something under his breath, but Wakatoshi can’t completely make it out, so he gives him a confused stare.

“Lube,” Satori repeats, a bit louder, “I was grabbing lube.”

“Lube?” Wakatoshi glances at the drawer. He doesn’t recall owning any of that since the farthest both of them have gone with each other is simple and quick handjobs and blowjobs, and even that isn’t often enough to warrant owning some.

“Yeah, lube,” Satori’s sheepish smile returns, “I was gonna… finger myself. Sorry, Toshi, I know I… constantly move fast and it’s hard for you to keep up.”

“I apologize for being a bit slow,” Wakatoshi mumbles, rubbing his thumb across Satori’s knuckles, “if you still want to use it, I won’t object.”

“Kinda hard now that the mood is dead,” Satori laughs, removing his hand completely from the drawer now, “maybe we should just… cuddle or something.”

“Do you want me to use it?” Wakatoshi asks, only thinking about the question after it actually leaves his mouth. He’s mostly inexperienced with lube, especially in this way, so the notion makes him nervous… but the thought of making Satori feel good, that excites him.

“Wait, what?”

“The lube. Do you want me to use it to finger you?” Wakatoshi repeats, hoping his clarity will make the question easier to understand.

Satori’s eyes go wide and he leans back a bit, “Holy shit, Toshi… are you serious?”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi nods, “but only if you want me to.”

“I mean, of course I do, _fuck_ , that would be… amazing. But I don’t - I mean - are you comfortable doing that? Since you… never have before?”

“Just tell me what to do,” Wakatoshi ignores the comfort question, since he’s really not sure of the answer, “I’ll do my best.”

“Toshi, are you sure?” Satori’s expression still has a bit of guilt in it.

Wakatoshi wants to squash that feeling immediately. He tightens his grip on Satori’s hand, “I’m sure.”

There’s a slight feeling of disappointment bubbling up within Wakatoshi. Not disappointment because of the situation, no, he’s more than happy to try something new if it means Satori will feel good as a result. This disappointment is a result of the frustration he feels about constantly being a hinderance in the bedroom. Wakatoshi wants to go farther, desperately, but he lacks the knowledge of how to go about engaging it, and how to gauge when the moment is right and when it’s not. He wants to be better about reading these situations, he wants to understand them… 

Thankfully, Satori is both the most patient and shameless teacher in the entire world.

Satori reaches for the drawer again, opening it and fishing inside for a small bottle. He hands it to Wakatoshi, a self-conscious smile still on his face. The ace takes it graciously, staring at it for a moment and studying the label before looking back at Satori.

“C’mon, Toshi, you’ve seen lube before,” he chuckles nervously, leaning back against the headboard and parting his legs a bit more.

“I have,” Wakatoshi agrees, remembering the few occasions he’s used it before, “however this is something new, and I want to do it right.”

“Fingering me shouldn’t be too difficult to figure out, Toshi, I believe in you,” Satori smirks, tone slightly laced with humor, “and besides… I do this all the time.”

“Do you?” Wakatoshi furrows his brow. 

“Yeah. I used to do it a lot when we were in college… because I missed you,” he extends an arm, brushing his fingers against Wakatoshi’s jaw, “and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Wakatoshi leans into the touch, “What did you think about?”

Satori looks thoughtful for a moment, eyes scanning Wakatoshi’s face as his voice drops to a softer tone, “A lot. I would think about kissing you, because I _love_ kissing you, even though you don’t think you’re very good at it,” he drags his thumb across Wakatoshi’s lips, “and I thought about you holding me, and listening to your heartbeat and your breath. That’s what got me to fall asleep most nights. But when I did this,” Satori motions towards the lube still in Wakatoshi’s hand, “I thought about more. I thought about you touching me, stroking my cock and whispering in my ear how much you love me. I even thought about things we haven’t done before. I thought about you fingering me, and how much better your fingers would feel than mine, because yours are so… strong… and thick, but not in a bad way! Mine are just… thin and can’t do much. But yours…” Satori shudders, “yours can probably do things mine can’t. And I imagined that you’d stare me right in the eyes as you did it, asking me if it felt good and… _god_ , of course it would feel good. And then I started thinking about you fucking me, Toshi. I thought about you fucking me deep and hard and pressing me against the mattress… moaning my name right against my ear and cumming inside me and telling me I’m yours and only yours and…” 

Satori stops, and Wakatoshi finds himself waiting with bated breath for him to continue. His body is tense, his skin is covered in goosebumps, and his fingers are clenching the bottle of lube so tightly he’s almost afraid he’ll puncture it.

“I know that might be too much, Toshi, but… fuck,” Satori exhales and slightly whines, “I think about it so much and obviously I don’t want to do anything more until you’re ready but… I think… I think we’re ready. We’ve been together for a long time, Toshi, and I don’t trust anyone else as much as I trust you.”

Wakatoshi stays silent, but only for a moment. His thoughts feel like they’re ready to burst and his shorts feel even more tight and he wants, no, _needs_ to act on his feelings right now.

“I want to.”

Satori gives him a confused look.

“I want to try,” he glances at the bottle in his hand, “I want to.”

“We established that, Toshi,” Satori chuckles, “I was referring to _fucking_ you.”

“I know. I’m also referring to that. I want to have sex with you.”

Satori blushes, and he blushes intensely. He runs his hand across Wakatoshi’s cheek, biting his lower lip before mumbling, “Okay, let’s start slow, though.”

Wakatoshi knows that Satori would prefer moving fast. He knows that better than Satori might know it himself. But he’s also aware that Satori says otherwise because he worries for Wakatoshi’s comfort, and for that he’s, again, incredibly thankful.

Wakatoshi pops open the bottle of lube, dispensing a good amount onto his fingers and closing it before setting it down next to him on the mattress. He runs his fingers together, watching the substance run through each crease and stretch when he extends each digit. Then he looks back at Satori, notices he’s watching him expectantly with his eyes wide.

His heart feels like it might beat right out of his chest, but Wakatoshi lowers his lube-soaked fingers, coaxes Satori’s legs apart just a bit more with his other hand, and then he gingerly presses the tip of his index finger against Satori’s hole.

Satori whines, just barely, more in anticipation than anything, Wakatoshi thinks.

“Talk to me,” Wakatoshi coaxes, placing his free hand against Satori’s leg and running his thumb softly against his skin.

“Fuck, okay,” Satori breathes, “I’m used to two of my own fingers… so go ahead and put one in.”

“I won’t hurt you?” Wakatoshi questions.

Satori shakes his head, smiling softly, “No, Toshi, you won’t. Don’t worry about me.”

Wakatoshi is hesitant, but he trusts Satori. He moves his stare back down to Satori’s entrance, prodding slightly with his index finger. WIth just a bit of pressure, he pushes past, feeling Satori’s muscles instantly clench around his finger as a whimper erupts from the redhead. Wakatoshi looks up again, back at Satori’s face. His lip is clenched between his teeth, and his eyes are half-closed but focused on Wakatoshi, full of anticipation. 

He’s only first-knuckle deep, and Satori already looks like he’s having a difficult time. Concern fills Wakatoshi’s face, but before he can even say anything, Satori takes notice and speaks up.

“You’re fine, Toshi. It just… takes a second to get used to it. But you’re fine, I promise,” he tightly grips the sheets underneath him, “keep going.”

A bit more at ease, Wakatoshi carefully pushes deeper, until the majority of his finger is enveloped by tight muscle and warmth. Satori presses his head back against the headboard, expelling a sigh that slowly turns into a moan. After a moment of quiet, which Wakatoshi takes as Satori gradually getting used to this feeling, the redhead speaks again.

“Okay, now move it. In and out,” he begs breathlessly, sounding desperate.

Wakatoshi does as instructed, slowly extracting his finger before pushing back in. Satori’s muscles tighten again, this time throughout his entire body, and when Wakatoshi repeats the motion a few more times, he moans again. This time it’s slow, drawn-out, and punctuated with a fervent, “ _Yes_ , Toshi.”

Spurred on by Satori’s cry of pleasure, Wakatoshi increases his pace, experimentally rotating his finger and trying out different angles. Satori only writhes even more, back arching and breath quickening with every push of Wakatoshi’s finger. 

“More,” Satori whines, staring Wakatoshi down with intensity, “add another finger, Toshi.”

_Already?_ Wakatoshi stares back at him for a moment. He feels like he’s barely getting started, and he feels as though Satori’s just gotten used to this feeling. But then he’s reminded… Satori is quick to move, quick to want more, and he wants to do his best to follow that.

Adding his middle finger, Wakatoshi pushes past the increasingly tighter muscle. Satori’s thighs shake, his cock twitches and at the same time he whines again, even more high-pitched and needy. Wakatoshi’s skin prickles at the sound and _god_ , he’s starting to lose his self-restraint, especially when he notices Satori’s flushed face, hazy eyes, and his open mouth.

He’s so incredibly beautiful when he’s like this.

He gradually picks up pace again, finding that the feeling of hot, clenched muscle around his fingers is extremely enticing and making way for thoughts in his mind of taking things further, thoughts of replacing his fingers with something else entirely. How good would it feel? To push his cock past this taut heat, to be able to hold Satori and kiss him all over as he fucks him slowly and lovingly? Wakatoshi wants to find out, and he thinks that, the way things are going, tonight will be the night that he does. 

For now he wants to enjoy this slow process. He focuses on the sound of Satori’s breathy moans, focuses on the sight of his slightly quivering body that arches into Wakatoshi’s touch every single time he pushes into him.

“ _Fuck_ , Toshi, _yes_ ,” Satori cries when Wakatoshi gives a particularly hard thrust, “yes, you’re doing _so_ good, _fuck_ ,” he manages a weak smirk, “now curl them, curl your fingers, Toshi.”

Wakatoshi follows instructions, fully enveloping his fingers again before curling them. He prods around a bit, studying Satori’s expression as he tries to find which spots feel best for him, and then he finds it. He curls his fingers and he finds a spot that makes Satori’s entire body tremble and his lips expel a loud moan… and Wakatoshi doesn’t think he’s _ever_ heard Satori moan like that before.

He wants to hear it again. And again. Forever.

He continues pumping his fingers, now curling them in the same spot every single time, and Satori’s body arches higher and higher. His legs shake, his cock twitches again, his chest rises and falls quickly with his breath, his glossy eyes stare back at Wakatoshi and the ace isn’t sure how much longer he can keep this going without doing what his mind and his body are screaming at him to do and-

“Toshi,” Satori whimpers, weakly sitting up and gripping the nape of Wakatoshi’s neck. His tongue flicks out, licking his lips, and then he mumbles the exact words that Wakatoshi wasn’t even aware that he was _dying_ to hear.

“Fuck me, Toshi,” his fingers dig against Wakatoshi’s skin, his lips tremble when he finishes his statement, “please…”

Wakatoshi isn’t sure there’s been many moments where he’s moved so quickly in his entire life.

He makes quick work of his shorts and underwear, and isn’t surprised to find that he’s already extremely hard and dripping. Satori licks his lips when he sees this, and immediately pulls Wakatoshi into another bruising kiss. Wakatoshi coaxes Satori back until he’s laying down against the mattress again. This close, he can feel the redhead’s stiff cock rubbing against his own and without warning he groans, but it’s lost between Satori’s soft, warm lips.

Sure, they’ve done things with each other before, but this… this is new and incredible and Wakatoshi feels like he can’t possibly get close enough even though their bodies are flush against each other and their lips are engaged in a sloppy, passionate kiss. Satori bucks his hips, rolling them against Wakatoshi’s and expelling his own moan when their cocks make contact again. Wakatoshi knows he needs to work quickly, because he’s already getting the sense that Satori might cum at any moment. It’s always so easy to bring him to that point.

Wakatoshi reaches down, grasping his cock and grunting again when he finds just how sensitive it is. He moves slowly, presses his tip against Satori’s entrance, but before he can do anything more, Satori pulls out of their kiss, gasping for air before muttering another command.

“Wait- lube,” he laughs breathlessly when he notices Wakatoshi’s expression of realization, “I’m excited too but… don’t forget the lube.”

“Sorry,” Wakatoshi mumbles, pressing a soft kiss to Satori’s lips before reaching for the bottle and sitting up again.

He coats his palm and replaces the bottle on the mattress, slicking the substance all over his length. It’s uncomfortably cold and he finds himself desperately wanting even more to feel just how warm and tight Satori’s body will be surrounding him. 

Luckily he doesn’t have to wait long to find out.

He tentatively presses his tip against Satori again, looking into his face to make sure he’s still comfortable. He’s not sure about comfort, but he can tell without question that Satori is more than ready for this. He still feels like he needs to ask, though… just to make sure. The last thing he wants to do at this point is screw this up.

“Are you ready?” Wakatoshi asks.

“More than ready,” Satori breathes, gripping at Wakatoshi’s forearms.

The ace gulps. He’s more than ready too, but there’s still a slight feeling of caution. He thinks that’s something he’ll always have in these situations, though. Hurting Satori is something he can’t even fathom, can’t even think about because it pains him too much. All he wants is to make Satori feel incredible, beautiful, perfect.

Wakatoshi pushes. He pushes slowly and carefully and groans with ecstasy at Satori’s warm, taut muscles enveloping his cock. Satori moans too, high-pitched and desperate as he blindly reaches for one of Wakatoshi’s hands. His fingers tightly intertwine between his and he whispers, urging Wakatoshi on, “Yes, keep going, _fuck_ , Toshi, yes…”

He continues moving carefully, halfway deep now and hanging on to the little bit of control he still has. He wants to move faster, to thrust into Satori and make him yell and moan and-

That’s when Satori’s voice cracks, he whimpers and this time it’s not completely from pleasure. Wakatoshi studies him, pausing in his movements and leaning closer to find there’s tears welling up at the corners of his eyes, his mouth is twisted in a sort of grimace and there’s noticeable pain in his expression.

_No_ , Wakatoshi thinks, thoughts whirling with self-doubt and guilt. This isn’t what he wanted, in fact this is the last thing he wanted… 

“Satori,” he says clearly, waiting to continue until the redhead is making eye contact with him, “am I hurting you? Are you okay? We can stop if - ”

“No,” Satori quickly answers, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand, “please, no. This is amazing, Toshi. I’ve never felt so good in my life.”

“You look like you’re in pain. I don’t want to hurt you. I refuse to hurt you,” Wakatoshi considers stopping this whole thing, forcing Satori to rest and maybe trying this again another night.

“No, it’s… a good pain,” Satori explains, tightening his grip on Wakatoshi’s hand, “like, _really_ good. I’m just used to fingers so this is really new and obviously I have to get used to it, but god, Toshi, this is everything I’ve wanted for a really long time now… and you’re doing so good,” he smiles weakly, “you’re making me feel _so_ good, keep going.”

The sincerity in Satori’s voice makes it extremely difficult for Wakatoshi to doubt his words even for a second. He leans closer, gently pressing his lips to Satori’s as he slowly starts pushing again. Satori whines against Wakatoshi’s lips, he wraps his free arm around his shoulders and digs his fingers into the ace’s skin, and that’s every indication that Wakatoshi needs to know that he can keep going.

He keeps moving slowly and carefully, though. It takes a bit, but eventually his entire length is inside Satori and when he has this realization, he pulls out of their kiss, looking the redhead straight in his eyes. There’s so much intensity there; he’s gotten used to the feeling now, his body has stretched to accommodate Wakatoshi and his gaze is sharp, needy.

“C’mon,” Satori whispers, lips brushing Wakatoshi’s as he rolls his hips again, “fuck me, Toshi. Make me cum.”

Wakatoshi’s breath catches in his throat, and then he starts moving. He wasn’t sure if anything could feel as good as simply being inside Satori, but moving like this, feeling the friction of tight muscle and hearing Satori’s cries of pleasure… this must be the closest thing to heaven.

Satori starts to move his body along with Wakatoshi’s motions, and before too long their breath is matching, their sweat and spit is mixing, their hands are still intertwined, their free hands are grasping at each other’s bodies, and Wakatoshi doesn’t think he’s ever felt so close and so connected with Satori. It’s the most amazing feeling he’s ever experienced in his entire life.

The room becomes hot and humid and Wakatoshi’s mind is starting to become a hazy mess. All he can comprehend is Satori, lying beneath him, drenched in sweat and trembling as he cries out blissfully. Wakatoshi brings himself closer, licking a stripe up Satori’s chest and tasting his sweat. He tastes incredible. His tongue swirls against one perky nipple, relishing in the loud moan that bubbles up from Satori’s throat and the digging of his fingers against his scalp. His tongue continues upwards, smoothing against the freckled protrusion of Satori’s collarbone and up his neck, his jaw, until he’s kissing him deeply once again.

It’s not long before Satori tugs at Wakatoshi’s hair, making him break the kiss and look him in the eye again.

“Toshi, I’m… I’m _really_ close, _shit_ …” he manages, voice breathy.

The sounds of skin slapping against skin are obscene at this point. Wakatoshi moves a bit quicker, angling his hips in a way that makes sure he reaches the spot he did earlier with his fingers. Satori’s body rises off the mattress and he clings tightly to Wakatoshi’s back and hand.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Satori mutters with every snap of Wakatoshi’s hips, and the ace can feel his body tightening even more against his.

He keeps going, his mind whirling with thoughts completely surrounding Satori. He’s so beautiful, so incredible. He stares into Wakatoshi’s eyes and his own are glossy and half-lidded, his mouth is forming an ‘o’, and then before Wakatoshi knows it, he’s practically screaming.

“Shit - I’m cumming, Toshi, I’m -” he arches his back, fingernails digging painfully into Wakatoshi’s skin, and then his toes curl as he gives one last, powerful moan.

Wakatoshi feels himself getting close too, so he keeps moving. Satori falls back against the mattress, body extra sensitive now and writhing with every thrust. Wakatoshi looks at the cum staining Satori’s chest, glistening and mixing with sweat, and that’s all he needs to drive him over the edge.

He pulls out, taking hold of himself with his free hand and quickly stroking. He continues staring at Satori, taking in the rise and fall of his messy, wet chest, and the blissful expression filling his face. Wakatoshi thinks about giving a warning, but he’s almost too weak for the guttural groan that rises in his throat and ends in a soft and impassioned, “Satori.”

His cum spills out over Satori’s chest, and the redhead doesn’t appear to mind in the slightest. He watches it happen, smiling when it’s over and reaching to take hold of Wakatoshi’s hand once again. Wakatoshi carefully lowers himself, rolling to lay next to Satori before pulling him closer against him. Only then does he attempt to catch his breath.

Satori’s body is drenched and messy but Wakatoshi finds that he doesn’t mind. If anything, it’s exciting… a quick reminder that they’ve once again made an important step in their relationship. The thought makes him smile and press a gentle kiss to Satori’s sweaty forehead. 

“That was… incredible, Toshi,” Satori whispers, tightly wrapping his arms around the ace and coughing slightly. He obviously still hasn’t completely recovered.

“Careful,” Wakatoshi murmurs, rubbing Satori’s back, “don’t move too much, you’ll over-exert yourself.”

“I’m fine, ya doof,” Satori insists, patting Wakatoshi’s shoulder.

Smiling with amusement, Wakatoshi kisses him again, again, and once more. He covers his face with soft kisses and indulges in the salty taste of his sweat. It’s strangely comforting, relaxing.

After a few minutes of catching their breath, Satori speaks up again, “Thank you, Toshi. I’m really proud of you.”

Wakatoshi isn’t sure what specifically Satori is referring to, but he tugs him closer in recognition.

“I knew sex with you would be _good_ but… damn. You’re a miracle boy in more ways than one, huh?” Satori giggles softly.

“That titles extends to you as well, Satori,” Wakatoshi mumbles, “you were amazing too.”

Satori blushes, smacking Wakatoshi’s shoulder very lightly, “Dammit, Toshi, you always gotta outdo me with sweetness.”

“That wasn’t my intention,” Wakatoshi furrows his brow.

“I know, Toshi,” Satori grins, nuzzling closer, “god, I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too,” Wakatoshi closes his eyes, breathing in Satori’s scent, “and I’m very happy we did this.”

The room is quiet and still for a while besides the sound of their breath. Wakatoshi is so relaxed that he nearly falls asleep, but Satori interrupts that when he quietly speaks up again.

“Toshi, I feel really gross,” he laughs weakly.

Wakatoshi eyes him, a bit confused.

“Well, I mean… we’re both really sweaty and I’ve got cum all over me so… can we get a shower?”

Wakatoshi thinks about it, and really he doesn’t have any objection besides Satori’s comfort.

“Can you stand?” he asks.

“Of course I can stand, Toshi,” Satori giggles, “I’m not a child, jeez.”

“I’m aware that you’re not a child, Satori. I just want you to be comfortable,” Wakatoshi mumbles.

“You’re too sweet,” Satori presses a gentle kiss to the tip of Wakatoshi’s nose, “but yeah, I’m fine. See?” he rolls off the bed, standing up and extending his arms, though still a bit weakly.

But he’s visibly able to stand, and Wakatoshi can’t really argue with that.

The ace rolls off the bed too, letting Satori guide him into the bathroom before he turns on the water in the shower, making sure it’s a comfortable temperature. They both step inside the cramped space, Satori laughing slightly when he nearly slips and catches himself around Wakatoshi’s waist. Wakatoshi takes this as an excuse to hold him tightly against his chest, pressing his lips to his neck and peppering kisses across his skin. Satori sighs blissfully, embracing Wakatoshi and running his fingers softly up and down his back. Wakatoshi vaguely wonders what it would be like to engage in the same activities that they just previously had, but in the cramped space of this shower. At this moment, though, he’s far too exhausted to even want to attempt that. And besides, Satori’s body is still weak and recovering.

Instead, Wakatoshi carefully wipes down Satori’s body, lathering him up with soap and making sure every inch of his skin is clean. He takes special care of his chest, given that that’s where most of the mess was, and then he moves to washing his hair, massaging his fingers into his scalp. Satori closes his eyes, leaning into Wakatoshi’s touch and even purring slightly. It’s extremely cute, and Wakatoshi’s a bit disappointed when the process is over. 

Satori returns the favor, wiping down Wakatoshi’s body and taking a few moments to run his hands across his muscles. When Wakatoshi questions this, Satori informs him that he’s making up for not being able to do it much earlier. Wakatoshi chooses not to object. Eventually Satori washes Wakatoshi’s hair, teasing him that his bangs are starting to get a bit long. Wakatoshi promises to get a haircut soon, even though he doesn’t think they’ve gotten all that long.

When the shower is over, they wrap towels around each other and dry each other’s hair. Once they’re completely dry, they throw the towels in the laundry, retreating back into their bedroom. When Wakatoshi moves to the dresser to find clean clothes for both of them to sleep in, Satori objects, calling from the bed.

“Sleep clothes are overrated, Toshi,” he teases, beckoning Wakatoshi back over, “haven’t you ever tried sleeping naked?”

“I haven’t,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, but he moves back over to their bed, crawling under the covers to lay next to Satori again.

“Well, I promise it’s great. Usually I’d be cold, but _someone _is super warm and cozy.”__

__Wakatoshi smiles, pulling Satori close to his chest and giving him a chaste kiss. Satori nuzzles as close as possible, grasping at Wakatoshi’s back and sighing._ _

__“I love you,” the redhead mumbles, barely audible for Wakatoshi._ _

__Wakatoshi, already feeling like he’ll fall asleep at any moment, returns the statement, stuffing his nose into Satori’s hair and breathing in the scent of his shampoo._ _

__It doesn’t take long for either of them to fall asleep, but like usual, it’s Satori first, his soft breath a clear indication to Wakatoshi that he’s drifted off. Wakatoshi focuses on this, as well the sound of the alarm clock ticking away, still on the floor. Amused, he makes a note to himself to put that back in the morning before Satori has a chance to step on it in his half-asleep state._ _

__For now, though, he relishes in the feeling of Satori’s soft skin pressed tightly against his, and quickly falls asleep._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "BOOM. THE EAGLE HAS LANDED." - Erica, while reading the nsfw bit in this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed!!! <3333
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendouaf](http://www.tendouaf.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY!!! Wow, first of all I feel so guilty for not updating this story for so long. I don't want to give excuses or get too personal but I've had a very rough last six months, and I've had to fight through a lot of bad feelings and emotions, so unfortunately this fic had to take a break for a bit. BUT IM BACK, IM FIGHTING THROUGH IT, and I'm so happy to be back, this story is still my pride and joy and my love letter to ushiten, and we're only about halfway through the entire thing! ;u; I'm sorry this update is much shorter, but!! As someone told me: any update is a good update!
> 
> (I skipped on having Erica beta it this time, so if there are mistakes, thats on me, not her! I was just overly excited to post it, haha)
> 
> Thank you to all my amazing friends who continually pick me up and motivate me when I need it. I honestly wouldn't be where I am without all the incredible and inspiring people in my life.
> 
> I apologize for not getting back to all your lovely and sweet comments, socializing has been very difficult for me lately but I'm trying to move out of that slump! I will do my best to get back to them, and I appreciate every single one!!! <33 Thank you!!!
> 
> I won't talk too much more, but if you're still reading this and interested: thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I hope I continue to do this ship and these characters proud, they mean the entire world and more to me. <333

Wakatoshi wakes the next morning with ease, the sun shining weakly through the covered window and hitting his face just enough for him to crack his eyes open. He can’t remember the last time he woke up without an alarm blaring in his ear, so it’s an odd feeling. He has a brief moment of confusion, trying to remember just why he forgot to set his alarm… that and he can’t discern what day it is, or if he needs to be somewhere.

That moment of confusion quickly transitions to panic, and his eyes open wider. He sits up suddenly, glancing around the room. His phone isn’t in its usual spot on the nightstand, he doesn’t even have clothes on and he can’t remember if he has somewhere to be and -

Then he sees Satori, curled up peacefully next to him, still softly snoring. 

That’s right. Last night wasn’t typical. 

It’s incredible how one look at Satori can bring him right back down to reality, quell any worries and stresses he has. That’s probably one of the reasons he’d never question that Satori is the one he’s meant to be with. And when he looks at him like this, hair covering his forehead, lips slightly parted and moving with each small breath, bare body curled up against Wakatoshi’s, all the memories of last night come flooding back to him. The sounds, the smells, the stunning sight of Satori’s pale body trembling and sweating beneath him. 

Wakatoshi gets lost in his thoughts for a bit. He doesn’t even register reaching out and brushing Satori’s hair out of his face. But _god_ is he beautiful, even like this, with dried drool leaking slightly at the side of his mouth and sleep crusting the corners of his eyes. Wakatoshi lays back down, staring intently at Satori’s face and taking this quiet moment to study his freckles. He’s always been curious just how many reside on Satori’s face but it’s always been impossible to tell with the way the redhead is constantly moving.

But, well, this isn’t really any exception. 

Satori stirs at Wakatoshi’s hand brushing through his hair, his eyes slowly opening and immediately focusing on the ace’s face. His lips gradually curl into a warm smile and his voice is groggy when he mumbles, “Morning, handsome.”

Wakatoshi’s skin prickles at that voice and those words. They’re woken up next to each other before but there’s something different this morning, some powerful energy that he can’t really explain but he can definitely _feel_ in the air. 

He drags his hand from Satori’s hair down to his jaw, running his thumb softly across his lips, “Good morning.”

Satori’s smile grows and he shifts a bit closer, “It’s kinda cold.”

“Sleeping naked probably wasn’t the best option for someone who gets cold so easily.”

The redhead laughs, “Yeah, yeah. Wasn’t really thinking that one through,” he reaches out, resting a palm on Wakatoshi’s chest and softly drumming his fingers, “but you’re warm so it’s okay.”

Wakatoshi hums in response, placing a quick kiss to Satori’s forehead before sighing.

“What time is it? I’m surprised you weren’t up early like normal, Toshi.”

Oh, right.

Wakatoshi panics again for a moment, glancing at the nightstand and quickly remembering that the alarm clock isn’t there anymore. He sits up slightly again, glancing at the clock on the floor and sighing with relief when he realizes it’s only 9 AM. He still has a couple hours before he has to leave for practice.

“Nine,” he answers, tugging Satori close again.

“You have to leave at 11, right?” Satori asks, breath tickling Wakatoshi’s shoulder.

“Mhmm.”

“Damn. I was hoping for a nice, long recap,” there’s an obvious hint of humor to his voice, but Satori still sports a sly smirk that, admittedly, does give Wakatoshi goosebumps.

“That’s not a good idea, given how tired you were last night,” Wakatoshi explains, soothingly dragging a hand down Satori’s back and resting it just above his backside, “you should rest today.”

“Toshi, c’mon,” Satori chuckles again, lightly tapping Wakatoshi’s chest, “I got a full night’s rest, I’m fine.”

“I’ll believe that when I see you walk easily across this apartment.”

“Alright, fine,” Satori finally gives in, though a smile still remains on his face, “but really, you should be resting too. You worked hard last night.”

“Was I too much?” worry suddenly surges through Wakatoshi.

“What? No! No, of course not! You were, uh,” Satori’s face goes a bit red, “amazing. Incredible. Stellar. Hot as fuck,” he narrows his eyes, “am I getting the point across?”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi smiles softly, “are you feeling okay, then?”

“Oh, better than okay. I feel… amazing. Hard not to when I just had my innocence taken by the most stunning man in the world.”

“Satori, I mean physically.”

“Ah,” there’s silence for a moment, minus the rustling of sheets as Satori stretches his legs out, “so far so good.”

Wakatoshi lets that answer sink in. He believes Satori, trusts him just like usual, but there’s still a hint of worry inside him at the possibility that he may have hurt Satori last night. He keeps replaying the redhead’s whine, his voice cracking painfully, and he’s almost certain that sound will haunt him for the rest of the day, maybe the rest of his life.

But Satori seems happy, blissful, and if he really is okay, Wakatoshi thinks last night was more than worth it in the long run.

“Would you like some breakfast before I leave?” Wakatoshi questions.

Satori yawns before answering with a quick, “Yes, please. Will you have time?”

“I have two hours before I have to leave,” the ace explains, “I have more than enough time.”

“Oh. Breakfast in bed?”

Wakatoshi gives him a look. Satori knows how he feels about eating in bed. It’s not exactly the cleanest, and the crumbs never go away.

“I know, I know. Crumbs in bed and all that,” Satori waves a hand in front of his face, “but c’mon Toshi, this is a special occasion.”

He really can’t argue too much with that. And he is somehow feeling slightly okay with the idea, especially if it means staying in bed with Satori just a bit longer.

“Alright,” Wakatoshi agrees, and Satori immediately gives a cry of victory.

The ace slips out of bed, pulling open the dresser and slipping on a clean pair of boxers. He thinks he hears Satori making comments under his breath about his backside, but he ignores that and instead makes his way into the kitchen. 

Breakfast is quick and easy. Wakatoshi makes pancakes, slips a few onto two separate plates, and manages to prepare two mugs of coffee as well before retreating back into the bedroom. Satori looks more wide awake now, sitting up straight in bed with the sheets draped across his lap. Wakatoshi thinks he looks beautiful like this, with the sunlight hitting his skin and his hair messily brushed back. 

He slips into bed as well, handing Satori a plate and a mug which he graciously takes with a sing-song ‘thank you!’ 

They eat in comfortable silence, Satori resting his head against Wakatoshi’s shoulder, every so often lifting his fork to the ace’s mouth and insisting he take a bite. Wakatoshi doesn’t see the point, considering he has his own plate in front of him, but he takes it anyway once Satori explains that it’s just ‘a cute thing to do’. Of course, he ends up sharing some of his own pancakes as well, just to make sure Satori still gets his fair share of food.

Sure, Wakatoshi doesn’t care for the idea of breakfast in bed given how messy it can be, but he has to admit that this morning it’s the perfect addition to such a beautiful night. He’s certain that he’ll have Satori on his mind for the rest of the day, even while at practice. Though that seems to be a given on most days, anyway.

Admittedly, he’s disappointed when he has to crawl out of bed and start getting ready for practice. Satori stays rooted under the sheets, now pulling his sketchbook off the nightstand and starting to sketch while humming softly. Wakatoshi enjoys the sound of pencil scratching against paper and blankets rustling softly in the background as he gets dressed. Luckily he doesn’t have to repack his bag since he didn’t really have a moment to unpack it last night. 

When the clock hits 11, he slings his bag over his shoulder and makes his way over to the bed again. He leans down, resting a palm on the mattress while running his other gently through Satori’s hair, “I’m heading out, I’ll be back tonight.”

Satori turns to face him, suddenly looking disappointed. It’s not a new expression, Wakatoshi sees it almost every morning when he’s about to leave for practice. He pouts a bit, leaning into Wakatoshi’s touch, “Y’know this never gets any easier.”

Wakatoshi gives him a confused stare.

“You. Leaving every day.”

“I always come back, though,” Wakatoshi assures him, dragging his palm down and cupping Satori’s chin.

“Hmm,” Satori hums, then he smiles, though there’s still a hint of disappointment on his face, “you’re right. Doesn’t mean I don’t miss you, though.”

“I always miss you too,” Wakatoshi takes a seat on the bed now, “I always think about you at practice.”

“Toshiiii,” Satori whines, quickly setting his sketchbook aside and scooting closer to the ace, “how can you say that right before you’re about to leave, it’s not fair.”

“I just wanted you to know that I love you,” Wakatoshi explains, “and even if I’m not here, you’re on my mind.”

Satori’s pout intensifies, but he doesn’t respond besides resting his forehead against Wakatoshi’s and sighing.

“I should leave now,” Wakatoshi mumbles, though he finds himself having a very difficult time actually getting up.

“Okay,” Satori whispers, leaning closer and bumping his nose gently against Wakatoshi’s before pressing his lips to his.

Well now he’s having an even _more_ difficult time leaving.

The kiss isn’t aggressive; it’s gentle and it raises butterflies in Wakatoshi’s stomach. They’ve kissed countless times in their years of being together, but this one… there’s something both powerful and soft about it, and Wakatoshi doesn’t want it to end.

He’s never been late to practice in his life, but, well… if he were to ever give himself a guilt-free pass, mornings like this with Satori would likely be the reason.

**\-----**

Things get easier. Wakatoshi knew all along that moving to such a big city and uprooting his and Satori’s lives in Miyagi was going to be a big change, but he’s surprised just how smoothly that transition goes.

Now that the team has accepted him as an official member, Wakatoshi spends the majority of his days at practice. It’s tough, the regimen is strict and intense but even so, leaving the gym with his legs on fire and a soreness in his muscles only makes him feel stronger, prouder. 

The only part that he has a hard time getting used to is having to leave Satori at home by himself every day. He knows he doesn’t mind. After all, he tells him most mornings before he leaves just how proud and happy he is that Wakatoshi is living his dreams. 

Wakatoshi only wishes life would treat Satori the same way it’s treated him.

Satori works hard, making calls and writing emails and trying to find someone to take him up on his grand idea for a story that he wants to turn into a real, physical thing. He receives denial after denial, and yet he keeps working hard at his story (that he still won’t tell Wakatoshi much about - it’s still a surprise, apparently). Most nights when Wakatoshi comes home from practice, Satori is nose-deep in his sketchbook, in odd, uncomfortable looking positions on the couch with his tongue peeking from between his lips and his eyes narrowed in deep thought. Wakatoshi would be lying if he said it didn’t put a smile on his face every single night.

On Wakatoshi’s rare days off, they spend all of their time together. Usually cuddled under a blanket, watching TV, reading together, or just talking about anything and everything. It’s always been simple and easy to have a conversation with Satori even when there’s nothing to talk about. Wakatoshi treasures these days; they remind him of the time he would spend with Satori in either of their dorm rooms during high school, and it makes him miss the simple days. They’ve both come such a long way.

And though the sound of Satori’s pained whine haunts Wakatoshi every single time they go to bed together... that gets easier too. Wakatoshi isn’t an overly affectionate person, he never has been, but the way Satori makes him feel awakens some sort of need in him that he’s still having to get used to. Satori is patient and gentle when he needs to be, unrelenting and intense when he knows he can be. And putting it simply, it’s exactly what Wakatoshi never really knew he wanted. This advancement really only strengthens their bond; a bond that Wakatoshi already felt was as strong as it could be.

But as the pattern that continues throughout both of their lives repeats itself, the comfort they’ve both worked so hard to achieve together is uprooted by a single phone call a few months after Wakatoshi’s acceptance to the national team.

Wakatoshi is at practice, it’s a normal weekday, and when he steps into the locker room that night and pulls his phone out of his bag, he isn’t shocked by the myriad of text messages and missed calls on his screen. It’s normal for Satori to send several messages and leave voicemails, usually enthusiastically talking about something he saw while on his walks in the city that reminded him of Wakatoshi. 

But this time a sense of dread feels him when one of the first messages he takes a chance to skim over is a simple, clear, emoticon-free: ‘Toshi please call me when you get a chance, I don’t know what to do.’

Wakatoshi’s stomach is in knots. That text was from three hours ago, and there’s nothing since then. Is Satori okay? Did something happen? 

He doesn’t take his time in the locker room, he changes quickly and rushes to the bus station, hoping to hop on an earlier one. When he doesn’t get that chance, he decides to call Satori instead, like he had asked him to do.

When Satori answers, Wakatoshi is relieved, but he’s also slightly concerned about the sound of Satori’s voice, void of its usual joy and energy.

“Toshi, hey.”

“Satori, what’s going on?” Wakatoshi asks, pressing his phone tightly to his ear, trying to mask out the noise of the busy city surrounding him.

“A lot,” Satori sighs, “I don’t really know where to start. I’m just scared.”

Scared? Wakatoshi is baffled. When he left Satori this morning he was fine, covered in syrup from his morning waffles and laughing loudly about it. Everything was _fine_.

“Tell me what happened.”

“Well,” another sigh, this time deeper, “it has to do with dad. Remember how he didn’t want me in his office? Ever?”

Wakatoshi remembers that, yes. And the memory fills him with anger so strong he can feel himself scowling a bit.

“Yes, I remember that.”

“I know why now. I know why and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… I hate him even more,” he pauses, probably collecting his thoughts, “he was in debt. Like…. _majorly_. He was in contact with a ton of loan sharks and he never paid them back and one of them got my number and… I don’t know what to do, Toshi.”

To be fair, Wakatoshi doesn’t know what to do either, but there’s still just one glaring question in his mind that he needs answered.

“Are you okay? Are you safe?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m okay. For now. But this guy wants the money soon and I have nothing, Toshi. I don’t want to have to pay my father’s debts. Debts that he only had because he was living a double life that I didn’t even know about until now. He wasn’t even employed for the last ten years, Toshi. His ‘business trips’ were going to women’s houses and gambling and drinking and… _god_. How was that _my_ father, the man that said _I_ wasn’t good enough and was a failure and - ”

“Satori,” Wakatoshi interrupts, aiming to halt those angry thoughts that tend to eat up his boyfriend, “everything will be okay. We can talk more when I get home.”

“We can’t know that, Toshi, we don’t have the money, what are we gonna do? How can you be sure?”

“I’m sure because I will do anything in my power to keep you safe. I love you.”

Satori gives a shaky exhale, laughs nervously, “I love you too. I’m sorry I always put you through so much shit.”

“Do you remember that letter you wrote me when I went to college? The very last line?”

He’s quiet for a moment, trying to remember, “Was it… ‘I love you’?”

_Oh. Right._

“Before that,” Wakatoshi clarifies.

“Oh! Um… I don’t remember. Probably something sappy,” he laughs again, and it’s a sound that Wakatoshi is thankful to hear.

“You said you would do anything for me,” Wakatoshi recalls, “and I need you to know that I feel the same in return. I would do anything for you, Satori. Anything in my power.”

Satori doesn’t say anything for a moment, but he’s still there and that’s good enough for Wakatoshi.

“Do you really remember that entire letter?”

“Most of it,” Wakatoshi thinks back, picking out a few of his favorite lines. He’d be lying if he didn’t admit to having it folded up in his wallet for easy access.

 _‘You’re my rock, Toshi.’_

That line still manages to pull at his heartstrings. If only Satori knew just how much that sentiment went both ways.

“I guess I’m not surprised,” Satori finally answers, “you’ve got the best memory in the world I think.”

“Unlikely, but thank you. Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah,” Satori responds, his voice much calmer now, “thanks, Toshi. Are you on the bus yet?”

“Not yet,” Wakatoshi eyes the street, looking for any oncoming buses, “but it should be here in a few minutes. Do you want to stay on the phone?”

“That’s okay. I’ll just nap until you get home, okay?”

“Alright,” Wakatoshi knows that this storm is only just beginning but to hear Satori’s voice return to normal and to know that, for now, he is okay… that’s good enough for him.

**\-----**

‘Storm’ feels like an understatement when Wakatoshi gets home and Satori runs through all the details of the call he received that night. ‘Natural disaster’ feels more… accurate.

Satori’s father was not only horribly unfair to his son, but also a gambler, a cheater, an addict, and, much later in his life, a dealer. He had several connections, most of which went sour when he failed to pay those connections back. One of those connections was the man that had called Satori. A man that refused to give his name, but promised that if he didn’t have his money back very soon, there would be consequences. 

Wakatoshi doesn’t want to know what those consequences would be. 

All he knows is that the phone call left Satori shaken and scared, both feelings that he never wants him to have to feel. The move to Tokyo was supposed to be a brand new start, they were supposed to leave the mess of Satori’s family life behind. And now… this. 

In their conversation, Satori mentions the office. The one that his father never wanted him to step into. The one that he feared and never wanted to enter, even while cleaning out his childhood home. Wakatoshi knows deep down, as much as he doesn’t want to say it, that the office is their best starting point in terms of finally putting all of this behind them. 

When he mentions it, Satori agrees, though very reluctantly, with his hand tightly gripping Wakatoshi’s. He’s nervous, Wakatoshi knows, and he has every right to be. But that doesn’t mean Wakatoshi won’t be there with him every step of the way through this.

They make plans to go back to Miyagi for a few days to figure all this out. Wakatoshi gets clearance from his coach - though he’s told not to make it a habit. Satori’s nerves increase with every day that gets closer, and when they do finally board a train to head to their childhood town, it’s hard for Wakatoshi to get many words out of him.

He keeps Satori’s hand tightly woven in his, offers reassuring words when he can, and remains as supportive and gentle as always. And he knows, even without him saying it, that Satori appreciates it. It’s in the tight squeeze of his hand and the soft smiles he sports whenever he looks in Wakatoshi’s direction. 

They arrive back at Satori’s childhood home on a breezy Friday afternoon, Wakatoshi’s steady hand wrapped around Satori’s, shaky and uncertain. The outside of the house is immaculate, maintained by Wakatoshi’s mother when she has free time, but Wakatoshi knows that the inside will be the same. Haunting and sad and resurfacing memories that Satori has worked so hard to hide away.

“Are you ready?” Wakatoshi keeps his voice calm.

The hand in his tightens, “Yeah. I think so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading and being patient with me!!! ;;
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendou-satori](http://www.tendou-satori.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see!!! ;; 
> 
> I want to start by apologizing for taking so long with this update. It's been a very difficult year for me, and this fic takes a lot of emotional energy for me to write. Emotional energy that I have not had for the majority of this year. I've been writing more light hearted things, and I really needed that break, but I'm back!!! For real this time!!! 
> 
> I miss this fic and I miss updating it and writing it and I miss all of your lovely, encouraging comments. <3 I'm so sorry that I'm not better about responding but please know that every single one makes me feel so warm and happy, you guys are the best for sticking around for this long and being so patient with me even though this fic isn't even close to being done. ;; 
> 
> Thank you to Erica, for reading through it and yelling positive things at me, you help me more than I could ever properly express and I LOVE YOU. <33
> 
> And thank you to USHITEN for being my inspiration and my light shining in the darkness when everything else in my life feels so awful and pointless. I truly hope I'm still doing them justice, and I hope you all enjoy this update~ <3

As Wakatoshi expected, the house is the same as he remembers it - dark and dusty and housing an energy so negative that he feels heavier immediately upon entering. He can’t imagine how it’s affecting Satori. His boyfriend’s hand is still in his, tight and sweaty and trembling slightly. He always knew that the prospect of entering his father’s office was a struggle for Satori but he never imagined just how bad it would be when the day would come. He knows there’s nothing he can say to make any of this easier, though he wishes there were. 

Surprisingly, it’s Satori, tugging on his hand, that makes the first few steps towards the stairs up to his father’s office. It’s probably best this way; Wakatoshi was nervous about having to guide him upstairs anyway. 

There’s no sound besides the creaking of each old, dusty step and their breaths as they head upstairs, taking an immediate right and coming face-to-face with the room housing all of Satori’s painful memories and his father’s demons. Wakatoshi makes a move to grip the doorknob, but Satori’s hand is already there, knuckles white as he slowly turns the knob and lets the door swing open. 

It’s a small room, that’s the first thing Wakatoshi notices. A bit smaller than Satori’s bedroom. The walls are covered in various clippings from magazines, and Wakatoshi isn’t surprised to see that the content, for the most part, consists of partially dressed women. The floor is dirty, it clearly hasn’t been vacuumed in years, and stacks of boxes and papers line most of the walls. In the very center of the room is a large desk with a fancy desk chair. The computer on the desk is outdated for this time period, but Wakatoshi imagines that back when Satori and him were in elementary school, this computer was top of the line. Behind the desk is a single square bookshelf tall enough to nearly reach the ceiling. On this piece of furniture are several books; Wakatoshi notices that most of them have to do with math and financial subjects, but he supposes that’s to be expected.

“Gross,” Satori hisses under his breath, glancing around at the floor before kicking aside a box full of papers and stepping a bit more inside. 

Wakatoshi isn’t sure what Satori is referring to, it could be a number of things. Perhaps he’s expressing his general emotion over the entire situation? If that’s the case… Wakatoshi is in complete agreement.

“Where do we start?” Wakatoshi asks, deciding it’s best to probably get this figured out as soon as possible. 

“Dunno,” Satori stares pointedly at the bookshelf, looking as though he’s searching for something in particular, “I remember one of the few times I snuck in here when I was little, he always seemed like he was hiding something. Like…” he turns to face Wakatoshi, “he’d be hunched over his desk, snapping at me to get out, but the way he was hunched over… it seemed odd. There was something there, I’m sure of it.”

“Interesting.”

Satori looks around for a few more seconds before hesitantly stepping behind the desk and sitting down in the chair. The second he’s seated he makes a disgusted expression.

“What’s wrong?” Wakatoshi immediately asks, wanting to keep tabs on Satori’s every expression during this situation.

“Just… feel gross. Sitting here feels gross,” he picks at the leather peeling off the armrest, “I feel closer to him when I sit here and I don’t like that.”

“I see. Would you prefer to not sit in the chair?”

“No,” Satori takes a deep breath, “no, I need to push through this, Toshi. After that we can burn this office to the ground.”

Wakatoshi recognizes that Satori is likely making a cynical joke, but clarifies, “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” before stepping behind the desk as well.

The monitor on the desk is pitch black, it doesn’t even appear to have a red light signifying that it’s plugged in. The pc unit is the same, making no noise and flashing no lights. Satori reaches forward and presses the power button on the unit. After a few seconds, nothing happens, and he tries again. 

Still nothing.

“That’s weird,” Satori grumbles, sounding more frustrated than anything. Understandably, since a computer would be someone’s first spot to look for information in this situation.

“It probably short-circuited during a storm. This model is very old.”

“Yeah…” Satori sighs, drumming his fingers against the desk in thought. 

Wakatoshi glances down, noticing that the right side of the desk has a column of three drawers. He tugs at the first one, prompting Satori to look inside. After digging through for a moment, they discover that it’s a mess of old pens, pencils, calculators, and post-its with various math equations on them. Nothing of importance. 

Strike one.

The second drawer takes some force to open, but again… nothing important. A pile of business cards, an old radio, sharpies, pocket math books, even more post-its and pens…

Strike two.

Wakatoshi tugs at the third drawer, hoping that the third one will be their lucky ticket. However, when he pulls, it doesn’t budge.

“Ah… there’s a lock,” Satori explains, sounding exasperated, “shit.”

“We could force it open,” Wakatoshi suggests.

“How? For all we know there’s nothing in there anyway. Our luck hasn’t exactly been good so far.”

“It must be locked for a reason. Do you have a toolkit? With a hammer?”

Satori gives him an odd look, dramatically raising one eyebrow, “Toshi… what?”

“We’ll force it open with a hammer,” Wakatoshi explains, matter-of-factly. 

Satori smiles with amusement, and while Wakatoshi is being completely serious about this idea, it’s refreshing to see the redhead express a positive emotion amongst this situation.

“Alright, yeah. Toolkit is in the kitchen, under the sink,” Satori says, and Wakatoshi is immediately on the hunt. 

In less than a minute, Wakatoshi heads to the kitchen, finds the old, heavy toolkit under the sink, and heads back upstairs. After some quick digging, he discovers the hammer and takes it in his hand.

“Would you rather do it?” he suddenly asks, noticing that Satori’s now standing up, eyeing Wakatoshi closely from behind the desk.

“No,” Satori quickly answers, sitting back down.

Positioning himself in front of the desk, Wakatoshi finds the backside of the locked drawer. He hopes slamming the hammer into it with enough force will force it to open, despite being locked. Only one way to know for sure.

After making a quick internal apology to whoever manufactured this admittedly beautiful desk, Wakatoshi swings the hammer back and then forwards, hitting it right against the back of the drawer. 

“Try opening it now.”

Satori leans down, pulling at the drawer before poking his head back up above the desk, “Nope.”

Wakatoshi once again apologizes in his head. He’ll have to use more force that he wanted to, then.

This time he swings several times in a row, making a clear dent in the old wood. He connects with the back of the drawer once, twice, three times, and finally four. The drawer pushes forwards, the lock making a loud clanging sound.

“It opened!” Satori exclaims, grinning wide in Wakatoshi’s direction. 

The ace sets the hammer back in the toolbag before standing back up and returning to his spot next to Satori. Sure enough, the drawer is open, though it’s definitely in some awful shape now. When Satori himself doesn’t make a move to open it more, Wakatoshi assumes he’s still nervous. He gives him a moment, both of them staring at the slightly open drawer before Satori finally tugs it open.

Inside is a wooden box with, once again, a lock on it. It takes up the majority of the drawer, but laying next to it is a old bottle of whiskey. Satori appears to ignore that, though Wakatoshi doesn’t miss the glint of disgust in his eyes. Satori grabs the wooden box, lifting it easily out of the drawer before plopping it with a loud thud onto the top of the desk.

There’s silence. Both of them study the box, realizing that they’ll have to find a way to open this as well.

“Why’s everything have to be all locked up?” Satori grumbles, running a single finger against the metal lock.

“It seems your father liked to lock up things that he didn’t want anyone to see.”

“Yeah,” Satori nods, “but I’m sure he either threw the key away or had it on him the day he died.”

“We can force it open again.”

Satori once again doesn’t object. Wakatoshi takes the hammer, using less force this time to beat the lid of the box until the lock finally gives. When it swings open, they’re met with a number of things.

Most of the box is taken up with sheets of folded paper with names, numbers, and addresses. There’s a bottle of pills, though they’re unsure what kind since the label is rubbed off, a pocket knife, a small box of bullets, and finally in the corner, some type of crystalline drug.

Even after hearing all the awful things about Satori’s father, there’s still a disgusting feeling boiling up in the pit of Wakatoshi’s stomach at seeing all this evidence of the real life he was leading for so long. 

“Jesus,” Satori whispers, hesitant to even put his hand near the contents of the box, “this is disgusting. All this time…”

“You couldn’t have known,” Wakatoshi reassures him, though he’s not even certain if that’s what he needs to hear right now.

“Will you pull the papers out? I don’t really wanna touch it,” Satori requests, nervously fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. 

Wakatoshi immediately grabs the stack of papers, lifting them up and out of the box to reveal nothing worse underneath them. That’s refreshing.

The stack is a mix of a number of things. Lots of addresses with names and phone numbers next to specific dollar amounts and vague notes like “for car” and “crystal”. Wakatoshi flashes them each in Satori’s direction, who looks extremely thoughtful for a moment.

“Oh. Okay. Those are probably notes for deals he made.”

“Deals?” Wakatoshi blinks in confusion.

“Yeah, like… drug deals. That sort of thing,” he points to the note labeled ‘for car’, “the date on this one makes sense, it’s from while I was in junior high. I remember dad suddenly came home with a really nice car, for no reason. I asked him how he could afford that and he got really defensive about it.”

“You mean he didn’t buy it?”

“Oh, he did. But why would the receipt for it look like this?” he gestures again towards the paper, “It must’ve been bought with drug money.”

It certainly makes sense. 

“What else is there?” Satori asks, breaking Wakatoshi from his thoughts.

He flips through the stack some more, finding numbers of ‘receipts’ and dollar amounts, and finally a stack of photographs in the center of the jumble. He sets these aside for a moment, flipping through the remaining papers. Still more receipts, numbers, and names.

Satori watches Wakatoshi flip through the papers, but he’s still fiddling with his hoodie and doesn’t appear to want to help look through anything. Wakatoshi doesn’t mind this, he knows Satori is having a hard time as it is.

After setting the receipts back down, Wakatoshi grabs the photographs. He quickly regrets this, when he notices that many of the photos are of women. Some are completely naked, others are wearing minimal clothing. The stack gets worse the more he flips through. Women with blindfolds, women appearing drugged and helpless. All things that Wakatoshi wants to be able to forget as soon as possible, all things he refuses to show to Satori.

However, once he’s reached the bottom of the stack, Wakatoshi freezes. 

The final photograph is a woman, but she’s not scantily-clad, she’s not tied up, and she doesn’t appear upset in any way. No, this woman is smiling - grinning - waving at the camera with a wink. But that grin… Wakatoshi knows that grin. Wakatoshi knows those wide eyes, the bright red hair cascading down her shoulders…

Wakatoshi turns to Satori, mouth open with the anticipation that he’s going to say something, but nothing comes out.

“What?” Satori stares at him with concern, his voice becoming nervous and shaky, “What’s wrong? What did you find?”

Wordlessly, Wakatoshi hands the photo to Satori.

“What… what is this?” Satori asks, staring at Wakatoshi instead of the photo.

“I assumed… that woman is your mother.”

Dead silence. Wakatoshi can’t tell if Satori’s expression is complete offense or shock. They stare at each other for a while, Satori’s eyes flitting back and forth between Wakatoshi and the photo.

“That’s… Toshi, that’s really unlikely.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Satori bites his lip, appearing to be holding something back, “dad _hated_ mom. Whoever mom is. Can’t even call her mom because she was never here for me.”

“Satori…” Wakatoshi glances at the photo, still firmly held in the redhead’s hand, “you resemble her a lot.”

“I don’t,” Satori states clearly and firmly, refusing to look at Wakatoshi.

“Your hair is the same color.”

“It’s _not_.”

“You have the same smile.”

“Toshi, no.”

“You have her eyes, Satori.”

The redhead stays quiet, staring down at the floor. The photograph slips from his fingers and falls to the carpet. Wakatoshi considers reaching for it until he sees the familiar shaking in Satori’s shoulders. He’s clearly upset.

Wakatoshi lowers himself to rest on his knees, carefully placing a hand on Satori’s arm, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have insisted so much. I thought you might be happy to see her.”

Tears well up in the corners of Satori’s eyes and cascade over, “I know. I know. It’s okay.”

“Are you alright?” Wakatoshi asks quietly, carefully.

“How could I be?” Satori laughs, but it gets caught slightly in his throat and mixed with a sob, “How could I be alright, Toshi?”

He doesn’t know what to say. It’s so frustrating, but he doesn’t know what to say.

“All this,” Satori aggressively waves towards the box and around the rest of the room, “is a fucking disaster. And it’s been sitting here, right in this hell hole of a room, in the house I’ve grown up in, my entire life. So no, I’m _not_ alright, Toshi.”

“We’re going to fix it.”

“You don’t get it,” Satori laughs again, shaking his head, “you can’t possibly get it. We can’t fix any of this. All we can do, all _I_ can do, is tuck it away and try to forget about it. All I can do is live everyday with the fact that my father hated me, he was a selfish prick, and he never even told me about my own _mother_ ,” he points at the photo on the ground.

“You don’t have to think about him,” Wakatoshi continues with a calm voice, a gentle touch, “he doesn’t deserve to have a spot in your thoughts.”

“I wish you could understand.”

“I’m trying, Satori.”

The redhead exhales, sobbing a few more times before reaching for Wakatoshi’s hand and gripping it tightly.

“Tell me we’re going to be okay.”

Wakatoshi can’t possibly know for sure, but what he is sure of is that he plans to do whatever is in his power to protect them both, “We’re going to be okay.”

“Tell me _I’m_ going to be okay.”

Wakatoshi grips the hand in his tighter, lifts Satori’s chin with his other hand, and looks him right in his eyes, “You’re going to be okay.”

Satori’s body visibly relaxes as he stares at Wakatoshi. That’s all the ace can hope for. 

“Was there a name on that photo?” Satori finally breaks the silence, voice quiet.

“There wasn’t,” Wakatoshi answers, disappointed, “do you think the authorities could locate her?”

“Could they?” Satori considers this, “I mean… I guess they could.”

“Do you want to meet your mother?” Wakatoshi remembers asking Satori this years ago, remembers that his response was passive, uninterested. He wonders if that opinion has changed now.

“I think so. Yeah.”

“Then we’ll do our best to make that happen, I promise.”

There’s that smile, finally. Satori’s expression softens, he raises their joined hands and presses his lips to Wakatoshi’s hand, holding it there for a moment before sighing, “Thank you, Toshi.”

“As for this,” Wakatoshi releases Satori’s hand and begins placing all the photos and papers into the box, “I think we should bring this to the authorities. It might clue them in as to who is calling you.”

“Is that safe?” Satori asks, clearly nervous, “Won’t whoever it was figure out we contacted someone?”

“It’s our only option,” Wakatoshi closes the box, though it’s bent so much from the hammer that it won’t close completely.

“Yeah… you’re right.”

Satori reaches down, plucking the photograph off the floor and looking more intently at it. Wakatoshi sees a flicker of hope in his expression when he looks at the photo, and that alone makes him determined to figure out just who this woman is and where she currently is.

As they’re about to leave the room, Satori glances at the toolbag, smirking, “Y’know… I’d love to take that hammer to everything in this room and smash it to pieces.”

Wakatoshi almost suggests that he do just that. As destructive as it would be, he wonders if it would help him to move on from the negative memories associated with this room and this house. But then he remembers… 

“We should wait. It’s possible the authorities will want to investigate this room.”

“Ah. True,” Satori drums his fingers against his thigh, “damn.”

“However… when this is done and over with, we should come back. So you can help destroy those memories.”

Gaping at Wakatoshi, Satori grins, “Wait… you’re really okay with that? I figured you’d be uncomfortable with the whole destructive thing.”

“Normally, yes,” Wakatoshi nods, “however, your father was a… what was the word you used? A prick. You father was a prick.”

“You’re so cute when you say those things, Toshi,” Satori laughs, reaching for Wakatoshi’s hand as they leave the room, shutting the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again to everyone still reading, please don't hesitate to message me to talk about ushiten, tendou, or this fic!!! <333
> 
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendou-satori](http://www.tendou-satori.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's me! The master of promising quicker updates and not delivering!
> 
> No, in all seriousness, the holidays were very busy for me and finding time and energy and focus to write this was really difficult. Thank you for your patience with me, even though I'm a very slow writer ;;
> 
> I looked through my outline the other night and I'm about 90% sure this fic will fall at 25 chapters total. Yes, that's a lot, and yes, I'm still 120% committed to finishing this story, it's very important to me, and I'm honored that it's still important to you guys too <3
> 
> Also I apologize if you got two emails about an update! I got antsy, updated, then deleted because my beta (my amazing incredible wonderful perfect best friend, [Erica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid)) hadn't yet had a chance to look over all of it. But now she has and I appreciate and love her so much!! Also if you're in the market for a cute beauty and the beast au you should look at her page because she posted one recently and its _adorable_.
> 
> As always, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone that still reads this and keeps up with it. Thank you to the new readers, as well. You are incredible people and I appreciate your patience so so so so much. As a reminder, I am _not_ a writer, I am primarily an artist and a full time art student, and it's often difficult for me to find the focus and mood to sit down and write. But you guys and your amazing comments are what help make me feel just confident enough to keep doing this.  <3
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

Upon bringing the box of bad memories to the authorities and explaining their situation, Wakatoshi begins to feel hopeful. Satori, on the other hand, remains nervous, still shaken from the phone call he received regarding debts that his father owed. The authorities take the situation seriously, immediately setting to work, trying to find out exactly who they need to bring in. They take Satori’s phone, something that he initially struggles with. However, they need to attempt to track down where the number came from, and they need to watch for any potential future calls. 

This opens up yet another issue, however. With Wakatoshi being gone all day, nearly every single day, Satori would be left alone at home with no phone. The thought makes them both nervous, both for his safety as well as his mental health. They shove it to the back of their minds, however, feeling grateful that they were even able to find evidence to help them get out of this situation.

The weekend in Miyagi passes quickly, and they both return back to their apartment in Tokyo. Realizing they still need to deal with the issue of Satori being home alone, Wakatoshi gets an idea upon stepping inside and looking at his volleyball bag sitting near the front door.

“Satori,” he mumbles, staring at the bag and fiddling with the apartment key in his hand.

“Yeah, Toshi?” Satori answers, surprisingly bubbly given recent events, before skipping over to the fridge and pulling two popsicles out of the freezer.

“You won’t have to be home alone, I think,” Wakatoshi explains, lifting his stare and taking one of the popsicles from his boyfriend, “I’ll have to ask my coach, but you should come to practice with me during the day.”

“Wait, really?!” Satori exclaims through a mouthful of popsicle, “You mean I get to see you practice? Like old times?!”

“Possibly,” Wakatoshi nods, charmed by Satori’s enthusiasm, “I’ll text my coach tonight and see what he says in the morning. You may have to get up early.”

“That’s fine!” Satori waves his arms excitedly, “I don’t care! Let’s go to bed now so we won’t be tired!” suddenly bounding through the apartment, Wakatoshi can still hear his elated voice from their bedroom, “I’m so excited, Toshi!”

As convincing as his enthusiasm is, Satori is sorely lacking that on the following morning.

Wakatoshi’s alarm goes off and he immediately attempts to shake Satori awake. The redhead only groans, stuffing his face further against the pillow. As usual, it’s only the promise of warm breakfast that makes him shuffle out to the kitchen, still wrapped in a blanket.

Wakatoshi places a plate of eggs and toast along with a cup of coffee in front of him, “My coach said you could come, as long as you don’t disturb practice.”

“Define ‘disturb’,” Satori teases, voice still groggy from sleep.

Wakatoshi takes Satori’s tone and his expression as clues that he is joking, and not actually looking for a definition for the word. He sits down with his own breakfast, quickly digging in.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to nap somewhere, if you are still tired when we get there,” he offers between bites.

“But then I’d miss watching you practice, Toshi! Plus I wanna see how good those middle blockers are. You never know, they might beg me to come on the court instead, since we work so good together!” Satori grins, memories of high school flooding back to him, “You can’t beat a couple of miracle boys.”

Wakatoshi hums agreement, though he strongly doubts that would happen. His teammates are incredible players, but he has to admit that most of them lack the fun-natured spirit that Satori always had on the court.

With full stomachs, the two leave their apartment hand-in-hand, heading towards the bus stop. They get there just in time, boarding almost immediately upon arrival. When Satori sits down, he quickly dozes off, head slumped over on to Wakatoshi’s shoulder. The ace had a feeling he wouldn’t last long this morning.

When they both arrive at the large stadium that houses Wakatoshi’s practice sessions (a bit later than normal, due to Satori’s wonder and amazement at the building and his need to stop and stare for a minute), the ace guides his boyfriend towards the court and gestures around at all the seating options.

“You can sit in here if you want. Or the benches outside of this room. Practice lasts until around 5 PM usually, but we’re allowed an hour for lunch. Satori, are you listening?”

Satori mumbles acknowledgement, but he’s currently spinning slowly in a circle, eyes wide and taking in the massive court, “‘Toshi, this is amazing! You never told me it was so big!”

“I assumed you would know. It’s for a national team, after all.”

“Good point,” Satori grins, still looking around in amazement, “so where should I sit? Where would I have the best view?”

Wakatoshi tilts his head, narrowing his eyes, “There’s a good view from any seat?”

“ _Okay_ but,” he places a hand on Wakatoshi’s shoulder, patting it a couple times before resting there, “what I mean… is where would I have the best view of _you_?”

 _Ah_. Wakatoshi ponders the question. Practice matches either involve the team themselves, divided into two separate teams who play against each other, or bringing in college teams with high rankings and incredible players. If he remembers correctly, today is simply a day where they’ll be divided in two. He just isn’t sure which side of the net he’ll be playing on.

“I’m not exactly sure,” he answers, looking up at the rows and rows of seats and finally gesturing towards one section towards the bottom middle of the stadium, “but I’m sure you would have a good view of both sides of the net if you sat there.”

“Cool!” Satori cheers.

“I need to go to the locker room now,” Wakatoshi suddenly realizes what time it is when he starts to notice a couple of his teammates entering the stadium, “don’t wander off. Stay in this building.”

Satori’s expression shifts, his smile going wiry and his cheeks turning pink, “I will, promise.”

Wakatoshi takes a quick moment to kiss Satori’s forehead before finally heading in the direction of the locker room. Even with his boyfriend in the same building as him, he still feels slight anxiety about the situation they’re currently in. He hopes that whoever is harassing them doesn’t know too much about their situation, otherwise they’d probably have no problem finding this building.

After changing and placing his personal belongings in his locker, he exchanges quick greetings with a few of his teammates before stepping back into the stadium. He looks towards the section he had indicated earlier and feels relief when he sees Satori waving wildly at him. He calmly waves back, joining the rest of his team in the center of the court for the usual announcements.

As usual, there’s nothing much to report, and they quickly move into stretches and warmups. After significant amounts of this, they then move into the meat of their session: a practice match. Wakatoshi keeps his focus on the game, as usual. He’s surprised by how quiet Satori is being; he hardly even notices that he’s there and even occasionally has to take a quick second to glance at the seats to confirm that he is. Unsurprisingly, his boyfriend has his sketchbook out and his feet propped up on the seat in front of him, tongue poking out from between his lips as his pencil quickly moves across the pages. 

Wakatoshi had been worried about Satori’s short attention span combined with the lack of his phone, but he’s pleasantly surprised that his boyfriend seems to be enjoying his time here.

When lunch break rolls around, Wakatoshi takes a fast shower in the locker room before changing back into his normal clothes. He can feel his teammates’ eyes on him, so he turns around to meet their stares, blinking in confusion.

“You grabbin’ lunch?” one of them asks, currently seated on the bench and rubbing at his wet hair with a towel.

Wakatoshi’s had a hard time remembering names so far, unfortunately, but he recognizes this one as the libero. 

“I am,” Wakatoshi answers simply.

“Ah, well,” the libero pauses, tossing his towel into a laundry basket near the wall, “that’s good! You should do that more often, we worry about you when you constantly stay and practice instead of eating.”

“I always eat lunch. Usually here in the locker room while you all take your break. Time in this stadium is valuable and I don’t want to waste it.”

The libero and the two standing next to him, both middle blockers, exchange knowing smiles before he continues, “You’re certainly dedicated, Ushijima. Makes me wonder what could possibly make you _want_ to take a break instead.”

“My boyfriend,” Wakatoshi checks his pockets, making sure he’s grabbed his phone and his wallet.

The three of them look as though they want to continue asking questions, but Wakatoshi leaves before they can say any more. He doesn’t mind their company, he never has, but he doesn’t see the point in sharing details about his relationship, or wasting time that he could be next to his significant other.

As soon as Satori sees him, he comes bounding over, eyes bright and smile wide.

“That was so cool, ‘Toshi! I missed watching you play! You’re the best! How is it that you got _even better_?! You’re incredible! That’s my Miracle Boy Wakatoshi!!!” 

Wakatoshi hears chuckles from behind him; his teammates are definitely completely aware of who his boyfriend is now. He’s not embarrassed, but he wonders what they’ll have to say about it later today.

Satori claps a hand over his mouth before lowering his voice, “Sorry! I got excited! Time for lunch?”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi answers, reaching for Satori’s hand and allowing a gentle smile to cross his face, “what sounds good?”

“Ice cream!” he exclaims, looking hopeful.

Wakatoshi gives him a look, furrowing his brow.

“Kidding! Just kidding!” Satori laughs as they exit the building, sighing as soon as he’s in the sunlight, “I’m up for whatever, ‘Toshi!”

‘Up for whatever’ turns into soup and salads at a tiny cafe a few blocks away. As soon as they sit down with their food, Satori is going a mile a minute, talking about how amazing it was to watch a volleyball match again.

“You were seriously so cool! I mean, that setter _definitely_ wasn’t Eita or Kenjirou, and those middle blockers were a little too serious, but _you_ were the coolest, ‘Toshi!”

Wakatoshi swallows a bite of salad, “Every time I looked at you, you were drawing. I didn’t think you were watching.”

“Oh, I was! The whole time!” Satori hurriedly reaches for his bag and digs inside, finally pulling out his tattered and dirty sketchbook, “Look, I’ll show you what I did.”

He flips through the pages for a moment before finally settling on one and turning it so that Wakatoshi can see. He grins with pride, “See? Had to watch you so I could draw you, duh!”

Wakatoshi looks at the spread of various figures, all dynamic and all unquestionably him. He doesn’t show it on his face but he’s amazed and moved; Satori is so _talented _.__

__“You did all of these this morning?” he reaches out, tracing a finger along one of the mid-air figures about to hit a spike._ _

__“Yup! It was fun! I should come more often to get more practice in for action poses! You’re a good model, ‘Toshi!”_ _

__Wakatoshi blushes, just slightly, “I am glad. You’re a good artist. Very good.”_ _

__“‘Toshi! Thank you!” Satori takes the sketchbook back, closing it and placing it back into his bag, “I’ll draw you more if you want!”_ _

__“I would like that,” Wakatoshi nods._ _

__“Cool!” Satori takes a large bite of salad before continuing with a mouthful, “So how did practice feel today?”_ _

__It takes Wakatoshi a moment to understand the words he’s saying, but once he does he quickly answers, “It was fine.”_ _

__“Just fine?” Satori swallows._ _

__“Mmm,” Wakatoshi hums, “I think the national team lacks a certain quality that we always had at Shiratorizawa.”_ _

__“Ah. Well, we were like… a _family_ , y’know? Maybe that’s it. Hard to have that vibe with such a large team, huh?”_ _

__“I suppose,” Wakatoshi agrees, eyeing his food for a moment before taking another bite._ _

__“You’re still enjoying yourself though, right?” Satori asks, concern in his voice._ _

__“Yes,” Wakatoshi answers without hesitation. This is his _dream _, after all. There’s never been a question in his mind that he loves what he does and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but he does have to admit that he misses his teammates at Shiratorizawa. A lot.___ _

____At least he still has Satori._ _ _ _

____He doesn’t get much more time to think about this before it’s time to head back to the stadium. He changes again, takes his place on the court, does warmups and stretches, and suddenly he’s back in the game._ _ _ _

____After another rigorous game, the players return back to the locker room, exchanging high-fives and positive reinforcement for getting through yet another tough practice session. Wakatoshi stays in his head, ignoring the activity around him for a bit. While he showers, he continues to think about the word ‘family’, continues to think about Satori and the idea of _ever_ losing him. He doesn’t _like_ to think about it, of course, but he has to acknowledge it as a possibility. Especially with all the drama going on right now with his father’s debts._ _ _ _

____After exiting the shower and changing, he feels a clap on his shoulder. He turns quickly, and he’s met with one of his teammates yet again. This time it’s the setter, Hikaru, one of the few members he’s actually bonded slightly with, one that joined the team only a couple days after he did. He’s just slightly shorter than Wakatoshi, slim and pale-skinned and always sporting an encouraging smile._ _ _ _

____“Nice job out there today,” the setter says, grinning from ear-to-ear._ _ _ _

____“Thanks,” Wakatoshi quietly replies._ _ _ _

____“I saw you actually left for lunch today! I was glad to see that, you deserve a break.”_ _ _ _

____Wakatoshi hums acknowledgment, and Hikaru continues._ _ _ _

____“I heard from the grapevine that you went to lunch with the red-haired guy that was hanging out in the stadium today.”_ _ _ _

____“Yes,” Wakatoshi nods, zipping up his gym bag and placing it on one of the benches in the room, “that’s Satori.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh! Cool! Boyfriend?”_ _ _ _

____Wakatoshi gives Hikaru an odd look. He’s not sure why he seems so curious._ _ _ _

____“S-sorry!” the setter throws his hands up in front of him, “Didn’t mean to pry! Just curious. I uh… I was happy to see you take time for yourself today, that’s all.”_ _ _ _

____“Not a problem.”_ _ _ _

____“And uh, I dunno, the team was just really glad to see you looking so happy, Ushijima. We, um,” he fiddles nervously with his fingers, “we care about you a lot. So it’s nice to see that you have other people who also care about you.”_ _ _ _

____“I see,” Wakatoshi doesn’t really know how to respond to this._ _ _ _

____“I think that was the first time I saw you smile. When you went to meet him to go to lunch, I mean.”_ _ _ _

____Wakatoshi blinks._ _ _ _

____“Sorry! I’ll stop,” laughing nervously, the setter heads back to his locker, just a few down from Wakatoshi’s, “but tell Satori I said hi? And tell him we’re happy to see him making you so happy.”_ _ _ _

____“It’s alright,” Wakatoshi grabs his bag. He’s not against the prying, he’s just not really sure how to respond, given that he doesn’t know any of his teammates that well, and they don’t know Satori, “I’ll tell him.”_ _ _ _

____Hikaru smiles sheepishly, watching Wakatoshi head for the door, “Have a good night, see you tomorrow!”_ _ _ _

____Wakatoshi meets back up with Satori, who, yet again, greets him with excitement and cheering about how ‘amazing’ he is. They take the bus back home, settle down for dinner, and curl up in bed not long after. Wakatoshi continues to think on his teammates’ comments the entire night, especially the knowledge that they’d never even seen him smile before today._ _ _ _

____The next day rolls around, and after yet another quick breakfast and shower, the two head back out for the same routine as the day before. Today, Satori doesn’t even style his hair, and tucks it messily beneath a beanie. The short nights of sleep are starting to catch up with him already._ _ _ _

____It’s the same routine as always, just with Satori added in. Wakatoshi gets to practice, changes, exchanges quick greetings with his teammates, warms up, and gets ready for yet another day of intense practice. Today is the same; they divide into two teams and play each other once in the morning, and yet again after lunch break._ _ _ _

____During lunch, Satori and Wakatoshi attend yet another small cafe, and Satori shows off another set of pages of figure drawings, all of Wakatoshi. The ace feels his face warming up yet again as he watches his boyfriend flick through the pages and proudly explain each pose, gushing about how _incredible _Wakatoshi is. It’s like the drama with his father’s debts never even happened.___ _ _ _

______After the second half of practice, Wakatoshi once more gets a shower and takes his time changing back into his normal clothing. He takes a moment to sit on the bench, fully drying his hair with a towel, as Hikaru and a few more teammates approach him for a second time._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Your boyfriend is a _riot_ , Ushijima,” one of them expresses._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, I never would have expected a quiet guy like you getting with a… uh… _loud_ guy like that!” another says._ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi looks up, letting the towel on his head slip down into his lap, “I don’t know what to say to that,” he says honestly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, it’s not a bad thing!” one of the middle blockers explains, “How long you been together?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t understand why it matters.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It doesn’t!” Hikaru butts in, sensing that the situation might be a bit awkward for Wakatoshi, “Sorry!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s alright,” Wakatoshi says calmly, “we’ve been together since our senior year of high school.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, woah! That’s a while, huh!” one exclaims._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You gonna put a ring on that?” a voice speaks from the corner of the room._ _ _ _ _ _

______They all shift their attention to the corner. This time the voice belongs to one of the veterans of the team, one of their best wing spikers.  
“I don’t understand the question,” Wakatoshi answers, zero intimidation in his voice._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hikaru looks nervously back and forth from one wing spiker to the other.  
“Like…” the veteran waves a hand in front of his face, “are you gonna propose soon?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi doesn’t answer. The question seems invasive and incredibly pushy._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Doesn’t matter,” the wing spiker shrugs, “just curious. Happiness like that doesn’t come around every day, y’know?” he ends his statement before stepping into a shower and starting the water._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Pushy,” Hikaru mumbles, “sorry, Ushijima. Didn’t mean to put you on the spot all of a sudden.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s alright,” Wakatoshi says calmly, again, “I think I’m going to go now.”  
He stands, not waiting for his teammates to say another word. He’s not angry, no… he can’t really pinpoint what he’s feeling. The question was completely valid, and seemed only out of curiosity, so why is it making him feel so… strange?_ _ _ _ _ _

______The idea of proposing had never really occurred to him, in all honesty. He had just accepted that Satori’s relationship with him was eternal, never-ending, and absolute. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was being immature and selfish… again._ _ _ _ _ _

______He must be expressing his strange feelings on his face, because as soon as he steps outside of the locker room and meets up with Satori, his boyfriend gives him a concerned look._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey… ‘Toshi, are you okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi quickly snaps back, exiting the deep pit of his thoughts, “I’m fine.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, okay,” Satori appears relieved, suddenly returning to his bouncy and excited self, “I’m really hungry, do you wanna get dinner in the city tonight?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi thinks on it, glances back at his teammates now exiting the locker room, and looks back at Satori, “I would like that, yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hand-in-hand, they leave the building and step out into the slowly darkening evening. Wakatoshi’s always appreciated the view around the time he leaves practice; the surrounding buildings are beginning to light up and the sky is gradually turning a darker blue._ _ _ _ _ _

______Satori squeezes his hand, skipping in front of him, “So, what should we get for dinner?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi’s brain tells him they should go somewhere fancy. They don’t get many opportunities for fine dining, let alone actually leaving their apartment to get food. They’ve been good about watching their spending, especially with living in a place with Tokyo, but for some reason he feels maybe it’s the right thing to do tonight._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know of a barbecue place nearby. My teammates have mentioned it, I believe they go there after home games sometimes.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“ _Oooo~_ , sounds fancy! Where to?” _ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi pulls up the location on his phone and they set out, walking briskly through a few blocks of bustling sidewalks before coming across the restaurant. It’s not huge, but the interior is nice and expensive looking, and they’re greeted warmly before being asked if they’d like a private room or not._ _ _ _ _ _

______Noticing the significant price jump of the private rooms, they ultimately decide on a regular table in the normal dining area. They’re led further inside to a room full of various tables and other seating options, it’s interior dimly lit with warm lighting. As he glances around, Wakatoshi thinks about the fact that he can’t remember the last time he’s eaten somewhere that’s been so fancy. Part of him feels like maybe this wasn’t the best choice for a simple dinner, especially when he’s just gotten done with intense practice and looks as though he stepped out of an athletic magazine. Not to mention --_ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi’s gaze drifts forwards, and he looks at the man sitting across from him. He takes in the sight and his mind goes silent. He takes in the excited smile on Satori’s face, the way his nose crinkles up as he jokes with the waitress about it being so dark in here, the sound of his unapologetic laughter, echoing throughout the room and disturbing other people sitting close to them. Wakatoshi’s mind is impossible to quiet sometimes, but one look at Satori and it’s like everything in his mind and body snaps into a daze, only focused on the man he loves._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What can I get you both to drink?” the waitress asks, and Wakatoshi falls out of his daze._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Water,” he answers, keeping his eyes fixed on Satori still.  
His boyfriend narrows his eyes, thoroughly reading through the list of available drinks and humming in thought before snapping his head back up and answering, “Yeah, same here! Thanks!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The waitress takes the drink menus and exchanges them with food menus before leaving to get their beverages. Wakatoshi eyes Satori for a moment._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You didn’t want something other than water?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hmm?” Satori looks up from his menu, shaking his head just slightly to move a few pieces of red hair away from his face, “Nah, this place is expensive!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It is. Would you rather eat somewhere else?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No way, you wanted to eat here! You never choose where we eat!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi watches his boyfriend stare at the menu again, humming some unknown tune as he sifts through the numerous choices. He knows he should also be trying to decide what he wants to eat, but some part of him just wants to keep staring and watching those endearing mannerisms and habits._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Got it!” Satori finally exclaims, probably a bit louder than he should have, “Barbecue chicken! What’re you gettin’, ‘Toshi?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The ace finally looks down at his menu, looking at the options but not really reading them. What is wrong with his mind tonight? Practice wasn’t exactly more difficult than normal, and he definitely had proper meals and hydration all day today. He can’t understand why his thoughts won’t be quiet, why he feels like there’s something on the tip of his tongue that he wants to say, _needs_ to say, why he can’t stop thinking about his teammates’ comments and incessant questions and --_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey. ‘Toshi? You alright?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Fine,” Wakatoshi answers, looking up and sighing relief as soon as he meets Satori’s concerned expression._ _ _ _ _ _

______Satori doesn’t appear convinced. He cocks his head, crimson hair drooping back into his face, “You’ve been acting kinda weird today.”  
He shouldn’t be surprised, in fact he _isn’t_. Even if they aren’t still in high school, Satori’s title of ‘Guess Monster’ never vanished._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I apologize.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You don’t have to do that,” Satori says, voice uncharacteristically soft, “I was just concerned, that’s all. Did something happen today? You seemed fine during practice, but like… as soon as it was over, you got all quiet and weird. I mean you’re kinda quiet all the time, but this is different, y’know? Like there’s something that’s bugging you. Is something bugging you?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The waitress returns with their drinks and takes their orders, giving Wakatoshi a brief moment to gather his thoughts. He orders the same as Satori, finding that he doesn’t have the attention span right now to figure out what else to order._ _ _ _ _ _

______Once the waitress leaves, Satori’s expression becomes serious again, eyeing Wakatoshi curiously. He should’ve known Satori wouldn’t let this go._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I… hmm,” Wakatoshi pauses, furrowing his brow in frustration. Why are words so _hard_?_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Did someone say something mean to you? Some of those guys on the team look pretty mean, like they don’t care about anybody else but themselves. You shouldn’t let them get to you, ‘Toshi! You’re better than them anyway.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“That’s not it,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, “but a few of them asked me some questions today and yesterday.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Questions?” Satori leans forward, resting his arms on the table, “Like what?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Personal questions. Questions about you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Me?” Satori’s eyes widen and he grins, “Woah, what’d they ask?!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“They asked who you were, how long we’ve been dating. Also,” he stops, blinking in confusion when he remembers one of the statements his teammate said, “they asked how I ended up with you. Something about how loud you are. I’m not sure why that matters.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Satori laughs, clearly amused by the statement that Wakatoshi still can’t wrap his head around._ _ _ _ _ _

______“So what’d ya say?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“That we’ve been together since senior year of high school?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I meant about the last thing!” Satori laughs again._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ah. I didn’t say anything to that,” Wakatoshi responds, watching Satori’s face shift from peak curiosity to something less vibrant, possibly disappointment._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Did I say something wrong?” Wakatoshi doesn’t like the fact that Satori’s suddenly stopped looking at him, instead at his fingers._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No! No, you didn’t!” Satori waves a hand dismissively, “It’s fine! You don’t have to talk about me, I was just curious if you did!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I didn’t think it was appropriate, given that I don’t know my teammates that well,” Wakatoshi takes a sip of his water._ _ _ _ _ _

______Satori doesn’t respond, only nods in acknowledgment while stirring his water with his straw._ _ _ _ _ _

______There’s a few seconds of strange silence, and Wakatoshi doesn’t like it. He _really_ doesn’t like it._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Now you’re acting strange.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Satori forces a wide-eyed expression and nervously laughs, “Hm? Oh, sorry ‘Toshi! I’m just tired!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Wakatoshi doesn’t buy it._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you being honest with me?” he mumbles._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Wh-- hey!” Satori lunges forward and nearly knocks over his drink, his chair scoots back and makes a loud noise, “What’s with you tonight?” he asks quietly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t know,” Wakatoshi closes his eyes for a second, “I don’t know what’s wrong, Satori.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey,” Satori takes his hand, squeezing it firmly, “it’s alright, okay? I’m here, and even if you don’t know what’s wrong and your brain is being confusing, I’m here. If you need to talk through something you know I’m all ears, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I do. I apologize. If I can find the proper words to express it, I will talk about it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’d tell me if I upset you, right?” Satori continues, punctuating the question with another squeeze, “Please tell me. I know sometimes I don’t think before I speak and I’m kinda loud, like that guy on your team said, and I know that’s probably overwhelming and annoying but I promise I’m trying really hard to be less like that and I don’t want to annoy you, I never want to annoy you, _ever_ , so --”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t,” Wakatoshi interrupts, and Satori eyes him nervously, “don’t. You don’t annoy me. You never have. You are loud, yes, but it’s a part of you. And I accept all parts of you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Satori’s eyes stay fixed on Wakatoshi’s, his hand relaxes its grip._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I apologize for not speaking about you to my teammates. I apologize if that makes you feel like I don’t care or that I’m annoyed with you. I am not. I…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______His boyfriend waits with bated breath, still awkwardly leaned over the table. Wakatoshi can feel words on the tip of his tongue, heavier than any weight he’s ever carried._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I love you. I love all parts of you. And I apologize if I’ve ever made you feel otherwise.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Satori exhales, finally smiling before leaning further, just enough to press his lips against Wakatoshi’s for a short moment. When he sits back down, he blushes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I love you too. _Everything_ about you. Sorry for making things stressful for you for a minute.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s not a problem.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Oddly enough, that weight on his tongue is still there. He’s said the words ‘I love you’ countless times before, but even so he assumed that declaration was all that was sitting on the tip of his tongue. Clearly not._ _ _ _ _ _

______As they wait for their food, he thinks more on it. He tries to gather his thoughts to determine what exactly it is that he needs to say, what it is that his brain isn’t clearly telling him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Why saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t feel like _nearly enough_ anymore._ _ _ _ _ _

______Their food comes, and they dig in immediately. Satori chats Wakatoshi’s ear off, as usual, sharing his opinions on some of the players on the national team, their strategies, and again going on and on about how _amazing/em > of a model Wakatoshi is for his sketches. The ace listens, like always, but he continues to think on the questions plaguing him.__ _ _ _ _ _

_______The veteran wing spiker’s voice echoes through his mind a few times, asking him if he’s going to ‘put a ring on it’. Wakatoshi wonders what that entails, how something like that would work, or if it’s even something he should consider for their relationship. He’s been happy the way they are, but ever since hearing that question, he feels a sense of guilt and emptiness. He feels like he needs to do something and he needs to do it fast._ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Happiness like that doesn’t come around every day._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______When Wakatoshi stares across the table at his boyfriend, his best friend in the entire world, his _soulmate_ , he knows without a doubt that that’s true. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The weight gets heavier, and he can feel himself almost interrupting Satori in the middle of his story about figure drawing class in college, has to keep his lips tightly closed so he doesn’t let those words out._ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Spend the rest of your life with me. Please_. He thinks, gulping in order to keep the actual words down. It’s not the right time, it’s not the right place, he’s not even sure it’s the right year. He doesn’t know if he’s ready, doesn’t know if Satori, who changes topics and interests at the drop of a hat, is ready for a commitment like that. The phrase repeats itself over and over and over again in his head, pounding against his skull, begging to come out, but he remains firm, silent. He doesn’t even have a ring, and as far as he knows, that’s the tradition, right?_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______When it’s right, he’ll know. But for now, he continues eating, continues gripping the hand in his, and keeps listening intently to the soothing sound of his boyfriend’s neverending voice._______

___**\-----** _ _ _

___Weeks pass, and Satori continues attending practice with Wakatoshi. The mornings become easier for him to handle, and slowly but surely he grows more accustomed to the hours of sitting in a stadium seat, nose-deep in his sketchbook. He nearly fills the entire thing by the end of the month, leaving Wakatoshi amazed at the fact that he actually has that many ideas just in his _head___._  
  


_______Two months pass before they receive word on the situation regarding Satori’s father’s debts, and it comes in the form of a voicemail that Wakatoshi notices after practice on a Friday evening. He waits until the room has cleared out (thankfully none of his teammates choose to question him tonight, possibly due to the extra rigorous practice session and wanting to get home as quickly as possible) until he listens to the message, readying himself for any bad news._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The message simply asks the two of them to come to the police station in Miyagi, where they’ll receive further news on the situation. Wakatoshi wishes they’d at least been given some sort of clue about the case and its status, but he supposes it must be something big if they’re being asked to come in._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______After relaying the information to Satori, the two decide to head home and pack their things for an impromptu weekend trip back to their hometown. Though the circumstances are less than ideal, they remain hopeful, considering the possibility that all of these issues might possibly be put to rest, they might be given a moment to _breathe_._ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Finally_._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Choosing to get a decent night of sleep first, they board a train to Miyagi the following morning. After an almost 3 hour trip, Miyagi is in sight, and the nerves start to set in again. Satori instantly appears to tense up and curl inward, cueing Wakatoshi to place a firm and comforting hand on his thigh. It’s understandable that he’s experiencing these emotions; Wakatoshi just hopes that everything will turn out okay after today, that he can stop focusing on this and _start_ focusing on the need to further their relationship somehow. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Luckily, the police station is right next to the station where they get off, and it only takes them a few steps before they’re about to move inside. Wakatoshi leads the way, but before he can open the double doors, he feels a tug on his jacket. He turns, meeting fearful eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Sorry,” Satori bites his lip, “just nervous.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Stepping away from the doors, Wakatoshi pulls Satori into a hug. He’s not sure what else to do. He knows whatever words he could possibly say would never be enough to help the situation, and he refuses to lie and say that everything is going to be okay. They just can’t be sure of that yet._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Sorry about all… this,” Satori mumbles against Wakatoshi’s shoulder, “should’ve warned you about all this baggage a long time ago, huh?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Don’t apologize. I said before, back when you left college, that I would drop everything to help you. And I would do it a thousand more times if I had to.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Satori stays quiet for a few seconds, but then he speaks right against Wakatoshi’s shoulder again, voice gently teasing, “‘When are you not serious’, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Yes,” Wakatoshi exhales relief, “now let’s go find out the news.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Spirits elevated, they finally step inside the station, greeting the front desk and explaining the reason for their visit. The woman at the desk makes a quick call, phoning the police chief and letting him know. After around ten minutes, the two are guided towards the back of the station, into a small room with no windows._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Wakatoshi notices Satori immediately looking around nervously as soon as they sit down, and firmly grips his hand. His boyfriend doesn’t enjoy tight spaces, so he imagines he’s extra on edge at this point.  
The police chief, whom they had spoken to a few months prior about this situation, warmly greets them both before setting a manila folder on the table, along with Satori’s phone._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I called you in to update you both on the situation regarding your father’s debts and the threatening phone calls you were receiving,” he explains, “we’ve been watching this phone _very_ closely and tracking any and all phone calls from unknown numbers that we’ve received. So thank you again for allowing us to take it from you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Yeah, of course,” Satori acknowledges, “did anything turn up?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“For a while, no,” expression grim, the chief drums his fingers against the table and opens the folder, glancing over a few papers, “it was completely silent for a month or so, which concerned us that the perpetrator had caught on. That they’d possibly seen you enter your father’s residence and suspected that you were both looking for something to turn in. Which, again, is why we discourage actions like that before contacting the police.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Wakatoshi and Satori both shift awkwardly in their seats. Surely they hadn’t blown it just from doing something like that? Entering a home that Satori basically owned at this point?_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“However,” his voice lowers as he keeps flipping through papers which look to be records of phone calls and texts, “we finally got something just three weeks ago. The number called again, and it rang just long enough for us to determine a location.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“That’s great! That’s good news, right?” Satori jumps in his seat, leaning forward, eager for more information._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Nodding, the officer taps his finger against the phone call details on the paper in front of him, “Given that we didn’t answer, and the number only showed up as unknown, we couldn’t be certain that the call was even the person we’re looking for. However, the location it tracked was somewhere in Kabukicho, in Tokyo.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Satori stiffens again, either in anticipation or sheer terror. That’s not all that far from where they’re currently living._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Of course, we don’t handle cases in that area. So we contacted the station over there, and informed them of the situation. And what we heard back was both concerning and informative,” he pauses, flipping the envelope shut, “because apparently the drug trade is getting increasingly bad in that area, and they’ve been dealing with a gang of drug traffickers a lot lately. They’re good at what they do, and they’re good at hiding. But I think this phone call helped them out quite a bit.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Did they find him?” Satori asks, clearly desperate for answers._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Yes. It was a process, but yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Tightly squeezing Wakatoshi’s hand, Satori turns to him and grins, relief overcoming his expression._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“The initial phone call didn’t do much, it only gave them a general location. And since this gang works mostly underground, that didn’t give them enough information. So we continued waiting for calls. Just last week, we received another one, and this time we bit the bullet and answered. We were careful, because we knew it was risky. But fortunately, he stayed on the line long enough for us to track an exact location, and we immediately informed police in Kabukicho. It took a few hours of searching and questioning, but they got him. And they have him in custody as we speak right now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“That’s good,’ Wakatoshi feels like he can breathe.again._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Definitely. You’re both very lucky, these are high-caliber people and they mean business. Because of this, we’re going to seriously suggest that you get a new phone and a new number, just in case any of his friends might want to seek revenge. Authorities put all of them in custody that they could find, given the sheer amount of illegal activity, but we still encourage being cautious. Other than that,” he sighs and leans back in his chair, “I believe that’s it. Hopefully you both can sleep easier at night.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Oh yeah,” Satori laughs softly, and his voice sounds much lighter and clearer, “thank you, officer.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Just doing my job,” the chief shrugs before standing and heading towards the door, “thank you both for bringing this to our attention. You’ve helped shut down something really awful.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______He doesn’t wait for a response, and exits the room. Not long after, another lower-ranking officer steps in to guide them back out to the front of the building._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Silently walking, still hand-in-hand, the two don’t even let things sink in until their back outside and by themselves._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“It’s over,” Satori exhales, repeating himself more clearly with an elated tone, “ _It’s over_.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Now words _really_ escape Wakatoshi, and he answers simply with just a smile, another squeeze of the hand in his. It’s been so long since he’s seen Satori looking so _free_ and careless. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Hey,” Satori whispers, “remember what you said after we left my dad’s office back then?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Wakatoshi can’t recall what exactly Satori is referring to. It’s been a while and he’s been trying to clear any thoughts of that moment from his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What did I say?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Y’know,” he raises an eyebrow, curls his lip, “about _wrecking the office_.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Oh. Right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What about it?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“C’mon!” Satori grips Wakatoshi’s hand, tugging him down the sidewalk as the bag over his shoulder nearly slips off._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Given no opportunity to really disagree or argue against the idea, Wakatoshi allows himself to be pulled towards the house they’d been at just months ago under worse conditions._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The outside looks the same, as expected, and Satori quickly steps forward to unlock the door. It’s the most eager about getting into this house that Wakatoshi’s _ever_ seen him._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Satori,” he interrupts, “is this really appropriate?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Hmm?” Satori turns around, allowing the front door to swing open,_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Absolutely! Just… come on, it’ll be great, I promise!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______It’s nearly impossible to argue with that expression, that sheer excitement and joy… so Wakatoshi steps inside as well, following suit in dropping his overnight bag next to Satori’s by the couch in the living room. Satori bounds up the stairs, yanking the office door open and skipping inside. That alone is something Wakatoshi never would have expected to see in his entire life._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Wakatoshi joins him, observing Satori looking around the room with folded arms and a thoughtful expression._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Where should we start?” Satori asks, but Wakatoshi thinks it’s mostly directed at the room, not him._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The redhead paces, glancing around and finally stopping in front of the desk, in front of the now-ancient computer. He gives a sly smile before picking up the keyboard and holding it vertically in his hands. After a second, he slams it down, hard and fast, onto the corner of the desk._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Wakatoshi watches a few keys fly out before stepping closer, “Satori, I --”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Satori ignores him, slamming the keyboard down again, and again, and once more, until the plastic starts to crack and the entire thing begins to split in half. Wakatoshi, though a bit nervous and anxious, watches him closely and notices the sly smile on his boyfriend’s face is now accompanied with gritted teeth and slightly watery eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Satori,” Wakatoshi repeats once the redhead snaps the keyboard in half in both hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“You don’t have to help, ‘Toshi,” Satori says calmly, tossing the keyboard to the floor, “but let me do this, _please_.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Why?” Wakatoshi asks out of sheer confusion. He’s never understood when people turn to aggression and violence as a way to release their feelings._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Satori sighs, leaning over the desk and eyeing Wakatoshi seriously, “Because it’s something I’ve wanted for a _long_ time. I think it’s what I need to do to… y’know… get rid of these nasty feelings and this gross grudge I have. He’s dead, it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t want to leave any trace of him behind. And I know that sounds silly, cause,” he scoffs, gesturing around the room, “the only _real_ way to do that would be to burn all of this or something, but I know arson is against the law. I just…” his eyes close, he inhales through his nose and exhales through his mouth, slowly, “I want to destroy all the things that have made my life a living hell. I want to forget about them, and I want to be able to breathe and feel free again.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The ace stays silent for a beat, absorbing all of this and trying to process the information. Even if he can’t really understand, he can tell from the look on Satori’s face and the tone in his voice that he is _very_ serious about this, about _needing_ this. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Alright,” he answers, placing a supportive hand against Satori’s neck for a second before walking towards the one window in the office and leaning on the cold glass, “I’ll be right here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Satori gives him a thankful look before going back to taking in the contents of the room. He takes one half of the tossed keyboard, firmly holding it in both hands as he strikes it against the monitor of the pc. It’s an old CRT, and the glass screen cracks easily after a few strikes. It falls to the floor soon after that, making a crashing sound that causes Satori’s face light up. Next is the mouse, which gets flung against the wall multiple times before breaking into several pieces. Then a drawer, pulled out from the desk and pounded against the top until it begins to splinter and tear apart. The contents inside, mostly office supplies, scatter onto the floor, and Satori picks up a stapler and three-hole-punch, chucking them both at the wall as well._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Wakatoshi watches intently, mostly to make sure that Satori doesn’t pass out from all the physical effort he’s suddenly putting it, but also because he notices something oddly wonderful amidst this increasingly messy disaster. His expression is happy, joyful, and he’s even laughing every so often. He looks free, free from anxiety and sadness and fear, for the first time in a long time._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______He pulls another drawer out of the desk and breaks it against the top as well before aggressively shoving the piece of furniture forwards. It falls back with a dull thump, and Satori immediately picks up the desk chair to pound it against the fallen debris. The chair’s bottom breaks off before the redhead tosses it aside, now panting._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Are you okay?” Wakatoshi asks, just to be sure._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _Amazing_ ,” Satori answers weakly, leaning back against the wall and loudly knocking on one of the file cabinets in the corner of the room, “wanna help with these?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Why Wakatoshi would need to help him is really unclear, but once Satori pulls out one of the drawers and reveals stacks and stacks of paperwork, it becomes clear. Wakatoshi might not be much for destruction, but ripping and crumpling paper is certainly something he is willing to do._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Together they tug the drawer out as far as it will go and begin grabbing paper, ripping and tearing and crumpling every single piece they get their hands on. Satori continues laughing, and every time Wakatoshi looks up at him he can see the faint sign of tears in the corners of his eyes. Normally he’d be concerned, but given the situation and Satori’s obvious delight, he takes this as a positive thing._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The papers start to fill up the floor, and by the time they’ve reached the third drawer, a game has started. Satori tosses crumpled pieces at Wakatoshi, and Wakatoshi returns the action. Laughter begins to echo through the room, from _both_ of them, as papers fly and make contact with each of their faces and bodies. At one point, Satori jokes about setting a paper ball to Wakatoshi, and the ace promptly attempts to spike it, but unsurprisingly fails. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Mid-destruction, Wakatoshi becomes enamored by the situation, by the sound of Satori’s laugh and the sight of his grin, his disheveled hair and clothing, and finds himself suddenly pushing the redhead up against the wall, pressing kisses to his neck, his cheek, his nose, and finally his mouth. Satori reciprocates, firmly placing his palms against his cheeks and giggling against his lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The moment doesn’t last long after Wakatoshi pulls away and lovingly stares at his boyfriend, because Satori chucks yet another paper ball at his head. Mere seconds later, they’re in the middle of another paper ball war._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______An hour passes and the sky darkens, shifting into pinks and oranges. It casts a warm light inside the now destroyed office, resting against the faces of both Wakatoshi and Satori, who are slumped against a wall and seated amidst the wreckage. They’re surrounded by a ruined desk, office chair, several overturned file cabinets, and a bare bookcase whose contents are scattered throughout the room. They sit in silence for a while, fingers intertwined as they gaze out the window and squint against the bright light._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Thank you, ‘Toshi,” the silence is finally broken by Satori, who turns his head to look at Wakatoshi, “thank you for being here with me.”  
The ace stares back, noticing the tears starting to spill from the corners of his soulmate’s eyes. He doesn’t answer verbally, but he lifts his free hand to wipe away a tear, and offers a smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Not much needs to be said, he doesn’t think. The past hour and a half feels like a blur. He never would have expected to be pulled into a situation like this, to have created so much destruction, but he’s also not surprised. He’s said it before and he’ll say it many times over and over again: Wakatoshi will do everything in his power for Satori._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Once the sky has gone totally dark, they both help each up and out of the room, shutting the door behind them as they leave with a satisfying thud. Wakatoshi orders carryout, something he normally wouldn’t do, but both him and Satori agree they’re too tired to cook anything._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______They eat in comfortable silence as the television plays late-night shows neither of them care about at all. By the time they’re done, they both feel like they might pass out, and choose to curl up together on the couch in order to sleep, just like they did back when Satori had dropped out of college._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______After gently laying down on top of Wakatoshi, Satori sighs one of the biggest sighs he’s ever had in his life, a clear sign that he feels incredibly at ease._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Do you feel better?” Wakatoshi asks quietly, running a hand through crimson hair._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Mhmm,” Satori hums, “ _Way_ better.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Wakatoshi wants to talk to him more, wants to reflect on their actions tonight, but he can sense that Satori is mere seconds away from falling asleep. So, he does what he usually does, waits until his boyfriend falls into an obvious slumber before closing his own eyes and drifting off._ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again! Please feel free to reach out to me on twitter or tumblr, I'd love to talk ushiten, tendou, or shiratorizawa in general with you <3  
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendou-satori](http://www.tendou-satori.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!! Real quickly wanted to apologize for not responding to a lot of comments lately ;; I've had trouble finding free time to do it, but I like to try and get to them after I post a new chapter, so after I post this update I will get to them!! Thank you all for the comments, they really help keep me going <333
> 
> This is a faster update than usual, I think! This was a really fun chapter to write, despite it making me Feel Things haha. I hope you all enjoy it, and thank you again to everyone that's still reading this!! It's my pride and joy and I'm honored whenever I hear people are enjoying it ;;
> 
> Thank you again to [Erica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid), because this fic would be nothing without her and I appreciate all our inside jokes relating to it. She beta'd this while we were on the phone and it was a _blast_ , haha. 
> 
> Not much else to say, I don't think! We're getting into the exciting stuff and I'm thrilled to write the upcoming chapters. They're going to be a roller-coaster but I'm excited to have you all on the ride with me!!! Thank you again for all the support, I really and truly can't say how much it means to me <333

Time passes, a bit too quickly for Wakatoshi’s taste, until it’s been a full two years since the destruction of Satori’s father’s office. Two years since the horrific memories had been dealt with and the two of them were able to finally close that door, throw away the key, and never look back. The experience certainly sticks with Wakatoshi, mostly as an example of how far Satori will go to get what he wants, to move past and destroy his inner demons. For Satori, it’s a huge step in a direction towards inner peace and comfort. 

They return home to Tokyo and continue on with their lives. Satori buys a new phone and receives a new number. As obnoxious as the process is, it provides good incentive to reach out to old friends and teammates, and he finds himself once again bonding with the people he always called his family in high school. 

And, of course, he continues on his mission to create and physically produce his own manga. As their shared apartment becomes more lived in, Satori starts to set up his work area in a corner of the living room. He buys a small desk, just big enough to work on, and covers it with art supplies that Wakatoshi could only guess as far as their purpose. The wall space around the desk becomes inundated with reference images and other things that spark Satori’s creative side. Most days when Wakatoshi comes home from practice, Satori is hard at work in his corner, either standing and ignoring the existence of his chair completely or sitting with such bad posture that Wakatoshi has to remind him that he should sit up straight when working. He has to wonder how much his boyfriend actually listens to that advice or how much of it slips his mind, given that he’s usually in the exact same position the next day.

But, as confusing as it is, Wakatoshi would be lying if he said he didn’t find it endearing.

As for him, he continues playing for the national team, continues making a good impression and earning himself bonus points every time he’s caught working extra hard or staying late. After a year has passed, he even earns himself a lower number. Funnily enough, the number is 5, and when Satori finds this out, he’s elated.

However, as elated as Satori is, and as wonderful as the progress they’ve each individually had in their personal lives is, they can’t ignore one glaring issue.

They’re starting to drift. Though they’re both growing and maturing, their relationship seems to take a backseat. 

The hours Wakatoshi spends at the stadium increase and the hours spent at home start to dwindle. Satori stays up even later to work on his project and sleeps in every day. Breakfast together in the mornings becomes Wakatoshi either eating something on his way to the stadium or sitting alone at the table, staring at the empty chair across from him and contemplating just how _strange_ it is. The two of them can start to count on one hand the number of times they get to have a conversation, let alone see each other, in a given week. 

As far as Wakatoshi is concerned, this is fine. He doesn’t need constant attention or affection and he doesn’t mind spending so long at the stadium. Sometimes he’ll even stay overnight at a teammate’s, just so he can be at practice even earlier the next morning. With his lowered number and more important stance in the team now, he finds it absolutely necessary to put his sport first, no matter what. 

It never even occurs to him how this might affect Satori, never even crosses his mind, until one night when he actually returns home at a normal time, with the best news he’s ever received in his entire life.

Just three years after being invited to play professionally, he’s been named the team’s captain. He discovers the news during a team meeting after practice one night. The current, and now past, team captain announces that he’ll be leaving the team due to both simply getting older as well as starting a family and wanting more time with his children. Wakatoshi doesn’t expect to be singled out, doesn’t expect to receive any earth-shattering news, but he is formally asked to take place as captain, and doesn’t hesitate accepting for even a second.

His teammates look at him with mixed emotions; some are excited, some are jealous, and some are angry. Wakatoshi doesn’t notice, and even if he did, he wouldn’t care. The only thing he sees and hears are the words coming from his former captain, and the warning from his coach that this is a serious title, and it comes with more responsibility than he can imagine.

Wakatoshi feels like he’s floating. He doesn’t even process getting on the bus, walking home, and climbing the stairs to his and Satori’s apartment. When he walks inside and finds Satori slumped forward at his desk, pencil messily scratching at the paper in front of him, he stands still for a moment. 

“Satori,” he musters all the energy he can and speaks clearly, firmly.

Jumping in his seat and sending the pencil in his hand flying, Satori rotates his chair to face Wakatoshi, his face splits into a grin, and he darts over to embrace him.

“You’re home early!” he exclaims, but his expression shifts to concern when he notices how oddly firm Wakatoshi is standing, not reciprocating the gesture, “Eh? You alright?”

“I was promoted,” Wakatoshi speaks clearly again, feeling stinging in his eyes and a twitch at the corners of his mouth.

“Promo-- Oh! You’re not 5 anymore? Damn, oh well,” Satori raises an eyebrow, “Hang on, are you crying?”

“No,” Wakatoshi answers confidently, but then he feels a tear roll slowly down his cheek and corrects himself, “Ah… yes, I am.”

“I mean it’s okay if you’re not 5 anymore! I was just joking, ‘Toshi, but y’know 5 is the coolest number!”

“I mean that I’m captain now.”

Silence. The only sound is the television playing quietly in the background.

“You’re-”

“Captain, yes,” Wakatoshi repeats, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel powerful every time he says the title. 

It’s processing in Satori’s mind, Wakatoshi can see it in the way he chews his lip, the way his pupils dart around and search his face for some sort of sign pointing towards a lie or a joke. But Wakatoshi knows that Satori knows him better than that, that this is one of the last things he’d want to joke about.

The moment it _does_ sink in and Satori realizes it’s all real, his reaction is both more subtle and more emotional than normal. He doesn’t aggressively embrace Wakatoshi like normal, and he doesn’t exclaim praise though a wide grin. Instead, he leans his head forward to rest against Wakatoshi’s, he places a palm directly against his chest, and rests the other on the back of the ace’s neck. There’s an inhale, a slow exhale.

“Are you alright?” Wakatoshi asks, slightly stunned by the silent reaction. He half expected to be knocked to the floor by sheer force of hugs and kisses.

“Am I alright…” Satori repeats the question and then softly laughs, “‘Toshi, I couldn’t be more alright if you told me I’d won the lottery or somethin’.”

“You’re quieter than usual.”

“I’m just…” another large breath, “letting everything sink in. Letting myself feel every single ounce of pride right now. I always knew you’d make it this far, but…” the hand on the nape of Wakatoshi’s neck tightens, “I dunno, it’s crazy actually living in the moment, y’know?”

He hums in agreement.

Several seconds pass, and Wakatoshi remains a bit confused about Satori’s unusual reaction. It’s not that he dislikes the reaction, he just wonders why his boyfriend’s energy levels are so depleted. Perhaps he’s just tired, in need of extra sleep for once. That must be it.

Satori’s hands finally shift to take hold of both of Wakatoshi’s, he stands up straight again and opens both eyes. Wakatoshi notices they’re slightly watery.

“How are _you_ feeling, miracle boy?” Satori asks through, finally, a characteristically wide grin.

“I feel…” Wakatoshi hesitates, trying to find a word that fits his current emotion, but he’s not a wordsmith, and nothing is coming up.

“Can’t tell? Well, that’s okay,” Satori shrugs, “because your face says everything right now. Lucky for you I know you better than probably almost anybody else, and I can tell you’re elated right now!”

“Elated,” Wakatoshi repeats, “that’s accurate.”

“Also, it’s really unfair that you’re such a quiet crier! Your face doesn’t even get all twisted up and weird!” Satori releases one of Wakatoshi’s hands to reach up and swipe away a tear that he himself didn’t even know was there, “Honestly, Wakatoshi, you’re too much.”

“Too much?”

“It’s a good thing, don’t worry,” Satori laughs, leans forward to leave a fleeting kiss against Wakatoshi’s lips, and then bounds over to the couch.

“Anyway, you’re probably exhausted from practice today, huh?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for an answer as he grabs the remote and shuts off the television, “Wanna get a quick shower and head to bed?”

Admittedly, that idea sounds amazing, so Wakatoshi doesn’t hesitate to nod and say, “Yes.”

He’s so tired that before he knows it, they’ve both showered together and curled up in bed. Wakatoshi tries to stay awake, tries to maintain his habit of making sure Satori has fallen asleep first, as he always has when they’ve gone to bed together. He shifts in and out of consciousness, and at one point is brought back by the breathy sound of Satori giggling next to his ear. 

“You don’t have to stay awake, ‘Toshi. I’m okay,” Satori whispers, reassuring him, “besides, you’ve earned a real good night’s sleep. I love you.”

Wakatoshi thinks he returns the sentiment, but maybe he doesn’t. He slips so fast into a deep sleep that he can’t tell.

**\-----**

In the morning, things are… different.

Wakatoshi wakes up to an empty bed, something he thinks he’s seen barely a handful of times since living with Satori. Still groggy, he pats the space next to him. It’s cold.

Confused, he looks around the room for any sign of where Satori might be. He doesn’t hear noise in the other rooms of the small apartment, which he knows without a doubt that he would hear if Satori _were_ around. 

Taking a brief moment to stretch his arms, he finally reaches for his phone on the bedside table. Sure enough, he’s got a text from Satori, received about two hours earlier.

_**Satori** : hey, toshi. i’m going to eita and taichi’s apartment for a while today. just missed ‘em and wanted to spend some time with ‘em! hope practice goes well! I’ll see you later tonight~ ( ˘ ³˘) ~♥_

Well, that explains where he is. What he _still_ wonders is _why_ Satori would wake up any time before 8 AM, the current time. Furthermore, why would Eita and Taichi have him come over that early in the day? Surely they’ve got their own plans, especially since both had found good jobs in Tokyo about a year prior. 

He doesn’t have much time to think about it, though. As soon as breakfast is in his system and he’s changed, he’s out the door with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. 

Practice plays out just like normal, except Wakatoshi puts in even more effort, trying to prove himself after his big promotion. He receives a lot of ‘congratulations’ and pats on the back in the locker room, though some still look at him with some sort of negativity in their eyes. Wakatoshi doesn’t really understand, given that he’s worked incredibly hard for this title. Any of their negative feelings are clearly on them, not him.

After practice is over, he squeezes in another hour by himself in the stadium. With his mind so focused in on his sport, he doesn’t check his phone even once all day, until he’s finally finished up his extra session and leaves the locker room to head home. 

He has a few messages, ones that he expects will all be from Satori, possibly updating him on the recent series he’s been watching or letting him know he saw a cool dog while out during the day, but they’re actually all from Eita, spaced out about two hours from each other and starting around noon.

_**Eita** : hey, wakatoshi. we need to talk whenever you have a minute after practice tonight._

_**Eita** : please don’t stay late, you work hard enough and this is really important. call me._

_**Eita** : damn, you really never check your phone, huh? anyway. still important. call me as soon as you leave practice._

_**Eita** : i’m assuming you did stay late and didn’t get my second text. that’s fine, still call me though, i don’t care how late it is._

The last time Eita texted Wakatoshi with this much urgency was the night he found out Satori had dropped out of college and was going through a lot of personal problems. Wakatoshi desperately hopes the situation this time isn’t as serious.

He doesn’t wait to find out. He calls Eita and presses the phone tightly to his ear.

“Oh, thank god,” Eita answers, laughing, “I was starting to wonder if you ever leave that stadium, Wakatoshi.”

“Eita,” Wakatoshi greets him, “is something going on?”

“Well, kinda. I guess you know Satori came over today, right?”

“Yes,” he takes a seat on the bench and drops his duffel bag to the floor, “is he alright?”

Eita takes a huge breath and pauses for a second, “Hard to tell, honestly. The second he got here and started talking to us about everything, he was crying, if that tells you anything.”

“Crying? Why?” he can’t fathom what could have happened between last night and early this morning. 

“That’s something he’d be better at explaining than I would, Wakatoshi. How often do you guys talk these days?”

“We talk when we see each other.”

“No, that’s… not what I mean,” Eita laughs again, this time nervously, “I mean like… _really_ talk. About you guys. About your relationship and where you’re at.”

Wakatoshi stays silent. Is this something that relationships require? He was under the impression that everything was okay, that nothing really needed to be discussed, because all they time they’re spent together lately, though limited, has been _fine_.

“I wasn’t aware that was something we needed to do.”

“Oh,” Eita stops, clears his throat, and then continues, “I mean, I’m not like… trying to give you relationship advice or anything, cause god knows I’m not an expert. But talking is important, Wakatoshi. Me and Taichi talk about where we’re at all the time, it’s one of the reasons we feel so… I dunno… confident? About our relationship, that is.”

“I see,” Wakatoshi isn’t really sure what to say. His guilt over his inability to properly handle human relationships is starting to overwhelm him again. Satori deserves the best, and apparently he isn’t giving that to him right now.

“Look, don’t take it personally, alright? This is a normal thing for relationships. You go through odd spells and bad times and honestly, it seems like you and Satori have been smooth sailing this entire time. This was… kinda bound to happen.”

“Is he angry with me?”

“What? No! He’s more upset with himself than you, honestly,” another anxious laugh.

“Himself? Why? He’s done nothing wrong,” Wakatoshi feels his face twist with even more confusion.

“There’s… A lot, alright? Just… talk to him. Sit him down when you get home and talk to him. Listen to what he wants to say. Ask him how he’s doing. I care about him a lot, but… the only thing that’s gonna help him is hearing _you_ say these things. Me and Taichi can only help him so much.”

“I understand. I will talk to him when I get home.”

“Good,” Eita sighs with relief, “that’s gonna help so much, trust me. And don’t be nervous about it, alright? If there’s one thing I know about you and Satori it’s that nothing in this world could ever break apart that bond you have, and that includes any of his insecurities. Which… he has a lot of, believe it or not.”

“Thank you, Eita.”

“Don’t mention it. Thank you for doing so much for him. He’s a pain in the ass sometimes but I really am thankful that two of my best friends ended up together. You guys are good for each other. Just… talk things out. And update me. Or… actually, Satori will probably update me. Either way.”

Wakatoshi stays quiet.

“Anyway, I’ll let you go,” there’s noise on the other end, another person’s voice, and then Eita again, “Oh, and Taichi says hello. Have a good night, Wakatoshi.”

The call ends and Wakatoshi takes a second to think about everything that just happened. Clearly, he has a mission when he gets home, and despite whatever his internal clock might tell him, he won’t be going to sleep until he knows Satori is as content as he should be.

**\-----**

The apartment is dark when Wakatoshi steps inside. He fumbles for the lightswitch, and when the lights finally come on, he searches around the room until finally resting his eyes on the couch. There’s Satori, curled up in a blanket with his eyes blinking and adjusting to the light.

“Ah, sorry,” Wakatoshi offers as soon as he notices the pained expression on his boyfriend’s face, “did I wake you?”

“Nah,” Satori stretches out his arms and sits up, letting the blanket drape into his lap, “how was practice?”

“Fine,” Wakatoshi steps further inside, slipping off his shoes and dropping his duffel bag by the bedroom door before taking a seat next to Satori, “how was your day?”

“Oh, uh,” Satori blinks, seemingly stumped by the question, “it was good. I went to Eita and Taichi’s apartment. We went to get lunch and see a movie and stuff,” he picks at the fringe of the blanket.

“What movie did you see? Where did you eat?”

Satori raises an eyebrow and then his confused expression shifts into a knowing smile, his eyes move back to the blanket in his lap.

“Ah, Eita called you, didn’t he? Shoulda known he can’t keep his mouth shut.”

“I didn’t say Eita called me.”

“It’s alright, I’m not upset, ‘Toshi,” Satori chuckles, “I’m really not. Not with you, anyway.”

“I’m sorry,” Wakatoshi says clearly and with meaning, taking Satori’s hand in his, “I’m very sorry. I wasn’t aware that you were upset about anything. I’m sorry I never picked up on it.”

“Don’t apologize, please,” Satori furrows his brow, places his free hand on their already joined hands, “I don’t want you to ever feel guilty for anything, ‘Toshi, you work so hard and you do so much for me, for _us_ , and I can’t even bear to think that you would feel guilty for anything.”

“I want to do everything I can for you. That doesn’t mean only providing necessities. I want to understand and know your feelings. I want to know that you’re upset. I want to know what I can do to help.”

“Look at the last five years, ‘Toshi. Look at how much you’ve done for me. I can’t expect anything more than that, I can’t expect you to understand my feelings, especially when I know that you struggle with that sort of thing,” he averts his gaze again, back down to the blanket.

“I _want_ to understand,” Wakatoshi flashes back to the time he listened to Satori opening up about his father’s death, flashes back to the outpouring of emotions and feelings, and he wants to experience that again, “so look at me and tell me what’s wrong.”

Satori doesn’t say anything, just chews his bottom lip.

“Please. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“I’m worried about us,” Satori mumbles, “cause like… look at the progress you’re making. You’re moving so far ahead and accomplishing your dreams. Sometimes I feel like I’m watching a movie, and you’re the star, as you should be. But like… if you watch a movie and try to reach out and touch the people in the movie, you can’t, y’know? They’re stuck in a screen, sure, but they’re also sort of… unreal, yeah? Like… so big and cool that they’re on this level above you, they’re unreachable. Does that even make sense?”

“It does. But I am clearly real, and right here.”

“Physically, yeah,” Satori squeezes Wakatoshi’s hand, “but otherwise… I dunno, there’s just… there’s a weird gap right now. And I don’t like it. I hate it, ‘Toshi. I’ve never felt this distant from you and it keeps me awake at night and makes me want to scream and cry and go back to the days when we could spend every waking moment together, have meals together, and go to bed together every single night. But that’s… so selfish of me.”

“It’s not selfish. I miss those things as well, Satori.”

“Missing them is great, but we have to be real. The time we spend together keeps decreasing and decreasing and soon I don’t think it’s going to exist anymore. I hate being real but these real and honest thoughts keep popping up in my head and they won’t leave me alone… I keep having dreams where we never see each other anymore and we’re just roommates splitting rent, you’re an amazing pro volleyball star and I’m the starving artist that fawns over you every single day, wishing he could have you all to himself. And it’s so _wrong_ , it’s not fair to you.”

Satori stops, takes a large breath, and then shakes his head.

“I just… wonder. I wonder what your life would be like if I hadn’t come to Tokyo with you. I wonder if you’d have gotten promoted sooner, if you’d be closer to your teammates, if you’d have a nicer apartment closer to the stadium and didn’t have to commute every single day. I wonder if I’m holding you back. And that’s the one thing I’ve never wanted to do to you.”

“You’re not holding me back,” Wakatoshi scoots closer, “what would ever give you that impression?”

“I dunno, ‘Toshi. It’s all hypothetical. It’s all in my head. But my head tells me that you deserve better and that I never should have tried to pull you into a relationship in the first place when I _knew_ that volleyball was your first and only love. I’ve always told myself that I don’t mind being second, but… at night, when I’m laying next to you and thinking about _us_ , I find myself wishing desperately that I could be your entire world, the same way that you’re _my_ entire world.”

Calm silence settles in. 

“See? It’s selfish, isn’t it? And I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to stop what we have. Or at the very least, have me move back home. That way you can move closer to the stadium. I know you have dreams and goals and I’m so incredibly proud of you. When you told me you got promoted yesterday, I had to fight so hard not to cry because I didn’t want you to think I was upset. When you’re happy, I’m happy. When you succeed, I feel the same pride that you do. I have watched you grow alongside me since the day we met at that park all those years ago and I knew from the second we met that you were _destined_ for greatness. You are incredible, and your commitment and dedication know zero bounds. If you wanted to take over the world, I think you probably could,” he laughs softly at this, and it’s a welcome sound, “but seriously. Don’t _ever_ let me take that away from you or slow you down. Promise me you won’t.”

“No,” Wakatoshi shakes his head, and his chest feels so tight it’s uncomfortable, “I am what I am in part because of you.”

“Yes, but think about it. All the time you’ve spent trying to help me sort through my issues, all the weekends we’ve spent in Miyagi trying to sort things out… I _am_ part of what you are, but maybe that’s not for the best. Maybe you don’t need me anymore. You’ve made it this far, but maybe I’m only setting you back now.”

Wakatoshi tries to imagine his life for a split second without Satori, without coming home to a mess of papers on the floor and anime blaring on the television, without loud singing sessions in the shower, without rare walks in the dog park and to the flower shop, without loud cheering from the stands above the volleyball court, without gentle kisses and hand holding and jokes he doesn’t understand. It’s not right.

“I need you. I have said that before, and I still mean it. No matter what, I will always need you.”

Satori doesn’t look convinced.

“You said you wish you could be my entire world, as I’m your entire world. I have never said you aren’t, and I can assure you that you are. I can’t think of a single thing in my life that hasn’t included you or been influenced by you. Everything I have, all the time people I care about, they’re all in my life because of you. This means you are my world, does it not?”

“‘Toshi…” Satori chuckles again, “the way you say it sounds so… analytical. Feels less romantic.”

“Ah, I apologize. Let me try again.”

Wakatoshi releases Satori’s hand and instead cups his face, forcing him to look directly at him before pressing his lips to his in one of the more patient kisses they’ve shared in a while. Most lately have been fleeting and during moments where there’s only a few seconds of free time, but this one takes its time and doesn’t rush. There’s no need to rush.

Satori relaxes against him and rests his palm against his chest. The release of all that tension makes Wakatoshi feel like he’s finally gotten through to him, but even so, when he pulls away and stares into his eyes afterwards, he speaks clearly and with meaning.

“You are my entire world, Satori. And I love you. Please don’t ever doubt that or your importance in my life.”

Satori finally smiles, and it’s a smile that looks content and at peace. That would be enough for Wakatoshi, but when Satori goes back in for another kiss, well, that’s even better as far as he’s concerned.

After a fair amount of overdue affection, Wakatoshi thinks he hasn’t seen Satori look so relieved in a really long time, probably since tying up the loose ends relating to his father. Even still, he remembers Eita’s push for communication, and knows that he stills needs to make sure.

“Do you feel better?”

“Mhmm,” Satori, now sitting in Wakatoshi’s lap, nuzzles his face against the ace’s neck, “I do. Thanks, ‘Toshi. ...And Eita, I guess,” he says the last part with a sarcastic tone, but Wakatoshi knows that he’s truly thankful for their friend’s intervention.

“I’m glad,” Wakatoshi leans his head to rest on Satori’s, “I was very worried about you.”

“Aww,” slightly cold palms slip under Wakatoshi’s shirt and run gently against his back, “well… sorry for making you worry. Next time I’ll be more blunt with you, ‘kay?”

“That would be best,” Wakatoshi agrees, “I am always honest with you, after all.”

“True. Ushijima Wakatoshi: The King of Honesty and Volleyball. Oh, and good kisses, that too.”

There he is. What a relief that he’s back to his cheeky self. 

“I apologize for affection being less frequent. I’ll try to make more time for it.”

“Sounds good,” Satori lifts his head, making eye contact with Wakatoshi again, “we can start _now_ if you want.”

“Is that not what we’ve been doing?”

“Well, yeah, but,” the hands in Wakatoshi’s shirt shift to his chest, fingertips softly brushing against his skin, “I meant other stuff.”

Wakatoshi thinks he knows what Satori means, in fact he _definitely_ does. He’s gotten used to these playful hints through the years. But it’s always more fun to play up the oblivious act.

“Other stuff?”

A roll of Satori’s hips right against Wakatoshi’s, the twitch of an eyebrow, and the peeking of a tongue through slightly parted lips are the only clues Wakatoshi needs to tell him that he was on the right track after all. It doesn’t take long before he’s on his feet, holding Satori in his arms as the redhead’s legs tightly wind around his waist. He stumbles into their bedroom, nearly tripping over the forgotten duffel bag in front of the doorway.

He doesn’t even acknowledge the digital clock on the nightstand reading 11 PM, a time much later than he would usually be up. His attention is elsewhere, honed in on the way Satori collapses onto the bed with a bounce, the forceful tug on Wakatoshi’s shirt collar as he’s pulled down for yet another kiss. It’s been far too long since he’s had the opportunity to be like this with Satori and the desperation between both of them is so strong it’s almost palpable.

Despite being pulled down towards Satori, Wakatoshi quickly finds himself laying down against the pillows with his boyfriend once again seated in his lap. This time, though, there’s no gentle hands running against his skin, there’s only tugging at his shirt and pressure continually grinding against his crotch.

Wordlessly, Wakatoshi yanks his shirt off and quickly makes work of Satori’s as well. Both are discarded somewhere on the floor, he can’t check even if he wanted to because Satori’s mouth is on his again, hot and wet and sloppy with need. Hands intertwine and the grinding continues, driving Wakatoshi to a point where he wonders if he could _ever_ get his pants off quick enough.

Satori groans against Wakatoshi’s mouth and pulls away, licking his lips and catching his breath before sitting back just enough to tug his sweatpants and underwear down to his thighs. Wakatoshi watches the lightly freckled member spring upwards and wastes no time before reaching forward and curling a hand around it. Satori’s breath hitches and his body pitches forwards, lips catching on Wakatoshi’s again with a desperate whine.

Languid strokes quickly bring Satori to a near breaking point, noted by quick breaths and an increasingly sloppy kiss. After a few moments he sits back up, now reaching for Wakatoshi’s pants, pulling the garment down just enough to free his cock. He traces a finger up from the base, teasing just slightly before gently patting Wakatoshi’s hand in a wordless request to let go of his own.

Wakatoshi simply sits back and watches as Satori shuffles forwards even more, his own cock brushing Wakatoshi’s and sending an intense shiver down the ace’s spine. The redhead takes both members in one hand, stroking once, twice, and one more time before then moving his body in time with the ministrations. 

“Fuck,” Satori whispers, followed by a breathy laugh and a shiver through his entire body.

Wakatoshi never knows what to say during these moments, he’s not nearly as gifted as Satori in the way of dirty talk, plus he’s usually too enamored by watching him do the things he does. Instead of saying anything, he reaches up to cup Satori’s face, who immediately leans into the gesture and takes the ace’s thumb into his mouth. His tongue swirls against the digit and he sucks slightly on it, eyes half-closed and hazy with arousal.

He’s so engaged with this stunning sight that the only thing pulling him out of this trance is noticing how close he is. Usually it would take more than just skin-on-skin friction like this, but clearly the long break between sessions was making both of them extra desperate. 

Satori’s close too, Wakatoshi knows this and he places his free hand on the redhead’s waist, anchoring him tightly against his body while also rolling his hips. Teeth press into Wakatoshi’s thumb and the vibrations of a moan run through his hand as both their hips stutter into release. 

Ignoring the cum now splattered across both their chests, Satori releases Wakatoshi’s thumb from his mouth and instead goes in for another kiss. He continues rolling his hips against Wakatoshi’s, craving the overstimulation of their skin touching. 

There’s only a short break. Before they both know it, Satori is ready to go again and Wakatoshi is still willing to ignore the clock. It continues this way for a few more sessions. Wakatoshi fucks Satori against the headboard with one of the redhead’s legs slung over his shoulder. Satori fucks Wakatoshi into the sheets, his fingers buried in sweaty brown hair as he presses the ace’s head against the mattress. Finally, Satori rides Wakatoshi with all the energy he has left, the ace completely worn out but thoroughly enjoying the sight in front of him.

The time after they’re done? Doesn’t matter. Wakatoshi doesn’t check. For all he knows it could be 6 AM already. But they’re both laying against the thoroughly jumbled sheets, breath heavy and quick as their fingers stay intertwined, and that’s all he cares about.

In the aftermath, after mostly catching his breath, Satori weakly reaches for his pants at the foot of the bed. Wakatoshi watches him curiously, even more so when he lays back down with his phone in his hand. Satori fiddles with it for a second before holding it up to take a selfie.

Wakatoshi can see himself in the screen, his hair disheveled and his face red. 

“Smile, ‘Toshi~” Satori cuddles up closer to Wakatoshi and throws up a peace sign before snapping the photo.

“What is that for?” 

“Oh, I dunno. Just wanted a picture to remember one of the greatest nights of sex I’ve ever had,” he pulls up the messenger app on his phone, “And also I wanted to thank Eita for all his help today.”

“That seems like an odd way to thank him.”

“Yeah,” he sends the picture with a small message of ‘thanks for your help, eita~ your advice really worked! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧’ and then tosses the phone on the bedside table, “I like to keep him on his toes.”

Inappropriate. But somehow endearing.

Wakatoshi smiles, tugging Satori closer against his chest and kissing his forehead.

“Ahh~ I’ve missed this so much.”

“You said you also missed breakfast. Can I assume you’ll be up and ready to eat early in the morning after a night like this?”

“Eh?” Satori sits back up, eyes wide, “‘Toshi, I can’t run on six hours of sleep like you can! Don’t make me feel bad!”

“I’m teasing.”

“Ah,” he lays back down, “Okay. I mean, if you make breakfast in the morning, I’ll get up! I don’t care! Just don’t be mad if I get all moody.”

“I won’t. Would you like pancakes?”

Satori grins and kisses Wakatoshi’s temple, “You know me so well~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again! Please feel free to reach out to me on twitter or tumblr, I'd love to talk ushiten, tendou, or shiratorizawa in general with you <3  
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendou-satori](http://www.tendou-satori.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Today I bring you an update free from angst and pain! 
> 
> Been a couple months since an update again, sorry about that! Life is still kinda unforgiving right now but I'm almost done with this semester! I'm also currently doing camp nano and it's been really helpful for my productivity as far as writing goes. I've actually already started on the chapter after this so I'm hoping to update sooner! Fingers crossed!
> 
> I sound like a broken record but, again, huge thank you to [Erica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid), because none of this fic would be here online if not for her help and support and undying love <3
> 
> And thank you to all of you for your lovely comments and support! I'm posting this before heading to class for today but I'll be doing my best to answer comments afterwards! Just know that I appreciate every single one of you and your kind words really help keep me motivated.
> 
> NOW I hope you enjoy the soft ushiten~ (and kawasemi.. which I had a blast bringing back, haha)

Life moves so quickly, Wakatoshi finds. As time goes on, it’s as if every new year, every new month even, passes quicker than the last. He knows this isn’t true, and doesn’t logically make sense, but even Satori points it out sometimes when they’re sitting at home on the couch in a rare moment together. So he knows it’s not just him.

The important conversation they’d had just a few months prior proves to be extremely beneficial to their relationship. Every possible moment that either has to spend time with the other is aggressively seized and taken advantage of. Satori vocally compares it to other parts of their lives together, mostly the last few months of their third year of high school and the last couple of days right before Wakatoshi left for college.

Thinking about it makes Wakatoshi feel strange. He’s not sure what the feeling is, but it’s not necessarily a bad one. But when he thinks about how long he’s known Satori and how much they’ve been through, it leaves him with such a powerful rush of emotions that he’s not sure he’d even be able to explain it.

The busy season for his team quickly rolls around and he worries slightly. This means games in other cities, other prefectures, and even other countries. This isn’t exactly new to Wakatoshi, but in the past he was often not required to go since he likely would not be playing. As a regular, and the new captain, he has no choice. Of course, he would still attend even if he _did_ have a choice. Luckily, the team’s management often provides “plus one” plane tickets when it comes to overseas games, and Wakatoshi doesn’t even have to think twice about who his “plus one” will be.

So, Wakatoshi continues to succeed. That much isn’t really new.

What _is_ new is Satori’s success, after working hard and diligently for years on an idea and a story that he’s confident and absolutely sure of. Wakatoshi still doesn’t know the details. As bad as Satori is at keeping secrets, he hasn’t slipped up once in terms of revealing his plot or characters to Wakatoshi. All he knows about it is that it’s all he works on, he’s completed several chapters already, and he’s had countless meetings with publishers to try and find someone that will be just as confident in his idea as he is.

After a series of meetings with the same company and very limited feedback (though a lot of interest, based on the number of meetings), Satori receives yet another call for a meeting, this once being hinted at as the last one the company will need in order to make their decision. He’s ecstatic as he talks on the phone, waving his arms around excitedly as he talks, though he keeps his voice relatively calm. Wakatoshi can tell it’s a struggle for him as he watches from the kitchen table. They’d been in the middle of eating dinner when Satori received the call, and, though he nearly knocked his plate of food on the floor, he didn’t hesitate to answer.

When the call is over, Satori places his phone on the table, slinks back into his chair, and stares wide-eyed at Wakatoshi, his mouth hanging open.

“I think… I think they want to publish my manga, ‘Toshi --” he stops himself, aggressively waving his arms in front of him, “wait! No! I can’t jinx it! Maybe they don’t! Or they might -- Nope! Can’t talk about it anymore! Don’t say anything! I see you smiling but I don’t want to jinx it!”

As Satori requested, Wakatoshi says nothing about the call, doesn’t ask any questions. He simply smiles, reaches a hand across the table, and takes one of Satori’s in his. All the tension in his boyfriend’s body appears to melt away at the contact, and he sighs happily as he squeezes the hand in his. 

“Wait!” Satori drops the fork he’s just picked up in his free hand, fumbling for his phone again, “Fuck, I just realized! I gotta call them back...“

Wakatoshi eyes him curiously, “What?”

Satori groans, “You know that game you have? In America? In like a week?” 

“Yes?” Wakatoshi can sense that there’s bad news.

“I didn’t even realize while I was talking to the guy on the phone… The time they want me to come in is right when we’re supposed to be in America. That’s the soonest they could get me in, they’re so busy they probably won’t reschedule, and I just confirmed it so I’d look crazy if I called them back, right? How did I miss that? _Shit_ , I feel so bad -- “

“It’s okay,” Wakatoshi interrupts, squeezing Satori’s hand again and only releasing that pressure once he’s looked him in the eyes, “If you need to miss it, it’s okay. This is important to you.”

“Yeah, but,” Satori’s gaze flicks to his phone for a moment before resting back on Wakatoshi’s face, “I wanna be there for you. I wanna support you and watch you play. I don’t like missing your games, ‘Toshi.”

“I know that, but,” Wakatoshi shrugs and nods towards the living room, “the game will play live on TV. You won’t have to completely miss it. More importantly, you need to do things for yourself.”

“I can try to reschedule, yeah? They’re probably really busy and have a lot of meetings but I should do that, I’m gonna do that -- “

“Don’t.”

Wakatoshi knows this is something Satori’s been looking for for years, a chance and an opportunity to reach his own goals. He’s worked so hard and so tirelessly that Wakatoshi thinks this is the best thing for him right now. And, knowing how much Satori has aggressively supported Wakatoshi in reaching his own goals, he wants to do the exact same thing for him in return.

“I think this is something you should follow through with,” Wakatoshi continues, ignoring the questioning stare of his boyfriend, “I’m asking you to stay. I want you to get the answers you deserve after all these years. Will you do that for me?”

After a moment of silence and unbroken eye contact, Satori finally cracks and nods, “Alright.”

“Thank you,” Wakatoshi smiles, “I’ll make sure to wave at the cameras during the game and say hi if they interview me. And I’ll look forward to getting a call with good news.”

“I said don’t jinx it!” Satori teases, playfully smacking Wakatoshi’s hand.

Wakatoshi senses the sarcasm and goes back to eating his dinner, thankful and hopeful about this future meeting. He anticipates that it’s all he’ll be able to think about during his game.

**\-----**

A week later, Wakatoshi finds himself in a crowded airport with Satori seated right next to him. The noise of the large building is almost deafening, and he’s reminded how much he really doesn’t like being in huge crowds like this. Satori sinks lower into his seat in an effort to get more comfortable, fingers tapping away quickly and expertly at the rhythm game on his phone. Wakatoshi’s never understood these games very well, but watching Satori play them is always entertaining. He’s especially glad for it now, as it serves as a good distraction from the hustle and bustle surrounding them.

Satori huffs disappointedly after the song is over, flexing his fingers after resting his phone back down in his lap, “Missed a note.”

Wakatoshi gives Satori’s knee a supportive pat and notices that the rest of his team is beginning to line up at the baggage check gate. He reaches for his bag and looks in Satori’s direction, but realizes that his boyfriend has already caught on and has stood up. He reaches for Wakatoshi’s hand, grasping it tightly in his and offering a wide smile.

He wishes Satori could follow him past the baggage check, since he has to wait another hour to board the plane still. And as much as Wakatoshi knows that Satori is disappointed that he can’t board with him, he’s grateful for his attentiveness and his unquestionable support, just like always.

As soon as it’s almost his turn to rush through the baggage check, Satori lifts their joined hands and places a quick kiss to Wakatoshi’s, “Go kick ass, ‘kay?”

“Mhmm,” Wakatoshi hums in response, choosing to release Satori’s hand and instead pull him into a tight hug, “I know that you will also kick ass.”

Satori’s body shakes with laughter, “It sounds so weird when you say stuff like that so matter-of-factly, ‘Toshi. But I will, just for you!”

“For yourself,” Wakatoshi says seriously after releasing Satori, “do it for yourself.”

Satori nods, leans forward for a kiss that ends far too quickly, and steps back out of the line.

Wakatoshi doesn’t know how long Satori stays rooted at the gate, all he knows is that he keeps looking over and seeing him, smiling and waving back, until he’s progressed so far into the baggage check that he can’t even see the front of the gate anymore. 

He imagines Satori won’t stick around, he’ll probably go home and immediately get back to work on his personal project. He has a lot to prepare for his meeting. Regardless, once he’s seated in the waiting area, Wakatoshi pulls his phone out and shoots a quick text Satori’s way, asking him to confirm when he’s arrived home, safely. 

Satori immediately texts back, letting Wakatoshi know that he’s currently on the bus back home. There’s another update about 20 minutes later that he’s arrived home and is currently sitting on the couch, watching a marathon that just started of some anime that Wakatoshi is not familiar with. He reminds Satori that he has a lot of work to do and is answered with a cute emoticon and the promise that it will get done. That’s good enough for him. 

After dozing off for a short time and being gently tapped on the shoulder by one of his teammates, Wakatoshi boards the plane. He feels lucky that he’s given a window seat, but he imagines he’ll be fast asleep for most of the ride and won’t be admiring the view that much. 

Sure enough, after takeoff he almost immediately falls asleep and stays out for quite a few hours. The almost 12 hour flight goes by surprisingly fast when he’s dozed off for the majority of the time. When the plane is about an hour away from arrival, the excitement starts to hit him. He’s never been to America before, and while he won’t have any free time to explore, he’s curious what it will be like. He hopes the new culture and scenery won’t be enough to affect his ability to play when it comes to the game tomorrow. 

But of course it won’t, he has too much experience under his belt for that to be a real concern.

The time after landing (in a city in California called Long Beach) and leaving the airport rushes by so quickly that it’s essentially impossible for him to take everything in. He pays attention to the group’s translator and as soon as the team members have gotten their hotel rooms for the night, he stays put, declining the offer to go out for a nice dinner and a few drinks. He supposes as team captain he should do more to bond with his teammates, but he’d rather save his strength for tomorrow. And besides, the change in environment and time zone is more than overwhelming. 

The following day, he’s up early and taking advantage of the hotel’s free breakfast. Time is still passing quickly and unforgivingly, and soon enough he’s met up with his entire team and their translator again. They make their way to the large stadium where their game will take place, and before Wakatoshi knows it he’s passed through the locker room and is ready to play one of the biggest games of his entire career. 

Despite the time difference being so great and it being extremely early in the morning in Japan (especially for Satori), he knows the game will be broadcasted live and he has faith that Satori will be watching and cheering from their couch. Knowing this, before the game he spots one of the cameras scanning the gym and waves in its direction. It feels strange, waving to an object that can’t recognize his gesture and can’t return it, but in his mind he can picture Satori waving back.

He can’t think much more on it once the game starts. His mind is completely focused on his sport and scoring as many points as possible. The first set goes to their opponent, but after a short break and a pep talk, they come back strong and win the second and third set. As far as points go, it’s an extremely close game, but the pride they all feel at the end of it is almost palpable. 

After resting up and showering in the locker room, the team decides to go out for dinner once again, and this time Wakatoshi agrees to join them. The celebration lasts for a few hours until they’re all so exhausted that their coach insists they head back to the hotel. At the close of all the events of the day, all the noise and activity, Wakatoshi welcomes the peace and quiet of his hotel room. He collapses into bed and feels the familiar sting in his calves, a pain that he welcomes as a reminder that he’s worked extremely hard. 

It’s only after he’s been laying down for a few minutes that he thinks to check his phone. The screen lights up with a flurry of notifications. 

A few are from friends. Reon and Semi both letting him know that they’re DVR’ing the match and will be watching it as soon as possible, Yamagata and Jin both wishing him good luck. 

The rest are from Satori. Wakatoshi skims through the messages; some are detailing some random events of his day, what he had to eat and how good this new anime he’s watching is. A few of them are confirming that he’s watching the game, and most important, that he caught that wave Wakatoshi sent his way. There’s a couple pictures of him excitedly and awkwardly posing with blurry images of Wakatoshi on the TV, captioned “quality time with ‘toshi!”. There’s a video taken of the television, partnered with cheering from Satori (quieter than normal, which is probably a good thing given how early the game aired in Japan). 

Finally he comes to the messages he was mostly looking for. The most recent is from 20 minutes ago, and it’s letting Wakatoshi know that he’s about to head downtown for his meeting. Wakatoshi knows that he won’t get any news about this meeting until tomorrow since he’ll need to fall asleep very soon and be up early to head back home to Tokyo. 

_**Wakatoshi** : Good luck, even though I don’t think you need luck. I have faith things will go well. Let me know how it goes. I love you._

Satisfied with the message, Wakatoshi quickly sends it and heads to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Before he goes to sleep, he makes certain that his bag is packed and he’ll be ready to leave immediately in the morning. He knows there will be more waiting at the airport tomorrow, but he’s ready to get home as soon as possible. He runs the times through his head. The plane will leave at around 7 in the morning, and he should arrive in Tokyo around 11 in the evening.

He hopes Satori won’t be losing sleep waiting up for him, but he knows him well enough at this point that that’s definitely what he’ll be doing. 

In another blur of time and noise, Wakatoshi finds himself the following day on the plane back to Tokyo. This time he’s more awake and sleep doesn’t come easily at all. He distracts his mind with the one book he brought with him on his trip: an informative paperback about the language of trees and plants. With the twelve hour flight, he’s able to almost finish the entire book, but quickly packs it away when he realizes that they’re finally about to land. 

He doesn’t waste time with long goodbyes with his teammates; they have a break for 3 days but he knows he’ll be back to practice as soon as that’s over. He boards the bus as soon as he can, eagerly awaiting the moment he can step back into his apartment and see Satori again.

The bus and city outside are strangely quiet this late at night, leaving Wakatoshi’s thoughts to loudly take over. As they eat away at his brain, excitedly recounting moments from the game and time spent with his teammates, he looks forward to the moment he can crawl into bed with his fiance and --

His thoughts come to a halt. 

Fiance?

It seems illogical to question his own brain and thoughts, because he _knows_ that’s what his mind just said and he _knows_ he couldn’t possibly have misheard his own thoughts. He tightens his grip on the pole next to his seat, knuckles going white. He’s just tired, that’s all. He’s had a long trip.

Or maybe this is a clue. A subconscious hint that there’s something he needs to do. Something he needs to go out and buy, something he needs to plan, something he needs to have assistance from his friends for.

Something he _needs_ to ask.

Of course, the thought of proposal has been fresh in his mind for a while now, but he’s never once mistitled his boyfriend like that. He thinks about how awkward that would have been if he’d said it out loud, especially to Satori. He imagines the theoretical look on Satori’s face, the crushing statement that would fall from his lips that, yes, Wakatoshi loves him, but maybe not enough for him to want to take that step. He’s too caught up with his career. He’s too busy following his dreams. And that’s okay. Satori can wait.

But it’s _not_ okay, and Wakatoshi doesn’t want him to have to wait anymore. 

The bus comes to a stop and Wakatoshi recognizes the location as the area near his apartment. Still trying to clear his head, he grabs his luggage and exits the bus, heading in the direction of home. The night is still quiet and his mind is still buzzing with nervousness. 

_Don’t fumble your words again, don’t fumble your words again, don’t fumble your words again._

He continues repeating this statement to himself all while reaching the apartment complex, climbing the stairs, and unlocking their front door. He wills his thoughts to be quiet as soon as he’s inside, and he’s surprised to find Satori isn’t in the living room or at his desk. He quietly, but quickly, heads towards their bedroom and his heart flutters uncontrollably when he finally finds Satori.

He’s sitting upright in bed, sketchbook in his lap, but he’s fast asleep with his head slumped over on to his shoulder. The pencil he must have been using is lying motionless on the floor, which is an odd sight considering Wakatoshi rarely sees that pencil _not_ moving quickly across page after page of Satori’s sketchbook. 

Wakatoshi carefully and quietly sets his luggage near the closet before crossing the room and reaching for the pencil. Out of respect for Satori, he doesn’t look at the sketchbook. He doesn’t want to break that secrecy that he’s been working so hard to keep for so long. 

Instead, he mumbles Satori’s name and gently nudges his shoulder. He’s usually a very heavy sleeper, but given the couple days apart --

Satori’s eyes open slowly but as soon as he registers Wakatoshi standing in front of him, he flings his sketchbook off his lap and clumsily lurches forward, wrapping his arms around the ace’s neck with a groggy noise of surprise.

Catching his balance, Wakatoshi rests a hand on the mattress before resting his other on Satori’s back in a sort of half-hug. He feels familiar lips press against his neck for a few seconds before Satori sits back down and eyes him with a slightly more awake expression.

“How was America?”

Wakatoshi had almost forgotten about his trip, even though it _just_ happened. Granted, his mind wasn’t exactly working at its full capacity right now, but the look of confusion he gave was enough to make him feel a little silly.

“Different,” he answers, finally taking a seat on the edge of the bed and placing Satori’s pencil on the bedside table.

“Yeah,” Satori nods, “and big, right? Everything in America is big, or at least that’s what I’ve heard.”

“Hmm,” Wakatoshi thinks about it, realizes that the trip was such a blur that he can’t remember much besides the stadium and the game, “yes. I believe so. The stadium we played in was very large.”

“It looked big on TV! Hard to tell, though. Can’t really judge it from a tiny screen versus the real thing, huh?”

“True.” 

Wakatoshi goes quiet for a second, and then it’s like a flip switches and his brain goes into overdrive when he remembers how important today was.

“Your meeting. How did your meeting go?” he stares expectantly at Satori, watching for any clues or signs before he says anything. 

“Oh. That.”

The downcast expression and the immediate loss of eye contact tell Wakatoshi exactly what he _doesn’t_ want to hear. These clues tell him to reach for Satori’s hand and hold it firmly in his before he says anything further, and so he does.

He waits patiently, but Satori’s eyes stay fixed on the wall to his left, his lips stay firmly pressed together. 

“Did you --” Wakatoshi begins, but is immediately interrupted.

“I’m in,” Satori cracks, his expression finally breaking into joy and pride before he looks back at Wakatoshi, “I got in. They want to publish me.”

Wakatoshi’s heart feels like it stops, and his brain tries to catch up with all the feelings he’s feeling. All he can do is stare at Satori with confusion and a slightly open mouth.

“Sorry!” Satori laughs, covering his mouth for a moment to stifle it, “I couldn’t resist! I should’ve been honest, but damn that look on your face is so worth it, ‘Toshi, you’re so cute!”

Everything in his mind now caught up, Wakatoshi pulls his boyfriend into another bone-crushing hug, feels his smaller frame tense and then melt into the embrace with a happy sigh.

“Don’t get too excited. It’s gonna be several months before I get anything out officially, y’know? Or maybe you don’t. I can’t remember if we’ve talked about manga publishing and stuff.”

“I’m so proud of you,” is all Wakatoshi can really muster in this moment, and it comes out at a volume just above a whisper.

“C’mon, don’t make me cry, ‘Toshi,” Satori mumbles, teasingly patting Wakatoshi’s shoulders, “and let’s be real, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Even so,” releasing the hug, the ace regains eye contact with Satori before continuing, “you worked very hard and from that you saw results. And I know you’ll continue doing so.”

Satori wipes at his eyes prematurely, smile going wiry before he looks away, “Yeah… I’m gonna do my best.”

“That’s more than enough.”

Comfortable silence falls between both of them before Satori leans forward to rest his forehead against Wakatoshi’s and heave another sigh.

The traffic outside is still audible despite it being just past midnight. It pairs nicely with the gentle hum of the air conditioner and a cricket chirping somewhere. Wakatoshi isn’t sure where the cricket is, but neither him nor Satori have ever been bothered by the presence of insects in their home, so it’s almost strangely comforting.

“It’s been a tough road, huh?” Satori suddenly whispers, long fingers fiddling with the bedsheets before trailing upwards and resting on Wakatoshi’s forearm.

Given the prior conversation, Wakatoshi assumes he’s talking about the road of life rather than a literal road. Thankfully he’s gotten better at following these social clues. It would be hard not to in Satori’s company for so many years.

“Mhmm,” he hums agreement, “but we’ve made it this far.”

“Yeah,” Satori lifts his face to look at Wakatoshi’s again, “...’We’.”

Wakatoshi stares, lets his eyes scan a face with features he’s known for so many years, finding warm familiarity in freckled cheeks and crimson pupils, They bring him back to the times when everything was easier and nothing mattered besides playing volleyball in the backyard with his friend. His best friend.

He feels that question, the one that he was plagued by on the bus ride home, on the tip of his tongue, feels it press against his skull in an effort to get out, but he stays tight-lipped. If he’s going to ask such a big question, he wants to make it right. Perfect. Everything Satori could ever hope for.

He knows it’s silly to try and be like the movies he’s seen. He knows those stories aren’t real and aren’t realistic either, but he wants to do everything in his power to match it and make his boyfriend the happiest person in the entire world.

“You look really tired,” Satori interrupts the racing thoughts in Wakatoshi’s head, lifting a hand to cup the ace’s face, “wanna go to bed? Captain probably needs his well-deserved rest.”

Thankful for the interruption, Wakatoshi nods.

“We can talk more about life and stuff when we’re both more awake, ‘kay? It’s too early for existential conversations, anyway. Those usually happen when it’s like three in the morning and everyone is delirious,” Satori laughs at the thought before leading Wakatoshi into the bathroom.

Wakatoshi isn’t sure he’s ever had an existential conversation at three in the morning, but then again he’s not sure he’s ever been awake that late before. He’s not exactly keen on finding out if Satori’s statement holds true, anyway. 

The two of them slowly get ready for bed, opting for showers in the morning. After changing into their usual sleepwear, they both crawl into bed. Satori is out almost immediately, curled up next to Wakatoshi with one arm draped across the ace’s chest and the other firmly planted underneath his pillow. As soon as Wakatoshi is certain Satori is asleep, he carefully reaches for his phone.

He’s made his decision. He’s going to propose, but not without a lot of preparation. And for that he’ll need the help of friends.

He creates a group text between himself, Eita, and Taichi, and sends a quick message. 

_**Wakatoshi** : Apologies if this messages wakes either of you. I’d like to have lunch or dinner with both of you sometime soon so that we can talk about something. I have a break from practice for the next three days, let me know if any time during those three days works for you._

Hoping this is both concise and informative enough, Wakatoshi sets his phone back down on the nightstand and lets relief wash over him when he realizes Satori didn’t stir at all. 

He finally closes his eyes, and with familiar warmth next to him, sleep comes much quicker than it had the last couple nights.

**\-----**

Despite his break from practice, Wakatoshi is up early like normal. He makes himself some breakfast, showers, drinks some tea while sitting on the balcony, and waters the plants all before nine in the morning. While seated on the balcony, his phone chimes, signaling a new message. He eagerly unlocks his phone.

_**Eita** : Hey Wakatoshi! Sounds good! Been a while since we got food together, Taichi and I are free this afternoon, that work for you?_

Perfect. Wakatoshi feels himself smile as he types out his response.

_**Wakatoshi** : That works for me as well. We can meet downtown, I’ll send you the location. Does 1:00 work for you?_

_**Eita** : Should work, yeah! See you then!_

It occurs to Wakatoshi that he’ll need to find some excuse for going downtown without Satori, but he’ll cross that bridge when he gets there.

Another hour passes, and without warning --

“‘Toshiiiii, g’morning!”

The back door slides open and Satori sticks his head out, hair still messy from sleep.

“Ah. Good morning, Satori.”

Satori leans forward to kiss Wakatoshi’s forehead before sitting cross-legged on the balcony and basking happily in the sunlight.

“You’re very awake this morning,” Wakatoshi observes, used to the sound of Satori’s groggy voice and the sight of him shuffling around the apartment wrapped in the blanket.

“Eh?” he almost appears offended at the surprise in Wakatoshi’s voice, but that quickly shifts to laughter and a wide smile, “Well, of course! My miracle boy is home for three whole days!”

“Ah. I have some news regarding that,” Wakatoshi tries to make his voice as convincing as possible.

“What? Not bad news I hope!” Satori pouts.

“It’s not bad news,” brain on overdrive, Wakatoshi pulls together the best lie he can manage, “I just have lunch planned with a teammate.”

Satori stares at him with furrowed brows, “Wait… you’re going to lunch with a teammate?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

The confusion on Satori’s face shifts to pure elation, “‘Toshi!” he sits up higher, playfully smacking Wakatoshi’s knees, “That’s so awesome! Look at you, bonding with teammates!”

“You’re not disappointed? It shouldn’t take longer than a couple of hours.”

“Nah, course not! I hope you have a good time! I have leftovers in the fridge anyway!”

Well that was easier than he expected.

After another hour of discussing the plants on their balcony and admiring a beetle crawling across their railing, Wakatoshi decides he should leave for downtown. Satori offers him a quick goodbye kiss and tells him he wants to hear all about it when he comes home.

So he’ll have to fabricate more lies. Even though he doubts he’d ever need to use this skill again, he expects he’ll be an expert by the time this is finished.

He boards a bus and soon finds himself standing outside a corner sandwich shop downtown, waiting for Eita and Taichi to arrive. Shortly after one, he spots them further down the sidewalk, heading his direction.

It’s been a while since he’s seen his friends in person like this. Somehow the team always knew that Eita and Taichi would end up together, but it still feels oddly satisfying to see the two of them walking hand-in-hand. 

Eita’s style hasn’t changed much, Wakatoshi notes, though he never really paid too much attention to that. That was more of Satori’s focus, usually. He’s dressed in mostly black, save for the peek of dark purple socks underneath a garment that’s either a long dress or a skirt. Circular sunglasses rest on the top of his head and a septum ring hangs from his nose. His hair is longer and tied back into a short, messy ponytail, and his eyes are complemented by makeup that, if Wakatoshi were to guess, probably took quite a bit of time this morning. He definitely looks the part of a cosmetologist.

Taichi hasn’t changed too much either. His hair is just as perfectly messy as always and his eyebags are worse, but somehow that doesn’t make him _look_ any worse. Not dressed nearly as dark as Eita, he’s wearing tight tan jeans and a dusty pink polka-dotted button-down, the top two buttons undone. 

“Wakatoshi!” Eita calls out once they’re in shouting distance, tightly grabbing Taichi’s hand and the sunglasses on his head before quickly darting through the crowd. As soon as he’s close enough, he embraces Wakatoshi in a hug. Taichi is next, the smile on his face as well as his hug just as casual and quiet as usual.

“This the place?” Eita asks, nodding towards the corner restaurant.

“It is,” Wakatoshi answers, leading them inside, “I hope sandwiches are okay?”

Both express confirmation before they order their food. They wait only a few minutes before receiving their sandwiches and heading upstairs to find a free table. Luckily there’s a table for four next to a window overlooking the street outside, which they quickly claim.

Eita and Taichi sit opposite of Wakatoshi, settling in before eyeing Wakatoshi with anticipation.

“So?” Eita smiles, setting his sunglasses on the table, “How is everything?”

“Everything is…” Wakatoshi processes the question, thinking about how unspecific ‘everything’ is and how it would take a very long time to say how ‘everything’ is.

Eita and Taichi eye him with the same amount of expectation, slowly chewing bites of food.

‘Things are going very well,” Wakatoshi finally answers.

The two across from him respond with familiar smiles that Wakatoshi remembers from days spent on the court in high school. He didn’t realize how much he’d missed his friends.

“That’s good, you deserve that,” Eita says after swallowing a large bite of food.

“And how are you two?”

Eita eyes Taichi, Taichi stares back. He’s just as quiet as always, maybe even more so.

“As a unit, we’re doing very well,” Eita drags his eyes back to Wakatoshi, “but being two 20-somethings with creative careers in a big city isn’t the easiest.”

“I was working for an indie music magazine,” Taichi clears his throat before continuing, and the other two at the table immediately look over at him, “but uh… they kinda went out of business. Money problems and stuff, I dunno all that lingo, that’s more Kenjirou’s thing.”

Eita laughs softly.

“So anyway, I’m kinda looking for another job right now,” Taichi continues, shrugs, “things are a little rocky right now financially but it’s hard not to be hopeful when Eita’s optimism is so annoyingly overwhelming.”

“He says that but he actually appreciates it,” Eita teases, softly patting Taichi’s thigh before returning his attention back to Wakatoshi, “As for me, I’m still working the same job. I do mostly freelance cosmetology stuff, but I’ve been really booked lately which is actually a blessing.”

Wakatoshi doesn’t know the first thing about either of their chosen fields, but he’s happy to see that Eita is doing well and that Taichi isn’t losing hope.

“I’m very happy for you both,” he says sincerely, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Thanks,” Eita says, followed by the same sentiment from Taichi, just a bit quieter.

The trio spend several minutes digging into their food, pausing occasionally for conversation. They cover a number of things, most importantly Wakatoshi’s recent game in America and the status of their other friends from high school. Wakatoshi learns that Kenjirou is currently knee-deep in law school, Hayato is an apprentice at a restaurant back in Miyagi, Reon has taken up assistant coaching for a junior high volleyball team, Jin has nearly completed his schooling for becoming a teacher, and finally, Tsutomu is in the middle of his schooling to become a physical therapist. 

It’s strange but comforting to think about all his past teammates, his friends, taking up new things in their lives and moving forward. He hopes he’ll have a chance to see the others soon.

After finishing his food, Wakatoshi decides he needs to ask the favor he brought them both here for. As much as the topic makes him nervous and unsure, he knows it needs to be done.

“I have a favor to ask you both,” he states as calmly as he possibly can as soon as he notices the other two are finished as well.

“Shoot,” Taichi leans back in his chair.

“I…” he grips the fabric of his jeans, “I want to propose to Satori.”

Eita drops the compact mirror he’d just pulled out of his bag, eyes wide as he scrambles to pick it back up. Taichi, however, is still leaning back.

“Called it,” Taichi mumbles, doing a tiny and half-hearted fist pump.

“Taichi!“ Eita, clearly caught between wanting to tell Taichi off and wanting to fling himself across the table, stares straight ahead at Wakatoshi, “Hold on, really? You’re serious?”

“When is he not serious?” Taichi asks, as if reading Wakatoshi’s mind.

“I am serious,” Wakatoshi nods, noticing he’s nearly dug a hole into his jeans. He decides to sit on his hands instead.

“Oh my god,” Eita waves his hands around for a moment. Mouth agape, he stares at Taichi, Wakatoshi, Taichi, and then back at Wakatoshi, “This is amazing! This is so good! Taichi was joking with me when we read your text this morning, he said -- ”

“I said ‘I bet you 500,000 yen that he’s going to tell us he’s proposing’. And I was right,” Taichi looks very happy with himself.

“Yeah! That!” 

Wakatoshi releases one of his hands to take a quick sip of water and then immediately sits on it again. He’s not sure what to say. He doesn’t want to interrupt their excitement.

“I’m… kinda speechless, Wakatoshi. I mean I knew you two were perfect for each other but still…” Eita’s eyes are still wide, Taichi’s smile is still smug, “two of my best friends are getting married! To each other!”

“He hasn’t said yes yet,” Taichi teases in a clearly sarcastic voice to which Eita responds with a scoff and a playful shove. Taichi laughs and continues, looking back at Wakatoshi, “I’m kidding. He’ll definitely say yes. Probably before you even get the entire question out.”

“I hope so,” Wakatoshi says in a voice quieter than he meant. He feels sweaty. Why does he feel sweaty?

“You guys are golden, trust me,” Taichi waves a hand in front of his face, notices Eita’s vigorous nod, and continues, “trust us. There’s not many people Satori loves as much as he loves you.”

“I trust you both,” the silence tells Wakatoshi that they’re waiting for him to move to his actual request, “and while we’re on the subject, I wanted to ask you both for assistance in finding a ring. And formal attire.”

“Buying the wedding suits already?” Taichi laughs.

“Ah, no. I want to buy something formal for us to wear when I propose.”

“God,” Eita sighs, placing his head in his hands for a few seconds before looking back up and swiping gingerly at his eye, “you’re so… _good_ , Wakatoshi.”

Wakatoshi isn’t sure what he means, but he doesn’t get a chance to ask.

“We got you,” Taichi nods, “absolutely.”

“We’re honored that you asked us, Wakatoshi,” Eita appears to be struggling with holding back tears and keeping his makeup from smudging, “whatever you need, we’re here to help.”

“Tomorrow,” Wakatoshi says without thinking, his heartbeat accelerating with sudden excitement, “are you both free tomorrow?”

The other two look at each other and then back at Wakatoshi, nodding in unison.

“Another lunch date tomorrow?” Eita asks, finally gaining control of his tears, “I know a really good spot for suits, I’ve worked for magazine shoots that rented from them before.”

“And I know there’s a fancy little jewelry store right next to the coffee shop I used to write in every single morning,” Taichi offers.

Wakatoshi nods, probably more eagerly than he had planned, “That’s perfect.”

His body seems to go numb. His thoughts become completely focused on Satori and his smiling face, his laugh, the joy that seems to radiate from him constantly. He doesn’t really remember leaving the sandwich shop, barely registers the tight hugs from his two friends and the confirmation for their plans tomorrow. His body floats back to the bus station, his mind racing with a hundred, a thousand, a million warm thoughts of the future and all the possibilities and, of course, Satori’s reaction when he asks him that question. 

It feels so strange to not really have a grasp or control over his racing thoughts, though honestly, he admits he should be used to it by now. It’s been a constant ever since he realized his feelings for Satori back in high school.

And as scary as not having control is, he’d give it up in a heartbeat if it meant spending the rest of his life with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again! Please feel free to reach out to me on twitter or tumblr, I'd be honored if you wanted to talk to me! (esp about ushiten, tendou, or shiratorizawa in general!)  
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendou-satori](http://www.tendou-satori.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello~ Another update is here!!
> 
> I actually have Ch 18 done as well, but I'm going to wait a few days before posting it, just to keep everyone on their toes, haha c; It's a really good chapter so I promise the wait will be worth it!
> 
> Big ol' thank you as always to [Erica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid), this fic exists in part because of her and I appreciate the help and love and friendship and encouragement sososo much ;; ♥
> 
> ALSO want to give a huge thank you to my friend, [Remmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remembrance/pseuds/Remembrance), who was a HUGE encouragement this month while we both were doing camp nano. I wrote 21k (three and a half chapters) this month, which is the most I've done since starting this fic, and I owe a lot of that motivation to him. ♥
> 
> This chapter has more nervous Ushijima, more KawaSemi shenangians and banter, and of course more soft domestic UshiTen fluff, as always. I hope you all enjoy!! Thanks for sticking around and reading!! ;;

“I’m so proud! So happy!”

Satori’s long limbs wrap tightly around Wakatoshi’s form. It seems odd that this is even a possible maneuver while he’s seated against the couch, but somehow, Satori’s clinging tightly to him like a koala. Also odd is that his koala boyfriend bought into every single lie he had to formulate about his lunch date with “a teammate”.

“Are you gonna hang out again?” Satori rests his chin on Wakatoshi’s shoulder, eyes wide with curiosity.

He really is making this so much easier than Wakatoshi expected.

“Yes,” Wakatoshi nods, voice a lot more confident than when he started with all these fibs, “we’re going to get lunch again tomorrow.”

“Nice!” Satori removes one arm to give a celebratory fist pump but then quickly replaces it around Wakatoshi’s chest, “I hope you guys have fun!”

“I’m certain we will. We did today, after all.”

“I’d ask to tag along, but,” Satori laughs, relinquishes his hold on Wakatoshi and settles back into his corner of the couch, “I got lotsa work to get done. Promise me we’ll get dinner sometime during your break, though!”

“Of course.”

Oddly enough, Wakatoshi doesn’t eagerly embrace the silence that settles between them again as a documentary plays on the television. Normally this would be his favorite time of the day; quiet nights in with hot chocolate, nature documentaries, warm blankets, and good company. But the silence only makes his mind wander even more than usual. He’s lost control, and whenever his mind has the chance to run wild, it’s full of questions and images and possibilities relating to the eventual proposal. 

He’s honestly shocked that Tendou Satori, who definitely earned his nickname of Guess Monster back in high school, isn’t catching on to his nervousness. Either Satori is losing his touch or Wakatoshi is getting better at hiding things from him. And he doubts it’s the former.

The night drags on before Satori eventually gets restless and handsy. The documentary is left playing on the television as both make their way to the bedroom for what Satori refers to as ‘a mating ritual’.

“Y’know, like the tigers in the documentary,” Satori explains in the middle of being pressed up against the bedroom door.

“Ah,” Wakatoshi pauses kissing at Satori’s neck, “But tigers mate several times a day. Some say around 20 sessions, others have said up to 52. They also occasionally fight. I have no intention of fighting you. Tigers also roar when they’re finished mating, and we don’t want to get a noise complaint. Also --” 

A finger presses against Wakatoshi’s lips.

“I love how much you know about nature and animals, Wakatoshi, and I will definitely be up for it if you want to bite my neck like the tigers do when they mate, but... can we…?” his voice trails off and he nods towards the bed.

Well, there’s always another time for tiger trivia.

**\-----**

The following morning goes exactly the same as the one before. Wakatoshi wakes before Satori, gets his shower, makes breakfast, waters the plants, and spends the rest of his time out on the balcony. He’s thankful the weather’s been so calm recently; it’s nice to be able to spend his free days outside like this.

“G’morning~!” comes a sing-song voice from behind the sliding door, and less than two seconds later Satori is hanging out the doorway, hair even messier than yesterday.

“Morning,” Wakatoshi lifts his mug, “I brewed some coffee if you’d like some.”

Satori’s face lights up and he shouts “You’re the best!” before retreating back inside, soon returning with a full mug of coffee (or, rather, something along the lines of half coffee, half sugar).

After a relaxing and comfortable morning, Wakatoshi once again takes his leave for what he, again, calls a lunch meeting like a teammate. However, he knows that Eita and Taichi will be eagerly waiting for him downtown once again. 

To say he’s not nervous would be a lie. He’s never been very good at things like clothing and especially not jewelry, but he hopes that his own knowledge and experience of Satori, as well as their friends’, will be more than enough to point him in the right direction. 

He takes the same bus ride that he had the day before, and meets Eita and Taichi once again in front of the same sandwich shop. Both look about the same as they did yesterday, like polar opposites. Taichi is dressed in a soft brown sweater and cuffed, faded jeans. With hair still pulled back into a loose ponytail, Eita wears a pair of black high-waisted jeans and a long-sleeved black turtleneck tucked in at the front. 

This time they opt for the ramen place right next door, quickly eating their food as soon as they receive it. Sitting and chatting would be nice, but given the circumstances and Satori’s extremely curiosity, Wakatoshi doesn’t want to spend more time out than he has to. 

After a warm and satisfying lunch, Wakatoshi is asked whether he’d like to get the suits or the ring first, and, with nerves starting to build up again, he decides on the suits. 

He’s not entirely sure what to expect. He remembers Eita saying that he’d done makeup for photoshoots that also used this store, and based on Eita’s personal style and usual makeup… it could be anything.

However, he’s pleasantly surprised when the trio walk a few blocks and stop at a two-story corner store with a wide array of suits being shown in the window displays. 

“They’ve got everything,” Eita explains when they step inside, gesturing to the racks full of suits and button-downs in every color imaginable, “you just have to know what you’re looking for, because the place is massive.”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi agrees, already slightly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of clothing in front of him. 

He’s confident in what he himself wants to wear, but he’s a bit stumped as far as Satori goes. He often can’t keep up with Satori’s strange choices in fashion.

Shortly after stepping inside, a salesperson greets them with a kind smile and asks what they’re looking for. Wakatoshi, whose eyes are still scanning the layout of the store, doesn’t respond immediately.

“What would you suggest if my friend here wanted to get a couple nice suits for a special occasion?” Eita finally asks.

“What’s the occasion?” the saleswoman asks, curiously eyeing Wakatoshi.

“Dinner,” Wakatoshi answers concisely, then elaborates, ”and a proposal.”

Face lighting up, the saleswoman beckons them further into the store, excitedly congratulating Wakatoshi. He wants to share her enthusiasm but his nerves are still a bit too high for that.

“This entire section is our dinner suits,” the woman stops after moving to the back of the store and gesturing to a wide array of colors and prints, “these would be your best bet, if you’re going to be sitting and eating. They’re more comfortable for that sort of thing.”

“Thank you,” Eita once again takes hold of the situation, and the woman walks away after letting them know where to find her if they need more help.

“Geez,” Taichi gives a breathy laugh, “you’re really tense, Wakatoshi.”

“Sorry,” Wakatoshi fixes his eyes on a rack of suits in muted colors and makes his way towards them.

“It’s a big deal,” Eita gives him an understanding pat on the shoulder, “that’s why you’ve got us here to be your cheerleaders, right?”

Wakatoshi nods. He’s currently admiring a deep blue suit jacket with black lapels. There’s several on the rack, and luckily one in his size. He knows he hasn’t looked at very many yet but he pulls it off the rack and slings it over his arm.

He continues browsing, passing by most of the colors and patterns. He prefers something plain for himself, even though Eita keeps pulling out subtly patterned jackets and pants and offering them to him. In the end, he only takes the deep blue jacket, pants, a sky blue button-down, and a black tie back to the dressing room with him.

“You sure you don’t wanna try anything else?” Eita asks as he sits down on a bench at the back of the store, eyeing the small amount of clothing in Wakatoshi’s hands.

“I’m sure,” Wakatoshi nods, following the dressing room attendant to an empty room. 

In one of the larger and fancier dressing rooms Wakatoshi’s ever been in in his life, he undresses and tries on the suit he picked out. It’s comfortable to move in, sit in, and doesn’t look like it will garner him too much attention. So, in his eyes, it’s perfect. 

He exits the dressing room and walks over to his friends again. He wants their opinions, of course, but he doesn’t think it will matter much. He’s already decided that this is the one he wants for himself. Their wide eyes tell him that they’re at least thinking _something_ , but he isn’t sure if it’s good or bad.

“Nice,” Taichi mumbles.

“Yeah,” Eita agrees, nodding and motioning for Wakatoshi to turn around. He does as directed and Eita nods even more aggressively, “yeah, this one’s perfect.”

“See? It doesn’t take _that_ long to shop for clothes,” Kawanishi mumbles from beside him, a teasing smirk on his face.

Eita immediately gives him a playful shove. Wakatoshi isn’t sure what the context is, but he can guess that it has something to do with Eita taking his time while shopping for clothing. The team hadn’t gone on many shopping trips back in high school, but he does recall everyone giving Eita a hard time once when he spent thirty minutes trying to decide between two pairs of jeans.

After changing back into his regular clothes, he walks back over to the same section of suits again with his friends. One look at the large assortment and he’s overwhelmed yet again.

“Now Satori’s,” he says, mostly to himself.

“Good luck,” Taichi scoffs, “god knows what he’d choose, but I’m sure it would be,” he tugs at a shirt with a bright paisley print, “... interesting.”

Wakatoshi’s never seen Satori wear anything paisley, but he imagines that’s on the right track. 

“I think a solid color might be better?” Eita chimes in, walking towards a rack with brighter colors, “He likes neons and weird prints, but… that might be a bit much.”

Wakatoshi nods in agreement and browses the same rack. Bright yellow? No, too loud. Bright green? No, wouldn’t want him to look like the physical form of Christmas. Bright blue? Definitely not.

He stops at a purple suit jacket. It’s not a super bright purple, but it’s not muted either. He’s always liked Satori in purple, maybe because it reminds him of Shiratorizawa and their time together there. Or maybe just because it looks amazing with his skin tone and hair color...

Well now he’s just getting carried away with his thoughts.

“That one’s nice!” Eita’s voice brings him back to reality.

“Do you think he’d like it?” Wakatoshi asks, though, honestly, he thinks he probably would.

“You know him just as well as I do, Wakatoshi,” Eita smiles, “and that look on your face tells me that you know the answer to that question.”

Feeling more confident in his choice, Wakatoshi finds the matching pants, a white button-down, and finally, a pink bow-tie. Maybe the pink and purple will be a bit much together, but he thinks Satori would probably appreciate that anyway.

It’s definitely not cheap, but luckily money hasn’t been an issue for him for a very long time. He’s happy with his purchase and the thought of both him and Satori in their brand new suits make him feel very warm and happy. 

But now comes the really important part.

The trio walks for another four or five blocks, Wakatoshi doesn’t keep track, and they finally come to the jewelry shop that Taichi had mentioned before. As they walk inside, an elderly woman at the counter happily greets them.

Wakatoshi’s knees are slightly weak as he moves into the shop and browses the wide range of rings in the glass cases. This is the one thing he doesn’t really have any idea about. Satori doesn’t wear jewelry, would he even want a ring? Maybe something else would work better? Maybe he’d prefer a necklace? Or a bracelet? Maybe this is all a bad idea and --

“Hey,” Taichi places a hand on Wakatoshi’s shoulder and nudges him towards another glass case, “engagement rings are over here.”

Wakatoshi didn’t realize it, but while deep in his nagging thoughts, he’d been looking at watches. 

Now at the proper area of the store, Wakatoshi crouches down to get a better look at the rings in front of him. Many of them have large diamonds and over gemstones, but he can’t picture Satori wanting something that gaudy. The small section of wedding bands on the right of the case interest him much more.

“What are we in for today?” the old woman makes her way over to where Wakatoshi is currently crouched and speaks in a warm, welcoming voice.

“I’m proposing soon,” Wakatoshi answers, voice trembling, but just enough so that he’s the only one who notices.

“Ah, exciting!” she shuffles to the backside of the case, “Are there any that you’re particularly interested in?”

Wakatoshi glances over the bands a few more times, and finally points towards a pair in the back, “The two in the very back right corner.”

Unlocking the case, the woman gives a croaky laugh, “Those are interesting, let me show you.”

She pulls out the display with the two rings and places them on the top of the case. Wakatoshi looks closer, noticing the texture around both of the bands; it slightly resembles wood. 

“These are made from one single ring, and then separated to create two rings that fit together perfectly,” the woman explains, carefully taking both bands and placing them together to demonstrate, “though they’re usually purchased as wedding rings, not engagement rings.”

Pointing to a set right next to the space where the other rings were sitting, Wakatoshi notes that they look almost exactly the same as the ones he was just shown. The only difference is that their forms are identical as opposed to being one single ring that was separated.

The woman notices his gesture and pulls that pair out as well, “These look exactly the same as far as shape and texture, but they were created separately. If you’re looking for engagement rings then these would be perfect, I think.” 

She hands him one of the rings and he inspects it closely, noticing that it’s actually a bit thinner than the others. Running his finger across the wood-like pattern, he notes that the rosegold of this texture stands out beautifully from the overall silver ring.

“Often, people will buy these two as a set,” the saleswoman explains, pointing to the other pair sitting on the glass case as well, “because they compliment each other really well when worn together. And, you two can come in together and go through the typical ceremony we would have for separating the wedding rings.”

Wakatoshi nods, taking one more good look at the ring in his hand before handing it back to her, “I think that would be perfect.”

Taichi and Eita glance over his shoulders, and he wonders if they’re once again going to make a comment about how quickly he shops and makes decisions. That’s never been an issue for him, though he has to admit he’s a bit surprised at himself for being able to decide so quickly on something this important. It makes him worried about not spending more time on this…

Eita whistles, grinning up at Wakatoshi after leaning down to get a better look at both pairs of rings, “Someone has better taste than he thinks.”

Okay, then maybe he’s worried for no reason.

He considers asking Eita and Taichi if they think Satori would like his choices, but then he remembers what Eita said in the suit shop. Despite his concerns, he _does_ know Satori just as well as they do. And his heart and mind are telling him that in the end, Satori likely won’t care too much about what the rings look like. 

The saleswoman takes Wakatoshi’s finger measurement and jots it down, letting him know that he’ll also need to find out Satori’s, somehow. Taichi jokes from behind him; something about Satori being a ridiculously heavy sleeper and that the job shouldn’t be too hard.

“How long will it take for the rings to be made?” he asks, pausing filling out his contact information on the order form.

She glances at the paper, confirming both ring sizes, “As far as _your_ ring, we can get that to you today. We keep some sizes in stock and we should have one in your size. Your significant other’s will depend. Once you let us know their size, we may have it in stock, but if not, if could take one to two weeks to get it made.”

Disappointment clouds Wakatoshi’s mind. He was considering getting this done during his break. Maybe rushing it is a bad idea, but it’s been so fresh in his mind and such a long time coming…

“Do you guys have placeholders? Or stand-ins?,” Eita chimes in, once again saving the day when Wakatoshi’s voice fails him, “In case, y’know, he wanted to get this proposal thing done real soon.”

The woman laughs, “That’s not the first time I’ve heard that question, it’s understandable if you’re really excited. Unfortunately, we don’t. However,” she offers, “if you want _my_ advice, you might consider using your own ring as a placeholder.”

 _Oh._ The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind.

A snort of laughter comes from behind him, followed by Taichi’s voice, “Imagine him trying to put on your ring, it’d slide right off.”

The suggestion, while probably meant to be completely humorous, makes Wakatoshi smile. The image of Satori putting on a ring far too big for his finger is surprisingly endearing.

“I’ll do that,” Wakatoshi nods, continuing to fill out the paperwork in front of him.

At the end of the paperwork, the woman takes it and gives it a quick read through, confirming all the necessary details are filled out correctly. She places it on a stack of forms on the counter behind her and then shoots Wakatoshi a smile.

“I’ll be back with your ring, sit tight.”

Wakatoshi feels hands on his shoulders and hears Eita give a quiet noise of excitement.

“This is so crazy, Wakatoshi, I’m so happy we’re here to witness all of this.”

“We expect an invitation to the proposal dinner too,” Taichi cuts in with a cheeky tone.

Eita gives him a look, “As honored as we would be and as much as I know you’re joking, I think that’d be just a tad bit inappropriate,” he explains, though Wakatoshi had picked up on the sarcasm.

“I assumed it was a joke,” he offers Taichi a smile.

Wiping a non-existent tear from his eye, Taichi smiles back, “You’ve learned so much from Satori’s antics.”

Another statement that was likely meant to humorous, but really takes Wakatoshi back into his mind and his non stop thoughts about Satori. He really _has_ learned a lot about emotions, tone of voice, and so many other social clues and skills; and he’s learned all of them from him.

The saleswoman finally returns, placing a velvet ring box on the counter and sliding it towards Wakatoshi, “Here you are, let’s make sure it fits okay.”

Wakatoshi carefully opens the box, taking the ring in his hand and studying it for a few seconds before slipping it on his ring finger. It slides on easily but doesn’t slip off when he moves his hand around. Even so, he reaches his hand out towards the woman and lets her judge for herself.

She gingerly takes his hand in hers and rotates the ring a few times before letting go, “Fits perfectly as far as I can tell. Does it feel okay?”

Wakatoshi nods, “It feels fine.”

“Wonderful,” she flashes a wide smile, “then let’s ring you up and get you out of here so you can plan for the big day.”

After paying for both his own ring as well as Satori’s future ring, the saleswoman congratulates him and wishes him good luck before the trio leave the store. 

They’re clearly been out later than they were the day before, but Wakatoshi already knows that he won’t be lying to Satori tonight. At least not completely, anyway. Walking through the door with a bag of new suits will be too much of a hint, anyway.

His friends bid him farewell once again. Eita can’t seem to contain his excitement, and continually reminds Wakatoshi to keep them posted and let them know how it goes. He doesn’t actually leave until Taichi pulls him away and insists that they all need to get home.

Another bus ride and Wakatoshi is back home, stepping inside the apartment door. He’d already made sure the ring box was tucked away in his pocket and not obvious at all. He doesn’t hide the bag of new clothing, though, and Satori seems to notice it as soon as he walks through the door. 

“‘Toshi!” Satori bounds over, knocking a few art supplies off his desk in the process, “How was lunch? What’s that bag?”

Wakatoshi places the bag on the kitchen counter before receiving one of Satori’s typical ‘welcome home’ kisses, “Lunch was fine. However, I wasn’t completely honest with you.”

“Oh?” Satori cocks his head, “What’s that mean?”

“Look inside the bag,” Wakatoshi gestures towards the item in question, “and then I’ll explain.”

Satori wastes no time before rummaging in the bag and pulling out the items inside. With every new article of clothing he looks at, his eyes get wider and wider. 

“So… you went on a shopping spree? Without _me_? Ah well, these are so _fancy_ , ‘Toshi, what’s the occasion? Wait, let me guess, you’ve got some big event for volleyball and you have to dress really nice. Hold on!” he waves his hands in front of his face, not giving Wakatoshi even a second to explain, “You’re gonna be on TV! That’s it, isn’t it? A TV interview! You’re gonna be on the news! Woah!” he grabs Wakatoshi’s hands, grins, and jumps in place, “That’s so exciting! I’m right, huh? I can tell because you’re smiling!”

Wakatoshi _is_ smiling, but not because Satori is “right”. Rather, because his excitement and enthusiasm are so endearing that it’s impossible _not_ to smile.

“No, that’s not it,” he stifles a wide grin of his own, “did you notice there are two suits?”

“Yeah, but like… you probably need both, right?” Satori seems genuinely convinced that both are for Wakatoshi.

“No. The purple one,” he releases one of Satori’s hands and reaches for the purple jacket, “is for you.”

“Me?” Satori jumps, face twisting into confusion, “What for? I don’t need fancy clothes like that, you don’t have to spend that kind of money on me. You know I like hoodies and stuff anyway.”

Really, Wakatoshi expected Satori to be a lot more perceptive than this.

“I’m aware. However, you mentioned last night that you wanted to go out for dinner together before my break is over. I’d like to make reservations for somewhere downtown. And I was hoping we could do that tomorrow,” he pats the stack of clothing on the counter, “and wear these for the occasion.”

Realization finally hitting Satori, his face shifts from confusion to pure joy. His smile goes wiry and his brows furrow together just like they always do when he gets overcome with emotion, and Wakatoshi knows what’s going to come out of his mouth next --

“‘Toshiiiiiii…” he whines, and then he leans forwards to wrap both his arms around Wakatoshi’s neck.

Yep. That’s the reaction Wakatoshi expected. And it never gets old.

“If you have a preference, let me know,” Wakatoshi returns the gesture, hands running gently up and down Satori’s back, “though I was hoping for something with a private balcony. The weather is going to be very clear tomorrow and I think we should take advantage of that before I have to go back to work.”

Satori laughs, the sound muffled against Wakatoshi’s shoulder. He lifts his head enough to speak clearly, “My preference is whatever your preference is, ‘Toshi.”

Generally, Wakatoshi likes for Satori to give him own opinions as far as where they should go or what they should have to eat, but in this case he’s thankful for the vague answer. He has a few places in mind, he just hopes that at least one will have an opening this last minute.

Satori, of course, can’t wait to try on his new suit and wastes no time before retreating into their bedroom with the stack of clothing. Wakatoshi takes this opportunity to start dinner for both of them; a quick meal of rice and fish. He can hear Satori calling for him from the bedroom, but he declines the offer to see him dressed in his new outfit.

“I’d like for it to be a surprise,” he calls out in response, trying to talk over the sound of fish cooking on the stove, “and you enjoy surprises, right?”

Satori gives an excited yelp, quickly closing the bedroom door and yelling something back. Wakatoshi can’t tell exactly, but it sounds like a muffled, “You’re so right!”

After changing back into his regular clothes, Satori emerges again from their bedroom, this time eager to help cook. And by ‘help’, he means sit on the kitchen counter, energetically swinging his legs while recounting the events of his day and already picking at and snacking on a piece of cooked fish. 

Typically they would sit down to eat dinner together, but since Satori has already eaten through most of his fish by the time Wakatoshi has finished cooking his, they opt for standing in the kitchen and not even bothering to set the table. After taking their time eating and then washing dishes together, Satori mentions that he needs to get some work done tonight, and retreats to his desk in the corner of the room. Wakatoshi takes this opportunity to make some calls for tomorrow, and steps out onto the balcony with a list of potential locations on a piece of paper. 

The night air is clear and the breeze is slightly chilly, but it’s not unbearable. They’re obvious signs to Wakatoshi that fall is here, and while he never looked forward to the colder months in the past, the cozy nights in with Satori have really changed his opinion in the last couple years. 

Wakatoshi glances over the list in his hand and calls the first number, a traditional restaurant with private rooms but no balconies. They’re completely booked, but Wakatoshi isn’t that disappointed. He tries the second and third, both are also booked. The fourth? The same answer.

He’s starting to lose hope. Maybe he’ll need to postpone proposing until a later date, which could be difficult considering how full his own schedule is and how full Satori’s might now be with being published.

There’s one last restaurant on his list -- a sky lounge in Shibuya named Legato -- that he’s almost positive will be completely booked up until the end of the year. He knows they have private balconies and rooms, as well as a thriving nightlife scene with live music and a bar. It’s a stretch and he knows this, but he makes the call anyway. 

Luck clearly on his side, the person on the other line informs him that they have just one more private balcony available. The view isn’t as good as the other balconies, and it’s slightly more cramped than the others, but Wakatoshi claims it immediately. 

The restaurant is out of the way, but now he needs to find the other half -- a hotel just as nice for them to stay the night in afterwards. It wasn’t initially in his plans, but the thrill of this entire process has really lit a fire within him, and it just feels _right_.

Finding a hotel proves to be a lot easier, and he quickly books a room at Cerulean Tower, just a few blocks from the restaurant they’ll be eating at. He’s not as picky in this case, since he knows he’ll need to leave for practice the following morning and they won’t have a lot of leisure time. Even so, he wants the night to be as perfect as possible.

Feeling confident in his booking choices, he steps back inside and relays the information to Satori. Not all of it -- just enough for him to know that they’ll be going to Shibuya to have dinner at 6, and will need to leave about an hour earlier to make sure they get there on time. Satori doesn’t ask questions, but he does give him a look that screams curiosity. As much as Wakatoshi would love to give in to that stare, he holds back and contains all the information.

Before heading to bed that night, Wakatoshi takes advantage of Satori being totally engrossed in his own work, and packs an overnight bag for the following day. He includes everything he needs for practice, but he also sneaks some of Satori’s typical everyday clothing inside as well. He imagines Satori will likely ask what the bag is for when they leave tomorrow night for dinner, and he’ll need to come up with some sort of lie to cover that. 

Thankfully these silly, harmless lies won’t need to be thought up so often after all of this.

His final task for the night comes in the form of a measuring tape provided by the saleswoman at the jewelry store earlier that day. This is the task that Wakatoshi feels the most nervous about. Yes, Satori is a sound sleeper and hardly anything wakes him or even stirs him during the night, but the thought of him waking up and discovering _this_ … well, that would ruin everything Wakatoshi’s had to plan during the last few days.

Wakatoshi waits at least half an hour after Satori has fallen asleep that night. Lucky for him, Satori’s made it just a bit easier for him; his left arm is slung across Wakatoshi’s chest in the perfect position for Wakatoshi to size his ring finger. Carefully rummaging in his pocket, trying not to move his body too much, Wakatoshi pulls out a white plastic measuring tape. 

It’s difficult to do this with one hand, he finds, but he doesn’t want to risk moving the arm he has curled around Satori’s sleeping form. After a few minutes of struggling, he finally gets the measurement he needs, and stares at the number on the measuring tape for several seconds before stuffing it back into his pocket. Finally, he grabs his phone and makes a quick note of the size. After all of this is done, he quietly sighs with relief. The hard part is over.

Or is it? 

He wants to sleep, but the thought of tomorrow night keeps his mind busy and noisy. The different scenarios of how this could play out fly through his brain, taunting him with the worst possible cases. Satori says no, Satori gets angry and throws food at Wakatoshi, Satori says yes but gets so excited that he falls off the balcony, Satori’s dinner doesn’t agree with him and he throws up everywhere, Satori gets drunk before Wakatoshi can even pop the question…

None of these are likely in the slightest, Wakatoshi knows this. He’s always been a logical thinker and things like this shouldn’t cloud his mind. He has faith, and about 99% certainty that Satori will, in fact, say yes. And yet… his emotions are all over the place. He can’t remember the last time he’s had to go through something so potentially life-changing.

Instead of staring at the ceiling, he turns his head to look at Satori, to study the peaceful expression on his face and the steady sound of his breath. Now not worried about waking him up, Wakatoshi takes his left hand in his and rubs his thumb across his skin. He scoots closer and presses a gentle kiss to Satori’s forehead, finally closing his own eyes when he hears Satori make a quiet noise in his sleep, feels the other’s hand twitch slightly in his. 

It’s moments like this that make him feel completely at peace, and as if nothing in the world could ever go wrong as long as he’s with Satori. And that includes a proposal on the balcony of an expensive and high class restaurant in the middle of Shibuya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you all know what happens next chapter c; I'm very excited to post it~
> 
> (Unrelated, but I wanted to throw a quick disclaimer out there. It was brought to my attention recently that I haven't been writing Ushijima's professional volleyball career all that accurately. I won't pretend to be an expert on professional sports, or claim that I did enough research in order to write it well, but I hope this doesn't deter anybody from this fic. My biggest focus is on the growth and development of Ushijima and Tendou and their relationship, and I want that to be the main takeaway from this fic. That's why the details of professional volleyball weren't really a focus for me in terms of accuracy. I have a very lax approach to writing fic, and I do it for fun in the few moments when I have free time, so I hope you all can understand. Thank you all, and I hope my inaccuracies haven't offended anyone!)
> 
> Thank you all again for reading! Please feel free to reach out to me on twitter or tumblr, I'd be honored if you wanted to talk to me! (esp about ushiten, tendou, or shiratorizawa in general!)  
>   
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendou-satori](http://www.tendou-satori.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 5/1 aka Ushiten day!!!!
> 
> I was going to save this update for a couple more days but when I looked at the date and realized what it was... I knew there wasn't going to be any other day more perfect, haha. Especially since this is the proposal chapter, which was something I'd been looking forward to writing ever since I started this fic. 
> 
> I could sit here and wax poetic about Ushiten, but I won't bore you all with that, lol. (Course, if you do ever want to talk about them, my twitter/tumblr DMs are open and willing~) Needless to say, they mean the entire world to me and I'm really honored to write something that gives back to a ship that has pushed me through a lot in my life. They bring sunshine to my worst, most gloomy days, and they are one of the few things that can really turn my mood around when I need it most. I love my miracle boys sososo much ,,
> 
> Thanks to everyone who is still reading this fic ;; I hope you enjoy!

What will likely be one of the most memorable days of Wakatoshi’s life starts as early as usual. He takes the time before Satori wakes up to make a quick call to the jewelry shop to inform them of Satori’s ring size, and after that he feels like he can breathe again. 

Well, for now, anyway. He still has to ask his best friend and partner to be his husband later today. 

The morning goes as usual: watering the plants, sipping on a hot mug of tea, and enjoying the cool breeze outside that contrasts so perfectly with the warm sunlight. Satori wakes up a couple of hours after Wakatoshi, joining him once again on the balcony with the same disheveled hair and intense eye bags. Though these mornings without plans aren’t typical, Wakatoshi think he’ll look back fondly on them for a long time. 

It’s still several hours before they’ll be leaving for dinner, but even so they keep lunch extremely light and quick: a bowl of soup each. 

The day is dragging on slower than usual, and while Wakatoshi wants to enjoy the time at home with Satori, sitting on the couch and going on an afternoon walk in the nearby park, he finds it difficult when his head is still spinning. He’ll be thankful when this is all done and he can breathe and keep a lid on his emotions again.

After a day of relaxation and leisure, the time finally rolls around for them to start getting ready to leave. Both take quick showers and spend slightly longer in the bathroom just to look their absolute best. Wakatoshi notices Satori struggling slightly with his hair, clearly trying to do something different than usual.

“What are you doing?” he asks, giving Satori a quizzical look.

“Well,” Satori starts, taking a small amount of hair gel in his hand and attempting to sweep his hair up, but more to the left, “I thought it would be fun to try something different, since, y’know, we’re going to a fancy restaurant. I wanna look the part.”

“‘Look the part’?” Wakatoshi repeats, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah! Like… posh. And sophisticated, y’know?” he slowly removes his hand from his hair, but stares back at himself in the mirror with disappointment when it flops back down in his face. Clearly it isn’t doing what he wants it to.

Wakatoshi watches him for a few more seconds, noting every change in his expression and every moment that he appears frustrated with his attempts not working.

“You don’t have to look posh or sophisticated,” he proposes, “you can do what you usually do, if you’d like.”

“You’d still wanna be seen with me?” Satori looks at him, amusement filling his expression.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”

The amusement in Satori’s face shifts back to something more neutral and his eyes study Wakatoshi’s face, “Truthfully, I guess I kinda wanted to look extra nice for you, ‘Toshi.”

“Ah,” Wakatoshi nods in understanding, drumming his fingers on the bathroom counter before nudging the bottle of hair gel towards Satori, “in that case, you should do what you usually do. Or whatever you like. You always look...”

His voice trails away for a second, trying to find the right word. It’s difficult to find a proper word to encompass just exactly _how_ he feels about Satori, specifically his appearance. ‘Beautiful’ isn’t right, he doesn’t find it powerful enough. ‘Handsome’ feels too casual. But Satori is clearly watching him with bated breath, waiting for him to finish that statement.

“I’m having a difficult time finding the right word, I apologize. But it’s a positive one,” Satori’s smile is contagious, and Wakatoshi knows he’s smiling too now, “very positive. You don’t have to try to look ‘extra nice’ for me. You always look incredible, no matter what.”

“Even when I’m crawling out of bed like a zombie with drool rolling down my face?” Satori questions, cheeky smile complimented by his equally teasing tone.

“Especially then,” Wakatoshi answers, voice firm.

Satori takes a few moments to marvel at Wakatoshi’s kindness, pepper his face with kisses, and then finally goes back to messing with his hair. Wakatoshi, who takes minimal amount of time in the bathroom, retreats back out into the bedroom and begins changing into his suit for dinner. Unsurprisingly, it fits just as perfectly as it had in the store the day before. 

Satori changes into his suit as well, but stays in the bathroom with the door closed, informing Wakatoshi that he wants it to be a surprise for both of them when he emerges. The reveal is equally pleasant for both of them, he thinks.

Stepping out of the bathroom with a grin, Satori takes two steps before his confident expression shifts to a wide-eyed stare in Wakatoshi’s direction. Equally as enamored by the man in front of him, Wakatoshi doesn’t take any time to ask him what his expression is about.

He knew he’d bought the correct size for Satori, but the fit is so perfect and flattering that he almost wonders _how_ he managed to get it so right. The purple compliments his skin tone beautifully, and, just as he thought, the pink bow tie worn with it is indeed loud, but it’s the ideal volume for the man wearing it. Every seam compliments his frame, the clothing isn’t too loose or too tight, but they accentuate all the areas they’re meant to. It’s been so long since he’s seen Satori in a suit, probably since their high school days with only slightly flattering school uniforms and still-changing bodies, but the wait was certainly worth it.

And, as Wakatoshi had suggested, he’s done the usual with his hair. No out of character side-swept style, just the typical blown-back mess of red that Wakatoshi has always oddly appreciated.

“Damn,” Satori’s whispered tone brings Wakatoshi’s stare back up to focus on his face again. Satori vaguely gestures towards Wakatoshi and his smile goes wiry, as if he’s trying to contain an enormous grin, “You did good, ‘Toshi.”

The vague statement confuses him for a second, unsure if he’s referring to the choice of clothing or the fact that he managed to get everything on correctly.

“That color is really, uh, _good_ , on you,” Satori laughs, stepping closer and playing with the hem of Wakatoshi’s jacket, “You really picked all this out on your own?”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi lies, but it’s not exactly a complete lie. After all, Eita and Taichi didn’t actually suggest to him what he should buy, they were mostly there for moral support, “do you like yours?”

“Oh, I dunno,” Satori looks down at himself, steps backwards and strikes a pose, confident expression returning to his face, “what do you think?”

“I think you look incredible,” Wakatoshi answers honestly, noting the crack in Satori’s expression as a clue that he’s tugged on his heartstrings with that comment.

“Well,” Satori extends an arm, linking it with Wakatoshi’s and gesturing towards the bedroom door. He gives his best imitation of what Wakatoshi assumes is a ‘posh’ person’s voice, “shall we go look incredible together at dinner, my love?”

“Okay,” Wakatoshi responds, choosing not to attempt an impression. Satori laughs.

Both head towards the front door to leave, and Wakatoshi grabs his gym bag last minute, making sure that the extra clothes for the following day are still all packed away.

“Hmm~? What’s that for?” Satori pauses at the door, eyeing the bag curiously.

“I’m bringing extra clothes for us,” Wakatoshi explains, to which Satori raises an eyebrow until he elaborates, “in case we get uncomfortable during dinner and want to change. I’m certain that several hours in a suit might not be ideal.”

“Oh!” Satori perks back up, “So thoughtful, ‘Toshi! Even though,” he stifles a laugh, “you look kinda silly carrying a gym bag while wearing a fancy suit.”

Wakatoshi shrugs, uncaring if he looks strange or silly. The events of tonight will be more than worth any amount of embarrassment or strange looks he might receive.

Opting out of bus travel tonight, they wave down a taxi instead. Though not necessarily any fancier than a bus ride, they agree that not having to deal with other people surrounding them sounds like a more desirable option for the night. After a thirty minute taxi ride, they arrive in Shibuya, at the entrance to the sky lounge that Wakatoshi made a reservation for.

Satori cranes his neck to stare directly upwards, giving a louder-than-necessary “wow!” and grabbing Wakatoshi’s hand tightly, “You weren’t kidding when you said ‘fancy’!”

“I wanted the best tonight,” Wakatoshi squeezes the hand in his, bringing Satori’s stare back down to meet his own, “I hope this is okay.”

“It’s amazing,” Satori affirms, quickly kissing Wakatoshi’s cheek before allowing him to lead them forwards, through the front door.

An elevator ride up several floors finally brings them to the sky lounge, and once inside, Wakatoshi knows he’s made the right choice. It’s still light outside, but the whole interior of the lounge is encased in floor to ceiling windows, offering an incredible view of the entire city surrounding it. The inside is dimly-lit by hanging bulbs, candles adorning every single table throughout the room, and a chandelier hangs over a dance floor situated right next to the bar. The vibe is warm and sophisticated, and when Wakatoshi chances a glance at Satori, he can tell by his expression that he’s enchanted by the space.

A waiter steps forward to ask if they have a reservation. Wakatoshi confirms that they do, gives him his name, and they’re quickly led further inside. They cross through the middle of the room and step back outside onto their private balcony. Private seems like a loose term, given the fact that the windows give everyone inside a clear view of the space. However, Wakatoshi thinks, as long as it’s quiet and secluded out here, he doesn’t mind who sees the events of tonight. 

As soon as they step outside, the music and noise from inside it instantly muffled by the walls separating them. The waiter leaves them with a dinner and drink menu and steps away for a moment to give them time to decide. 

Satori’s eyes are glued to the view from the balcony, face illuminated by the candles on the table and the hanging lights from the balcony above them. _God_ , he looks stunning, it takes so much of Wakatoshi’s willpower to not pop the question right here and right now.

“You nabbed a reservation? For this place? Last night? Last minute?” Satori asks, punctuating each question by leaning closer and closer across the table for two, “You really are a miracle boy, huh?”

Wakatoshi gives a low laugh, opening up the menu in front of him to look at the different options available, “I did what was necessary. I wanted to have a nice dinner with you tonight.”

“You know I love you, right?” Satori opens his own menu, “Because I _really_ love you.”

_Geez he’s making it difficult to stay calm tonight._

Browsing the menu for a few minutes, they both decide on a four course meal consisting of salad, pasta, a choice of salmon, lamb, or steak, and finally, sakura ice cream for dessert. The waiter returns and takes their order; Wakatoshi decides on the steak, and Satori chooses the roasted salmon. Additionally, after thinking about it for no more than two seconds, they order champagne as well. 

It takes only ten minutes for their waiter to return with a bottle of champagne and their first course of the night, two bowls of salad. Before digging in, Wakatoshi pours them both a glass of champagne.

Satori lifts his glass, waiting for Wakatoshi to do the same, “To Miracle Boy Wakatoshi, the best boyfriend in the entire world and the coolest, not to mention most attractive, guy in the whole wide world~” their glasses clink together and he finishes before taking a drink, “I wonder all the time what my life would be like if we hadn’t raced and caught bugs together on the playground so many years ago, and the answer is... that I don’t really want to know. Because I’m so happy this is where I’m at instead.”

Wakatoshi swallows the swig of alcohol in his mouth, appreciating the high quality and taste. Thankfully he has a way to shut himself up now so as not to suddenly blurt out the question early.

“I think,” he ponders for a moment, thinking about what Satori said, “that whether or not we had met in the park, fate would have brought us together.”

“Really?” Satori rests his elbows on the table, curiosity filling his face.

“Yes,” Wakatoshi takes another sip, “the day after we graduated from high school, the day you told me about your father,” he’s pleased to find that this is one of the first times that Satori’s expression doesn’t falter at the mention of his father, “you asked me which I believed more in: fate or luck. Do you remember that?”

“How could I _forget_ that day?” Satori asks, laughing softly.

“Well, I didn’t know the answer to that question back then, but I do now, I think,” one of the hands in his lap moves slightly, playing nervously with the ring box in his pocket. It’s not time yet, but part of him wants to confirm it’s still there for when the time _is_ right, “I believe in fate. Being with you for so many years has led me to believe in it. Fate brought us together, fate pushed us through several obstacles that tested us, and fate has brought us here,” he looks around, taking in the scenery around them, “right now. So, do I believe more in luck or fate? I believe more in fate. Apologies for the delayed answer,” he adds the last statement more for humor than anything.

“Y’know,” Satori pokes at his salad with a fork, staring intently and happily back at Wakatoshi, “you always talk about how bad you are with words, but then you go and say things like _that_. You’re better than you think you are. Way better.”

They share a moment of mutual laughter before both digging into their salads. Moments after finishing, the waiter comes back with their second course: lemon garlic parmesan shrimp pasta. Satori notes that he’s thankful for the small servings, unsure if he’d be able to even attempt eating the main course if they’d been any bigger. Because of the small portions, they both once again finish quickly, and the waiter returns to take their empty dishes and inform them that their main course will be on its way soon. 

Wakatoshi looks at the view from the balcony. The sun isn’t setting quite yet, thankfully. In his head, the plan is to ask the big question when the sun is starting to set. He wants to see the orange and pink tones of the sky playing off Satori’s crimson hair and his peachy white skin while he reacts to the question. That would be the perfect moment, Wakatoshi thinks.

Seconds later, the main course is here. Wakatoshi stares down at the beautifully cooked sizzling steak on his plate, complimented by a dash of herb salt and accompanied by a pile of baby leaves. Satori’s meal looks just as appetizing. The roasted salmon sits in the center of the plate, surrounded by braised baby onions and green peas. Thanking the waiter and offering their compliments to the chef, both dig in almost immediately when they’re once again alone.

Satori enthusiastically expresses how good his food tastes after almost every single bite he takes, sometimes waving his hands excitedly while licking his lips and saying, “‘Toshi you wouldn’t believe how good this is, you have to try it.”

Wakatoshi does try it, first with his own fork. However, this doesn’t sit right with Satori and he immediately takes a piece on his own fork, extending it across the table towards Wakatoshi. 

“It’s amazing, huh?” Satori exclaims as soon as Wakatoshi’s begun chewing.

Wakatoshi nods. Satori wasn’t wrong, this is some of the best salmon Wakatoshi’s ever tasted. But his steak isn’t anything short of amazing either, and he offers Satori a bite of his own food as well. Satori isn’t the biggest fan of steak, but his expression tells Wakatoshi that this particular piece of meat could easily change his tone.

The sky is starting to change colors, its usual soft blue making way for soft orange towards the horizon. Soon. He has to do it soon, or at least be ready. It’s with this thought that he realizes he hasn’t prepared a speech. Is a speech necessary? Surely just asking the question outright would be considered a bit awkward. Or is it not awkward? Wakatoshi realizes just how disconnected he is to the traditions and social norms tied to proposing to someone.

Returning once again, the waiter takes their now empty plates and asks if they’d like desert now or a bit later. 

“In a bit,” Wakatoshi quickly answers before Satori can, “we’d like for our dinner to settle first.”

Satori doesn’t appear to disagree with the statement, and as soon as the waiter leaves he sighs happily, wordlessly reaching across the now almost clear table for Wakatoshi’s hand. He takes a quick sip of champagne for strength before placing his own hand in Satori’s, staring across the table. 

The world around them goes quiet and Wakatoshi channels every bit of his concentration on the man across from him. Relaxed eyes stare back at him, almost taunting him and begging him to ask the question on his mind already. But he knows Satori has no idea. He can’t possibly. If he did, he would have been rummaging in every pocket possible on both Wakatoshi’s clothing and his gym bag. 

“I know I joke a lot about stuff all the time,” Satori’s voice cuts through the comfortable silence outside and the muffled music coming from inside, “but seriously, thank you for tonight, Wakatoshi,” the use of his full name tells Wakatoshi that he’s trying to be much more serious than usual, “I know it wasn’t cheap and I know you could have used your free time doing literally anything else, but,” he squeezes Wakatoshi’s hand and grins, “you chose to do this with me and it means a hell of a lot.”

Heart pounding loudly in his chest, so loudly that he’s almost certain Satori has to hear it, Wakatoshi gives a small smile and stares down at their joined hands, “Even being able to do literally anything else, this would have been my first choice.”

Satori doesn’t say anything in response, but Wakatoshi can’t miss the blush forming across his cheeks. He’s still so easily flustered even after all these years. Cute.

Wakatoshi brushes his thumb across the pale skin of Satori’s knuckles and Satori stares back at him, eyes softening with adoration. That stare is like kryptonite, and when he can see the deepening orange of the coming sunset play off the pink of his cheeks, Wakatoshi knows it’s time.

With a barely audible “Come here,” Wakatoshi stands up, tugging Satori with him.

They move to the edge of the balcony, and Satori doesn’t question it. Instead, he stares out at the cityscape surrounding them, eyes dancing across buildings reflecting the slowly depleting sunlight. Wakatoshi pulls him closer, wrapping his right arm around his waist and resting his head against his. Satori eases into the gesture, winding one long arm around Wakatoshi’s back and resting the other against his chest. 

If he’s honest, Wakatoshi could stay like this forever. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes in the smell of roasted meat, the honking of distant horns, the muffled sounds of conversations and jazz music from inside the lounge, and most importantly, the feeling of Satori’s heartbeat and the sound of his calm breath.

“I love you,” he mutters, finally opening his eyes and noticing that the sky is the perfect mix of pink and orange.

Satori shifts in his embrace, tucking his face against Wakatoshi’s neck and giggling softly, “I love you too. Thank you again for dinner.”

Wakatoshi slides his free hand into his pocket, fiddling with the velvet ring box, “Thank you for being with me,” he pauses, deciding to elaborate more, “not just here at dinner but throughout both our lives. Thank you.”

Satori lifts his face, catching on to the shake in Wakatoshi’s voice and the seriousness of his tone, “C’mon,” he laughs quietly, poking at Wakatoshi’s nose, “you’re gonna get me all emotional. You know I wouldn’t want it any other way, yeah?”

“I know,” Wakatoshi nods, studying Satori’s face intently.

“You okay?” Satori questions, looking a bit concerned, “Your voice is kinda shaky and you look nervous. Did dinner not settle well? Because I’ll go raise hell and get us a refund, you know I don’t mind.”

“No,” Wakatoshi can’t help laughing softly at the thought, “that won’t be necessary. Dinner was fine. I’m overwhelmed with feelings right now, that’s all.”

“Aww,” Satori furrows his brow and pouts, “you’re so _cute_ , don’t be afraid to feel things, ‘kay? Talk to me.”

“I love you,” Satori jumps slightly at the sudden declaration and Wakatoshi pulls the plug inside his brain, allowing all his feelings loose, “I’ve never loved someone the same way I love you. The pride I feel for you is overwhelming, and I’m honored to be the one who’s stood by you throughout all the trials you’ve been through,” He releases his hold on Satori’s waist, instead gripping his hand tightly in his.

Satori stares back at him with wide eyes already wet in the corners. He hasn’t even _asked_ yet and he’s already about to cry.

“I would do anything for you. And I would do anything in my power to protect you and keep you in my life, as long as that’s what you wanted as well,” Satori’s lip quivers slightly but Wakatoshi doesn’t give him a chance to interject, “I never want to lose you. _Ever_.”

“You won’t,” Satori’s voice is just above a whisper, “I’d never even _think_ of leaving you, ‘Toshi. Never.”

“Even so,” Wakatoshi gulps, “I’ve worried as of late that I haven’t made my feelings and wishes for the future clear to you,” his fingers are starting to sweat in his pocket, “and that I haven’t done everything in my power to let you know how I feel.”

Wakatoshi can’t read Satori’s expression right now. He can’t tell if he’s confused, saddened by Wakatoshi’s honest words, or uncomfortable. He hopes it’s the first option.

“You -- “ Satori starts, but he can’t get much further.

Wakatoshi is already gripping the box tightly, removing it from his pocket with one hand and keeping the other tightly clasped in Satori’s while crouching down on one knee.

Satori’s eyes widen, he grips Wakatoshi’s hand so tightly that it’s almost painful, and he keeps repeating various obscenities under his breath; “oh my god” and “holy shit” to name a couple. He almost looks like he’ll fall down, or pass out, but Wakatoshi maintains a tight grip on his hand, anchoring him where he stands. 

“Tendou Satori,” Wakatoshi keeps his voice firm as he pops the box open with one hand, “I love you so much -- ”

“This -- Oh my god, Wakatoshi --” Satori stutters, free hand shaking as he rests it on the balcony railing.

“Tendou Satori,.” Wakatoshi repeats, voice firmer and slightly louder. He extends the box towards Satori and notices his own voice shaking as he finishes, “will you marry me?”

Time seems to stand still for a moment. Wakatoshi takes in the expression filling Satori’s face; the furrow of his brows, as if he’s in disbelief, the quiver of his lip, as if he’s holding back a barrage of words and noises, the blush that spreads across his entire face. It feels like several minutes, but it’s really only a quick second before Satori answers.

“Yes!” his voice is breathy, and then he repeats the statement, much louder, so loud it seems to echo through the night sky. He tugs Wakatoshi back up and flings his arms around his neck, his whole body shaking. 

Wakatoshi lets his eyes flutter closed, relief washing over him as he wraps his own arms around Satori and buries his face into his neck. He breathes in, breathes out slowly, and focuses on this moment, wanting to take in as much stimuli as possible so that he’ll never forget it for as long as he lives. Everything from the cool metal railing pressed against his back to the warmth of Satori’s body in his, from the tremble in his own hand, still holding tightly onto the ring box, to the press of Satori’s palms against his shoulders. 

There’s a decent breeze this many stories above the ground, but Wakatoshi knows that the tremble in Satori’s shoulders is not from the cold. He can tell it’s not when he hears the familiar sound of crying right next to his ear. The difference now, however, is that when Satori stands up straight again, hands resting on Wakatoshi’s shoulders and anchoring himself in place, the beaming smile on his face is easily the most elated expression that Wakatoshi has _ever_ witnessed.

It’s enough to make him weak in the knees, and he feels lucky that his body is resting against the railing behind him. He’s not sure what his own face looks like right now, but he doesn’t care. Satori’s pure joy and elation in this moment are stunning, and yes, maybe his lips are quivering and he’s still sobbing, maybe there are tears rolling down his cheeks and he keeps having to blink in order to clear his vision, but none of that takes away from any of this experience. If anything, it just adds to it and helps Wakatoshi to feel more confident in his decision to propose tonight.

“This--” Satori starts, choking back another sob, “is this _real_ right now? I’m not dreaming?” one shaking hand moves upwards to cup Wakatoshi’s cheek, and Satori makes a high-pitched noise of joy, “God, I’m not dreaming, am I? This is real, you’re real, this _just happened_ , Ushijima Wakatoshi--”

Without warning he surges forward and aggressively presses his lips against Wakatoshi’s. He’s unsure if he can hold Satori any tighter or any closer, but Wakatoshi tries anyway, digging his fingers into Satori’s waist. He imagines that Satori would be tempted to take this further, judging by the press of his hips, but with a large floor-to-ceiling window out here--

Suddenly he’s aware of the noise he’d been tuning out during this entire process. When Satori pulls away for breath, they both glance towards the window and see many of the people inside the lounge staring at them. They’re clapping and cheering and some are even _crying_ , which strikes Wakatoshi as especially odd. Clearly he’s done this right if even outside parties are affected this way. 

“Damn,” Satori gives a breathy laugh, staring at the window for a few seconds before returning his attention to Wakatoshi, “people _really_ love seeing proposals, huh? I never really got that until, y’know, the love of my life popped the question just now.”

“I’ve wanted to ask for a long time,” Wakatoshi hugs him close again, overcome with the need to feel his heartbeat against his chest for as long as possible, “and I wanted to do it correctly.”

“Well, your nickname isn’t Miracle Boy Wakatoshi for nothin’,” Satori teases, gently kissing Wakatoshi’s neck, “and that nickname definitely didn’t lose any accuracy tonight.”

It’s nice to feel like he can finally breathe again, Wakatoshi thinks.

“Oh!” Satori steps back, gesturing wildly towards Wakatoshi’s hands, “I didn’t even look at the ring! I wanna see!”

Wakatoshi presents the ring box to Satori, keeping a lock for a moment on the fact that it’s not actually his. Nevertheless, Satori takes it out, sliding it onto his ring finger and raising an eyebrow when he realizes it’s much too big.

“Uh…” he laughs nervously.

“That one is actually mine,” Wakatoshi explains, “I bought the rings last minute yesterday and they’re currently making yours. It should be done in two weeks.”

“Oh!” Satori laughs again, much louder this time, and turns the ring in his fingers a few times. Seconds later, he appears to be struck with an epiphany, “Wait!”

Wakatoshi does as instructed, standing still and watching Satori’s face split in another grin.

“Can I… do something?”

It’s a vague question, but Wakatoshi nods anyway, “Yes.”

Satori reaches out, taking Wakatoshi’s left hand in his and holding it at chest-level, “Ushijima Wakatoshi,” he starts, voice clear and slightly sing-song, “will _you_ marry _me_?”

Wakatoshi’s entire body becomes incredibly warm and he’s overcome with, first of all, the realization of just how charming his boyfriend -- no, _fiance_ \-- is, and second of all, a desire to hold him close and never ever let go.

“Yes,” Wakatoshi responds, smiling at the sight of Satori sliding the ring onto his ring finger, tongue poking out between his lips in concentration.

“Awesome,” Satori breathes, rotating the ring a few times before threading his fingers with Wakatoshi’s, “Maybe that was redundant, but I just _really_ wanted to say those words too, y’know?”

“I know,” Wakatoshi nods, relishing the feeling of the ring on his finger and the warm hand in his.

After a few moments of watching the sun fully set behind the cityscape, the door to the balcony opens again and their waiter steps outside with two bowls in hand. 

“Ice cream time?” Satori whispers, body tensing up with anticipation.

“It appears so,” Wakatoshi confirms, and Satori, with a skip in his step, leads him back to the table to sit down again.

Feeling like he _must_ be in some sort of fairy tale right now, but logically knowing that he obviously isn’t, Wakatoshi does his best to focus and thank the waiter for their final course of the night. Seconds after they’re alone again, Satori makes an amused comment about how small the portion of ice cream is, and Wakatoshi reminds him that that comes with eating at such an expensive restaurant. Truthfully, they’re both so full from the several courses of the night that they probably don’t need a lot of desert anyway, Wakatoshi thinks.

“So,” Satori swallows a bite of ice cream and twirls his spoon in his hand, “You said you bought the rings _yesterday_?”

“That’s right,” Wakatoshi nods.

With narrowed eyes, Satori gets a sly look on his face and smirks, “So were you actually going to lunch with a teammate?”

Well, the truth would have come out one way or another.

“No. I never went to lunch with any teammate,” as soon as Satori’s smirk grows wider with amusement, Wakatoshi smiles, “unless you count past teammates. From high school, I mean.”

“Oh~?” Satori cocks his head, slipping another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth and leaving the spoon there for a moment.

“I met with Eita and Taichi, both yesterday and the day before that. And this,” he gestures vaguely at the table, “is why.”

“Can I ask a weird question?” 

“You can.”

Satori sucks on the spoon for a couple more seconds and then replaces it in the bowl in front of him, “Why now? Like… so fast, I mean. ‘Cause three days is not long, especially to make a move like this. Not that I’m saying it’s bad!” he waves his hands in front of his face, “Because it’s perfect! Everything has been perfect! But like -- gah! How did you pull it off so perfectly? So _fast_?”

Amused by his fiance’s backtracking and wonderment, Wakatoshi answers while twisting the ring around on his finger, “I’ve wanted to ask for a while now. I just wasn’t sure how. But, during my stay in America, and on the trip back home, I felt like I needed to do it as soon as possible. Talking with you when I came home solidified that need. Hearing your good news made me realize how just how proud I am and how important it is to me to be with you for the rest of my life. I texted Eita and Taichi the night I got home and asked them for help.”

“Toshiiii,” Satori whines, smiling around another mouthful of ice cream before swallowing, “you’re so…” he gives a heavy sigh, “ _perfect_. And sweet. You know that?”

“Thanks to you, yes.”

“So did you have fun? While hanging out with the other two, I mean.”

“Yes,” the answer is easy, and when Wakatoshi thinks about it, he realizes that he’d like to get with their friends much more often, “Eita introduced me to the suit shop where I bought these. And Taichi showed me to the jewelry shop. And we did get lunch, that part wasn’t a lie.”

“Damn,” he finishes off the last bite of ice cream, licking the spoon completely clean, “I can’t believe you trusted Eita with fashion advice. You’re so brave, ‘Toshi.”

Wakatoshi hears the tease in Satori’s voice and doesn’t respond except for an amused smile. 

Satori helps him finish off the rest of his ice cream, even though Wakatoshi notes that he probably doesn’t need anymore. But, Satori reminds him, this is a special occasion, and special occasions call for unlimited ice cream. 

As soon as both have completely finished, the waiter returns with their bill. Wakatoshi quickly hands over his card, and while waiting for him to process the payment, Satori glances underneath the table.

“So… is that partially a lie too? What’s with the bag?” he points at the gym bag under Wakatoshi’s chair.

“Ah,” Wakatoshi looks down at the bag and then back up at Satori, “only partially. I did bring extra clothing for us, but not for the purpose that I originally suggested.”

“Knew it,” Satori grins, clearly not bothered at all by all these silly little secrets.

“Do you see that large building?” Wakatoshi points out towards the balcony, in the direction of a building towering over all the others around it. When he sees Satori nod in confirmation, he explains, “That’s Cerulean Tower, it’s a hotel. I booked us a room for tonight.”

Satori face lights up and he beams at Wakatoshi, “Really? Geez, you went _all out_ , ‘Toshi! That place is high class!”

“Yes,” Wakatoshi agrees, thinking about the cost of just one night and cringing slightly. Only slightly. It’s more than worth it in this case, anyway.

“Well,” Satori stretches his arms upwards and glances inside at the interior of the lounge, “did you wanna get out of here quick or hang around for a bit?”

“What do you want to do?”

Drumming his fingers against the tabletop, Satori narrows his eyes in thought, “Well… we rarely get the chance to get drinks. And I don’t think we’ve ever danced together to a live jazz band, which is a real tragedy. Does that answer your question?”

It does. And while Wakatoshi knows he has practice tomorrow, he’s not concerned in the slightest. Tonight is special and he wants it to pan out exactly the way his now-fiance wants it to.

Immediately after his card is returned, Wakatoshi gives their waiter one more thank you. The two head inside, hand in hand. Upon entering the lounge, they’re met with another phase of clapping and cheering, which Satori completely eats up, high-fiving several people as he passes them by. He’s practically glowing with pride.

Wakatoshi drops his gym bag off at the coat check. He’s not sure how long they’ll stick around, but he wants to make certain that their belongings will be safe for the duration. 

Satori leads him towards the center of the lounge; there’s a floor for dancing, a stage where a jazz band is currently playing, and a bar several feet away from the dancefloor. Generally, Wakatoshi would avoid areas like this. It’s crowded and loud and people are staring at them, but Satori holds his attention with an encouraging stare and urges him further onto the floor. 

Wakatoshi doesn’t think he’s ever danced before, according to his memory. Not seriously, anyway. He’s had awkward moments at home where Satori would put on one of his favorite playlists and beg for Wakatoshi to dance with him. Satori is not a good dancer, technically speaking, and what he calls ‘dancing’ is what Wakatoshi would be more inclined to call ‘erratic movements’. This music is extremely different than Satori’s usual choices, so Wakatoshi is curious just how he’ll attempt to accompany that. Surely not with lots of twirling and arm waving, given the close proximity of everyone on the floor.

“Hey,” Satori senses Wakatoshi’s uncertainty and faces him, grabbing both his hands in his, “I know it’s crowded and loud, let me know if you get uncomfortable, ‘kay?”

Wakatoshi nods and keeps his stare focused on Satori. Ignoring the people and conversations around him seems like the best option for staying comfortable. People still keep turning to them and shouting “congratulations” over the music, but thankfully Satori is more than happy to acknowledge them so Wakatoshi doesn’t have to. 

Soon enough Satori guides him into a basic rhythm and, despite accidentally stepping on his toes a few times, Wakatoshi feels confident enough in his movements that he doesn’t feel as awkward in the cramped space anymore. The tempo of the music stays relatively lively for a couple of songs, but soon it slows and dies down, as does the crowd on the dancefloor. 

The now-slow tempo of the music does something to Wakatoshi. Maybe it’s the food settling and his body wanting to sleep it off, but he feels a lot more at ease. At ease but strangely _warm_ at the same time. The light of the chandelier above them shines down on Satori and illuminates his hair, his cheeks, his strong shoulders, and the creases in his button-down, highlighting parts of his body that Wakatoshi really wishes he could see right now. Judging by Satori’s half-lidded stare and his coy smile, he imagines he’s likely thinking about and appreciating the same things right now. Wakatoshi’s glad he booked that hotel after all.

The increased free space around them allows Satori to sway and move more like he typically would when allowed to freely dance. As soon as he’s gotten a song down, he hums along with a wide smile on his face and eyes so happy that they crinkle up in the corners. Wakatoshi would chalk up his pure elation to the alcohol they had with dinner, but he didn’t actually have that much, and he figures given the event of tonight, his joy is definitely warranted. 

At the close of the current song, the band announces that they’re taking a break, and the still-depleting crowd give one last round of applause before returning to their activities. 

As if reading Wakatoshi’s last thought, Satori gestures towards the bar and raises his eyebrows, “Wanna get a drink before we head out?”

The wide range of alcohol bottles and the array of colors and mixes sitting on the bartop stare back at Wakatoshi and he nods in confirmation. He’s not generally big on alcohol, but the options here are like nothing he’s ever seen and he’s extremely curious. 

As soon as they take a seat at the bar, the bartender takes their order. Wakatoshi starts with an umetini, which the bartender strongly suggests to him when he asks for a recommendation. Satori, of course, orders his usual and one of his favorite mixed drinks: a red eye. After taking their order, the bartender leaves both of them to lean against the bar. 

Satori leans his head against Wakatoshi’s shoulder and grabs his left hand in his, playing with the band on his ring finger. He’s been doing that a lot tonight, and the more Wakatoshi thinks about it and notices the content smile on his face while he does it, the warmer and more enamored he feels. 

After receiving their drinks, they clink their glasses together and take their first sips. Satori doesn’t release Wakatoshi’s hand, and Wakatoshi doesn’t try to remove it from his. 

“Mmm,” Satori hums and his eyes roll back for a moment after taking a drink, “wow, this is amazing.”

“You’re had a red eye before,” Wakatoshi observes, charmed by the exaggerated reaction.

“Yeah, but,” Satori sets the glass down, “this one is _really_ good. Like… you can really taste the tomato juice but the sting of the vodka is really strong and--” he scoots the glass towards Wakatoshi, “listen, just try it.”

He eyes the glass for a second, but then notices the small red stain above Satori’s upper lip. Thinking for a brief moment, and amused by Satori’s slightly impatient look when he doesn’t drink from the glass, Wakatoshi tries a bolder move instead. He sets his own glass down and places his free hand on Satori’s neck before leaning forward. He can see the blush forming across Satori’s cheeks before he even smooths his lips against his fiance’s, making sure to get that small spot above his mouth.

Satori’s face is about as red as his drink when Wakatoshi pulls away. He laughs softly and nods, “That is very good, yes. The vodka is especially strong.”

“Smooth,” Satori’s wide eyes return to normal but his blush has not dissipated at all, “geez, ‘Toshi. Making me wanna chug this so we can get outta here already.”

Mission accomplished. Wakatoshi feels proud of himself as he takes another drink of his umetini. The gin burns his throat in the best way possible and suddenly even standing right next to Satori and holding his hand tightly just isn’t enough. He didn’t expect that bold move to go over that well, and he certainly didn’t expect it to affect him in the same way as Satori, but he too wants to chug his drink so they can get out of here.

Even so, both drink slowly so as not to lose themselves completely. Satori has always been much more of a lightweight than Wakatoshi when it comes to alcohol, and after his second glass of red eye, Satori’s cheeks are tinged pink. His eyes stay half-lidded and focused completely on Wakatoshi, his hand stays clasped in Wakatoshi’s but his free hand roams and keeps shifting from resting on Wakatoshi’s thigh to his shoulder. The air around them feels much more thick now, and Wakatoshi can sense that it will be a long night tonight.

Both call it quits after two drinks, and close out their time at the bar with a few glasses of water. Wakatoshi pays their bill once more, and before they can even slide off the barstools, Satori is whispering in his ear.

“Wanna get outta here?” he teases, and Wakatoshi’s spine tingles.

“Sorry,” Satori laughs awkwardly and shrugs as they head towards the entrance of the lounge, “I felt like saying that would be the cherry on top for the night.”

“Ah. I think the metaphorical ‘cherry on top’ will likely happen when we get to our hotel room for the night,” Wakatoshi suggests, voice as innocent and stable as always, but Satori blushes again, squeezes his hand tighter, and gives him a look that he knows means he’s much more ready to leave now.

With their gym bag collected from the coat check, they step on the elevator once more. They’re accompanied by two other people, but Wakatoshi knows if they weren’t, Satori would not be keeping his hands to himself right now. He can tell by the suggestive glances he keeps shooting his way. If the other two on this elevator were any good at reading vibes, Wakatoshi thinks they’d be able to tell what’s going on.

The cool night air feels extremely refreshing when they get outside. Wakatoshi didn’t realize how stuffy the lounge was when they’d been inside, but being free of the crowd and warm lighting is a welcome change of scenery. 

They could call a cab, but both decide that they’ve sobered up completely and are comfortable with walking a few blocks to the hotel. The city is bustling and active and lit up with bright lights, all of which Satori completely eats up. They don’t get the chance to come out to this part of the city very often, but Wakatoshi knows busy nightlife has always been something that Satori appreciates.

Wakatoshi doesn’t think they’ve let go of each other’s hands since sitting down at the bar, but it’s not an uncomfortable thing. Satori swings their arms slightly and hums a tune Wakatoshi doesn’t know or recognize, and despite all the sights and sounds of the city around them, he has a hard time being focused on anything else besides the man next to him. 

A quick walk through busy sidewalks and tall, bright buildings brings them to the towering form of Cerulean Tower. They waste no time before stepping inside, and after being greeted by the person at the front desk, Wakatoshi gives them his name for the reservation. They each receive a key card, and learn that their suite is on the 30th floor, in room number 3004. 

This time, there is nobody on the elevator with them when they board. As expected, Satori wastes no time before standing in front of Wakatoshi and unbuttoning his suit jacket in order to run his hands appreciatively against the button-down covering his chest. Warm breath fans across Wakatoshi’s neck, lips drag across his skin, and Satori’s soft chuckle sends another shiver down his spine. 

The climb of 30 stories goes much quicker than either expected, and even though it’s tempting to stay right here and let Satori have his way with him, when the door opens, Wakatoshi grabs his gym bag tightly and guides Satori into the hallway in search of their designated room. They finally find it at the end of a long hallway, flanked by two smaller rooms. Wakatoshi slides his key card in the door’s slot, and as soon as he’s met with a green light, he swings the door open.

The interior is a lot bigger than he expected. To his right is quite possible the biggest bed he’s ever seen in his entire life, it must be a california king size, partnered with two nightstands on either side. To his left is an area with a desk, a lamp, two lounge chairs, and a door to what he assumes is the bathroom. In front of him is yet another floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the beautiful brightly lit city. He almost forgets he’s standing stock still in the doorway until Satori slinks in front of him and gently grabs his tie.

“Geez,” Satori whistles, “‘Toshi really knows how to make a guy feel like a prince. I’m surprised there aren’t any rose petals or candles.”

“If I’d had time--” Wakatoshi starts, but Satori cuts him off with a laugh.

“Kidding. I’m _kidding_ , ‘Toshi,” he closes the door (Wakatoshi hears the locking sound loud and clear) and guides Wakatoshi further into the room, “Tonight could not have been more perfect. You know that, right?”

“I’m happy you’re happy. Nothing makes me happier.”

“That so?” Satori smirks, “Not even holding a volleyball in your hand or hitting the perfect spike?”

“Other things feel better in my hands,” Wakatoshi attempts another bold statement, “or, rather, one person feels better in my hands.”

Satori blushes again and, to Wakatoshi’s amusement, loses his suave aura for a moment, “Sometimes I _cannot_ believe that you are the same person I fell in love with in high school. Mostly when you say things like that, you smooth talker, you,” he lightly taps Wakatoshi on the nose.

“I learned all of if from you,” Wakatoshi smiles, awkwardly returning the nose poke before finishing with a more serious tone, “and I look forward to learning even more from you in the future.”

Without warning, Satori kisses Wakatoshi. Not aggressively, but softly and with a lot of emotion. Wakatoshi can still taste a little bit of alcohol on his tongue, reminding him again of those sly glances Satori was shooting his way in the lounge. 

“I love you,” Satori mumbles so close to Wakatoshi’s lips that he can feel the vibrations of his voice, “ _so_ much. Thank you for tonight, thank you for asking me to marry you,” he laughs gently, “ _god_ it still sounds so crazy coming out of my mouth. But I’m so excited and happy, ‘Toshi. I think this has been the best night of my life.”

“That makes two of us.”

“Now,” Satori switches his tone again and his suggestive smirk returns, “I’m really curious what you meant when you said ‘one person feels better in your hands’. Care to, uh, _explain_? Or, better yet, _show_ me?”

“I’d be honored.”

The second Wakatoshi lets go of the gym bag and lets it plop to the floor, Satori’s lips are back on his and Wakatoshi’s hands are gliding across fabric that he thinks needs to be removed as soon as possible. 

Yes, as Wakatoshi suspected, tonight is going to be a long and enjoyable ride. And while he has to return to his regular schedule tomorrow, he wants to take advantage of every minute, every second, every sight, sound and smell. He wants to remember this night for the rest of his life, and if the thick air and energy around them are any indication, Wakatoshi thinks that won’t be a difficult feat at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for reading! Please feel free to reach out to me on twitter or tumblr, I'd be honored if you wanted to talk to me! (esp about ushiten, tendou, or shiratorizawa in general!)  
>   
> twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
> tumblr: [tendou-satori](http://www.tendou-satori.tumblr.com)  
> art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)
> 
> (slightly unrelated: but I've been searching for a while for someone to RP Ushiten with me on discord ;; If that sounds like something that might interest you, and you feel good about your Ushijima, then feel free to message me on twitter or tumblr,, I RP a very soft Tendou that is in need of attention, haha)


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